Resisting......

[beana3]

okay i want a weave soo badly now, its ridiculous!!!!!! I've talked with Amillion (who BTW is an expert on weaves and has been very honest with me in terms of the many negatives). even though i'm aware of the mishaps that could happen i just cant bare the shedding that i'm experiencing, its really thinning my hair out. I'm very stressed about this and on top of that i have finals approching.... my fun life /images/graemlins/frown.gif
I'm trying to weigh out the benefits of the weave vs. styling my own hair, i would appreciate opinions on this matter.
Weave Positives:
adds instant length
the hair rests underneath
will keep my mind off of my hair for a while
an ultimate protective style
provides styling versatility w/o the fear of hair snagging on clothes

Own hair positives:
allows me to deep condition my hair regularily
i now that oils and other products will penetrate better
i'll be able to SEE my growth

Weave negs:
ok, i've been told that weaves can thin the hair out
the thread may rub up against my own hair and cause it to break (this is my major concern).. does satin thread exist lol?
i've heard too many horror stories

Own hair negs:
i can't bare to see another comb filled with hair!!!
my hair is already thinning out mainly because of the BCpills and 2ndly the daily combing and manipulation
Every time i do my hair is expect a horror scene and when it turns out well, i'm soo surprised
sometimes i do things i know i shouldn't do to my hair just to get a nicer appearance , like blow dry to get swing and other nonsense
I'm sick of thinking about my hair

Soemthings that were suggested to me, i if i choose to keep my own hair were twist outs, drawstring ponytails. good ideas, but the airdrying benefit would probably make me catch a cold in my house (too cold).
Sounds like i'm bent on the weave doesn't it?? well actually i'm stil 50/50. Any hair success stories with a weave, and horror stories? i want to hear the good and the bad

 

[HoneyRockette]

If it is 50/50 just try it. You don't have to commit if you decide it's not for you.

 

[AmilLion]

I was thinking Beana, you could be losing your hair due to stressing over your hair, in addition to school and any other problems.

The birth control pills are a major factor and could still be in your blood stream. Maybe try pampering yourself, relax, calm down and try to forget about your hair and try drinking more water and incorporating vitamins into your regimen.

 

[MotownGrl]

I agree with HoneyRockette. There's nothing wrong with getting a weave to give your hair a break. I personally like the type where your real hair is cornrowed and they sew the weave into the cornrows. This technique always kept my real hair healthy and stress-free.

You could also try wearing wigs too. There are some really cute ones out there. You can try these on at the store so there would be no surprizes like with weaves. Plus you can take it off everynight.

Keep us updated!

 

[legs71]

I wore sew in weaves on and off for about 10 years and they definitely did grow my hair, but they thinned out my already thin hair and I experienced major breakage in some areas due to the weight of the weave. Also, I had a hard time wearing a weave and trying to be cute during the summer because it itched under the braids like crazy. I'm considering a weave with the micro cornrows just to change up for awhile(I have braids). From my experience any kind of extensions on relaxed hair can be damaging so you have to be very careful. I've been natural for 1 year now with braids(had them a total of 3 years)and my damage is minimal to none. I don't know what state you live in, but if it's cold where you live that may have something to do with the excess shedding. You'll never know if a weave is for you unless you give it a try.

 

[beana3]

I am stressing BIGTIME....my job pays me very inconsistenly (i'm talking about like once every 4-6 weeks, and its a measely check at that), and i NEED the money. My job has really distracted me from doing a lot of things, I so desperately want to just walk out everyday i'm there. I'm trying to find a new one that will understand that i'm a fulltime college student and have my education as my first priority.
Ok before this starts as a job vent thread, i have been considering taking my vits more consistently, i've just been out of it these past few weeks. I feel like things have just been falling apart in EVERY aspect of my life, any my hair has been suffering for it!
I've had some pleasant experiences lately, but i'm still down about my hair.

 

[Tracy]

Beana,

First let me say (((Beana))) I understand where you are coming from but ya gotta chill girl!

Here's why I say that: You seem to have positive experiences periodically with certain product combos and you post about those experiences and seem happy. You seem to make good progress. Then something happens and you want a weave or braids again. Now - there's nothing wrong with either of these methods beyond the drawbacks you mentioned, and you sound well informed, but my difficulty with that approach is that it doesn't target the problem, it only masks it. You say you are alarmed by the amount of shedding you get now daily from wash to wash - Imagine when you take out the weave and discover WEEKS worth of shedding! We might just have to break out the defibulator to stop the cardiac arrest! /images/graemlins/shocked.gif /images/graemlins/wink.gif

After reading your posts for so long /images/graemlins/wink.gif there are two things that stick out to me that could be assisting in you troubles - the first is that you often go for a "look". This understandable but sometimes when your hair objects this strenuously you shuld just pay attention and do as little as possible to it beyond regular care and diligent maintenance. I understand that for you a weave is your attempt at this but I think that's a little off base given your specific problems. If you were damaging your hair with constant styling to achieve a certain look then I would say maybe - and if your hair and scalp wasn't sensitive and responded negatively so eaily then I would say go for it. But you have hair and scalp sensitivities here - and I think under those circumstances not being able to give your hair and scalp what it needs for weeks on end isn't a good idea. You need access to your hair right now. To give it some love. Putting it away and forgetting about it will only worsen your problem IMO. You should still style simply - but not for weeks on end. My gut just tells me that this won't work for you in the interest of achieving your long term goals.

