Pre-nup?

[Sweet C]

One of my favorite shows to watch is Suze Orman b/c she gives such great financial advice. DH doesn't like to watch her as much, b/c he says that she is so quick to yell out pre-nup or divorce when a couple is in some sort of financial strain. Now I must admit he does have a point, b/c they do seem to flow out pretty fast, but in some cases, since some people obviously are extremely bad with money, it might be necessary.

I have heard pastors say that there is no need for a pre-nup for a Christian. So you agree? disagree? Why?

 

[WhipEffectz1]

I wish my SO would ask me to sign a pre-nup! That's like choosing money over me.

 

[Honeyhips]

I know of one couple that signed a prenup. She was pretty upset about it and he was just scared b/c he had a really nasty divorce. I think in the end, she decided to do it b/c she really wanted to be with him and moeny was not an issue.

I've heard teaching where for Christians it isn't necessary, since you shouldn't be getting a divorce anyway...BUT, it happens. To me I think I'd be upset, and we are going to know if we want be married to each other because we'll be going through extensive premarrital counseling. We'll have an understanding of what a covenant is, and what we expect out of a marriage.

Plus the more I learn about covenant, the more I can wait on marraige, and divorce is not an option (unless he cheats or beats on me and etc...) and I will definitely wait on God to send me a man. If I get hot in the pants I'll exercise and get delivered from lust. I'm not trying to pray someone into salvation, I'm not trying to marry someone who just got saved last week, I'm not going after a man just b/c he knows the word and serves in the church... nope... I'm going to sit back in the cut and weight. (y'all have permission to bring this back to my face if I ever start talking crazy). God was not playing when he made marriage.

So for me I don't think one should be necessary. In an ideal sense. Were prenups in the bible? Of course if I were Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, I'd want to protect my assets. I know it is probably the wrong thinking but I wouldn't want him to leave me and take away my inheritance for future generations, or if I die, and he remarries, I wouldn't want his new wife getting my families inheritance. I guess in those situations it is out of my hands, and God is just, so it isn't something I should be worried about. But I've seen the latter happen to people very close to me. THe new wives kids got all the money while the kids the man had with the first wive got NADA.

Ok, I've rambled enough.

I feel the same about Suze and alot of other people out there. To many people scream divorce, when God wants them to work it out. She is right though, to many people get married with out discussing money first.

 

[mkh_77]

I think a pre-nup is a logical step for anyone trying to protect their assets. If you worked hard to acquire them (or even if they were just given to you!), why not make an effort to safeguard them?! I don't see anything "unChristian" about a pre-nup. I would have one if I were getting married.

 

[ShortyDooWhop]

Honestly, it depends. It depends on the terms, on my financial standing, my future/projected earnings (and earning capability), the terms/arrangements for spousal support...


I think every couple should have a discussion about their finances and their future goals. Having said that, if during the course of the conversation you realize your future spouse is not on the same page, you either need to have further discussion or consider the pre-nup. Above all else, we would each have to get our own attny to discuss mutually beneficial terms.

I will not get a$*ed out at the end of my marriage.

 

[IONENABILLION]

I think you should only sign one if you feel as though you have alot to use. In plus, why should you have to support somebody your not married to??? Taking care of your kids (if any) is one thing but taking care of the other person is another.

Just like Martin Lawrence said in "Run tel dat". If you come in the marriage with a paper bag, you should walk out of it with a paper bag.

 

[Supergirl]

A pre-nup is like a "just in case we don't make it" type of document. I understand that divorce is real, but I don't think that "just in case we don't make it" has a place in the heart of a Christian. Not only is that not living by faith, but it's also planning for divorce which God does not like. (hates)

 

[ShortyDooWhop]

I think the key consideration is the standard of living the couple is use to. For instance, if the wife is a teacher then marries a lawyer and they mutually decide that she should stay home to care for the kids b/c the husband has a substantially larger income, if they divorce, he should have to pay alimony; at least for a period necessary for her to get on her feet. Usually spousal support is not indefinite. It is meant to be temporary until the other spouse can get on their feet.

