Putting away our hair (vent)

[sweetcashew]

Ok ladies this is what happened to me yesterday. A friend and I were going to the mall. When she came to pick me up, she started exclaiming that I look too nice for her to be walking next to me. When I pointed out that we were both dressed similarly, she then exclaimed " But look at your hair. you look like you're going to the club or something. Why you always have to look fly and I'm always so dry faced." Yeah dry faced.
Anyway that pissed me off so I asked her what she wanted me to do with my hair. This chick actually had the nerve to say that I should put it away or something. So then I asked her, how come it's ok for her to wear her long weaves but it's not ok for me to wear my own hair out.
Mind you, I wear my hair out every day but yesterday I used the triple barrel waver on it so I had big beautiful bouncy waves.
Then we were suppose to go out later but she changed her mind about going. Said she was feeling too plain next to me. This is not the first time I've had to deal with this sort of thing from women.
It really made me feel bad because I am who I am and it hurts when friends think you should be less of yourself just so that they could feel comfortable.
Just had to vent a little.

 

[mommatide]

PLEASE DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF ALLOWING SOMEONE WHO IS OBVIOUSLY INSECURE DRIVE YOU MAD. THINK DEEP! WHAT SHE IS REALLY SAYING IS " I FIND YOU TO BE A VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMEN WITH GORGEOUS, HEALTHY HAIR AND I CAN'T FIND IT IN MYSELF TO GIVE YOU THE COMPLIMENT THAT YOU DESERVE, THERFORE I WILL BASH YOU WITH HOPE THAT IT KILLS YOUR SPIRIT AND THEN CRAWL INTO THAT DEN OF INSECURITY THAT I AM SO COMFORTABLE IN"

BUT THANKFULLY YOU WON'T FALL FOR IT AND TAKE HER BASHING AS A COMPLIMENT, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT TRULY IS

 

[sweetcashew]

PLEASE DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF ALLOWING SOMEONE WHO IS OBVIOUSLY INSECURE DRIVE YOU MAD. THINK DEEP! WHAT SHE IS REALLY SAYING IS " I FIND YOU TO BE A VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMEN WITH GORGEOUS, HEALTHY HAIR AND I CAN'T FIND IT IN MYSELF TO GIVE YOU THE COMPLIMENT THAT YOU DESERVE, THERFORE I WILL BASH YOU WITH HOPE THAT IT KILLS YOUR SPIRIT AND THEN CRAWL INTO THAT DEN OF INSECURITY THAT I AM SO COMFORTABLE IN"

BUT THANKFULLY YOU WON'T FALL FOR IT AND TAKE HER BASHING AS A COMPLIMENT, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT TRULY IS

lol.. oh I forgot to add that she was trying to feel for tracks all afternoon. WTF! beats me!

 

[Eiano]

Not. Cool.

What that sounds like to me is, "Yeah, I'm your friend as long as you don't look better than me."

That's wack.

 

[ayoung]

PLEASE DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF ALLOWING SOMEONE WHO IS OBVIOUSLY INSECURE DRIVE YOU MAD. THINK DEEP! WHAT SHE IS REALLY SAYING IS " I FIND YOU TO BE A VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMEN WITH GORGEOUS, HEALTHY HAIR AND I CAN'T FIND IT IN MYSELF TO GIVE YOU THE COMPLIMENT THAT YOU DESERVE, THERFORE I WILL BASH YOU WITH HOPE THAT IT KILLS YOUR SPIRIT AND THEN CRAWL INTO THAT DEN OF INSECURITY THAT I AM SO COMFORTABLE IN"

BUT THANKFULLY YOU WON'T FALL FOR IT AND TAKE HER BASHING AS A COMPLIMENT, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT TRULY IS

Yeah, what she said

 