Also - I notice you layer products quite often. Two and three conditioners at a time. Leave in's, and oils and mositurizers before styling...correct me if I'm wrong here but I remember readin your posts sometimes and going - why is she using so much in her hair. So on this note - pick ONE. One shampoo, one protein conditioner, one moisturizer (or better yet a product that does a little of both) and a leave in. A mositurizer and/or an oil - pick a combo that's worked in the past and stick with it. Have two sets of combos to alternate if you are concerned with your hair not responding to the same combo over time (I know I have this problem an this is why I do so much switching - is this why you change products so often?).

And last of all...pull your hair back and leave it alone. Don't worry about the "look" so much. You'll get used to it. You have to decide if long healthy hair is your goal or if looking what you feel is your absolute best everyday is more important at this point. If you want healthy hair and you have ceratin issues that require you to minimize styling etc. then you just have to make that sacrifice now. You're beautiful however you wear your hair I'm sure and soon enough you hair's health will be on point and you can sport it however you wish. But youhae to be consistent. And you can't fight with it all the time! /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

My advice is as simple as this:

1. Search through your posts and find one where you were posting about a positive experience.
2. Use those products only on a regular basis.
3. Do this CONSISTENTLY for three months or so.
4. Be very gentle with your hair and wear it UP. Do not try to be cute and style it and do extra things with it. You will only cause damage and frustrate yourself.

Good Luck chica. I hope this didn't come off harsh. Wasn't meaning to be. I just see you go through this every 3-4 weeks. I'd love to see you get a handle on this. I just don't think weaving it will FIX the problem. It might make it easier to deal with or to not think about for a time - but you can't wear that weave forever...and then what? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

I'm worried about the "and then what". I know it's hard - but you have to deal with the problems. Not hide them They'll only get worse that way.

 

[beana3]

wow tracy.. you truly blew me away with this one!!!!
i didn't think your response was harsh at all and you're really helping me get a grip over here.. which i need.
1) i do make progress occasionally. the reason i post so happily about it is because... everytime i wash my hair i expect the worst.
2) i do pile on products... i do this a lot and i'm not quite sure why. For some, i have condtioners (in case i use seomthing new) that i always use as backup if i dont like the feel of my conditioning. they're like safety products. Also, since i dread combouts i always try to coat my hair lighty to give it more slip, doesn't really work too well /images/graemlins/smirk.gif
3) "weaves do not correct"... that's something i need to keep in mind. I really do need to correct my problem.
4)I notice i always do well with protein conditioners (whenever npost about a good experience i always use aphogee. ORS some form of protein) its just i keep switching because i dont want to run the risk out drying out my hair w/ the protein.
5) i do go for "looks" often, the braid out has been a major success with me but other than that i've had a lot of misses
6) soemtimes i get soo eager to try new products that i use like 3 conditoners and all that, sometimes my mom walks into the bathroom and she
s like, "what are you doing with all that stuff?" true, but sad.
I'm thinking of laying off the hair boards for a while, and trying to fight my hair obsession

 

[sweetcocoa]

I agree with the others...when my hair first started coming out...I was so stressed...and seeing my hair all over the flood stressed me out more! Try to tackle one thing at a time. It your employement situation is the most important thing and will solve some of your other problems...then deal with that first. Look for a better job to help you financially then hopefully everything else will fall into place...including your hair. Do the things you can afford to do....like hot olive oil treatments. Maybe you should try wigs until you can focus more on your own hair. I personally feel weaves put more stress on your hair...but that's my opinion and personal experience...but most of all try to relax and ride it out....as it's said in the bible...this too shall pass.

 

[AmilLion]

Beana, I couldn't agree with Tracy and Legs anymore. If these two ladies didn't hit it right on the nose. But I know exactly where you are coming from, wanting to look nice all the time and trust me, right now as I sit here at work, you really need to see this mess I call hair lol. Even though it's healthy and even though over all I have length, but I have to wear my hair in the most simple plain jane styles you can image (because of the shorter side). I really detest have to wear my hair combed all back EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY or combed back and up held by a plastic claw clip. I want to be cute too lol and wear my hair down, or part on the side and do 10290189803 hair styles, but I'm know that within time I'll be able to do all of those wonderful styles and look like DA BOMB hahaha.