Basically, if we were eating steak and potatoes during the marriage, I'm not trying to go back to eating Ramen noodles

 

[Honeyhips]

Honestly, it depends. It depends on the terms, on my financial standing, my future/projected earnings (and earning capability), the terms/arrangements for spousal support...


I think every couple should have a discussion about their finances and their future goals. Having said that, if during the course of the conversation you realize your future spouse is not on the same page, you either need to have further discussion or consider the pre-nup. Above all else, we would each have to get our own attny to discuss mutually beneficial terms.

I will not get a$*ed out at the end of my marriage.

or maybe rethink the marriage?

 

[Honeyhips]

this is what I was trying to say.

A pre-nup is like a "just in case we don't make it" type of document. I understand that divorce is real, but I don't think that "just in case we don't make it" has a place in the heart of a Christian. Not only is that not living by faith, but it's also planning for divorce which God does not like. (hates)

 

[ShortyDooWhop]

this is what I was trying to say.

I see what both of you are saying, but the statistics are that 50% of marriages end in divorce. I gaurantee that a percentage of that numbr are christians.
God tells you to use wisdom. And that includes with protecting yourself and your finances. Also, based on the information from the first poster, the husband had already been divorced and was trying to protect himself. Similarly, with women being left with the short end of the stick (financially) post divorce, it would behoove any woman (christian, jew, muslim) to protect herself.

And in my opinion, marriage is a CIVIL institution, sanctioned by the state. True, there are some biblical foundations for it, but not everyone has the same respect for marriage or for religion. Thus, to protect your own assets, a prenup might be a good idea. Am I going to get one? honestly, I don't know. I know I won't rule it out...

 

[mkh_77]

A pre-nup does NOT mean that you are not living by faith. Yes, God wants us to have faith and do what is good in His eyes, but he doesn't want us to be foolish. Come on y'all! Think about this:

A young couple gets married. The husband is in school and the wife works to support him. The husband's career takes off, providing enough financially for their growing family. Then, one day, for whatever reason, the marriage is no longer viable.

Are you telling me that the wife should be ok with the fact that her contribution to that marriage won't yield a benefit to her? Should she not have safeguarded what was her's going in and what is her's due to the contribution she later made?!

I truly believe God want us to THINK! He didn't give us a brain for nothing!

Supergirl wrote: "I don't think that "just in case we don't make it" has a place in the heart of a Christian."

Why can't a Christian have this prespective? Christians, along with everyone else take preventative measures in their lives EVERYDAY! Most people wear seatbelts when getting into their cars, people wash their hands to ward off germs, people have home alarm systems to warn them of danger, and people have pre-nups to protects their assests.

 

[Enchantmt]

A pre-nup is like a "just in case we don't make it" type of document. I understand that divorce is real, but I don't think that "just in case we don't make it" has a place in the heart of a Christian. Not only is that not living by faith, but it's also planning for divorce which God does not like. (hates)

This is basically my stance. I plan on being married until death, even if that means I have to kill him to keep the vow. j/k...I know, I know...thou shall not kill...

I see what both of you are saying, but the statistics are that 50% of marriages end in divorce. I gaurantee that a percentage of that numbr are christians.
...

50% is the average, some pastors have recently been saying that the divorce rate within the church is actually slightly ABOVE the national average, 52 or 56%, something like that.

I understand the need to protect my assets, and in this day and age so many folx are phony's you just never know, but pre-nup just SCREAMS "lack of trust" to me. People dont work though problems anymore as divorce doesnt have much stigma outside of the church, unless there have been multiple ones. I dont advocate staying together just because of the kids or just for finances if someone is making your life a living hell, but sometimes things are just bumps in the road, job stress, aging adjustments, poor judgement in general , and instead of overcoming them folx are running for the hills at the first disagreement. We see fantasy family life on TV and as soon as reality sets in and folx dont have the Huxtable/june cleaver life they bounce. (Heck if I had makeup artists, a wardrobe crew and stylist, I could wake up like June with hair in place and a bright clean apron all the time too.)

When it comes time to get married hopefully I will know his character enough, and he will know mine so that that fear isnt there. I'm trusting God to make sure I am not deceived and that I end up with the person who is perfect for me.

