Questions About Love

In my experience, yes. It's why I called off my engagement. In contrast, the guy I just started seeing gave me a whole list of reasons of why he wanted to be with me. If all continues well, I think that will be the list of reasons why he loves me. However, not everyone speaks so easily. If he can't verbalize it, then surely he can write it down.

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Thanks ladies. I think it's a bad sign too. All he can say is cuz u make me happy but he doesn't kno why that is.

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IDK, I don't necessarily think it's a bad sign. Are you worried that they aren't being genuine? Otherwise, I don't think people can always articulate love. For me, I have loved people--and seriously known that I loved them from the bottom of my icy heart--but I didn't know why. I couldn't explain, still can't explain it, but I know that they're in my heart. And sometimes it's people I don't even like :look: (not that you should be with someone who doesn't LIKE you, but I'm just saying that I think love is more complex than always being articulable or being about what we want to feel).

If he actually made the statement "I love you but I don't know why," then *sideeye* because that's weird to phrase it in that way and wtf? Games. But if he says he loves you and he can't respond to a question of why when you ask, I don't think that's a problem---now there may be other problems that you know are there--but I just think that's an honest answer. If he was trying to be dishonest and smooth then he'd come up with movie lines like Boris Kodjoe in that Tyler Perry movie where he was like "I love how your hair falls on your cheek, or how you tilt your head to the side like so, or how you're a strong black woman of God." Um...no. lol. I may be going on here about a situation that it totally doesn't apply to, but I think the nature of love (especially unconditional love) is that there isn't always a REASON or a RATIONALE. Like if someone asks why you love your mom (not that it's the same type of love that you have for a romantic interest, but still), you may give a reason or you may not, but I bet if the reason wasn't there (because she provided shelter for me, for ex.) you'd still love her because it's just there. It's just what you feel and it's unconditional for the most part.

Now I do think that long term relationships should be based on more than romantic love, so if you're asking if it's a problem that he can't articulate why he wants to be financially/legally attached to you in a marital sense--in terms of how the realities of life will play out, then yeah, that's questionable. But I wouldn't expect somebody to be able to list out a reasons of why they have romantic love for me. Because at the end of the day, if for some reason the reasons weren't listed anymore, I would still expect that heaux to have love for me :look:

ETA: Oh, also, so far in my life, I'm usually the more standoffish male-type (um...only in terms of feelings :look:) in the relationship, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt. I could see an ex complaining about the same thing about me, so maybe I'm wrong. Maybe me and your dude are wrong! lol
 
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Can I get an example of what someone would say when asked why they love their partner? I've never really thought about this in that way before.
 
IDK, I don't necessarily think it's a bad sign. Are you worried that they aren't being genuine? Otherwise, I don't think people can always articulate love. For me, I have loved people--and seriously known that I loved them from the bottom of my icy heart--but I didn't know why. I couldn't explain, still can't explain it, but I know that they're in my heart. And sometimes it's people I don't even like :look: (not that you should be with someone who doesn't LIKE you, but I'm just saying that I think love is more complex than always being articulable or being about what we want to feel).

If he actually made the statement "I love you but I don't know why," then *sideeye* because that's weird to phrase it in that way and wtf? Games. But if he says he loves you and he can't respond to a question of why when you ask, I don't think that's a problem---now there may be other problems that you know are there--but I just think that's an honest answer. If he was trying to be dishonest and smooth then he'd come up with movie lines like Boris Kodjoe in that Tyler Perry movie where he was like "I love how your hair falls on your cheek, or how you tilt your head to the side like so, or how you're a strong black woman of God." Um...no. lol. I may be going on here about a situation that it totally doesn't apply to, but I think the nature of love (especially unconditional love) is that there isn't always a REASON or a RATIONALE. Like if someone asks why you love your mom (not that it's the same type of love that you have for a romantic interest, but still), you may give a reason or you may not, but I bet if the reason wasn't there (because she provided shelter for me, for ex.) you'd still love her because it's just there. It's just what you feel and it's unconditional for the most part.

Now I do think that long term relationships should be based on more than romantic love, so if you're asking if it's a problem that he can't articulate why he wants to be financially/legally attached to you in a marital sense--in terms of how the realities of life will play out, then yeah, that's questionable. But I wouldn't expect somebody to be able to list out a reasons of why they have romantic love for me. Because at the end of the day, if for some reason the reasons weren't listed anymore, I would still expect that heaux to have love for me :look:

ETA: Oh, also, so far in my life, I'm usually the more standoffish male-type (um...only in terms of feelings :look:) in the relationship, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt. I could see an ex complaining about the same thing about me, so maybe I'm wrong. Maybe me and your dude are wrong! lol

I definitely agree with bolded. I am a hopeless romantic, I love the idea of love and happily ever after. On the other hand, I understand that the real world doesn't work like that. If your guy's actions line up with his words, there isn't anything to worry about imo. Love does not provide assurance that the relationship will last, other things are way more important for building a lasting relationship.


Can I get an example of what someone would say when asked why they love their partner? I've never really thought about this in that way before.


My ex asked me why I loved him? :look: And my answer went something like this, "ummm:look:...it's just you.. (shrug)...flawless and all". Apparently that's not an appropriate or acceptable response to the question.:nono: (please note I thought this a great answer, and it was much better than saying I dunno :lachen:) It didn't make my feelings any less valid, because I couldn't articulate them better.(I am a numbers person, and I really not one for a lot of fancy wording)

IMO people can't help who they love. Love happens based on chemistry and timing. To me, that response sounds a lot worst than a person just not knowing.
 
I don't think it is a bad sign. You cannot place parameters on love. I think you are thinking as a woman but wanting your man to answer you like a woman. Not everyone has the same caliber of properly expressing themselves. So while he may TRULY love you, it may be hard for him to tell you why. Don't focus on the whys but they how's. Is he there for you when you need him? Does he keep his word? Does he do the little things to show you he cares? Is he helpful with your family? Does he support your dreams? If you can positively respond to those questions, those are your why's. Good luck.
 
Thanks for the responses guys. I feel much better about this. I'm probably thinking too much. Before he even said anything I could tell he loved me. I guess I wanted to kno the answer because we have been having problems and I wanted to know what made him fall in love so that we could recreate that. Or maybe it's becuase I'm insecure and have always felt mediocre.

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I should note that the answer I got was, "... I... don't know," followed by some babbling that left me spinning.

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What kind of babble caused u to end an engagement? did he purpose for all the wrong reasons?

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