Relationships with men in the church

[sidney]

I found this post in a thread and it spoke to the issue of relating to men with absolute purity as brothers in Christ 1 Timothy 5:1-2. Just wanted to share! {Sorry, didn't realize that I deleted it the first time}

I'm going to add a statment that someone on this board wrote, I can't remember their name, but their statement changed me, so whoever wrote this Thank you! I love the last paragraph:

"By the time I met my hubby, I'd been out with the coolest dudes in the world. I'd been to heaven and back and been treated like a queen, and I'd also been hurt deeply. When I did hit rock bottom w/ one rlp, I decided to make "Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things [you wish for] shall be added unto you" my life's theme. The verse had just been explained to me clearer than ever before: That you must seek to live in the realm where God is King; meaning a life where He rules. He must be first in every aspect of your life. (I used to think the verse meant "seek to go to heaven", but this new explanation spoke volumes.) By the time my last rlp ended, it was obvious to me that I was lousy at choosing a mate on my own. I had tried so hard to be the best g/f I could be, and had come up empty yet again. I should also mention that I also suffered from the Cinderella Complex. I had to have a man. I needed someone to care for me. I felt incomplete w/o someone to love. I mean, I had so much love to give that it hurt when I had no one to share it w/. So while I didn't go out seeking a mate in clubs or the like (I'm shy you see), I'd pray to have any guy I took a fancy to. And usually I got whomever I asked for. But where were they now?

When I decided to live above the level of mediocrity where only God mattered, I lost the yearning I so desperately had. When they say God can fill any void, it's no lie. But I did do sth. I did write God a letter (a variation to praying on my knees) and tell him the sort of guy I would like someday. I made sure to write the things I liked in past relationships and to leave out the things I didn't care for. Someone said God answers specific prayer so I made the list as detailed as possible. And then put that matter to rest. My focus now was to hang out w/ Father at all times. I was alone but not lonely. I would chat w/ Father about doing laundry or not feeling like going to the store just yet. I'd discuss options when I had to choose one thing or another. I didn't speak out loud; I spoke to Him in my heart. And what fun it was! For the first time in my life, I was not yearning for anything. I was single, sane, secure, satisfied, and (I might also add, in this day and age) safe.

When I first talked to my hubby, I wasn't interested in a b/f-g/f rlp. I was so whole/content in my single state that I really just wanted a buddy to hang out w/. I had so much growing to do that I didn't have time for anyone else, and actually told him from the get-go that I wasn't interested in a rlp that was anything more than platonic. This was over the phone. And he wasn't either. It seemed the big brother/friend I always wanted all my life (I'm the eldest) had finally arrived. I now had a buddy to go to movies w/. He'd had a bad rlp and needed space too. (Now, I do know guys can bluff their way into a rlp like this; but I had God ruling so I didn't even sweat it.)

Now one thing I want emphasize: God knows your heart more than you realize. Remember my letter to God? I said it was specific, but the one thing that didn't matter to me anymore - and yet it was always the most important thing - was looks. To me a beautiful heart mattered more to me at that point than outward appearance. (To understand how serious I was, when I saw The Elephant Man with Anthony Hopkins, I was smitten by John, the EM himself. I remember thinking if I had met him back then, I'd have fallen in love w/ him in a heartbeat, if he was really as beautiful a person inside as depicted in that movie.) So I didn't care if I got a bald, short, fat man (My ideal used to be tall dark and handsome); as long as he could love me as much as I'm able to love and treat me well, I would be the luckiest woman alive. But again, this prayer wasn't for a mate NOW. It was for a mate in the future, ie, the next time I fell in love, whenever that'd be.

Anyway, back to this new friend that I got to know over the phone before we ever met (thanks to a mutual friend). The day he showed up to take me to the movies, I remember being almost hypnotized by his good looks. But I wasn't in my former frame of mind where I'd want to snag him by hook or by crook. I was just flattered that my big bro, who'd be hanging out w/ me would be such a knockout, talk of the perfect accessory.

To cut a long story short, the friendship grew into a courtship and finally a marriage over a period of 5 years. And believe it or not, he's everything I prayed for to a T (When we'd have a disagreement, I remember thinking "Now why did I forget to mention he had to be different on that area in my prayer?" LOL) But on a serious note, where God proved to me He is Omniscient and really could've done w/o my so-called spec list is in not only sending me a man that was tall, dark and handsome (my former must-haves) but also throwing in a body like a god's. That last bit just seemed so unattainable considering my past encounters. In fact, I only saw such bodies in magazines. But God knew the apple of my eye and when I left it up to Him, He surprised me by nailing it.)

So I say, seek to live your life in a realm where God rules. Nothing should be done w/o consulting w/ Him. Ask him when you're unsure, and let Him guide you. Proverbs 3:5-6 If this guy tries to put pressure on you, be honest and tell him you're not looking for a rlp of that sort w/ him. But if you allow God to be part of that date, you'll have a wonderful and stressfree rendezvous, and there will be no awkwardness whatsoever.

One last thing I'd like to point out, still along the lines of seeking first the Kingdom of God: anytime something becomes so important to you that it occupies your mind more than God, that thing is turning into an idol. And if you've asked God to direct your life, then you can bet that He will not allow that obsession into your life. (Exodus 20:4-5) Until you surrender that desire to Him...until you make God the most important thing in your life so that those desires lose their grip on you, they will not be added unto you. God wants to have a relationship w/ you that matters more than any other relationship you'll ever have. Once that vertical bond is established, the horizontal one will fall into place. Like a triangle, the closer you draw to God at the apex, the closer your life will draw to one chosen for you by God as the triangle shrinks. Even if you started off w/ someone who wasn't godly, the closer you grow to God and the more you pray for that person, the closer you will find yourself growing to them - again the triangle shrinks."

"Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things [you wish for] shall be added unto you" my life's theme. The verse had just been explained to me clearer than ever before: That you must seek to live in the realm where God is King; meaning a life where He rules. He must be first in every aspect of your life. (I used to think the verse meant "seek to go to heaven", but this new explanation spoke volumes.)

Not sure if everyone caught this is the first post, but I thought her revelation was phenomenal. She was saying the Kingdom of God is not just about seeking salvation in heaven. She was saying that the Kingdom of God, is a life where God is your King. It's a life where he rules over every aspect of your life, and you seek him in all you do. When you get to the place where God is your King, he adds everything else.

 

[sidney]

Girl Talk-Purity--Great Website--
http://www.girltalkhome.com/blog/category/purity/

21
Feb

Q&A: Guy Friends
2011 at 1:58 pm | by Janelle Bradshaw
Filed under SinglenessPurity
Q. I am 18 years old and would like to know how to be "just friends" with the guys in our church, but don't know how. Can you give me any advice?

A. It wasn't so long ago now that I was navigating my way through the teen years and into early adulthood. One issue always lurking in the shadows was "friendships with guys." How do these relationships look different from those with my girlfriends? How much time do I spend with them? Is it okay to hang out one on one or talk on the phone?

I always wished for a simple set of rules--just a little list of “do's and dont’s” that I could carry around in my pocket. These rules would guarantee me success, and I would no longer have to worry about that little conscience of mine. However, I learned early on that this one was a wisdom issue, and that Scripture was the primary source for that wisdom.

In 1 Timothy 5:1-2, Paul tells Timothy that he should, “Treat…younger women like sisters, in all purity.” Now if the guys are going to treat us as “sisters in all purity,” then we in turn must act like sisters, in purity! Here in this verse is the wisdom we so desperately need. We must ask ourselves—do I treat my guy friends as I would my own brother? Am I walking in absolute purity toward all young men?

For myself, I realized that my heart often had many competing motives at work in my relationships with guys. Instead of thinking and acting like a sister, I sometimes found myself wanting the attention of a particular guy. I also wanted other girls to think I had a sufficient number of guys that called me “friend.” Often times, the motives behind my relationships with guys were not God-honoring.

That is why it was so helpful that my mom and I kept a running dialogue on this issue. We didn’t have some kind of formal debriefing once a week, but talking about my guy friends was a regular part of our lives. These conversations were most critical for me in the accountability that they provided and the counsel that my mom brought. For those of you who may not have a godly mom, I would encourage you to have these types of conversations with another older, wiser, woman in your church. As Mom said last week, we aren’t called to live the Christian life alone. We need the help, encouragement, and counsel of others.

I also quickly learned that my friendships with guys needed to look quite different than my friendships with girls. I recall a conversation that I once had with my singles pastor. He told me, "Janelle, guys read into things just as much as girls do. When a girl shows consistent attention to one guy, it can cultivate affection in that guy’s heart." While I may have been considering my guy friends as brothers, they may have been thinking that there was something more. I remember my mom telling me to relate to all guys as "another woman's husband." I found this little phrase to be a very helpful heart-check in relating to my guy friends.

All of this said, friendships with guys are not wrong. In fact I would argue that friendships with godly young men during these years are a gift from the Lord and something to be enjoyed. Paul is obviously assuming that Timothy will relate to other young women in the church, but he makes clear what those relationships ought to look like.

As one of three girls (until my favoritist little brother arrived on the scene 12 yrs. after me) I'm very grateful for the guys that were my "brothers" during those years. If we pursue the biblical principles of purity and brotherly love, we can be free to enjoy godly friendships with godly guys as blessings from our heavenly Father.

--from the archives

 

[sidney]

Reposting because this scripture is just amazing and profound and I did not expound when I posted it the first time. Do not awaken love until it so desires! Why was such an admonishment given by Solomon's new bride to her friends? Because she says love is as strong as death. It's like a fire that MANY rivers cannot quench. We all know what happens when a wild fire catches, it is hard to put out. So in her wisdom, the new bride is warning us not to awaken love. Let love sleep until it's time for her to wake up, because if you prematurely awaken love...it will not be good! There isn't enough water in many rivers to put it out.

Women are very emotional beings, but we need not awaken affections for young men, especially those in the body, before a mature relationship is properly set up. Until you are safely in the confines of courtship escalating until marriage. Up until that point, these men are your brothers in Christ according to the scripture. What is awakening love? Well only you know what that means to you...but we don't need to be setting affections on men until that man says "I do." There is no biblical precedence for setting affections on men outside of the confines of marriage or courtship. And if you are dating, well fine. Date in all purity, however that is done. But we should treat men as if they are someone else's husband--because they very well may be. If anyone else has wisdom on this topic please post, I know @Alicialynn86 has some great wisdom on the subject which she has shared before. Thanks! If you have not read this book I highly recommend it "I kissed dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris--it's not about dating vs. courtship--he doesn't discriminate on the subject but it talks about how to relate to men in women in the church in purity progressing to something further. Basically it's about how to honor God in the courtship/dating process.

Song of songs 8:4; 6-7

4Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy[a] unyielding as the grave.

It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.
7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot sweep it away.


When to awaken it, when he says "I do"...until then...brother in Christ! No where in the bible does it say women love your man or submit to your man, it says husband!

Proverbs 4:23

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

 

[loolalooh]

A very timely reminder indeed, especially the Song of Songs scripture. Thank you for sharing, sidney!

 

[sidney]

@Alicialynn86, hope you don't mind me reposting, please expound.

Let God lead you in all things. And I believe they are some good Christian men out there, but they are so careful about who they are picking, you probably wouldnt even notice them.

