relationship help

[MsSharee06]

hello everyone i need some advice from a christian point of view. My fiance and I have been going through it the past two years, I know a majority of it was me, I entered the realtionship with anger management issues that I acquired as a child. For instance whenever we got into arguments i would yell, scream, whatever its almost embarassing to admit but he stood by me. He was no saint either but he never put his hands on me. He is a man of god and we both have a relationship with christ, we've prayed for each other, helped each other through hard times. Well recently I found some emails that he sent about two other women two weeks ago, I woke him up immediately and confronted him about it. He told me that he did it because he felt pushed due to my actions, he says that for the past few yeas I verbally abused him and hurt his pride. He said that all the interactions were strictly over the internet and he only did it for about two weeks. I was extremely hurt to find the messages, but he told me that he was sincerely sorry and its not like him to do anything like that and this is the first thing that he did anything like this during our relationship. We both agreed that we both have a lot of work to do to make this relationship work, I try to move on but I cant stop thinking about what he did. I really think he is a good man and we can be happy again eventually. Has anyone experienced anything like this, please give me your advice. I just need someone to talk to about this.

 

[silenttullip]

I think you should focus on the future... He apologized and one of the most important thing about being in a relationship is forgiveness. If you truly trust him and feel you believe and know you have indeed hurt his pride then deal with yourself about it BUT also remember someone who blames you for their actions AREN'T fully taking responsibility for them. Depending on the emails if they were saying he was single that has more to do with dishonesty but if not just forgive him like God has forgiven us all and move on.

I had a situation like this with my fiance', and I think all men want to sometimes turn the blame "i did this because I thought or felt that" but in the end I realized I had done things of this nature too and if we were going to "find messages" and things and worry about them we shouldn't be together. Right now we are fine and I make it a point anytime we fall out to pray for us both even before we talk about it. Maybe that will help you and anytime you want to chat about it let me know

 

[MsSharee06]

hi mslittlelala thanks for the response. I agree with what your saying, I actually went as far as to contact the one of the women he sent the email too. And she told me that he told her that he was in a relationship and he was nervous about what he was doing , etc. And she said they only talked once or twice. I know ehat your saying about accountability I told him that I can be accountable for my actions but he cant use that as an excuse for doing what he did. u know?

 

[silenttullip]

yes you're right. I think we all especially us who are soon to be married have to kind of think to ourselves if it's something we're doing ie "emails, phone calls, dates" or anything that we're nervous about in that way we probably shouldn't do it. It's great that he was honest though it lets you know he does have a conscience I've been on both sides of it but now it helps me if I just say "should I do this would God be pleased and would this hurt my mate" that steers me from emails and from yelling at him lol. I've never yelled at a guy until my fiance' but even though its not good sometimes we as women feel its the only way to get our point across believe it or not you've motivated me to work on my temper and expressiveness by looking at the female biblical characters and how meek and calm they were. I'm going to do my best to mimic that behavior. This whole love and marriage thing is just a process so many emotions

 

[Shimmie]

hello everyone i need some advice from a christian point of view. My fiance and I have been going through it the past two years, I know a majority of it was me, I entered the realtionship with anger management issues that I acquired as a child. For instance whenever we got into arguments i would yell, scream, whatever its almost embarassing to admit but he stood by me.

He was no saint either but he never put his hands on me. He is a man of god and we both have a relationship with christ, we've prayed for each other, helped each other through hard times.

Well recently I found some emails that he sent about two other women two weeks ago, I woke him up immediately and confronted him about it. He told me that he did it because he felt pushed due to my actions, he says that for the past few yeas I verbally abused him and hurt his pride. He said that all the interactions were strictly over the internet and he only did it for about two weeks.

I was extremely hurt to find the messages, but he told me that he was sincerely sorry and its not like him to do anything like that and this is the first thing that he did anything like this during our relationship. We both agreed that we both have a lot of work to do to make this relationship work, I try to move on but I cant stop thinking about what he did. I really think he is a good man and we can be happy again eventually. Has anyone experienced anything like this, please give me your advice.

I just need someone to talk to about this.