[locabouthair]

oh hell no! you dress and do your hair the way you like and if she cant deal with that then oh well. dont stop looking cute just because she is insecure. there were times when i felt plain next to my friends but i would never suggest that they stop looking cute or they should change their look so i can feel better.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Ok ladies this is what happened to me yesterday. A friend and I were going to the mall. When she came to pick me up, she started exclaiming that I look too nice for her to be walking next to me. When I pointed out that we were both dressed similarly, she then exclaimed " But look at your hair. you look like you're going to the club or something. Why you always have to look fly and I'm always so dry faced." Yeah dry faced.
Anyway that pissed me off so I asked her what she wanted me to do with my hair. This chick actually had the nerve to say that I should put it away or something. So then I asked her, how come it's ok for her to wear her long weaves but it's not ok for me to wear my own hair out.
Mind you, I wear my hair out every day but yesterday I used the triple barrel waver on it so I had big beautiful bouncy waves.
Then we were suppose to go out later but she changed her mind about going. Said she was feeling too plain next to me. This is not the first time I've had to deal with this sort of thing from women.
It really made me feel bad because I am who I am and it hurts when friends think you should be less of yourself just so that they could feel comfortable.
Just had to vent a little.

Hey girlie!
Ok um, first of all, I need to cop this triple barrel waver that you speak of...where did you find this?

Now on to the issue :
I consider friends like her to be negative energy. While I don't expect my friends to always agree with me, they should respect me and support me in my positive aspirations.

I don't like being around people who have self-esteem/self-loathing issues b/c it's annoying and it's not healthy for anyone's emotional being. Now here you are, lookin great, probably excited about a fun outing with a friend, and she pisses on that with her salty attitude over VANITY, some foolishness.
I notice that I quickly stop associating with people like that b/c I don't believe it's my responsibility to try to be less appealing to assist them with their self-esteem issues. Even I'm dressing down or "putting my hair away," I'm only treating the symptom of their self-esteem, not the condition.
Because you're so pretty & you've got a bangin head of hair, I say find friends who are confident & happy with themselves. This eliminates all that weird jealousy, envy, and backbiting.

This reminds me of the situation Sylver2 has with her girls. I think you guys should exude your fabulousness and if someone can't deal, that's their problem not yours.

Maybe you could sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her to resolve some of her resentment towards your beauty.

 

[Lady_Lioness]

Re: Not. Cool.

What that sounds like to me is, "Yeah, I'm your friend as long as you don't look better than me."

That's wack.

I agree...and with friends like that who needs enemies...I have "associates" not friends who are just the same...always have something to same whether it would be my hair or the clothes I wear...don't let her insecurities make you feel bad...you do what makes you happy...a friend is someone who accepts you regardless of what and who you are, not someone who wants to change you to make themselves feel more better.

 

[lydc]

lol.. oh I forgot to add that she was trying to feel for tracks all afternoon. WTF! beats me!

She's not your friend.

Reasons:

1) Any person who would come right out and ask you to diminish your beauty in any shape or form just to pleasure themselves is not a friend.

2) Any person who wouldn't take you word on face value. If you say it's your hair, she should believe it's yours and not run her greasy paws through it trying to prove you wrong. WTF.

 

[senimoni]

Sounds like she needs to step up her game. Has she ever asked for help with her hair.... either way I say do your thing....you grew it...flaunt it. Whip the ish in her face for full effect....LOL...no I'm kidding. Does sound like she has issues though. I've said things to friends jokingly, but never...hey put on some sweat pants b/c you have too small a waist and I feel inferior...wtf.

 

[RootPunch]

I love mommatide's answer. Very eloquent with the words. ITA with her and ev'one else.

 

[Mahalialee4]

Personally. I would drop her like a hot hard boiled egg!!! Next thing she will suggest that you should CUT IT TO PROVE YOUR FRIENDSHIP! She is treating your hair like some "other friend that became between you and her. This says very clearly that her comfort level depends on you never rising in her or anyone else's perception of having or not having or being or not being. If that were me, I would have told her in no uncertain terms...."I can not trust someone with underlying issues that you obviously have with me...you just displayed a side of you that I cannot be comfortable with and you really need to think long and hard about what you are saying to me...I cannot believe that you would disrespect me as a friend and a person that way..." And I would leave her to cool her jets...maybe permanently. And I am very gentle by nature, but certain things I do not tolerate, especially from those who claim to be my friends. bonjour

 

[NYCQT16]

Then we were suppose to go out later but she changed her mind about going. Said she was feeling too plain next to me.

Your whole post had me , but this part made me
I mean how dare she break plans b/c she is feeling jealous??? If she feels so "plain" then why doesn't she step her game up.

...And what in the world is "dry-faced" in relation to hair?

