I am prefacing this to say that I am relaxed, but because I usually stretch for long periods of time (three months or more), I do deal with my natural texture quite a bit, so I feel I can chime in:
what have you found is best for your hair as far as how often you detangle?
For me, I have found that it's best not too go too long between detangling sessions, especially on my natural sections. I detangle my hair about every three days. Any longer than that, and my hair starts to get fairy knots and mats that will guarantee that the detangling will take much longer and I will lose more hair due to breakage.
do you find that less is more for you when it comes to detangling and prefer not to do it too often... or do you find that when you detangle too infrequently, it causes MORE problems?
See answer above.
also what tool works best for you? (fingers? a certain comb or brush? )
Primary tools are my fingers lightly misted with a very light oil for slip and followed gently this detangling comb:
http://www.amazon.com/Conair-Stylin...d=1364511313&sr=1-22&keywords=detangling+comb
I actually alternate between my fingers and the comb, stopping to use my fingers every time I feel a snag until the comb can run through that section freely.
what hairstyles do you prefer to wear?
Usually a loose, low bun, or late into my stretch, two French braids down the sides of my head that meet in a loose chignon in the back. Pretty much a style that follows the direction I have detangled my hair in, which is usually down the sides and back of my head. I keep my hair off my shoulders 90% of the time, to protect my ends and because it's so dang hot where I live.
do you avoid certain hairstyles for fear of tangling hair?
Basically any hairstyle that requires me to comb my hair in a different direction than the way I detangled it, especially late in a stretch. That means no high ponies, or updos unless I have a fresh relaxer.
do you prefer to detangle on dry or wet hair? if wet, is it in the shower, under the running water or out of the shower w/ a spray bottle or some other type of water based detangler/conditioner?
Doing it while my hair was both wet and dry was a
disaster for me! My relaxed hair would tangle and snap off when handled wet, and my natural hair would shrink, tangle and snap off when handled dry. I found that detangling
damp hair, about 85-90% dry, with moisturizer
and a light oil massaged in, yielded the least amount of breakage during detangling.
I will squeeze all the excess moisture out of my freshly washed and conditioned hair hair and sit around with a t-shirt or Turbie-Twist on my head for at least 30 minutes, then leave it airdry for at least an hour before I add my moisturizer and oil to detangle.
If it's not wash day, then I mist my hair with water until it is just damp, then add my moisturizer and oil.
In both cases, I part my hair into small vertical sections (about 2 inches wide or less), then I add my moisturizer first from root to tip, gently massaging it into the hair shaft so it will penetrate and soften my strands. Then I lightly spray my roots with my oil, massaging that in, then I spray 1 pump of oil into my palm, rub my hands together and smooth that along the length, removing any large knots as I go using the harp method (this girl demonstrates the technique here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tR_q6_QmxiQ).
Once I feel the section is softened and most of the big tangles are undone,
then I grab my comb and gently alternate between it and my fingers until that section is detangled and the comb runs through from root to tip with no resistance. then I clip that section to the side and take another section, detangle it and add it carefully to the previously detangled hair, until I can comb through all of my hair hanging straight down.
All of this takes me anywhere from 1 to three hours, depending on where I am in my stretch, but now I loose
very little hair to breakage, mostly only shed hairs from the finger detangling.
Hope this helps.
ETA: I forgot to indicate how often I detangle.