Proud Of Myself, but Now What?

[TinyBlu]

First thing's first: I FINALLY let the unemployed, non-communicator go! I appreciate all of the all of the advice and tough love. It helped me realize that I was holding on to something that may not be worth it and his decision not to communicate with me anymore wasn't my fault (I tend to blame myself for everything).

Actually, it took prayer for me to let it go. I realized that I was letting my emotions rule me and that I needed to release him. I prayed for release and woke up the next morning and haven't looked back since. I can now think of him and smile at the good times and really pray for him from a distance. I have not contacted him and will not again.

Here's the clincher... it's no major surprise that I met this guy at work. Sadly, that's all I do. I am a very busy sales executive that works in excess of 60 hours a week, and I travel probably about 70% of the time. The other 30% of the time is spent resting from my stressful job, trying to catch up on the things I can't do because of my job, or taking care of my aging, blind father.

So... a social life is non existent. You ask why I come to a hair board for advice? I have NO girlfriends. Every time I try to develop a relationship (even with other females), it fizzles because I don't have time to cultivate it due to traveling or work.

When it comes to men, my standards are VERY high. I was married to (and divorced from) the underdog. I went for the nice guy who had less education, fitness and income, and it was a nightmare. Thus, I won't settle for just anybody. So... am I putting myself at a disadvantage for wanting someone "on my level"?

I have joined some Meetup groups (though their recent events have conflicted with my work / travel schedule), and I have joined a National Sales Organization of Black Professionals and a MBA society. It is my hope that (if I can make the events) I can spread my wings and just meet some new PEOPLE, not necessarily men. Quite frankly, I'm putting that on hold. Does anyone have any suggestions for me?

Sad truth: I am lonely. I have been doing the "me" thing for a little longer than I would like to admit to. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Bunny77]

My suggestions are as follows...

First thing's first: I FINALLY let the unemployed, non-communicator go! I appreciate all of the all of the advice and tough love. It helped me realize that I was holding on to something that may not be worth it and his decision not to communicate with me anymore wasn't my fault (I tend to blame myself for everything).

Actually, it took prayer for me to let it go. I realized that I was letting my emotions rule me and that I needed to release him. I prayed for release and woke up the next morning and haven't looked back since. I can now think of him and smile at the good times and really pray for him from a distance. I have not contacted him and will not again.

Good for you! I know it was tough, but this is the right decision. And obviously, he's still on "break," I see.

Here's the clincher... it's no major surprise that I met this guy at work. Sadly, that's all I do. I am a very busy sales executive that works in excess of 60 hours a week, and I travel probably about 70% of the time. The other 30% of the time is spent resting from my stressful job, trying to catch up on the things I can't do because of my job, or taking care of my aging, blind father.

I can so relate to a lot of this... minus the father part, although he just started dialysis, so who knows about the future. I travel a LOT for work, although not as much as you... still, all that travel and then rest/recuperation leaves little time for a social life, let alone meeting men. Then men automatically assume you don't want a relationship/family life because you travel so much instead of ASKING you what you are looking for, etc... they just assume and move on... annoying, definitely.

When it comes to men, my standards are VERY high. I was married to (and divorced from) the underdog. I went for the nice guy who had less education, fitness and income, and it was a nightmare. Thus, I won't settle for just anybody. So... am I putting myself at a disadvantage for wanting someone "on my level"?

Well, seeing that you did settle and it ended up with you getting divorced, I think you answered your own question. But, if you want someone on your level, you might have to work harder... what I mean is, you know what you're up against... crazy job, lack of time to meet men/socialize and difficulty finding men you can relate to. So, to beat the odds, you might have to work a little harder.

FIND time to get out and do things. DON'T waste time on dudes you know have NO potential to be a potential man... if possible, maintain your current status at work but DON'T take on extra projects, etc... I think too many women like us work, work, work, to keep building this career, but then what? All of what we've done can make it harder to end up in a fulfilling relationship, so what do we do? Build the career more... and then make it even MORE difficult to meet potential Mr. Rights.

So, you have to do some self-inventory... what is most important to you at this time? Meeting more people (men and women) and having a life outside of work, or being ride-or-die with the career? If it's the former, find some ways to carve out some time... you don't want a self-fulfilling prophecy to happen by continuing to not have time because you're working more and more... hope that makes sense and hope that helps a little!

Sad truth: I am lonely. I have been doing the "me" thing for a little longer than I would like to admit to. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

It's great you recognize this... which is why I think you might be at a juncture in which you might have to make a change in some way... and step out on a limb a little bit...

 

[lux10023]

career success vs personal relationship friend or partner success..

its about finding the time to cultivate--i have some pretty busy female associates that want to be my friend but their not around enough for me to establish that sistah-girl bond with them--i too use to be very busy--i still am--but i made time to stop and smell the roses

whether its a man or a female friend---relationships of all kinds take nurtuing and time..
its not cool to be tooo busy to not have relationships outside of work to turn to---

your schedule seems really busy but just like you go hard at work--go hard at establishing personal relationships--at the end of the day you dont want to turn around and have nothing to show for it but a promotion and more money

umm i know cliche but preiden tobama seems to as it appears to us--still cultivate the time to spend with his family and dear wife michelle despite his profession of runnign the world--sooo its abotu finding the time and really putting that effort into healthy positive relationships with new men and woman

its a new yr diva take it by the bull horns and go!!!!

 

[kayte]

First thing's first: I FINALLY let the unemployed, non-communicator go! I appreciate all of the all of the advice and tough love. It helped me realize that I was holding on to something that may not be worth it and his decision not to communicate with me anymore wasn't my fault (I tend to blame myself for everything).

Actually, it took prayer for me to let it go. I realized that I was letting my emotions rule me and that I needed to release him. I prayed for release and woke up the next morning and haven't looked back since. I can now think of him and smile at the good times and really pray for him from a distance. I have not contacted him and will not again.

Here's the clincher... it's no major surprise that I met this guy at work. Sadly, that's all I do. I am a very busy sales executive that works in excess of 60 hours a week, and I travel probably about 70% of the time. The other 30% of the time is spent resting from my stressful job, trying to catch up on the things I can't do because of my job, or taking care of my aging, blind father.

So... a social life is non existent. You ask why I come to a hair board for advice? I have NO girlfriends. Every time I try to develop a relationship (even with other females), it fizzles because I don't have time to cultivate it due to traveling or work.

When it comes to men, my standards are VERY high. I was married to (and divorced from) the underdog. I went for the nice guy who had less education, fitness and income, and it was a nightmare. Thus, I won't settle for just anybody. So... am I putting myself at a disadvantage for wanting someone "on my level"?

I have joined some Meetup groups (though their recent events have conflicted with my work / travel schedule), and I have joined a National Sales Organization of Black Professionals and a MBA society. It is my hope that (if I can make the events) I can spread my wings and just meet some new PEOPLE, not necessarily men. Quite frankly, I'm putting that on hold. Does anyone have any suggestions for me?

Sad truth: I am lonely. I have been doing the "me" thing for a little longer than I would like to admit to. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

you got guts....girl
but not sad truth...no way
yeah...who wants to admit being lonely?
but that's where the freedom is...I am not kidding
if you can say it ......you sure enough can heal it

because once you own your stuff face to face
that's where you find strength you never knew you had to..CHANGE
and you're right ..prayer is the floor
prayer is the wing...

Keep going~~~~