My hair is fine as well. I would love to be able to wrap it because an old stylist use to wrap it weekly after a wash and set and it grew fastest and retained length better, but like you, I loose too much hair when I do it myself. My results come out really good, but I just can't stand to see all that hair I am loosing.
I rollerset and the first day or so, I will comb out with with fingers (after using a comb, paddle brush, and wrapping it and sitting under the dryer for an extra 15 minutes). I still have a lot of curls but it just gets rid of the parts. I agree with the updo. It's low maintenance, less stress on the hair (not too tight) and it looks cute (sexy)
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At night, I pin it up in two pin curls and if you still want curls the next day, the trick to making sure you have them is to moisturize really good (I use NTM Silk Touch)....The next day when I take the pin curls down, I just hold my head upside down, shake it, and then toussle my hair with my fingers. If I want to wear it straight, I just wrap at night.....
ETA: I do loose buns and french twists (few pics in my album) but they don't work well on my hair when it is freshly relaxed because it looks pitiful and skimpy; my hair needs to be at least 8 to 10 weeks post relaxer for it to look like anything)