 

[tenderheaded]

Please, please let the tresses loose when YOU want to!!! There will always be people who'll be envious of some aspect of your life/person - regretfully some of them may be related You didn't grow hair for anyone else so don't let them determine when you let it rip!!!

 

[Suri]

I've deal with a friend like that before and understand how bad that makes you feel. i am sorry, but like everyone else said, don't let her kill your spirit or make you feel wrong for being yourself. She has a toxic spirit. the fact that she actually opened her mouth and said it instead of maybe just...uh thinking..or a...feeling it just blows my mind.

Tell that 8itch to get a hold of herself. Please be sure the next time you speak that you let her know how wack that was.

 

[DragonPearl]

I don't like being around people who have self-esteem/self-loathing issues b/c it's annoying and it's not healthy for anyone's emotional being. Now here you are, lookin great, probably excited about a fun outing with a friend, and she pisses on that with her salty attitude over VANITY, some foolishness.
I notice that I quickly stop associating with people like that b/c I don't believe it's my responsibility to try to be less appealing to assist them with their self-esteem issues. Even I'm dressing down or "putting my hair away," I'm only treating the symptom of their self-esteem, not the condition.
Because you're so pretty & you've got a bangin head of hair, I say find friends who are confident & happy with themselves. This eliminates all that weird jealousy, envy, and backbiting.

Tell it! That's the truth!

I have done my share of hanging out with insecure women. Now, I only hangout with self-confident women.

 

[PatTodd]

I know I am repeating what others have said but...You need to let that friendship fade to black.

If she feels insecure about her looks next to you then why doesn't she make an extra effort when you are going out together?

But seriously, watch her though...that's the kind of chick who will "accidentally" do something to cut or damage your hair!

 

[Yellowflowers]

She is not intelligent enough to be your friend. You cannot carry the burden of her insecurities on your shoulders. It will only bring you down. This was an unpleasant situation but count yourself lucky that you now how she feels. I had a so called friend who hid her feelings for years. She smiled in my face but did things behind my back. Other people could see her jealousy but I could not.

People who are negative will always want you to crawl into thier misery with them.

Girl take down that hair, lift up your head, and embrace your beauty as a black woman and leave her kind alone!

 

[nicki6]

I had a "friend' like that once. Drop her immediately! She is an enemy masquerading as your friend (a 'frenemy'). The ironic part of her neurosis was that when we were together, she got all of the male attention.

Friends like that are subject to turn on you without warning. You waste time on them when you could develop a true friendship with someone with some self esteem.

Good luck!

 

[NYCQT16]

But seriously, watch her though...that's the kind of chick who will "accidentally" do something to cut or damage your hair!

yes! I agree

 

[mochamadness]

Hey girlie!
Ok um, first of all, I need to cop this triple barrel waver that you speak of...where did you find this?

Now on to the issue :
I consider friends like her to be negative energy. While I don't expect my friends to always agree with me, they should respect me and support me in my positive aspirations.

I don't like being around people who have self-esteem/self-loathing issues b/c it's annoying and it's not healthy for anyone's emotional being. Now here you are, lookin great, probably excited about a fun outing with a friend, and she pisses on that with her salty attitude over VANITY, some foolishness.
I notice that I quickly stop associating with people like that b/c I don't believe it's my responsibility to try to be less appealing to assist them with their self-esteem issues. Even I'm dressing down or "putting my hair away," I'm only treating the symptom of their self-esteem, not the condition.
Because you're so pretty & you've got a bangin head of hair, I say find friends who are confident & happy with themselves. This eliminates all that weird jealousy, envy, and backbiting.

This reminds me of the situation Sylver2 has with her girls. I think you guys should exude your fabulousness and if someone can't deal, that's their problem not yours.

Maybe you could sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her to resolve some of her resentment towards your beauty.

Say that ish girl!!! This was post was right on point DI!!

 

[RainbowCurls]

I know I am repeating what others have said but...You need to let that friendship fade to black.

If she feels insecure about her looks next to you then why doesn't she make an extra effort when you are going out together?

But seriously, watch her though...that's the kind of chick who will "accidentally" do something to cut or damage your hair!

ITA. I remember reading an old post, on this board, I think, about someone who put bleach in their so called friend's hair products out of jealousy.

