Relaxer after 8 years and I'm SCARED!

L

LadyDayBH

New Member
Hi Ladies,

I've been a nappy since 2002. I decided to go natural because I was going through a spiritual and personal transition. I've done the BC about six times as a nappy, because I've taken care of my hair in phases (healthy, unhealthy [dry]). I've had it shoulder length and twa, I've tried every style my face can carry, and I've colored it in the past.

I feel that I'm at another stage in my life and I really want to relax my hair. I am having surgery in February, so I want to wait until March/April for the relaxer. I am currently living on the West Coast and will be moving to the East (hallelujah!) and am trying to do a regimen until then. My hair is SUPER A** CRACK DESSERT DRY. The weather on the West just did not do me well.
Additionally, I'm really sick of the nappy hairstylists in FL, which is where I'm moving to.

I am EXTREMELY scared because of five things:
1. My hair is so dry right now.
2. I haven't had a perm in 8 YEARS!
3. My edges have always been weak
4. I don't know if I will be able to handle it emotionally
5. I don't know what's out there anymore ( I saw things like texlax..what is that?) (what's the difference between lye and no-lye?)

I really need some guidance here. PLEASE! Any assistance would help.

Thanks for reading and responding. I appreciate it.
 
Last edited:
You have to correct that dryness before you do a relaxer. I would suggest that you start doing some serious 1 hour deep conditioning treatments or maybe even over night. Do this once a week.

I suggest these options for your deep conditioner.
Organic Root Stimulator (replenishing pack)
Elasta QP DPR-11
Aveda Damage remedy
Queen Helene Cholesterol.

Since this is your first relaxer in a long time and you're apprehensive.
Base your scalp very well and don't leave the relaxer on long. split your hair in 5 sections. Slap it in each section with your hands. and then smooth it with your hands.
Only leave it on about 10 minutes total (including application) forget about all that parting and slowly applying it. This way it won't process as long (This is what we call texlaxing) This way you can gradually decide if you want to be bone straight. If you do want it straighter then you can wait 3 weeks and re apply and leave it on longer.

Contact (Sparkling Flame) she is a member here who relaxed after many years of being a beautiful natural. She did hers in stages and it produced a great end result.
 
I would say if you are "SCARED" don't do it yet. Maybe get your natural hair non-chemically straightened first (press or blowdry/flat-iron). Then relax it when you have more of a peace about it.
Before you do that though, I agree with Qualitee, sounds like some good deep conditioning is in order.
I hope it works out for you!
 
The best hair to relax is healthy hair... the realxer process is very traumatic to hair... so put its best defenses up and get your hair in its best health before you put a chemical relaxer in.
 
Out west has hard water. Maybe that is why your hair was dry. Moisturize, deep condition, and baby your hair back to health before relaxing. Post pics when you relax!:grin:
 
I would say wait at least 3mths after surgery. texlax is when the relaxer isnt left on the hair long enough to make it "straight" it leaves some texture in the hair. If you do decide to texlax ensur your hair is not damaged and apply to edges last.
 
You sound like you haven't even gotten to experience your natural hair in good health so maybe you don't really know the potential of your own hair yet. Have you gotten a well done, precise press and curl yet? Its okay to be natural and wear your hair hair straight for a period of time....lord knows I have straight phases.

When you say you tried every natural style your face can carry what does that entail? What styles have you tried?

I think it was an excellent point that DDtexlaxed made, maybe the dryness was exacerbated by the hard water where you live. They have shower filter attachments for that, its very important.

I think if you're going to relax your hair should be in optimal health first so you need to spend a few months really getting your protein moisture balance in check. Spend some more time with us here on the board and get more of a footing in healthy hair care......then make your decision.
 
Mook's hair said:
You have to correct that dryness before you do a relaxer. I would suggest that you start doing some serious 1 hour deep conditioning treatments or maybe even over night. Do this once a week.

I suggest these options for your deep conditioner.
Organic Root Stimulator (replenishing pack)
Elasta QP DPR-11
Aveda Damage remedy
Queen Helene Cholesterol.

Since this is your first relaxer in a long time and you're apprehensive.
Base your scalp very well and don't leave the relaxer on long. split your hair in 5 sections. Slap it in each section with your hands. and then smooth it with your hands.
Only leave it on about 10 minutes total (including application) forget about all that parting and slowly applying it. This way it won't process as long (This is what we call texlaxing) This way you can gradually decide if you want to be bone straight. If you do want it straighter then you can wait 3 weeks and re apply and leave it on longer.

Contact (Sparkling Flame) she is a member here who relaxed after many years of being a beautiful natural. She did hers in stages and it produced a great end result.
Click to expand...

:grin: I wub you! I checked out Sparkling Flame's Fotki because I could not find her on here directly. Her hair is extremely thick and long which is the total opposite of mine.

I will definately purchase the products your recommended and will start a routine this week. I have to get my hair washed and treated this week (my scalp is so soar from scratching! No matter how much oil/moisturizer I put it ...It's driving me nuts!).

Thanks a bunch!
 
I agree with what others have said. Get your hair healthy before relaxing. Deep conditioning, conditioner washing, protectve styles, a good moisturizer, and oils. This site is loaded with info read, read, read to learn terms and how to care for you hair while natural and relaxed. I wouldn't suggest no-heat or very little direct heat in the meantime.

