Rebuke or Rude?

[RoseTintedCheeks]

At Bible study last night, our pastor delivered a rebuke. Apparently, some single women had gone to the pastor asking him about any single men in the church and asking him to introduce them. He started off by explaining they were out of order for looking for a man when he is the one who should be finding you. Then he started cracking on them saying if they looked good enough then they wouldn't have to be going around asking about a man. Yes, he said that and much more and had all the beauticians in the church to stand up to make themselves known. He kept going until his wife gave him the look to tone it down.

We were all laughing, but I think some feelings got hurt. It made me wonder if maybe he should have handled the issue in a more private manner.

What do you ladies think?

 

[Rainbow Dash]

Sounds like he started out giving wisdom, but then he got in his flesh. He went too far by talking about their looks. That was out of order. He should have used the situation to teach and correct from the word of God. Leaders do make mistakes but they must learn to correct themselves and apologize when they do.

 

[Guitarhero]

I don't think you are more g-dly if you wait around for somebody to find you. That's cultural preference that people put on G-d. He was rude based upon his own preference, thinking it was G-d's only. He should have said, "I don't get involved in such" and left it at that. Kinda darned rude to ostracize these women openly and introduce beauticians. You know, BM have a problem sticking up for their families. I think it goes beyond a little primping and physical fine-tuning.

 

[Shimmie]

Sounds like he started out giving wisdom, but then he got in his flesh.

He went too far by talking about their looks. That was out of order. He should have used the situation to teach and correct from the word of God. Leaders do make mistakes but they must learn to correct themselves and apologize when they do.

I totally agree!

Men need to get off of this high horse ego trip of presenting women in the wrong light when it comes to marriage.

The scripture, "When a man finds a wife....' has been taking totally and completely out of context.

Did Esther WAIT to be found? Nope..

Did Ruth WAIT to be found, better yet WAIT for Boaz to make the first move of marriage intent?

I just want to see in God's Word where ALL of the women were beggars for husbands.... Show me and I'll never post again.

Look at that scripture....

Obviously it is the men who are LOOKING for a wife, because they are looking for a wife. Read what I just 'said' again.

Why are the men looking?

Why?

Because The Men are the desperate ones........NOT the women.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it...

Women have been the ultimate desire of men since Adam. Eve did not chase Adam...

Men have been chasing women since time began and they still do to this very hour. Even gay men who want to be women, for they know that women have that power over men.

Women do not ever have to fall victim to the 'lie' that she has to 'wait' until she is found. God has founded you even before you were conceived in your mother's womb and it is He who is leading your husband as to where he will find you and love you forever.

Yes...

 

[Guitarhero]

Exactly and how he treated them was disrespectful. Why couldn't he have found a scripture for that? First, he called them fat and ugly (som' like kat) and then he put them on the spot in public by calling up all the beauticians. Now, how is that treating a lady like a lady? And I don't think they were begging at all...they went to their elder/leader and asked him to select men he knew were about something. Dang!

 

[Shimmie]

Exactly and how he treated them was disrespectful. Why couldn't he have found a scripture for that? First, he called them fat and ugly (som' like kat) and then he put them on the spot in public by calling up all the beauticians. Now, how is that treating a lady like a lady? And I don't think they were begging at all...they went to their elder/leader and asked him to select men he knew were about something. Dang!

Thank you ! God did not put him nor any other man in the pulpit to speak to nor about women in that manner.

And you are absolutely right about scripture to support what he said, when scripture indeed says that women are to be treated tenderly, loved and honored. He needs to read Ephesians, Colossians and I Peter... AND the Commandment which says, 'Thou shalt not kill..." for he has contributed to killing the spirits of the women who sit under him, give their tithes/offerings and also speak highly of him as their Pastor.

I'm ending my comments on this now. I don't want to present a negative tone against our OP's Pastor. I may not agree with what he said, however I still respect him as her Pastor.