 

[uncutandgettinglonger]

So why does the way that YOUR hair looks matter to HER. That's lame. You were going shopping, not making a guest appearence on America's Next Top Model.

People...

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Ok ladies this is what happened to me yesterday. A friend and I were going to the mall. When she came to pick me up, she started exclaiming that I look too nice for her to be walking next to me. When I pointed out that we were both dressed similarly, she then exclaimed " But look at your hair. you look like you're going to the club or something. Why you always have to look fly and I'm always so dry faced." Yeah dry faced.
Anyway that pissed me off so I asked her what she wanted me to do with my hair. This chick actually had the nerve to say that I should put it away or something. So then I asked her, how come it's ok for her to wear her long weaves but it's not ok for me to wear my own hair out.
Mind you, I wear my hair out every day but yesterday I used the triple barrel waver on it so I had big beautiful bouncy waves.
Then we were suppose to go out later but she changed her mind about going. Said she was feeling too plain next to me. This is not the first time I've had to deal with this sort of thing from women.
It really made me feel bad because I am who I am and it hurts when friends think you should be less of yourself just so that they could feel comfortable.
Just had to vent a little.

The nerve! I am strting to notice that some of my friends refuse to hang with three or more girls citing, " the guys won't be able to see me or more than two is a crowd with not enough dudes to go around." I think its a self esteem issue.

 

[Country gal]

She needs to come here so her hair will be enviable (sp).

 

[sweetcashew]

ITA. I remember reading an old post, on this board, I think, about someone who put bleach in their so called friend's hair products out of jealousy.

OMG...that's just plain cruel!!
But ladies I know what you're talking about when you say I should drop her. I had 2 friends that won't go out with me for anything in the world. I know that not all black women are like that but what's up with these women always trying to compete?
I was so irritated all afternoon in the mall because she kept talking about my hair. I started to feel so uncomfortable I didn't want to be in her presence so I just went off on my own and told her when she's ready to go home call my cell.
Then when she cancelled on me, I wasn't shocked at all, just a lil' hurt. I went out with my sister and another friend and we had a blast. And yes ladies, I got compliments on my hair in the club. hahahahahaha! pics in album

 

[CatSuga]

That is soooooooooooo STUPID!!!

I remember when my cousin came to visit me.
When didn't go anywhere special, just around the neighborhood.
She half Korean and has wavy waist length hair and none of my friends wanted to hang out with us.
Only did I find out afterwards that it was because of her hair. They said that she would get all the attention.

I've never felt intimidated buy chicks with better looking hair, bodies, or faces.

Beside.............men think girls with long hair are stuck up so they don't get any play anyways.

 

[sweetcashew]

That is soooooooooooo STUPID!!!

.

Beside.............men think girls with long hair are stuck up so they don't get any play anyways.

Pretty much. They stare but are afraid to approach.

 

[sweetcashew]

:[/QUOTE]
But seriously, watch her though...that's the kind of chick who will "accidentally" do something to cut or damage your hair! [/QUOTE]


She and what army??? lol. I haven't let anyone and I do mean anyone touch my hair in about 15 years other than boyfriends! If someone's even coming close to my head I start to get goose pimples on my scalp and I'm ducking and running for cover. It feels so weird!

 

[BAILEYSCREAM]

Ok ladies this is what happened to me yesterday. A friend and I were going to the mall. When she came to pick me up, she started exclaiming that I look too nice for her to be walking next to me. When I pointed out that we were both dressed similarly, she then exclaimed " But look at your hair. you look like you're going to the club or something. Why you always have to look fly and I'm always so dry faced." Yeah dry faced.
Anyway that pissed me off so I asked her what she wanted me to do with my hair. This chick actually had the nerve to say that I should put it away or something. So then I asked her, how come it's ok for her to wear her long weaves but it's not ok for me to wear my own hair out.
Mind you, I wear my hair out every day but yesterday I used the triple barrel waver on it so I had big beautiful bouncy waves.
Then we were suppose to go out later but she changed her mind about going. Said she was feeling too plain next to me. This is not the first time I've had to deal with this sort of thing from women.
It really made me feel bad because I am who I am and it hurts when friends think you should be less of yourself just so that they could feel comfortable.
Just had to vent a little.

LOL.......You better give her the link to this forum, pronto....