RANT/Beware stylists who love to "TRIM"

[Polyesterdiva]

Sometimes I think I'm my own worst hair enemy 'cause I never learn.

I've gone to the same stylist for the last 2 years and over-all she does a great job. The only thing is, every time I get my relaxer I let her talk me into a trim. She takes off anywhere from 1 inch, to 1.5 inches every 8 weeks, and I'm somehow puzzled as to why my hair has not grown!

I know, not exactly brilliant...but I trusted her, because she did everything else with my hair so well! I figured she wouldn't trim so much if my hair wasn't damaged (and it was for a while).

This last relaxer however (just yesterday) I knew I'd babied my hair and that the ends were in GREAT condition. I was confident I wouldn't need a trim and would finally see the first gain of length I've seen in 2 years.

NOPE! My stylist INSISTED that I would need a trim every relaxer "not matter what." She said if it wasn't trimmed my hair would be back to breaking off.

Now looking at my short hair I realized I didn't need that trim. At the most I needed a dust, not a chop of the 1.5 inches I grew over 3 months. Just like that 3 months of work, and patience GONE! :tear:

I'm so MAD at myself. I wish I would've stood up for myself and INSISTED against a trim. I should've put my foot down. But I think I learned my lesson this time. I'm trimming my own hair from now on! I don't care if my stylist burst into tears and BEGS to cut my hair (she's an odd older lady, I wouldn't put it past her? )



I consider this lesson officially: learned!

 

[sharifeh]

I'm sorry.
At least you know you can grow it back again.
Now I've come to the point where I don't let them trim at all even if my ends look busted. I'm going to ask my aunt or sister or someone else to do it from now on so I have nothing to regret. They just always cut way too much. And I wondered why I always stayed at the same length.
Just resist them and say no and get someone else to do it if you do need a trim.

 

[victoria77762]

I feel ya! stylists never listen, and it's so hard to stand up to them since they're "professionals" and always come off so confident of their work, even if it's crap. Just last week I was balling my eyes out in an african braiding salon just trying to get cornrows and twists. I kept telling her the braids were too tight and she was being too rough. She would'nt listen, so I had a mini melt down as she braided- so embarrasing! As black women no one ever cares to empathize with us let alone cherish our hair. It's a fight! Plus, it's not your fault 95% of beauticians don't know what they're talking about 70% of the time when it comes to our hair(black or white). That's why forums like this exist in the first palce. You're not alone.

 

[mscocoface]

Okay PD you know what they say insanity is right?!?! Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. erplexed

I am not going to berate you Momie but you gotta either cut sistah girl stylist loose, find someone else, or do your trims yourself.

The next time have you come in here an tell us you are going in for a touch up, we get to ask you 50 11 thousands questions first and we will want to know who the new stylist is next time.

Do you need one of us to go with you next time? A note from one of us? What?

Whatever it takes for you not to repeat this we will help you.

Sorry for the haircut, but I am sure with some sisterly advice and prompting next time this will be avoided right?!?!!?

Fortunately your hair is healthy and will grow back.

 

[hillytmj]

It will seem weird at first, but you have to tell her "no!" I only go to my stylist for relaxer retouches now, but she knows not to even ask me about a trim because my answer is no. And you know what, my hair is longer than ever now since I started standing up for myself.

 

[runwaydream]

im sorry. i think everyone goes through this at some point. dont worry about it. just hold onto this feeling, so the next time you go you remember what a mistake you've made before.
it'll be ok. just take this as a lesson learned

 

[JenBenCal]

You know what, some stylists seem to be so into habitual things like trimming after relaxers like its the thing to do in town! It's so difficult because the stylist doesn't see you there doing all the right things to your hair. She sees you as you sit in her chair and, sometimes, like every other client who gets a relaxer. When will they learn that all hair is different and what you did for the last client may not be necessary for the next one!? . I am sorry that this happened but, like you said, this is a learning experience from which you can only benefit. The truth of the matter is that the hair is gone. Starting back where you were might seem discouraging but if you got there before, you can certainly get there again.

 

[Baby Girl]

I just made a decision to not see my stylist again until relaxer time and that will be every 3 months. My hair is thin and she always cut it up to my neck because she said it will have mor body. When I come home and look in the mirror I am fuming. One time I grew it out to shoulder length and she said my your hair has grown. Before I knew it my hair was chopped off again for more body. She did not even ask me. So i am giving her the boot for a while.