My concern is for you and your emotional outbursts. God wants to heal you of your past hurts, no matter what they are. Right now, the focus should be more on you to help you resolve your anger/hurts of the past, for will not only help you but your relationships with not only your finance', but with life's other challenges.

With or without his transgressions, your relationship with him will not work as long as you have unresolved emotional healing. With all of His heart, Jesus wants to embrace you and heal you and to proclaim, 'Woman thou art loosed'. And I'm not quoting, T.D. Jakes, I'm quoting Jesus, the Originator and Completer of Total Healing.

Whatever has occurred in your past, God wants to set you free from it. What your finance' did is a symptom, and a message that it's more than your relationship is in trouble.

You've got to do this for you, not your relationship, but for you. From there, you'll be free to enjoy the blessings that God has always had for you, and just enjoy life period.

Your finance' needs emotional healing as well, because he can't run to another woman, when the two of you have a problem; he needs to come to the Lord and then to you to resolve and work through it together.

God bless you. I admire the humble heart that you have in sharing this. Now it's time to take it all the way to the path of total healing in your heart and soul.

 

[MsSharee06]

My concern is for you and your emotional outbursts. God wants to heal you of your past hurts, no matter what they are. Right now, the focus should be more on you to help you resolve your anger/hurts of the past, for will not only help you but your relationships with not only your finance', but with life's other challenges.

With or without his transgressions, your relationship with him will not work as long as you have unresolved emotional healing. With all of His heart, Jesus wants to embrace you and heal you and to proclaim, 'Woman thou art loosed'. And I'm not quoting, T.D. Jakes, I'm quoting Jesus, the Originator and Completer of Total Healing.

Whatever has occurred in your past, God wants to set you free from it. What your finance' did is a symptom, and a message that it's more than your relationship is in trouble.

Thank you Shimmie, ITA with everything you said I really needed to hear that. I was thinking about that the other day; that no matter what I have to be accountable for myself and my own outbursts not just for him but for ME. I'm really serious about changing my attitude and my outlook on things because I know God is not always pleased with my behavior. This situation hurt me terribly, but it was a wake up call, and I know my fiance and I will make it through this. Thanks for not judging me and I appreciate your advice, you've really encouraged me .

You've got to do this for you, not your relationship, but for you. From there, you'll be free to enjoy the blessings that God has always had for you, and just enjoy life period.

Your finance' needs emotional healing as well, because he can't run to another woman, when the two of you have a problem; he needs to come to the Lord and then to you to resolve and work through it together.

God bless you. I admire the humble heart that you have in sharing this. Now it's time to take it all the way to the path of total healing in your heart and soul.

Thank you Shimmie, ITA with everything you said I really needed to hear that. I was thinking about that the other day; that no matter what I have to be accountable for myself and my own outbursts not just for him but for ME. I'm really serious about changing my attitude and my outlook on things because I know God is not always pleased with my behavior. This situation hurt me terribly, but it was a wake up call, and I know my fiance and I will make it through this. Thanks for not judging me and I appreciate your advice, you've really encouraged me .

 

[taytay86]

Sharee - I've been where you are. It's hard because when you are an angry person, it feels so good to release it in the wrong ways which we feel sorry for afterwards.

His actions we not right, but they are understandable. Your man needs to know that you respect him, even when he's wrong you have to find ways to disagree with him without disrespecting him.

My pastor preached about the "mountains" in all of us. The mountain you've identified is anger. You must let the mountain know that Jesus gave you authority to move it, and when you say move, it must move! Girl, this will take prayer. You must pray for your actions to change, ask for forgiveness, and ask God to be that third cord in your threefold cord (relationship): "again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him, And a threefold cord is not quickly broken" Eccles 4:11-12 (NKJ)

Talk through it, forgive him and ask him to forgive you, make a pack NOT to bring it up again (and mean it!) and move onwards, and upwards.

xoxo Tay

 

[MsSharee06]

Thank u TayTay you're right anger is one of the biggest mountains I've struggled with all my life. This situation has opened my eyes and this is a big wake up call for me. I'm making a conscious effort to show my fiance respect even when we disagree. I'm glad I posted this, you all have encouraged me and gave me a new outlook on the situation. And I realized I don't have to settle when it comes to my anger, I have the power to change my attitude!! Thanks everyone for your prayers and support.