 

[Allandra]

I think a pre-nup is a logical step for anyone trying to protect their assets. If you worked hard to acquire them (or even if they were just given to you!), why not make an effort to safeguard them?! I don't see anything "unChristian" about a pre-nup. I would have one if I were getting married.

I feel the very same way.

 

[ShortyDooWhop]

This is basically my stance. I plan on being married until death, even if that means I have to kill him to keep the vow. j/k...I know, I know...thou shall not kill...



50% is the average, some pastors have recently been saying that the divorce rate within the church is actually slightly ABOVE the national average, 52 or 56%, something like that.

I understand the need to protect my assets, and in this day and age so many folx are phony's you just never know, but pre-nup just SCREAMS "lack of trust" to me. People dont work though problems anymore as divorce doesnt have much stigma outside of the church, unless there have been multiple ones. I dont advocate staying together just because of the kids or just for finances if someone is making your life a living hell, but sometimes things are just bumps in the road, job stress, aging adjustments, poor judgement in general , and instead of overcoming them folx are running for the hills at the first disagreement. We see fantasy family life on TV and as soon as reality sets in and folx dont have the Huxtable/june cleaver life they bounce. (Heck if I had makeup artists, a wardrobe crew and stylist, I could wake up like June with hair in place and a bright clean apron all the time too.)

When it comes time to get married hopefully I will know his character enough, and he will know mine so that that fear isnt there. I'm trusting God to make sure I am not deceived and that I end up with the person who is perfect for me.

include a mediation clause in the pre-nup agreement, or a clause stating that you can't get divorced until a 6 mos separation period has elapsed. That way you both have time to get counselling, mediation, or at least try one last time to "work at saving the marriage".

 

[Supergirl]

QUOTE
Supergirl wrote: "I don't think that "just in case we don't make it" has a place in the heart of a Christian."

Why can't a Christian have this prespective? Christians, along with everyone else take preventative measures in their lives EVERYDAY! Most people wear seatbelts when getting into their cars, people wash their hands to ward off germs, people have home alarm systems to warn them of danger, and people have pre-nups to protects their assests.
END QUOTE

A Christian shouldn't have this perspective because we are not supposed to have defeated thoughts like "what if we get divorced." He has given us a choice to choose death or life. We can choose a lasting marriage or not. I understand that there are no guarantees, but why go into a situation with defeated, "just in case" kind of thoughts. Why blatantly sign something that makes provisions for your marriage not working out? "If" is a doubting word. God has not given us a spirit of fear. We are at least supposed to think thoughts of victory and not defeat.

 

[ThickHair]

I see nothing un-christian about a pre nup. It is a shame that the divorce rates are high but it happens.

 

[mkh_77]

Supergirl--I respect your point of view, but I have to respectfully disagree with you on a fundamental issue regarding this debate. I don't see a pre-nup as a sign of a defeated thoughts, I see it more as a safeguard or precaution--a sign of forward thinking. To me, a pre-nup IS a thought of victory because in the end I will know that I made smart choices to provide for my future. What is defeatist about that? Surely God wants us to plan ahead? And, as many have mentioned in this thread, divorce is a sad but TRUE reality. I would like to think there are few who go into a marriage expecting it to fail.

 

[Supergirl]

MKH,

I appreciate your sisterly approach in expressing your opposing view point. (never want to take that for granted) And really, everyone on this thread has respectfully expressed their thoughts on the issue.

MKH, I agree that God wants us to plan ahead, but I don't believe that He wants us to plan ahead for divorce. Again, a pre-nup is a "just in case" agreement. It's an indication of doubting, no matter how small that doubt may be. One seed of doubt can be detrimental. One little doubt is all the devil wants us to have. If it were not an indication of doubting, then no one would sign them because they wouldn't feel a need to... because they would not be doubting that their marriage would last.

I don't think people go into marriages expecting them to fail, but signing a pre-nup is an indication that one thinks it "might" not work.

Besides all that, a pre-nup is a contract. Married, Christian people should enter into a covenant and not a contract with one another.