All of the relaxer brands recommended should be fine. Just a few additions.
1. Be sure your scalp is properly based. If you haven't relaxed in a while you may not be used to the rigors of sodium hydroxide - and your scalp might let you know about it. Base yourself before you have it done if you have to - but base. Vaseline works. There's a heavy pinkish cream that I've seen in beauty supplies made specifically for this purpose.
2. Ordinarily you should relax the hair THEN color it. So I'm worried about your colored ends. Either get rid of them (and this is the last resort - unless you aren't adverse to a good cut - most of us are - I'll assume you are too - so read on /images/graemlins/grin.gif) or select a mild relaxer forumula to accomodate your delicate ends for the first relaxer and then switch to a regular one to do the retouches on your roots ONLY when it's time and ONLY if the Mild isn't strong enough based on your preferences. My feeling is that mild relaxers are sufficient for anyone's hair - but you know your hair best.
I'm only worried because according to Lisa Akbari's book (and personal experiences with relaxed and permanently colored hair) - the chemicals used to relax hair are stronger than and therefore go deeper into the cortex than the chemicals used to color. So when you relax THEN color - the strongest chemical is allowed to penetrate the cortex FIRST - you wait a week or two, condition, condition (and so the hair gets a chance to recover and ragain some of it's moisture balance) - and THEN the color is applied - a weaker chemical which doesn't travel as far into the delicate portion of the hair that we aim to protect (that pesky cortex again /images/graemlins/smile.gif ). When you do it the other way around (which will be happening with your ends) you push the relaxer right through the colored cortex which weakens the hair further. My guess is if you baby those ends and go with a mild relaxer you'll be able to hang onto them. Just watch them closely. The fact that the color is pretty old (so you've probably regained some of the moisture balance already if you've been conditioning well) makes it a better proposition all around. But watch....
Prep the hair with a few protein conditioner applications before the big day to fortify the bonds in the cortex some.....
Good Luck chica!