Relapsing on a weave addiction

[mischka]

So I helped to convince my best friend to stop wearing weave. I didn't force it on her but once I gave up the weave for good, we talked about how much better and freer I felt and at the time she didn't understand me. I kept trying to tell her that there were racial components to black women's dependency on weave and she kept telling me it was preference. Weave was being used somewhat interchangeably with natural hair.

So a couple months later Idk what she got into on the internet but she suddenly decided she wanted to go natural, big chop twa and all. She talked about it so much and how she was looking forward to it and she seemed genuinely happy after she did it, even though people like her mom and potential romantic partners gave her crap about it. She is also overweight (which was part of her hesitation to bc in the first place) and people kept telling her she looked ugly with no hair.

Now she's going out of town and messaged me saying she wants a weave because she doesn't feel pretty or sexy and all she keeps thinking is how much better she'd look with a weave. She's like "help me!" But all I can say is "don't get a weave!"

What would you tell her?

 

[ezina]

Well, you can still help her find a good weave. Just teach her not to abuse it. She can use weave as a way to grow out her hair, if she prefers.

 

[mischka]

I think she feels bad because she talked all this siht about how she's so glad not to be wearing weave anymore and how much better she feels about it that she's kinda guilty about going back on that.

I told her to maybe wear a wig for the trip (she's worn wigs before) and she said wigs look ever faker and she wants a sew in so that she can be "care free"....

 

[daydreem2876]

Just tell her that it's a woman perogative to change her mind and tell every body else to kick rocks!

 

[PPGbubbles]

Honestly, short hair aint for everyone. She probably did the big chop thinking it was a rite of passage to become natural then realized she
hated it.

If she isnt comfortable maybe she can rock the weave while her hair grows out. Nothing wrong with weave. The problem is bad weaves

ETA: she can rock a fly natural looking weave

 

[nzeee]

i don't think your friend has to represent all black womanhood. screw the racial implications (not certain what you mean here, tho i think i can guess) self-image is really important; esp if she feels overweight.

iMO the point is to feel good about your natural and to learn to take care of it. if you can help her to learn to take care of her hair then you're still doing a lot.

give the woman her weave and let her get her sexy back. tro!

 

[mischka]

Yeah I guess in a lot of ways it's become a political issue. I was one of the few folks going yeah girl mm-hmm I know what you mean when she would be on fb talking about what it shame it was that people were making her feel bad for wearing her natural hair. So it was almost a statement she was making, you know how I mean?

I've started considering wearing a sew in again because I keep setting back my hair but I really don't want to wear weave as a "style" anymore. I don't like it anymore and I don't feel prettier wearing it anymore. I much prefer to wear only my natural hair now. I just don't see how you can move past it without actually moving past it - I have to learn to care for my hair or else I will have to depend on weave to protect it forever and I don't want to do that. So I told her if she doesn't get comfortable with her hair at some point how can she expect to ever get to a place where she doesn't need to rely on weave to feel pretty?

She also keeps cutting it so she stays in that awkward twa phase because she doesn't like how it looks when it starts to grow out. Politically speaking I wish she wouldn't wear a weave and I DO really think she needs to get past feeling like she can't be pretty if she doesn't wear a weave. I think she stands out more and looks way better without it.

Like that hair porn thread - those women look drop dead gorgeous with their natural hair and they would all just look basic if they had a euro weave.

 

[mischka]

Honestly, short hair aint for everyone. She probably did the big chop thinking it was a rite of passage to become natural then realized she
hated it.

If she isnt comfortable maybe she can rock the weave while her hair grows out. Nothing wrong with weave. The problem is bad weaves

ETA: she can rock a fly natural looking weave

good idea. ill run that one by her

 

[RoseTintedCheeks]

This is a good example of why anything you do to your appearance has to be what you really want.

Getting a weave, doing a BC, or getting a relaxer to instantly make you beautiful is not going to work.

Insecurity isn't in your hair, it's inside you.

I think she should do what makes her happy regardless of others' opinions. No matter what you do to your hair, people are always going to have something to say anyway so you might as well do what you really want.

 

[ebonyseas]

Tell her she looks beautiful without the weave, but at the end of the day it's a personal decision and you won't judge her.

 

[nzeee]

....So I told her if she doesn't get comfortable with her hair at some point how can she expect to ever get to a place where she doesn't need to rely on weave to feel pretty?

She also keeps cutting it so she stays in that awkward twa phase because she doesn't like how it looks when it starts to grow out. Politically speaking I wish she wouldn't wear a weave and I DO really think she needs to get past feeling like she can't be pretty if she doesn't wear a weave. I think she stands out more and looks way better without it.

Like that hair porn thread - those women look drop dead gorgeous with their natural hair and they would all just look basic if they had a euro weave.

at the bolded: reality tho, is that you don't really know that everyone in the p0rn thread is really showing their natural hair. i have super awesome natural looking weaves. i love voluminous volume so tend not to like the way straight 'euro' hair looks on me.

encourage her to get a texture very close to her own and to have leaveout (if possible at her length) so she starts getting used to caring for natural hair.

doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. it's def possible to use weave as a PS and not solely a crutch. for now tho she feels like a dawg and that's awful for a big girl. she should get her realistic looking weave and work it out.

 

[mischka]

I sent her a link to the hair porn thread and I think we're back on track again

Anyway, she says she thinks she would feel better if she got a natural textured weave because her problem is with the "silky siht" but that she thinks she can't get a sew in at all bc her hair is too short.

I think we're good now she says shes gonna print some pics out and put them on her vision board