Relatives Using Your Products: How to Handle

[JFK]

Sooooo....

My cousin and her daughter has moved in with me. No problem, I'm actually happy because we help each other out with watching the kids, cooking, etc. Cool.

BUT....

She's using my products A LOT. And she's heavy handed. AND I know she won't replace these items because she's not into hair like I am.

Example: Came in today and saw my Silk Elements Relaxer out and used. That stuff is not as cheap as the box ones she buys.


Another Example: I'm a headband/hair bow/barrette junkie when it comes to my daughter and have a huge stash. I told her that she can use some on her daughter anytime but later noticed the hair accessories laying around in random places. I take care of my things and now things that she has borrowed are missing.

I really don't mind sharing but *** it, my hair stash costs and if you're gonna use it, don't abuse it.

Sigh.....family.

 

[natura87]

Its disrespectful. I would cut them off. If they cant respect your things lock em up. It shouldnt have had to get to that point...but they brought it there.

Sit her down and tell her how you feel about what she is doing.

 

[empressri]

keep your sh*t locked up!!! it aint that hard.

folks have no business going in your bedroom, keep it in there.

 

[pink219]

Hide the good stuff and keep some regular/generic stuff out in the open for her to use...that's what I do...LOL

 

[southerncitygirl]

i agree lock it up! it pisses me off that they are heavy handed and not replacing stuff and hair accessories all over the house when you have a place for them...ARRRRGGGGH!!!!

 

[JFK]

Its disrespectful. I would cut them off. If they cant respect your things lock em up. It shouldnt have had to get to that point...but they brought it there.

Sit her down and tell her how you feel about what she is doing.

I totally see where you're coming from but we practically grew up together, like little sister (me) big sister(her) and in our household everything was shared. Even if it's in someone elses room, you can just walk in and grab their hair gel.

This was part of the reason I was so happy to go to college and have privacy and control over my own stufferplexed.

Part of it is cultural too that adds a lot of pressure for me to tip toe around this.

I would hate to hide my hair stuff or lock it up but it may come to that.

I'm supposed to be grown now d*mm it! Why am I still going through this!

 

[JFK]

WTH! She just came in and started talking about what vitamins I take for good skin then let me know that she took my biotin and is going to keep it since I bought a new bottle. I thought I didn't have anymore, THAT'S why I bought it!!

This ish is getting locked up or staying in my car trunk.

 

[melissa-bee]

Wow, she just picking up your biotin. You better tell her she needs to educate her self on that stuff before she uses it. You better lock your stuff away before she hurts herself.

 

[SuchMagnificent]

I only let them use products that are not in my current rotation..all others are off limit

Sent from my Sprint HTC Evo using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[LaughingOctopus]

Tell them to get their own.

Leave out the stuff you don't care about at all.

 

[lamaria211]

Hide the good stuff and keep some regular/generic stuff out in the open for her to use...that's what I do...LOL

THATS WHAT I DO

 

[sweetlaughter]

Wow, she is BOLD to have taken your biotin like that. Lock your stuff up. I also suggest you have a chat with her and propose that you two split the household costs including hair products and vitamins. When you mention splitting the costs she might think twice before even trying to find your products.

On a related note my sister does this to me when we go back to our parents' house for holidays. This past Christmas she got mad at me because I would not let her use my face wash and mask because as I said, they were expensive (compared to regular drug store products) and I was not trying to have some heavy handed person use it all up.

 

[NJoy]

If you're that close, then you're close enough that she can handle you telling her that you can't afford to have her all up in your products. She can stay with you but, if she's using your personal products, she has to put in.

Say it in the way that fam can talk to each other. As long as you don't speak up, she's thinking it's cool. That resentment builds up quick and before you know it, you'll blow up at her over something petty because of the build up resentment of using your personal products.

It's not like you're restricting her from using bathroom tissue. Personal products are for the PERSON that bought 'em. Unless they're offered up.

Just sayin. Say somethin'. What's she gonna do? Leave?