I apologize to RoseTintedCheeks ... :Rose:

 

[Laela]

ETA... I misunderstood.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

This summer a pastor said some jokes to me that were real rude. He even used God as a reason to have every other staff member circle around the youth and pray for then except me. I later found out he was jealous of my dad. I forgive him though, but I'm not dealing with him or his kind again. I also remember him talking about a girl I grew up with who attended his church stating " isn't she trying to be like nicki minaj...also she's not as pretty as she thinks she is..." That's one pastor that blew me.

 

[Laela]

That was sad what happened to you and I'm glad you forgave him. There are two sides to every story.

This summer a pastor said some jokes to me that were real rude. He even used God as a reason to have every other staff member circle around the youth and pray for then except me. I later found out he was jealous of my dad. I forgive him though, but I'm not dealing with him or his kind again.

 

[Laela]

Shimmie, I'm not picking on you..but I do have to question how do you know if these women are speaking highly of the pastor, giving tithes, etc???

I'm also hoping this doesn't turn into a thread bashing a pastor when we really don't know the full story, the circumstances surrounding his comments and the atmosphere in which he spoke. My pastor "crack jokes" in Bible study all the time and it may or may not sit well with some members. Bible study in a particular church is more intimate a service, from my understanding, and in my church it's more 'casual' and a good time to address 'church affairs'. I'm not supporting what the OP said her pastor 'jokingly' said to these women. From the surface its sounds bad enough....but we must also be careful who we put our mouths on. You and I both know that very well. Not trying to be negative but we are starting judge based on what this OP said without knowing the full story.

And you are absolutely right about scripture to support what he said, when scripture indeed says that women are to be treated tenderly, loved and honored. He needs to read Ephesians, Colossians and I Peter... AND the Commandment which says, 'Thou shalt not kill..." for he has contributed to killing the spirits of the women who sit under him, give their tithes/offerings and also speak highly of him as their Pastor.

I'm ending my comments on this now. I don't want to present a negative tone against our OP's Pastor. I may not agree with what he said, however I still respect him as her Pastor.

I apologize to @RoseTintedCheeks ... :Rose:

 

[Laela]

ITA w/ underlined....


@RoseTintedCheeks did your pastor used the Word of God to teach/correct during that Bible Study. Or was all of what he said 'rebuke' with no Word? If not. what Scriptures or biblical stories did he use?

Sounds like he started out giving wisdom, but then he got in his flesh. He went too far by talking about their looks. That was out of order. He should have used the situation to teach and correct from the word of God. Leaders do make mistakes but they must learn to correct themselves and apologize when they do.

 

[Love Always]

He was out of order plain and simple, especially when he went in on their looks. I really don't see anything wrong with the women inquiring about these men, they probably just asked if they were single and what's the harm in that? I would perfer that a man inquired about me personally but at least these women came to their pastor and according to "church protocol" the pastor wants to be on the up and up on these matters .

 

[RoseTintedCheeks]

ITA w/ underlined....


@RoseTintedCheeks did your pastor used the Word of God to teach/correct during that Bible Study. Or was all of what he said 'rebuke' with no Word? If not. what Scriptures or biblical stories did he use?

Yeah, I didn't mean for this to turn into a pastor bashing thread, just a discussion of this one situation. He's well grounded in the Word, but like someone else stated wisely, leaders make mistakes sometimes just like the rest of us.

Laela He referred to Proverbs 18:22 saying He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. He read it three times and kept emphasizing the 'He who finds a wife' part. He explained that, Biblically, a woman should not be seeking a husband. Then he went into his spill about the looks part of it.

Examples of what he said:

"Don't come in here asking me about a man when your feet look like they been kicking bricks."

This wasn't the message of the Bible Study, this was a tangent he went off on after making an announcement about the Marriage Mentoring training our church is starting. He didn't call anyone out by name. It was a you know who you are type of thing. I thought it was funny too, but I think it's harsh for women to be cracked on publicly about their looks.

 

[prettybyrd]

My cousin belongs to a church where they have a very active singles ministry, that's actually where she met her husband. It's sad that your pastor missed an opportunity to build a like ministry in the church where singles who may be looking for companionship can find one another.


ETA - just read your post OP about the Marriage Mentoring in your church. I hope that goes well, and the pastor recognizes that insulting the single women who are looking for God fearing men is not really the way to go.