Real quick, and I'm done. At my church, we have a majority of young people (18-35) ,and the brothers who go there I really see them as my brothers and they are great men of God. Im talking about men of God, that looovvee God, some have been single 3-6 yrs because they choose not to settle. Well I talk with them all the time and they say how they don't want no woman who is focused on a man. They always tell me , they can tell when a woman is hasty to be in a relationship and that turns them off. They say what they find appealing is a woman who is so consumed in God that she dont even recognize them.See the world has taught us that us women we have to "make ourselves available" and "be in the right place and the right time" and "pretty ourselves up". But a real man of God is not even concerned about. What makes a woman attractive to them is their devotion and allegiance to God.


Im done No your not, expound please!

Now why I am saying all this? because I am a testimony that I went from feeling like I couldnt live without a man to being single and being happy ALONE. Its possible. I dont just make comments, just to make it. But I make them because I'm living it. I dont try to be "sharp" when I say things, but I speak with confidence because I know what God can do. But we limit Him because we dont allow Him to do the work in us. its not sharpness it confidence. We dont want to suffer, we want everything when we want it.

Now you said "Including honest feelings and how you acted and carried yourself throughout the day"...

I can't and wont lie and say I dont see attractive men. Yes I do. Do I dwell on them or make them notice me? No.
Do the feeling of lonliness comes upon me? Yesss. But like Paul said " I bring my body into subjection"...we have control over our emotions/flesh. And if I began to feel like the emotion is overwhelming, I fall on my knees and pray. I dont go out and find a alternative to soothe the emotion. All dependency has to be on God.

And then that really leads to the question of how still do you really sit?
When I mean "sit", I mean dont ever feel like you have to be in a rush to do anything...except seek God. The number one trick of the enemy is too make you in a rush. When you get in a rush you become hasty, therefore you fail to acknowledge God and you make decisions based upon flesh and emotion and thats not good.But busy yourself with seeking God, getting to know Him! Thats a full time thing all by itself. Its not boring spending time with God and if it is it means you havent fully connected to Him. When you are "sitting" you are busy with connecting with God, being formed into Him image, serving in the ministry, fellowshipping with believers, crucifying yourself that Christ may live in you. The bible speaks about how every believer has a purpose. We need to be busy finding our purpose and destiny in God. Its not gone fall out the sky, you have to seek for it.
I dont mean sitting at home thinking "When will my Boaz come"?


What is considered "looking?"

Looking means to have a direct gaze or focus on. We should not be consumed with obtaining a husband. The bible says "We should love the Lord thy God with all our heart, mind and soul. God is a jealous God. Do you think God wants us focus on anything more than Him? When you find yourself being CONSUMED and find yourself being depressed because you are not married, how do you think God feels? He is thinking "Am I not enough for you? Can I not fill the voids? Can I not be the source of your joy? Will you be complete with a husband, and not be complete with just me? If I never give you a husband, am I still worthy?"

God knows the desires of our hearts. He knows all, but He also wants nothing before Him. He said if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart.

Delight means great pleasure. When we find ourselves consumed with God, and just loving Him for Him...because of who He is..not necessarily wanting nothing in return, but just loving Him. Our desires will chase us down.When our joy isnt hinged about what blessing we get, then He can trust us with our desires.

The devil tries to battle my mind and tell me "You about to be 26, you not married, no kids...u know u getting old right? All your friends married but you, you always gone be alone"....the enenmy brings things to my mind, but thats when I rest in God because He shall bring it to pass if its His will...and if not, He is still worthy. But my joy or happiness will not be based on marriage, but it will be based upon my King.

I guess right now my focus is on purifying my heart from evil and wordly things. We are living in the last days and Jesus is soon to return. I have to be ready. I can't afford to be distracted right now. The bible says only the pure in heart shall see God. I have to get my heart pure and right, for my true BRIDEGROOM. Alot of times people are worrying about the wrong marriage, we need to make sure our marriage with Christ is right.

I hope this clarified some things up. God bless

* I know I said "you" alot but I was speaking generally.

 

[LucieLoo12]

sidney

Thanks for mentioning me in this thread. ALL glory goes to God because without his keeping power, I would not still be here.


But to reply back to the thread about relationships with men in the church. Let's see what the bible says about it. Now 1 timothy 5 was already quoted about how we need to look at our brothers and sisters with all purity. Now when you have people who are just giving their lives over to Christ, they are struggling with alot of things. I would suggest if a sister is struggling with lust or struggling with the desire to be married, she should not be around any men at this time. I am not saying someone who has the desire to married is wicked, because we know the desire of marriage is normal. But if you find yourself consumed with and trying to make "provisions" for it, then yes you need to flee the opposite sex until God strengthens you. Desires can make you vunerable!! When you are vunerable you alot of times think out of your flesh and emotions and that can cause you to lean to your own understanding. When you "hasty" for something it causes u to settle. And you never want to settle! You are the best, so you wait until God sends you the best. By nature, we are attracted to the opposite sex. I had to watch myself at the beginning of my walk with God because the enemy tried to deceive me. The enemy know what you have overcame and what you haven't. The enemy could no longer tempt me with going out and having sex with someone because I had overcame that. So he would try and deceive me with just wanting to go "hang out". The devil would say things like "you not gone do nothing, you just going to hang out with him and thats it". "Yall just going out to lunch thats it"...but the bible says to put NO confidence in the flesh...the bible says "Should a man take fire in his bosom and not be burned", which means shall I walk into temptation and not expect to fall. David said "I kept myself from my iniquity"...we all know what we weak in.We know what we struggle with. And if the opposite sex is a struggle, you need to flee at this time. And even after you have been delievered, Paul say be careful that you become not entangled again in the yoke of bondage.


will I say a woman and a man can't be just friends in God? No I will not say that. I have seen many men and woman have pure friendships. But I will say that thier relationships was "limited". Flesh is flesh.You not about to see me watching TV at a brothers house unless its a BIG group of us fellowshipping. When we came into God, God didnt save our flesh, he saved the inner man. You if spend enough time around someone of the opposite sex and they have qualities that are attractive to you, you will begin to like them. Is it sin to like someone? No. I can't say that . But what I don't understand, and I had to correct some of my friends on this, women dont know their role in Christ, and that we dont have to do nothing but trust God. This was a real convo I had with one of my friends



Friend: I really like Brother "Joe". I desire him to be my husband

Me: Ok, so do you believe he likes you?