 

[ladylibra]

Can't you get a style next time that won't require trimming? Like a rollerset or something, that won't have your stylist so focused on your ends not being perfectly even once you see the final results.

Y'all need to STOP letting these stylists bully you! They're people too, you know...

 

[beans4reezy]

I feel ya! stylists never listen, and it's so hard to stand up to them since they're "professionals" and always come off so confident of their work, even if it's crap. Just last week I was balling my eyes out in an african braiding salon just trying to get cornrows and twists. I kept telling her the braids were too tight and she was being too rough. She would'nt listen, so I had a mini melt down as she braided- so embarrasing!

I feel ya girl! This is why I do my own braids now; period.

OP, lessons learned. I suffered a set back about a year and a half ago, my hair had grown so long...(I think I was at APL, but that was before the boards, so I wasn't into measuring then) and she cut like three inches off!! I left her salon with a bob and I paid close to $300 for that CRAP! Now, I do not trim my ends, period!! I baby them with oil and so far so good.

I will reasses my ends later after my stretch is done, but my trims will be limited to once a year, if that, and guess what? I will trim my own hair.

 

[HoneyA]

You do need to put your foot down. Sometimes you do need a good trim but NOT every relaxer otherwise you can forget about retaining length. Stylists should be asking you if it's OK for them to trim and then you watch like a hawk if you give your consent. Stand up for yourself next time or learn to DIY.

 

[Nefertiti0906]

Well we live and learn. Don't beat yourself up. At least you've come to this realization so next time you know what you have to do

 

[mrsjohnson75]

I would stop going to her if I knew that I would have to argue for what I want. Keep in mind you are paying her.

 

[brownelovely]

NOT DIRECTED AT OP:

So it's blame the stylist now?

It's your hair and furthermore if anyone is that scared to speak up then you shouldn't go at all. It seems like once a stylist trims too much then it's rant about how bad they are, how they don't listen, their jealous...etc. If you have a problem with a stylist, tell them and if they don't like it...leave and find another solution. At least you can leave out of there knowing that you stood up for yourself vs. throwing blame & fuming quietly.

To OP: Sorry about your setback but maybe DIY or find a stylist you would feel more comfortable talking to. Good Luck

 

[LatterGlory]

I feel your pain. Been there.

Relax though you have learned a great lesson and now you hair can flourish and grow with the help of LHCF.

Invest in a quality pair of hair cutting scissors and check out the links below:


http://www.creaclip.com/

http://community.livejournal.com/feyeselftrim/1827.html

... and learn that all you need sometimes is just to "search and destroy" instead of trimming all your ends.

Search and destroy is just basically to take some time and inspect your ends and snip ONLY the split ends or single strand knots you may find.

Next stylist you visit be and make your wishes about your hair be made clear.

No need to be rude, just be frim and confident.

 

[Miamori]

It's great that we can always learn from mistakes we make.

When almost the SAME thing happened to me (I asked for a trim, but my hair had grown around 5 inches and was very healthy, so I just assumed she would not unecessarily cut it shorter than it was when I left her salon a year prior), I rolled out. I looked at the board for ideas of who/where I could go, and then cautiously tried out new stylists.

I found stylists who listened to me because I set that precedent from the get-go, even if they tried to be bossy. If they refused to listen to what I asked and instead do what they wanted, I told them to stop immediately, and left or requested a different stylist's chair, straight up. I didn't trust myself doing my own trims, so I observed for a longgggggg time before I decided who could do my trims, and I got them much more infrequently, which I loved.

Now, between the two salons I frequent, out of 12 stylists, only four do anything to my hair beyond a shampoo, and it's a really liberating feeling, because I can go, and not feel worried, and not have the thought that I need to argue in the back of my mind.

I understand if you don't want to go to a new stylist, but if you continue to have problems (and live in a city or an area with multiple stylists), it might be the best for you in the long run. Don't be afraid to leave, and know that there are always other excellent stylists out there.