Also I live in Florida and the water here is hard. Get a shower filter this helps a lot and products with ceramides are wonderful when you have to deal with hard water. Don't rush the relaxer. Much success.
 
MelodicVessel said:
I would say if you are "SCARED" don't do it yet. Maybe get your natural hair non-chemically straightened first (press or blowdry/flat-iron). Then relax it when you have more of a peace about it.
Before you do that though, I agree with Qualitee, sounds like some good deep conditioning is in order.
I hope it works out for you!
Click to expand...

Melodic, I was told not to press it because it would damage the hair. Seeing that the perm would be in three months, it would be a bad idea, especially with my dryness.
 
Hey there, Ladyday :wave: I came to LHCF for the same reason. I was looking for the healthiest way to relax my hair after 14 years as a natural. My first suggestion is to wait.. and study! And learn how to get yourself to a healthy state before you relax.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not anti-relaxing, even though I ultimately decided to remain natural. I just think you should give yourself the next 6 months to a year to really learn your hair, get it healthy and prepare your hair and yourself for the care of your healthy relaxed hair. :yep: There is much learning curve here, so you don't want to go jumping in all willy nilly. There is a reason you don't see the average AA woman relaxed and walking around your town with waist length hair. Not because it can't be done, but because they don't have the knowledge to make that happen.

Ok, now that I've lectured you silly, here are a few links to get you on your way:
Each of the links below are clickable and will take you to the associated thread

Self-Relax Support Thread
How do you Texlax? - I'm assuming that you're not familiar with a texlax. There is great info in this thread about what that is and the difference between that and regular relaxing process
Lastly, I leave you with a link to Babygurl's fotki; she grew her relaxed hair from shoulder to waist inside of 4 years. http://public.fotki.com/BabygurlNC/httpwwwblackhairgrowcom/

Good luck! And welcome :newbie: :yep:
 
hair4romheaven said:
I would say wait at least 3mths after surgery. texlax is when the relaxer isnt left on the hair long enough to make it "straight" it leaves some texture in the hair. If you do decide to texlax ensur your hair is not damaged and apply to edges last.
Click to expand...

Thank you Hair. I was thinking about the wait after surgery too...just wasn't sure how long...
 
BlackMasterPiece said:
You sound like you haven't even gotten to experience your natural hair in good health so maybe you don't really know the potential of your own hair yet. Have you gotten a well done, precise press and curl yet? Its okay to be natural and wear your hair hair straight for a period of time....lord knows I have straight phases.

When you say you tried every natural style your face can carry what does that entail? What styles have you tried?

I think it was an excellent point that DDtexlaxed made, maybe the dryness was exacerbated by the hard water where you live. They have shower filter attachments for that, its very important.

I think if you're going to relax your hair should be in optimal health first so you need to spend a few months really getting your protein moisture balance in check. Spend some more time with us here on the board and get more of a footing in healthy hair care......then make your decision.
Click to expand...

Black, my hair is thin (in my opinion) in either state (permed/nappy). I have a very dry scalp that I constantly have to moisturize. I've experienced my hair really healthy, but it was still thin.

My face is round so there are styles that just didn't work for me. Tried "faux-hawks", flat twist, dbl strand twist, twist bun, braid out (never really worked for me), fros. So, I've had fun with the napp. Never tried a "styled" press...heck..haven't pressed in...7 years...I don't really like pressing my hair and past stylists have advised against it.

I plan on reading until I perm or drop from exhaustion. lol:grin:
 
I've heard that being under anesthesia can have negative effects on the hair- dryness, brittleness, shedding. Perhaps you should do some research on the effects and decide when to relax based on what you find out. HTH
 
I LOVE YOU GUYS! THANK YOU ALL FOR RESPONDING! I REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT! KEEP THE SUGGESTIONS COMING! YOU ARE ALL AWESOME!!
 
I relaxed after many years natural (and many big chops!) as well. Emotionally, it wasn't that big a deal. There's some initial shock at seeing your hair in a completely different state. Especially if you are thin-haired like me, I felt like I was balding when I first washed it. :grin: But you get over that soon enough, so long as you are sure of your decision to relax and dedicated to follow through.

The best advice is to READ & research, so you have a good idea of what to expect. SistaSlick's article is a good starting point.
 
You might want to consider BKT as well.... Relaxers have come a LONG way - but so have other ways to straighten.

Good luck!
 
Hi. My advice to you is not to relax if you are experiencing problems with your hair, like dryness or breakage and/or thin spots. The relaxer will only exacerbate the problem. In order to enjoy healthy, relaxed hair you must have healthy hair in general. So if you think that your hair is healthy enough, you've formulated a plan for caring for your relaxed hair (because, trust me, it's not always a bowl of cherries :nono), and you've weighed out the pro's and cons and thought it out carefully and it's truly what YOU want, then I say go for it. Healthy relaxed hair is definitely achievable, but relaxed hair has more specific demands as regards protein and moisture than does natural hair. But once you get the hang of it, it becomes second nature. I'm relaxed and I believe I've formulated a pretty simple routine that helps my hair stay soft and moisturized, yet elastic. I wish you all the best in your decision.
 
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