Friend: Girl I dont know. I'm not asking him that! You now the man is suppose to ask

Me: So what can you do about this?

Friend: I guess nothing

Me:Exactly.There isn't nothing to do but wait on God for this. Let God confirm this for you. Do you believe Gid will give you the desires of your heart? Will seek Him first and everything will be added unto you. Let God do it, dont try to make nothing happen. We are women if God. Worldy women go and chase thier men, but we wait to be chosen. Our price is far aboves rubies. All we had to do it seek God and be holy, and God will send him.


So back to the topic. Didnt mean to go that way, but felt led to. If someone is in a weak vunerable state and they feel like they need attention or affection from a guy. I would suggest they hold out unto they are delievered to venture into any friendships with the opposite sex. I have friendships with my brothers in Christ.


True Testimony: Me and this brother in the ministry was good friends...close friends. We would share alot of things with each other. We just related on alot of different levels. I admired this brother but never desired him in "that way". Well on day me and my girl friend was talking and she said said she asked this same brother if he could marry someone in the church who would it be..and he said me.Now when I found this out, I was not happy at all. I felt like our friendship had just been ruined. Here it was this guy who I shared stuff with, spent time with, looked to as only a brother, told someone that he desired to marry me. Now some would say "Aww thats so sweet." But to me it wasnt. Till this day he doesnt know I know this information, but I have defintely seperated myself from him alot. We are not as close as we use to be.Some would say why? Number one, niether one of us is in the position to be married, so why stir something up that we are not in a place to take advantage of. Like sidney said, arisen up love before the time. Second, I did not desire this brother in this way, and did not want to lead him on, and I did not want to become a stumbling block to him in anyway. I love my brother and I dont want to stir up anything more in him. I did not want him distracted. Third, I dont want to be distracted! I need my focus to be on God. I truly believe that when my season of marriage comes, God will prepare me for it and cause it to be in my spirit and at this time it is not. My mind is truly on getting my heart pure before God, making sure my walk with God is concrete. I just started my real estate courses and I dont need nor want the distraction at the time. I am falling in love with someone and He is taking all my heart and attention up at this time....Jesus.I have no room for another right now. He is healing me and molding me, and I need this time with Him to be undivided. This particular brother has nothing wrong with him, he is attractive, kind, funny,smart, godly....but he just can't do me like Jesus lol. My heart is fixed on ONE. Now who knows what the future holds...but as of right now, its just me and Jesus. I need to KNOW Him.I have to be intimate with Him first before anyone else.

So when going into friendships with the opposite sex, please be careful, not only for you, but for your brother in Christ sake too. You dont want to put him in a vulnerable state.Examine your motives for wanting this friendship. The bible says the heart is deceitfully wicked. So acknowledge God when entering into any friendships. He will lead you.

I have one more testimony! But I will share tomorrow..I am sleepy

 

[sidney]

@sidney

Thanks for mentioning me in this thread. ALL glory goes to God because without his keeping power, I would not still be here.


But to reply back to the thread about relationships with men in the church. Let's see what the bible says about it. Now 1 timothy 5 was already quoted about how we need to look at our brothers and sisters with all purity. Now when you have people who are just giving their lives over to Christ, they are struggling with alot of things. I would suggest if a sister is struggling with lust or struggling with the desire to be married, she should not be around any men at this time. I am not saying someone who has the desire to married is wicked, because we know the desire of marriage is normal. But if you find yourself consumed with and trying to make "provisions" for it, then yes you need to flee the opposite sex until God strengthens you. Desires can make you vunerable!! When you are vunerable you alot of times think out of your flesh and emotions and that can cause you to lean to your own understanding. When you "hasty" for something it causes u to settle. And you never want to settle! You are the best, so you wait until God sends you the best. By nature, we are attracted to the opposite sex. I had to watch myself at the beginning of my walk with God because the enemy tried to deceive me. The enemy know what you have overcame and what you haven't. The enemy could no longer tempt me with going out and having sex with someone because I had overcame that. So he would try and deceive me with just wanting to go "hang out". The devil would say things like "you not gone do nothing, you just going to hang out with him and thats it". "Yall just going out to lunch thats it"...but the bible says to put NO confidence in the flesh...the bible says "Should a man take fire in his bosom and not be burned", which means shall I walk into temptation and not expect to fall. David said "I kept myself from my iniquity"...we all know what we weak in.We know what we struggle with. And if the opposite sex is a struggle, you need to flee at this time. And even after you have been delievered, Paul say be careful that you become not entangled again in the yoke of bondage.


will I say a woman and a man can't be just friends in God? No I will not say that. I have seen many men and woman have pure friendships. But I will say that thier relationships was "limited". Flesh is flesh.You not about to see me watching TV at a brothers house unless its a BIG group of us fellowshipping. When we came into God, God didnt save our flesh, he saved the inner man. You if spend enough time around someone of the opposite sex and they have qualities that are attractive to you, you will begin to like them. Is it sin to like someone? No. I can't say that . But what I don't understand, and I had to correct some of my friends on this, women dont know their role in Christ, and that we dont have to do nothing but trust God. This was a real convo I had with one of my friends



Friend: I really like Brother "Joe". I desire him to be my husband

Me: Ok, so do you believe he likes you?

