Relaxed Heads: Ever been offended when someone assumed you weren't relaxed?

[Calia001]

Hey Hey Yall

I made a status message update on fb talking about how long my yarn braids were taking for installation (3 days between work and school helle!)
my friends commented and said things like its because i have alot of hair and asked why i tortured myself.. one of them said something to the effect of

"girl thats why i got me a perm, i cant deal with all of that"



i have pictures in my profile with me with straight relaxed hair as well as bantu knot outs and braidouts...i have a perm


maybe its just me but my relaxers have come far and few between since hs because my mother just hated to finance them and i've had people that i thought knew me pretty well either suggest that i get a relaxer or exclaim when my hair is straight.

makes me feel some type of way sometimes. no shade to the naturals, i just want to be recognized for burning my hair straight lol

 

[L.Brown1114]

one time after i took out my micro braids i had to go to high school orientation and my mom didnt have the money to get me a relaxer right away so i had the nappiest pigtails and i was washing my hands in the bathroom and some black said (not to me of course to the chick next to her), "it dont even look like she got a perm" at the time i was offended. but now im like how the heck is that a diss?? ever sense then no one had mistook me for natural even now that im texlaxed. iv def been told you need to get a relaxer pronto but i obviously do it on purpose cuz im stretching but if it was because i didnt have the money id probably be offended.

 

[taz007]

Last week.

I wore a beautiful, BIG twist out and I was 7 weeks post. Two people, on the same day, asked me if I was natural.

One of the ladies, when I told her no, then proceeded to ask me if it was "all mine" and when I said yes, she looked at me as if I was lying! She said well your hair looks so natural and kept looking at my hair for the next hour.

I wasn't offended by the question, but the look that she gave me. I fully expected her to put her hands in my head then ....

 

[newbeginnings2010]

A couple of weeks ago I was 5.5 months post, a guy that tried to talk to me and my friend, and he told me that he liked that my hair was natural. At first I felt confused, but I didn't correct him. Wasn't worth it. I was never going to see him again anyways.

But to answer your question OP, I've gotten this response before and I used to feel more defensive about it rather than offended because I was learning how to style my hair myself, and I wasn't going for a natural look. Now if I get that comment, I don't care much. As long as I'm not looking like a mess, it doesn't really bother me.

Besides, the people who make those comments are the same ones that ask for my advice on hair. My friend just told me that my hair didn't look any different than when it was 6 months post (I just relaxed AND colored my hair two days ago). I'm not upset, because two seconds later she asks me about the ingredients in all of the products that she's using. I must be doing SOMETHING right.

 

[beana]

it happens to me ALL the time, my hair just never looks like straight relaxed hair... it always looks like straightened natural hair instead.

 

[newbeginnings2010]

it happens to me ALL the time, my hair just never looks like straight relaxed hair... it always looks like straightened natural hair instead.

I think the healthier my hair got, the more people thought I was a straightened natural. Could be the length that makes them think that, too. I knew a lot of people that didn't think relaxed hair could be longer than SL unless you're biracial or natural.

 

[topnotch1010]

A few times and my feeling get a little hurt because that's not the look I'm going for.

 

[Carisa]

People always ask me if im natural when my hair is out. I dont get offened because thats the way it has always been since i can remember, even right after i get a perm it still looks really thick, whether i airdry or not. My mother would even comb the relaxer through my hair when i was younger and it was still thick. I was also advised that maybe i should get perms more often (every 2-3 weeks) by a beautician to train it- Lord im so lucky to still have any hair with this type of advice lol


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[exoticmommie]

No I don't get offended. I assume is cause it's big and thick looking, and that's a compliment. I have had people asked if it's all mine, and I feel that's a compliment too.

I know it wasn't really meant as a compliment. But for them to think that, is a compliment. Basically I like them admitting that it's thick and healthy looking.

 

[Toy]

It happeneds but it does not bother me .

 

[kandegirl]

It happens to me all the time too. I get question like are you still natural? I'm thinking what? I've never
been natural, I just streatch my relaxers w/ weaves. I don't get bothered though. The older I get, the more texture my hair seems to have even after a relaxer. And that may be good thing...

 

[SimJam]

when I started texlaxing some persons - thinking they were giving me advise - informed me that the stylist washed the relaxer out too quick.

when I told them it was on purpose I got the "you're crazy " look. I wasnt offended then.

BUT if it were back in the day when my hair had to be bone straight --- heck yes Id be offended

 

[sunnieb]

No, I don't get offended. I just assume it's a compliment because the person thinks my hair is long and thick. There's still the myth out there that relaxed hair = short and thin.

 

[WorkInProgress88]

its happened a couple of times, but its not a big deal

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

It happened to me alot when I was texlaxed as a kid. Most of the other kids didn't believe I had a perm, because my ponytails were never straight unless my mom pressed my hair first. If she didn't, I'd just have a puff of hair back there. Like Jasmine from the Boondocks, only on a much much smaller scale. I can't lie, I'd get a little salty when they asked.