 

[pattyr5]

Awww, I want to give you a hug....I know exactly how you feel. I had someone cut at least 3 inches off my head because she said it was damaged. What's worse is that the "damage" came from the salon treatments because I went to them faithfully and didn't use or do anything that wasn't done there. I would say to you to definitely trim up your own har. I started doing this and I am loving how my hair is looking, feeling and GROWING. And if you are wearing a straight cut, why do we need hairdressers to trim it for us anyway?? I mean c'mon I know how to cut straight across....I'll never pay for that again! My only tip, is to invest in sharp hair scissors because others can cause further damage to your hair if not sharpened.

 

[girlyprincess23]

You know what you sound like me!! LOL. My fiance says I don't stand up to people and let them walk all over me. Well that's what he used to say. Take it from me I know it's hard for quiet shy girls to make theirselves heard......it's terrifying like an anxiety type thing (i know). But u HAVE to do it. Just do it once...say NO. You will feel funky at first and say to yourself why did i do that? i hope her feelings aren't hurt? etc etc. But after a while it will become more natural and you will learn how to stand up for yourself in a way you feel comfortable with. Just blurt it out. Say NO. I would not like a trim this time, thank you. If she insists just stay with No, thank you. You will feel so much better when you go home with all your hair still on your head and some confidence. Trust me.

 

[Dogmd]

hi

Try writing down exactly what you want on a piece of paper before you go in. THE FIRST THING you write down is NO TRIM!! Then proceed to write down all of the other services you would like. Give it to your stylist and that's it! If she keeps insisting that you get a trim... just shake your head NO!

I had to do that with my stylist. I was so mad one day after she kept on insisting that I politely got up with my hair wet.. told her " i do not want a trim for the fifth time" , told her to charge me for the services she had already performed , i was going to go home and finish my own hair. she looked shocked. but she never insisted on anything again.

 

[darlingdiva]

It's great that we can always learn from mistakes we make.

When almost the SAME thing happened to me (I asked for a trim, but my hair had grown around 5 inches and was very healthy, so I just assumed she would not unecessarily cut it shorter than it was when I left her salon a year prior), I rolled out. I looked at the board for ideas of who/where I could go, and then cautiously tried out new stylists.

I found stylists who listened to me because I set that precedent from the get-go, even if they tried to be bossy. If they refused to listen to what I asked and instead do what they wanted, I told them to stop immediately, and left or requested a different stylist's chair, straight up. I didn't trust myself doing my own trims, so I observed for a longgggggg time before I decided who could do my trims, and I got them much more infrequently, which I loved.

Now, between the two salons I frequent, out of 12 stylists, only four do anything to my hair beyond a shampoo, and it's a really liberating feeling, because I can go, and not feel worried, and not have the thought that I need to argue in the back of my mind.

I understand if you don't want to go to a new stylist, but if you continue to have problems (and live in a city or an area with multiple stylists), it might be the best for you in the long run. Don't be afraid to leave, and know that there are always other excellent stylists out there.

I wish I would've done this when I was still going to the salon. If I had, I wouldn't have had my hair "trimmed" at every other visit. I agree w/ everyone who says that you should put your foot down. No one is going to care about your hair as much as you do, so it's up to you to make sure that your needs are met.

 

[ladylibra]

NOT DIRECTED AT OP:

So it's blame the stylist now?

It's your hair and furthermore if anyone is that scared to speak up then you shouldn't go at all. It seems like once a stylist trims too much then it's rant about how bad they are, how they don't listen, their jealous...etc. If you have a problem with a stylist, tell them and if they don't like it...leave and find another solution. At least you can leave out of there knowing that you stood up for yourself vs. throwing blame & fuming quietly.

To OP: Sorry about your setback but maybe DIY or find a stylist you would feel more comfortable talking to. Good Luck

Amen to that!

I know I say this all the time... but seriously. My auntie spoiled me. I've never had any issue telling a stylist I didn't want something or walking out on them for not giving me what I asked and paid for.

It's why I'm a DIYer to begin with...

 

[Highly Favored8]

I feel you on your post OP. This is the way I felt last year. Sending you a big hugs b/c I know how you feel.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

stylists are the worst. i swear this yt lady i work with goes to the salon religiously for her trims, and always talking about how she loves long hair and is growing it out. she was SL when i started working here 4 years ago and is now just tad past APL!! i told her the stylist was basically cuttin off all her growth cuz she goes every like 3 or 4 months but she doesnt believe me, just think her shizz is growin slow