Friend: Girl I dont know. I'm not asking him that! You now the man is suppose to ask

Me: So what can you do about this?

Friend: I guess nothing

Me:Exactly.There isn't nothing to do but wait on God for this. Let God confirm this for you. Do you believe Gid will give you the desires of your heart? Will seek Him first and everything will be added unto you. Let God do it, dont try to make nothing happen. We are women if God. Worldy women go and chase thier men, but we wait to be chosen. Our price is far aboves rubies. All we had to do it seek God and be holy, and God will send him.


So back to the topic. Didnt mean to go that way, but felt led to. If someone is in a weak vunerable state and they feel like they need attention or affection from a guy. I would suggest they hold out unto they are delievered to venture into any friendships with the opposite sex. I have friendships with my brothers in Christ.


True Testimony: Me and this brother in the ministry was good friends...close friends. We would share alot of things with each other. We just related on alot of different levels. I admired this brother but never desired him in "that way". Well on day me and my girl friend was talking and she said said she asked this same brother if he could marry someone in the church who would it be..and he said me.Now when I found this out, I was not happy at all. I felt like our friendship had just been ruined. Here it was this guy who I shared stuff with, spent time with, looked to as only a brother, told someone that he desired to marry me. Now some would say "Aww thats so sweet." But to me it wasnt. Till this day he doesnt know I know this information, but I have defintely seperated myself from him alot. We are not as close as we use to be.Some would say why? Number one, niether one of us is in the position to be married, so why stir something up that we are not in a place to take advantage of. Like sidney said, arisen up love before the time. Second, I did not desire this brother in this way, and did not want to lead him on, and I did not want to become a stumbling block to him in anyway. I love my brother and I dont want to stir up anything more in him. I did not want him distracted. Third, I dont want to be distracted! I need my focus to be on God. I truly believe that when my season of marriage comes, God will prepare me for it and cause it to be in my spirit and at this time it is not. My mind is truly on getting my heart pure before God, making sure my walk with God is concrete. I just started my real estate courses and I dont need nor want the distraction at the time. I am falling in love with someone and He is taking all my heart and attention up at this time....Jesus.I have no room for another right now. He is healing me and molding me, and I need this time with Him to be undivided. This particular brother has nothing wrong with him, he is attractive, kind, funny,smart, godly....but he just can't do me like Jesus lol. My heart is fixed on ONE. Now who knows what the future holds...but as of right now, its just me and Jesus. I need to KNOW Him.I have to be intimate with Him first before anyone else.

So when going into friendships with the opposite sex, please be careful, not only for you, but for your brother in Christ sake too. You dont want to put him in a vulnerable state.Examine your motives for wanting this friendship. The bible says the heart is deceitfully wicked. So acknowledge God when entering into any friendships. He will lead you.

I have one more testimony! But I will share tomorrow..I am sleepy

GIRL! WOW. I am beside myself, this whole post is so edifying!!! Thank you for sharing your wisdom here!! I pray that God continues to use what you have shared here as direction for the young women here seeking relationships. You don't have to learn everything the hard way, listen to someone who has been there and I know every single word of this is absolute TRUTH! Thank you, I look forward to the other testimony when you have time to share it. This wisdom is worth more than gold! Thank you lady!!!

 

[sidney]

Singleness is a precious gift, a time set apart for you to come to know Christ intimately. The word says in Proverbs that a "prudent wife is from the Lord." Proverbs 19:14. This likely describes the Proverbs 31 woman, but...that verse wasn't just written for women, it's for the bride of Christ. Our ministry to the Lord demonstrates our virtue and noble character.

 

[Lisa]