Now, it only happens if I bantu-knot or braid my hair before bunning it, but it doesn't bother me.
I do try to correct people though and let them know that I'm relaxed, especially if I know that I will see them again. This is not because I don't want people to think I'm natural, but because I don't want people thinking that I'm something that I'm not. And it'd be awkward to be caught in what could be perceived as a lie.

 

[GraceV]

I'm texlaxed. It happens to me more now that I'm juicing with s-curl and I find it pretty amusing. 2 weeks ago it was the lady behind me at the check out line--she was natural and wanted to know what I put in my hair--I told her I was relaxed (and the conversation ended there, I guess she didn't care what I put in my hair anymore ).

The funniest was in July when I went to a stylist for a roller set. AFTER she had washed, set, and styled my hair she asked, "so how long have you been natural?" *I'm like huh? Shouldn't a STYLIST be able to tell the difference?* I told her "I'm relaxed, I just don't keep the relaxer in for too long." She made a face and said, "what's the point? If you're going to be natural be natural, and if you're going to relax do it all the way." I just smiled and KIM.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

Nope. Everyone always assumed my hair was/is natural. I got my first relaxer senior year but everyone just assumed I was still pressing my hair. It wasn't until junior year (college) when I told people I was growing out my relaxer that they all said "you have a relaxer"? I wear my hair in braidouts or buns mostly and everyone assumes I'm natural. I like passing lol so I'm definitely not offended.

 

[MissHoney26]

I've never been offended. The only time my hair looked relaxed was when I used the super strength no lye relaxer lmao! I'm used to it and I don't want my hair bone straight or thin looking anyway

 

[WaistLengthDreams]

It happened to me early on my HHJ and I was offended because the way it was said made me feel like I was doing something wrong with my relaxed hair. But now that I think back, they assumed I was natural because they were probably looking at my NG, which was natural since I was stretching. Given my results so far, I'll be taking any offensive comments in stride.

 

[NIN4eva]

I actually happened to me for the first time this week. I took it as a HUGE compliment. Tells me I'm on the right track. I relax my hair for manageability only. I flexi rod roller set on a regular basis. I never wear it straight anymore.

 

[kblc06]

I actually get the opposite, I'm natural but people assume I'm relaxed or texturized. This is especially true when I rollerset because many don't believe that you can do those styles when you go natural. I'm not offended per say, but I do feel some kinda way when people assume that I'm lying about my hair texture. .

 

[SleekyHair]

People often assume that I am natural because my hair is thick, but it doesn't bother me. Some people still believe that its impossible to have thick relaxed hair.

 

[Solitude]

This happens to me EVERY SINGLE TIME I wear a braidout - maybe because my hair is so thick. You can see how it looks in my avatar. It doesn't offend me at all - wait it did once when I was at a dinner party. Every single person except me and one other girl had natural hair. However, my hair was in a braidout. One girl cracked a joke about relaxers to the other girl with relaxed hair, not realizing that my hair was relaxed, too. It ended up being a very awkward situation. Ironically, the other girl with relaxed hair and I both had pretty long, healthy hair.

It also happens when I'm deep into a stretch and wear a wet bun or something like that. I actually find it funny . Sometimes I correct people & sometimes I don't.

 

[lovelexi]

That has never happened to me. But if I was having a bad hair day and then someone assumed I was natural I would feel a bit offended because obviously I was going for a look that is opposite that of hair in its natural state.

 

[Aireen]

Well my story is a little different but still along the same lines of this topic. When I first started high school, my hair wasn't in the state that is now but it was still a lot better than most girls that walk around with relaxed hair. Anyway, I left my hair down one day — which was a rare event for me in high school — and a classmate said my hair was nice. I said thank you and she replied with, "Yeah, my hair looks just like yours naturally without a relaxer since I'm mixed, I'm half white." I didn't really know how to reply, not because I was offended but because I was a little stunned by her response since her hair was always in a weave and I didn't know about protective styling so I just nodded. About a month later, she took her weave out and her hair was a torn up mess; broken, dry, stiff, and tattered. To me her hair screamed, "SAVE ME I NEED MOISTURE FOR SOFTNESS AND PROTEIN FOR STRUCTURE!" I think she was expecting me to compliment her that day like when people complimented me when my hair was out. I simply could not bring myself to say anything about her hair, it was too damaged and I didn't want to lie. I think that is when I truly got offended; she said her hair looked like mine naturally, yet her natural hair was in such a traumatic and devastating condition. erplexed

 

[shtow]

I get asked that all the time. I have even been asked that on here lol It doesn't bother me tho because my hair is super thick and if it looks like straightened natural hair I guess it looks healthy?

 

[Solitude]

I actually get the opposite, I'm natural but people assume I'm relaxed or texturized. This is especially true when I rollerset because many don't believe that you can do those styles when you go natural. I'm not offended per say, but I do feel some kinda way when people assume that I'm lying about my hair texture. .

I would love to know how many naturals have similar stories!

 

[Sondice]

lol one of my friends thought I was transitioning again. I had about 3 months of new growth and I was wearing my hair in a bun so u could really see the difference between the relaxed and natural hair. I just thought it was funny.