 

[Love Always]

prettybyrd, this right here .

It's sad that your pastor missed an opportunity to build a like ministry in the church where singles who may be looking for companionship can find one another.

 

[mrselle]

"Don't come in here asking me about a man when your feet look like they been kicking bricks."

Wow. That was a bit harsh, but like Laela said, without being there it is hard to know the mood in the atmosphere. Sounds like your pastor is a man who likes to make jokes and although those jokes may go a little too far he probably doesn't mean any harm.

 

[Natty_Virgo]

Wow that was so uncalled for. I would find a new church if he talked about me like that

Sent from my ADR6300 using ADR6300

 

[makeupgirl]

Yeah, I didn't mean for this to turn into a pastor bashing thread, just a discussion of this one situation. He's well grounded in the Word, but like someone else stated wisely, leaders make mistakes sometimes just like the rest of us.

@Laela He referred to Proverbs 18:22 saying He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. He read it three times and kept emphasizing the 'He who finds a wife' part. He explained that, Biblically, a woman should not be seeking a husband. Then he went into his spill about the looks part of it.

Examples of what he said:

"Don't come in here asking me about a man when your feet look like they been kicking bricks."

This wasn't the message of the Bible Study, this was a tangent he went off on after making an announcement about the Marriage Mentoring training our church is starting. He didn't call anyone out by name. It was a you know who you are type of thing. I thought it was funny too, but I think it's harsh for women to be cracked on publicly about their looks.

Ok, I kinda understand now....that feet part was funny though....

I think I kinda get what he's saying. Since first impressions are important, we the women still have to look good, be presentable. If my feet are jacked up, then I'm not going to choose to wear open toed shoes. If I haven't shaved, then I'm not going to wear a skirt or dress or no sleeve shirt.

In just studying Esther, she along with the other candidates for the king had to parttake in a 12 month beautification period. We have to go through something like this as well.

Pastor was just a little bit blunt but I don't think he meant any harm.

 

[Guitarhero]

If pastor were a young single with that type of mentality, I would NEVER have looked his way, no matter how "spiritual" he might have thought himself to be. He's a mean man to have said such. How much meanness do women have to justify as gentle rebuke before they realize their relationships started out wrongly? Imagine Jesus saying such to a woman. Imagine a man saying such to Mary. Dood is mean, pastor or not. You don't make fun of someone that way. I'm sure there are quite a few women who have silently lost some serious respect for him. Woman of valor...

Proverbs 31:
She makes covers for herself, her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known at the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.


She makes a cloak and sells it, and she delivers aprons to the merchant.


Strength and honor are her clothing, she smiles at the future.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the lesson of kindness is on her tongue.
l
She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.


Her children rise and praise her, her husband lauds her.


Many women have done worthily, but you surpass them all.

Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears God shall be praised.



It doesn't say that she has to look like a beauty queen 24/7. She's to be about inner beauty. Outside is important...but not for the shallow reasons ole pastor is saying.

 

[Laela]

@RoseTintedCheeks... I wish your church the best with the new marriage mentoring program.

Sometimes folks love to jump on the opportunity to point out what's wrong and not see the good. I'm still not convinced your pastor's action is being perceived in the proper context. I wasn't there and I'm not a member of your church, so I'll leave this alone. God bless your pastor; he has a Higher Authority to answer to in all that he says and does.

 

[RoseTintedCheeks]

Ok, I kinda understand now....that feet part was funny though....

I think I kinda get what he's saying. Since first impressions are important, we the women still have to look good, be presentable. If my feet are jacked up, then I'm not going to choose to wear open toed shoes. If I haven't shaved, then I'm not going to wear a skirt or dress or no sleeve shirt.

In just studying Esther, she along with the other candidates for the king had to parttake in a 12 month beautification period. We have to go through something like this as well.

Pastor was just a little bit blunt but I don't think he meant any harm.

Agreed with all of this. His daughter actually talked to us about it tonight, and she said that's just how her dad is. He will crack on you in a heartbeat, but it's with good intent. CASE CLOSED

You ladies all have great wisdom. I appreciate all your responses!