[FONT=&quot]This thread was right on time for me. There is this guy (minister) at church that I’m not attracted to physically but I think I’m attracted to intellectually. I was not paying him any attention until I realized he was paying attention to me. I will admit that it is an ego thing. He’s admitted he is attracted to me and I will admit that I’m attracted to the attention (I know that is so shallow….I hang my head in shame). I haven’t really dated anyone since 2000. After that ninja I decided I needed to recommit to God and live my life for Him. That meant being abstinent and most men are not down with my lifestyle (and it is/was nice to have someone pay attention to me and not care if I was abstinent or not (LOL men run when they hear the A word).[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]Anywho he wanted me to chair a church committee for him and he said he would call me and we would have lunch and talk about it. Well that never happened. Instead he called me (several weeks later) and we talked a couple of hours. We talked about what he wanted me to do but mostly we talked about our lives and just laughed and had a good time. Well he called me a few more times and we would laugh and talk. I didn’t know he was seeing someone. I’m slow. He admitted he was attracted to me but then he said it would be nice if we could spend some time together (LOL I'm slow!) I found it odd but I eventually started reading between the lines and figured out he must be involved in a relationship. (I was actually hurt at first…why was he flirting with me?) [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]Then I realized that he was probably just like me and enjoyed the attention (no more or no less). He made it clear that we were only friends and since I wasn’t attracted to him I was fine with that! I admit I liked the attention (again I’m hanging my head in shame).[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]Well now he’s engaged and I’m putting myself in his fiancee's shoes and I realized how hurt I would be if I were her and my finance was laughing and having fun/flirting with another woman. I would probably consider that emotional cheating (because this man is somehow very tuned into my feelings). Somehow he knows when things are not going well for me and I magically get a text or a call! It is a little freaky! When I mention to him how freaky his timing was he just laughed and said that he was prophetic. I believe him! For example, I saw him on Sunday and on Friday I went in for surgery (I didn’t tell anyone). When I woke up from surgery I had a text message from him asking how I was doing because I was on his mind (CREEPY!! Because for all he knew he would see me on Sunday!)[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]Well I read the Marriage Prayer for Singles thread (thanks Shimmie) and decided I do want to be in a relationship that leads to marriage and decided I need to quit tripping (i.e. flirting) because I do consider him a man of God and I don’t want to cause him to stumble (I’m not that girl!). Plus the last time we talked I congratulated him on his upcoming marriage and he asked me if I was dating. I said no not really and he made an off comment about my maintenance man…EXCUSE ME!! He tried to quickly say I’m just kidding but I let him know in no uncertain terms I’m not that girl!! I think this comment hurt me the most because I was wondering if this ninja was trying me? Did he think I was some trollip? I never initiated any phone calls but I would return them (I guess that's my fault). We had some laughs on the phone but it was never sexual and I wasn’t about to let it go there. Plus I want to believe there are good men in the world who don’t cheat! I want to believe that he just likes the attention like me and he was ruining my image of this platonic friendship ... (I’m keeping hope alive).[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]I had been praying about marriage and he was leading Bible Study when I went last week and I heard as plain as day …“He is not the one for you! The man I have for you is on his way”. I had to fight back the tears!! Hallelujah!!! After reading this thread I realized that our little text messages and phone calls could awaken or may had awakened some feelings for him (why did I care if he thought I was a loose woman?) and I should distance myself from him. I needed to work on me. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]Since I’m so uncomfortable in my own skin I started thinking I need to prepare myself and make myself more comfortable with me (especially if God is sending the one for me). I was trying to decide if I was going to do nutrisystem or go back to the weight loss clinic (and do an all liquid diet)! I quickly disregarded both of those options and decided I wanted to do a more holistic program (diet and exercise). I found one and decided I would commit for a year. I went for a tour on Friday so why was he the first person I saw! The tour hadn’t even begun. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]I'd already admitted that I like the attention so is this the devil still working on me? Because I'm not letting him get in the way of my new body (my good health) and meeting the man God has for me so I joined anyway.
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[FONT=&quot]Sorry this was so long but I needed to vent. Still waiting on the one God has for me!![/FONT]

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[sidney]

Wow, I almost missed this, this whole thread is a t-e-s-t-i-m-o-n-y! I am glad God spared you from trouble and getting your heart broken and being entangled in an emotional mess with this guy, who definitely did not relate to you with absolute purity! It's so unaccountable of him being practically engaged and a minister no less!--and still seeking attention from you knowing that he was soon to be off the market. I am glad that God confirmed something to you in your heart, hold on to it, and be patient! There is so much wisdom in holding fast to patience. Because everything will come beautifully into fruition when God is orchestrating. And everything has to run a natural course, friendship, getting to know someone, dating or courtship, marriage. We can't just skip to the husband part, lol! He knows the who, the where, the how! He knows where we are in our lives and the right circumstances that need to be lined up for it to flow correctly. It's not about just getting the blessing but God is concerned about us being able to sustain the blessings when we get them, so when the time is right, trust...God will bring it to past if this is indeed his will--which he has shared with you. And we will have the character and patience to go with it. Sometimes we are not ready, perhaps the guy is not ready, perhaps you are not in the right place. But one thing I know is that those that wait on God will not be ashamed. Psalm 25:3. One of the things I keep hearing @alicialynn86 and what I noticed in my own life--is to not hasty! Hasty-->settling and compromise! God will not allow anyone miss out on his perfect plan.

I believe that God does give us the desires of hearts, when we delight ourself in him! When we seek him first, all else is added, yep...even relationships! And how perfect that he does it this way, because that's really what this walk is all about. We can be perfectly complete in the Lord during this season, because this is what our relationship with him will always be about--finding and discovering Christ! And this journey will continue on as you proceed into marriage with someone else to help you on this walk. One thing I know, is that God has not forgotten anybody! I am so glad for you for this testimony because it could have gone another way...and it's wonderful that you are free to interact with this sister in Christ-knowing that nothing has transpired between you and this guy! Thank you for sharing your testimony with us. I am glad this was on time. This wisdom was shared with me from one of my sister's in Christ about treating men as brothers in Christ, not potential mates. Well, I didn't really listen! Lol! But I thank God for wisdom, I'm learning to listen the first time these days! Thanks for sharing Lisa, God bless with everything! And hold fast to your word, keep him first...and guard your heart! Don't awaken those desires! Remember, God has not forgotten!

 

[sidney]

Alicialynn86, can you post the second testimony??, thanks! I'm all ears girl!

 

[LucieLoo12]

Sorry it took me so long girl sidney


But this testimony(well maybe not a testimony ) is not about me but it dealt with two of my friends I know.

I will call them Brother Joe and Sister Sue. Well Brother Joe and Sister Sue go to the same church, labor in the ministry together, etc...So Joe and Sue started spending time together, thinking it was just friendship. Well Sister Sue told me that she started liking Joe.I told her it was best if she would seperate herself from him now because 1). I nor she knew if he liked her and I did not want to get her hopes and he didn't like her. 2). I know my friend and she just has some issues that she needs to deal with before marriage. (I dont want to go into that.) But Brother Joe is a good brother, spiritual, nice, good job, respectful.So he wasnt a bad choice...just wasnt the time.