So far me, during the week, I wear those hideous Plain Jane styles and on the week ends, I play with ponytails and even wigs. Usually I'll wear the wig with a cute scarf or a hat. I have a hat collection that's unbelievable. I recently brought a human hair fall with a thin band on the front. What I've done with the wig, I'll wear it straight with a cute hat cocked to the side, or use a deep wave iron to give me that wavy look, do a side ponytail. If i decide to wear it without the hat/scarf I'll wear some cute glasses with it, throw earrings on...something. All in all, I try to going through Monday-Friday with boring styles and on the weekend add a little spice so I don't get as bored. I've even thinking of sewing my own wig again (I used to make wigs), but this time trying with different colors (not blue's and purples lol, normal colors hahaha).

But see, I'm one of those females that have no problem from going from Cleopatra to a Halle hair do the next day /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[Pumpkin]

I was where you are several times. At least twice a month or so.

I had similar problems and opted for a weave. My hair grew so much but my ends were soooo see thru. It looked so thin and disgusting. Weaving didn't allow me to wash and condition twice a week. Also when I did condition, no matter how well I rinsed, some would remain in my hair, drying it out and causing it to fall out.

Stress my is definitely the culprit for all your hair woes. Trust me. I have finals coming up too and have seriously burnt myself out (I was sick for an entire week). But remember to keep your priorities in check with you being first. I don't want to sound like a slacker but if it comes down to not reading a few chapters in exchange for an extra hour of sleep - DO IT. Once you de-stress your hair will respond. And take those vitamins and drink that water.

Also I read that Bodicea wears her hair wrapped all week which is a good idea. I started doing this and I could care less what other people think. There is no need for me to look all cute in class or work. This has really given my hair a break.

RELAX and remember to take care of yourself. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

 

[AmilLion]

awww pumpkin. don't us students know /images/graemlins/frown.gif

 

[Tracy]

WHEW! I'm so glad you took it in the spirit which it was intended Beana! /images/graemlins/grin.gif I meant it with the utmost love - you know that! /images/graemlins/smile.gif And I certainly feel the pain on your stress situation, so I hear you there...

Now let's evaluate.....

If the braid outs are working for you that's great....why not wear it like that the day or tw after a wash and then pull it into a nice ponytail or "curly" bun (just a bun where the length was left curly - like how it comes out in your braid outs)? Just don't comb it while it's in the braid outs.... If you were to do that and wash once a week (IMO two would be better - but you know your schedule and your hair better than me - maybe Sundays if it's one day and SUnday and Wednesday's if you can manage it - but make it a ritual) you would have a cute style two days out of the week and then the other days you could still be cute - just with your hair pulled back nicely off that pretty face with your ends in a protective/no contact style. If you used a moisturizer or oil you like to smooth the hairline and then pulled it back and tied it down overnight your edges would be nice and smooth.

As for having back up conditioners - there's no problem with that - but just pick one! You won't have to worry about too much protein if you always follow with a moisturizing conditioner - Just ONE, the same ONE, (and ORS doesn't have THAT much protein anyway - this is one of those dual purpose conditioners I mentioned before) then you should be fine. All you'd be doing is shampooing, applying ORS, letting it sit or use heat or whatever works for you, and then rinse and follow with a detangler/moisturizing conditioner. RInse that out well and then use ONE leave in or moisturizer you like and do your braid out.

I think if you do this consistently your hair will respond. And the other ladies are right - once you get the job situation owrked out you should be in a better place stresswise and that will help too.

 

[HOTCHOCOLATE]

When I was in college, (during the weeks of finals) I would get 8-10 large braids going back. This allowed me 2 wks w/o worrying about my hair. This would still allow you to treat your scalp and your hair (some).

Maybe give yourself a deep conditioner (moisturizing) before the braids are put in. And for the next 2wks, apply a diluted mixture of: leave-in conditioner, glycern, water, and some essential oils. Then you would soak up some the mixture with a towel and squeeze some along each braid. I believe I read this under the Crown & Glory Method.

Just a thought to get you thru HELL WEEK. /images/graemlins/crazy.gif

 

[pebbles]

Hi Beana3,

Tracy said it best. When it comes to the other issues, believe me, at some point everyone feels that their life is out of control. But you are going to be alright! I know it! /images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[Honey Vibe]

Green mike-and-ikes, Tracy, you go girl! I need you in my bathroom to counsel me! /images/graemlins/ooo.gif

 

[ladytee]

Girl stress is like crypt-ta-nite when it comes to hair. When my parents were getting a divorce my freshman year in high school , I was under so much stress that I sheded hair like crazy. I mean comb fulls every single day. My shoulder length thick hair was uneven and thin. In my personal experience sew-in weaves are good when you're transtioning. When I had braids and weave when my hair was relaxed It did thin out just a little but enough where I can tell. My theory is because relaxed hair need so much attention with conditioners and moisturizers that it is going to thin out slighty. If I were you I would just slick it back into a bun for the next couple of weeks until the stress of school is done. And when the Holiday break comes up I would go to the hair dresser and get a weave ponytail or frenchroll. Something you can wear a week at a time so you can keep up on your conditoners.