 

[Ronnieaj]

Pure and simple, people will get away with what you let them. Family is typically the worst offender, and because you don't want the confrontation, she'll continue to abuse the situation. Don't forget, they moved in with you. You have (or should have) rules in your house about the use of your products, and she needs to respect them. It's that simple, and until you speak up, the only one who's going to have a problem with it is you.

 

[Evolving78]

she needs to get her own stuff. lock your stuff up in your room. include shower gel, lotion, body spray, deodorant, shaving cream, pads, tampons, toothpaste, mouthwash, dental floss, etc..... she needs to hit up Target and Walmart like everybody else.

 

[empressri]

Being blood with someone doesn't equate you having to give them your all. If I wake up 5 days or more a week to work hard for my money to purchase the things I need, family or not I'm not going to let anyone take advantage.

 

[napbella]

Tell her what she can and can not use. If she ask why--just say,"such and such is costly and if you want to contribute to the cost please do. She'll straighten up.

 

[Kdiamond19]

Next shopping trip take her with you and make sure she doesn't forget her wallet! You can point out all the stuff that she abuses by saying "Oh here's that stuff you really like!" You can also create a little basket for her daughter to start her own barrette box, maybe have the kids help too by turning it into a Lost & Found Barrette Game (encourage everyone to clean up).

 

[Miss AJ]

When I go home and visit my mom, I leave the products I don't mind her using in the bathroom for both of us to have access, but the stuff I'd go HAM over goes back in my room in seclusion.

 

[Majestye]

Well I would have a conversation (when not angry or frustrated) and explain that these things cost money and you have a stash because you take care of your things. Set the expectation that shared things means sharing the cost. Add to that and try to get her to relate about some things she would have a problem with if misused. Lastly, I'd attach a monthly cost (usage fee/contribution). To me any reasonable person would understand and not object to being fair. HTH!

On a side note, "friend" uses up some of my stuff too and I tell hime he has to replace to bottle or pay up! His bill is $25 bucks now. Lol.

 

[Ann0804]

This is tricky since it's family. I would place all my items in my bedroom. I would just purchase a few things that I have noticed that they enjoy using and leave them out, but I would definitely place my items out of reach.

 

[silenttullip]

I would simply lock my things up. I wouldn't have the convo, it puts a strain on the relationship and will make her uncomfortable being there. I've tried the convo b4. Also your pricey food items like avocado or organic milk needs to go into hiding too like a college dorm fridge in your room. Also locks on the door to your room won't hurt. It worked when I was in your situation

 

[naturalmanenyc]

You need to have some rules in place. When I lived with my sister the rule was we could share clothes (wore the same size) but if it still has the tags on it, it was off limits.

The rule for hair products (with DH; waist length dreads) is that he can use whatever he wants, but he has to fund the replacement expenses if I want to repurchase the product. He used about half a bottle of Ojon shampoo last month. I'm not replacing it though since it dried out my hair.

You should not have to resort to locking away your things in your own house. If that is the case, she needs to move out.

 

[Christa438]

I had to go through this same issue with my cousin not too long ago. We also grew up very close... However, we are grown now and there are certain things that I buy for me that she would not spend her dollars on, but just want to use it because she see it's there. Im serious with my hair care, she into hair care a little bit, but not like me. It seems like she doesn't even buy conditioner and shampoo like I do unless she relaxing... We're grown now and I also have a daughter I use some of my products on. It may seem like I have a lot but I use stuff daily/weekly so it goes fast and I have to replace it. She even went into stuff I had hidden in the very back just for me (she knew why it was way back there). I just finally got tired of throwing hints so I came out and told her directly I am not a beauty supply. Every now and then I dont mind sharing but for the most part, I mind. I asked her to start asking me first. And I asked her to buy her own depending on what it was. (I dont like sharing certain products at all, especially the more expensive stuff.) My cousin had a little attitude at first, but oh well- I reminded her that she know how I am-- I like privacy and space always have, and I give her that same respect. She dont have to worry about me going all through her stuff without asking. I have to speak up on stuff that bothers me like that... You shouldn't have to lock your stuff up-- that's rediculous I agree... but you may need to if you find it hard to say something... The situation with my cuz is much better now and she even told me about some products she bought for her and her daughter.