Well she took my advice for a little while but went back to hanging out with him, being in his face. Their flirtation got noticeable because a couple of our friends was noticed it. So she told me one night that she told him that she liked him ...I was shocked/disappointed. Now some may be like "Why you hating" ...lol . Im not. I promise. I am the type to look deeper into things. I see the spiritual side of things and dont just take it for face value. I LOVE my friends and not only do I want them to propser naturally but spiritually too, and if I see something that can be detrimental or cause them to be stagnated in God,I speak up! Now I just dont say anything and everything that comes to my mind...I am led as well. So anyways, she told me this I was shocked. And I asked her what he said she said something like, she thinks he felt the same way.. Think ?erplexed So of course, they continued to hang out. Now I am a old fashioned gal....I do NOT believe in a woman chasing a man . I believe a man should do the pursuing. In the bible the godly woman never did that, only the harlots and rebellious.

So ok Im wrapping this up ...So fast forward about 2mths. So one day me and Brother Joe is talking at my pastor's house.We all was over fellowshipping. (Brother Joe, dont know that Sister Sue told me about him). So we was talking about being focused on God, and wanting the will of our God's in our life.So he comes out says, "Sis, I'm in this situation..." and he started saying how this sister who he was spending time. And how the only reason he liked her was because 1). He knew she liked him...(remember she told him. )2). He has a child out of wedlock(before he got saved) and didnt feel any sister would marry him because of that...so basically....he was settling of our fear of never getting married.

So he started praying and asking God about this because he began to feel convicted about it. He went to our Pastor for counsel, and he said our Pastor said this situation was not handled the right way. This sister should have never approached him in this manner. So Brother Joe, realized he did not like the sister but was just settling. BUT he had been in Sister Sue face before this, kinda leading her to believe he felt the same way.

Soooo, he told me that he knows this sister is not the one for him. He said he wants to be able to pursue the woman and the fact that she came at him aggressively was a turn off and thats not how he wants it to be done. He admitted he was wrong,he said he was just reacting with his flesh and not taking this thing to God.He got excited at first that someone was interested in him but when he began to think about this spiritually, putting his flesh to the side, he realized it was done all wrong. So he stopped returning her phone calls and texts. She asked me was he ok, because she had not heard from him. I never told Sister Sue about me and Brother Joe talk. Why? I do not gossip. If Joe wanted sue to know he would have told her.You say "Thats your girl though"...I'm not about friendships, I'm about right and wrong. They both told me in confidence and I will keep it that way. No tale bearer here ...

So if she would have acknowledged God in this and waited, God may have given her the desire she wanted. But she took things in her own hands trying to make stuff happen..So what I learned for this, is never just react on what i feel but bring it before God. It can save you heartache and time. The world teaches you, you have to be beautiful and alluring to get a husband, you got to go out and mingle and make yourself available. But the bible says he who finds a wife finds a good thing. Finds, means to seek out.

I have soooo many testimonies in my ministry of woman who secretly liked a man. No one knew but them and God, but they didnt focus on it..they kept seeking God, and the men they liked are happily married today.!! That gives me hope. I dont have to be all in someone's face to get attention and make myself known..God does it...

@Alicialynn86, can you post the second testimony??, thanks! I'm all ears girl!

 

[Poohbear]

@Alicialynn86, hope you don't mind me reposting, please expound.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alicialynn86
Let God lead you in all things. And I believe they are some good Christian men out there, but they are so careful about who they are picking, you probably wouldnt even notice them.

Real quick, and I'm done. At my church, we have a majority of young people (18-35) ,and the brothers who go there I really see them as my brothers and they are great men of God. Im talking about men of God, that looovvee God, some have been single 3-6 yrs because they choose not to settle. Well I talk with them all the time and they say how they don't want no woman who is focused on a man. They always tell me , they can tell when a woman is hasty to be in a relationship and that turns them off. They say what they find appealing is a woman who is so consumed in God that she dont even recognize them.See the world has taught us that us women we have to "make ourselves available" and "be in the right place and the right time" and "pretty ourselves up". But a real man of God is not even concerned about. What makes a woman attractive to them is their devotion and allegiance to God.

I really like what AliciaLynn86 said in this post. Thanks for sharing it sidney.

 

[SweetSimplicity]

So much Wisdom and truth in this thread. Thank you Sydneyand Alicialynn86!
I pray many will read and apply all the great knowledge here.

 

[sidney]

I really like what AliciaLynn86 said in this post. Thanks for sharing it sidney.

So much Wisdom and truth in this thread. Thank you Sydneyand Alicialynn86!
I pray many will read and apply all the great knowledge here.

Thanks everyone for their comments and the last post Alicialynn86

 

[loolalooh]

I hope this thread stays alive. Loving the discussion and wisdom in here.

 

[LucieLoo12]

I want to give one more testimony (Well not really sure if it's a testimony, but a lesson learned)

Yall like she got another one? Yes .

Again, its not about me but this elder in our church. This had to be like at least 20yrs ago...So she was in God, on fire for the Lord, but she really wanted to be married. So time and time went on again, no one asked her to marry. So she began to get weary so she started to date this guy outside the church and got pregnant .

Well she went to tell her Pastor that she got preggie, the pastor told her that a brother in the church recently asked him for her hand in marriage. He was just trying to figure out a good time to propose to her. All she had to do was hold out a little longer. Well of course when the brother found out she was preggie, he changed his mind. She hasn't been proposed to since...

Sometimes your blessings be right around the corner, but flesh dont want to wait for it and make you run ahead of time. I believe God allows me to hear stuff like this to keep me humble, patient and waiting.

 

[loolalooh]

I want to give one more testimony (Well not really sure if it's a testimony, but a lesson learned)

Yall like she got another one? Yes .

Again, its not about me but this elder in our church. This had to be like at least 20yrs ago...So she was in God, on fire for the Lord, but she really wanted to be married. So time and time went on again, no one asked her to marry. So she began to get weary so she started to date this guy outside the church and got pregnant .

