Prevent a fight equals demasculating?

[princessnad]

My SO and I had a night on the town. Waiting outside the bathroom, this guy insists I leave the line and go talk to him. Of coure I don't and I alerted security since the guu was quite forceful and seemed dangerous. Anyhow, after my SO leaves the bathroom, I tell him about the incident. He didn't seem to have much of a reaction,just took a mental note.

Later we are dancing and having a good time and the same guy walks by and it seemed like he grazed my butt. I wasn't sure if it was intentional, but after I turned around and saw who it was, I figured it was on purpose.

Outloud I half stated half wondered 'that guy touched my butt.' My SO heard this and started lunging in the direction of where I was looking and started demanding I tell him who it is. Because of a few factors, I refused to tell him who it was:

1. My SO seemed really angry, like he was going to try to knock that dude out... or try. I don't really beleive in physical violence.
2. My SO works out and is strong and all, but this dude seemed like he was straight out of prison. I wasn't trying to risk it, even if I was into fighting
3. This seemed like this is exactly the reaction that guy wanted. He started looking back and smiling when the commotion between my SO and was taking place.

Since I refused my SO stormed out of the lounge and said I emmasculated him and that I have made a "big mistake", that I have no idea what it is to have pride and be a man. He says he is furious that I am ok with being disrespected but he is not. **sidenote: I am NOT ok with being touched inappropriately by strange men. But at first I wasn't sure it was the guy and by the time I looked back, my SOs crazy reaction overpowered mine.***

He currenly has me on silent treatment and is furious.

So ladies, was I that wrong to want my SO to avoid a fight? Should I just have told him who it was and silently nurse him back to health after the fight (assuming he does not get killed in the process? Or did I do the right thing? He says I should have just told him and let him deal with how he would react.

With how upset he is, I'm starting to question my decision.

 

[daydreem2876]

You were not wrong to prevent a fight. The bottom line is that it was a tough situation and you had to pick you battle. Do you risk seeing your SO hurt or do you hurt his pride? I am not going to say he is wrong with how he is feeling and at least take a moment to consider his side. The male ego is sooooo fragile (gets on my nerves, personally... but that a different topic) Give him space to calm down from the situation and when he does, explain to him your actions. I dont think you need to apologize, just explain.

That being said, if he continues to behave like a child realize it has nothing to do with you. Just his ego.

 

[somethingdifferent]

Most men don't want other men touching their girl's butt. His initial reaction was understandable. However, it would have been dangerous for him to get into a fight to defend your honor so I think you did the right thing by preventing the fight. Hopefully, he will get over it in time.

 

[tiara76]

the man's ego can be a beast mama....

 

[Dee Raven]

I would have done the same thing in your position. Hopefully he gets over it soon.

 

[pearlfection]

the man's ego can be a beast mama....

aint that the truth.

OT: tiara76- Your arms are sick. Im so jealous.

 

[princessnad]

Thanks ladies. He has calmed down now. He still says he wanted/wants to know who did it, but he understands my side.

No more silent treatment.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

You were not wrong- I believe he said those things in anger. I also believe that your SO was looking to fight to make him feel like he protected you.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I sorta see where his FEELINGS were coming from. That dude wasn't just disrespecting you but he was blatantly and outwardly disrespecting your man because he had the audacity to do it in his presence. Think as a woman if you were with your man and some chick was blatantly flirting with him and he seemed to allow/encourage it in your presence rather than make her feel like the whore she should feel like for disrespecting you? You might even have to put her in her place. With men though, it becomes alot more combative/physical.

I don't see what you did as wrong though because you were avoiding a potentially dangerous situation for your man that could have resulted in him getting arrested or worse. Thankfully it was just something he needed to get over.

 

[Encore]

I sorta see where his FEELINGS were coming from. That dude wasn't just disrespecting you but he was blatantly and outwardly disrespecting your man because he had the audacity to do it in his presence. Think as a woman if you were with your man and some chick was blatantly flirting with him and he seemed to allow/encourage it in your presence rather than make her feel like the whore she should feel like for disrespecting you? You might even have to put her in her place. With men though, it becomes alot more combative/physical.

I don't see what you did as wrong though because you were avoiding a potentially dangerous situation for your man that could have resulted in him getting arrested or worse. Thankfully it was just something he needed to get over.

ITA ^^ well said.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I sorta see where his FEELINGS were coming from. That dude wasn't just disrespecting you but he was blatantly and outwardly disrespecting your man because he had the audacity to do it in his presence. Think as a woman if you were with your man and some chick was blatantly flirting with him and he seemed to allow/encourage it in your presence rather than make her feel like the whore she should feel like for disrespecting you? You might even have to put her in her place. With men though, it becomes alot more combative/physical.

I don't see what you did as wrong though because you were avoiding a potentially dangerous situation for your man that could have resulted in him getting arrested or worse. Thankfully it was just something he needed to get over.

Agreed. The guy was dead wrong, and needed his butt kicked but you do have to think about the consequences of a fight in the street.

Glad he's over it.