Well she went to tell her Pastor that she got preggie, the pastor told her that a brother in the church recently asked him for her hand in marriage. He was just trying to figure out a good time to propose to her. All she had to do was hold out a little longer. Well of course when the brother found out she was preggie, he changed his mind. She hasn't been proposed to since...

Sometimes your blessings be right around the corner, but flesh dont want to wait for it and make you run ahead of time. I believe God allows me to hear stuff like this to keep me humble, patient and waiting.

Keep the testimonies, stories, whatevers coming. These are some great ones, Alicialynn86! There are many who need to hear this. This story just made my jaw drop. Wow, if only she waited a little bit longer.

"The enemy is always standing by, you know he's gonna to fill your head with lies ... If you could only see what God sees, You'd get excited about your destiny." - Marvin Sapp, Keep Holding On

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

Jesus, Saviour pilot me!

omgoodness

I want to give one more testimony (Well not really sure if it's a testimony, but a lesson learned)

Yall like she got another one? Yes .

Again, its not about me but this elder in our church. This had to be like at least 20yrs ago...So she was in God, on fire for the Lord, but she really wanted to be married. So time and time went on again, no one asked her to marry. So she began to get weary so she started to date this guy outside the church and got pregnant .

Well she went to tell her Pastor that she got preggie, the pastor told her that a brother in the church recently asked him for her hand in marriage. He was just trying to figure out a good time to propose to her. All she had to do was hold out a little longer. Well of course when the brother found out she was preggie, he changed his mind. She hasn't been proposed to since...

Sometimes your blessings be right around the corner, but flesh dont want to wait for it and make you run ahead of time. I believe God allows me to hear stuff like this to keep me humble, patient and waiting.

 

[cyrealla]

This thread is soo good it should be made a sticky

 

[sidney]

I want to give one more testimony (Well not really sure if it's a testimony, but a lesson learned)

Yall like she got another one? Yes .

Again, its not about me but this elder in our church. This had to be like at least 20yrs ago...So she was in God, on fire for the Lord, but she really wanted to be married. So time and time went on again, no one asked her to marry. So she began to get weary so she started to date this guy outside the church and got pregnant .

Well she went to tell her Pastor that she got preggie, the pastor told her that a brother in the church recently asked him for her hand in marriage. He was just trying to figure out a good time to propose to her. All she had to do was hold out a little longer. Well of course when the brother found out she was preggie, he changed his mind. She hasn't been proposed to since...

Sometimes your blessings be right around the corner, but flesh dont want to wait for it and make you run ahead of time. I believe God allows me to hear stuff like this to keep me humble, patient and waiting.

Wow, that is definitely a hard lesson to learn. You know what this reminds me of?

Habakkuk 2:3

3 For the vision awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.


Why does God say wait? Because there will always be the impatient that will not. "Wait on" the Lord. I know it sounds like outdated and non-progressive advice but...the best testimonies I heard came from those who waited. And the unfortunate stories I heard came from those who did not.

According to the dictionary, "wait on" means:

wait on
vb (intr, preposition) 1. (Business / Commerce) to serve at the table of
2. to act as an attendant or servant to
3. Archaic to visit

Keep serving the Lord, and you won't miss a thing! Remember Rebekkak was found as Isaac's wife when she was unknowingly "waiting on" his servant and giving the camels a drink. Genesis 24.

 

[sidney]

Keep the testimonies, stories, whatevers coming. These are some great ones, Alicialynn86! There are many who need to hear this. This story just made my jaw drop. Wow, if only she waited a little bit longer.

"The enemy is always standing by, you know he's gonna to fill your head with lies ... If you could only see what God sees, You'd get excited about your destiny." - Marvin Sapp, Keep Holding On

Yes they are great stories, thanks Alicia! I know there are more people with some more wisdom out there, keep sharing ladies.

 

[sidney]

So much Wisdom and truth in this thread. Thank you @Sydneyand @Alicialynn86!
I pray many will read and apply all the great knowledge here.

I pray so too, personally I am taking notes from all these "testimonies/and lessons" that were generously shared.

 

[loolalooh]

Here's a testimony I touched on a couple of times, but this is the FULL story:

So I was in church a couple years back where it was placed in my path to meet this woman of God. Her story truly touched my heart. If only you could only meet her and get the true essence of it. I'll do my best to share it ...

You know how some of us are in our 20s or 30s and waiting for our husbands? Well this woman, I'll call her Gina, was heading towards 40 and peacefully waiting for her husband. And you know how when you are peacefully waiting people like to talk in your ear? Well, just a few years before, her doctor was pressuring her to consider having children now or never. This doctor was the person talking in her ear. "Your biological clock is ticking." But Gina knew in her heart that it was not God's plan for her to be a single mother. With that she continued to peacefully wait.

During this time, she was completely focused on fulfilling the things God wanted her to fulfill in her singleness. This was a time to grow, mature, and develop, especially spiritually. She loved the Lord and was a member of a few ministries, including the music ministry. It was all about the Lord and not about anything else. Gina was focused.

Well one Sunday, her future husband was watching her sing in the choir. Gina said she was completely focused on praising and worshipping God when her husband noticed her. What drew him to her? It wasn't her outer beauty, though I'm sure he eventually noticed it; the woman is gorgeous. But, what initially drew him to her was her love for the Lord. Yep. He could see this love in the way she sang in that choir. He saw a woman of God.

So after that moment, he eventually approached her and the rest is history. At age 40 she got married, and at age 42 she was pregnant with their first child. She did not wait in vain! She got married and then pregnant in God's time. Imagine if she would've taken that doctor's advice ...

 

[LoveisYou]

Wow, thanks so much for this thread. Lord knows I NEEDED the reminder, it's right on time.