naija_chick
New Member
Hello Ladies,
This is my first official post on here but I have been lurking on this particular section for months now. The last 2 years have been the most testing trial of my life. I have been unemployed for 1 year and 1 month, mind you I have a degree from one of the best universities in the country, I have been looking everywhere but can not seem to get a break. Then there is my relationship which started out as a dream as has now turned into a nightmare. We have been together for 5 years last month and engaged for 3 this week actually. We live together, although we never planned for this, but a situation with my mother brought on our current living situation and since we were engaged, we figured it would only be for a few months and then we would be married. I also have to add that we were not having sex and had decided to abstain until we were finally married. We did at the start of our relationship, struggled, and leaned on our faith of God to help us get through it all. I moved into his apartment at the end of 2006 and then we moved into our own bigger place summer of 2007. I know that this story is all over the place but my mind is just racing with all of these thoughts right now and I am really venting right now.
It seems that since I returned home in June 2006 there has been nothing but drama and turmoil in my life. But through it all my fiance was there for me every step of the way supporting me, being my strength and loving me unconditionally. The drama with my mother continued, mainly because of jealousy and her seeing how my fiance was treating me, which was good and her vry controlling ways. Wanting me to liv for her and not myself. But she just would not accept my happiness and that stress living with her caused me to be depressed, lose weight, and lose focus of myself.The final straw came with an argument and her telling me to leave her house which is what I did and moved in with my fiance. We had always planned to not move in until we were married but that situation changed it drastically. So now we are together and seemingly planning for a wedding that I kept putting on hold and pushing back because of my family and how they were acting. So me delaying and delaying led an opening into my life for the devil to come in. That and me not praying, And putting Godtotally on the side during this time. And my life made a complete change for the worst b/cuz of it. But I still was not really seeing thigs that were going on around me because I was engulfed in soo much evil. And continued to spiral down further and further as the summer of 2007 progressed. And when I say that the devil came into my life and relationship I mean a man. We were friends through work, was not remotely attracted to him at all but eventually as the summer progressedour friendiship deepened and I made the biggest mistake which led to me making a very big choice that will haunt me the rest of my life. It ended at that point but the scars will always be there fom this time.Through it all I was lying to my fiance, spending time with this person and living wild and carelessly. And looing back now, I let things that happened in my past resurface, past hurts and family problems lead me to maing horriible deciions, acting out and huring my one true love. Of course he found out about eveything, lost trust in me and began having an emotional relationship with this other female. That soon ended as soon as it began. And through it all, I was not praying, nothing, no conversations with God, NOTHING. Meanwhile, we are stll living together and vow to make our rlationship anew. But eveyrthing in my life was continually going wrong.
November of 2007, I am still struggling with decisions I made, very suicidal and just really going though it, going to work, and trying to look like I have everyhing together. My relatonship with my mom only getting worse. My relationship with God at this time is also being renewed, going to church and learning to forgive myself. Feb. of 2008 hits and I am laid off from my job. At the worst possible time. But when is it ever a good time to get laid off. So now I'm mad at God b/cuz i believe that he is now punishing me and my depression gets even worse but something keeps holding me. Which I now know was God. Me and fiance are rebuilding through it all and he's still here supporting me.
Mother still the same and only bringing negativity into my life which is also leading me to feel a certain way abou myself. But through it all, through all of my foolishness and hurt and bad decision making, God still had me
Fast forward to 2009, where my relationship with God is the stongest it has ever been.EVER. I have been unemployed for over a year but still managed to have money in my pocket and bills payed, my faith has been renewed and restored, but I still struggle with myself b/cuz family members are only wishing me failure and negativity b/cuz of my mom, my unemployment is running out and I dont know if my relationship is going to make it after all. But I do know that through it all God has been blessing me, forgiven me and wants nothing but good for me. But there are those times when it just seems like the enemy is really after me and I don't know what to do. I have gone on over 30 interviews and still nothing. I just don't know what to do. The phone interview goes well, then they bring me in and then its like, im not the right fit. Granted a lot of these places have either all white employees or a sprinkle of color. But I dont know what it is about me that they kep choosing other people. Mind you for a lot of these positions, I am over qualifed for and have a vast amout of experience at my young age of 25 so what is it. I am very well put together, do not show up sloppy, am very prepared, interviews seem to go well and thn I get an email, letter saying they decided to go with another candidtate. am I not trusting enough in God? Is this all a reslut of my actions?
Ladies please help me
Any Bible verses you suggest me reading, prayers,advice I just need all that I can get right now in the spiritual realm. I am very open to any suggustions and just really need guidance.
Thanks
This is my first official post on here but I have been lurking on this particular section for months now. The last 2 years have been the most testing trial of my life. I have been unemployed for 1 year and 1 month, mind you I have a degree from one of the best universities in the country, I have been looking everywhere but can not seem to get a break. Then there is my relationship which started out as a dream as has now turned into a nightmare. We have been together for 5 years last month and engaged for 3 this week actually. We live together, although we never planned for this, but a situation with my mother brought on our current living situation and since we were engaged, we figured it would only be for a few months and then we would be married. I also have to add that we were not having sex and had decided to abstain until we were finally married. We did at the start of our relationship, struggled, and leaned on our faith of God to help us get through it all. I moved into his apartment at the end of 2006 and then we moved into our own bigger place summer of 2007. I know that this story is all over the place but my mind is just racing with all of these thoughts right now and I am really venting right now.
It seems that since I returned home in June 2006 there has been nothing but drama and turmoil in my life. But through it all my fiance was there for me every step of the way supporting me, being my strength and loving me unconditionally. The drama with my mother continued, mainly because of jealousy and her seeing how my fiance was treating me, which was good and her vry controlling ways. Wanting me to liv for her and not myself. But she just would not accept my happiness and that stress living with her caused me to be depressed, lose weight, and lose focus of myself.The final straw came with an argument and her telling me to leave her house which is what I did and moved in with my fiance. We had always planned to not move in until we were married but that situation changed it drastically. So now we are together and seemingly planning for a wedding that I kept putting on hold and pushing back because of my family and how they were acting. So me delaying and delaying led an opening into my life for the devil to come in. That and me not praying, And putting Godtotally on the side during this time. And my life made a complete change for the worst b/cuz of it. But I still was not really seeing thigs that were going on around me because I was engulfed in soo much evil. And continued to spiral down further and further as the summer of 2007 progressed. And when I say that the devil came into my life and relationship I mean a man. We were friends through work, was not remotely attracted to him at all but eventually as the summer progressedour friendiship deepened and I made the biggest mistake which led to me making a very big choice that will haunt me the rest of my life. It ended at that point but the scars will always be there fom this time.Through it all I was lying to my fiance, spending time with this person and living wild and carelessly. And looing back now, I let things that happened in my past resurface, past hurts and family problems lead me to maing horriible deciions, acting out and huring my one true love. Of course he found out about eveything, lost trust in me and began having an emotional relationship with this other female. That soon ended as soon as it began. And through it all, I was not praying, nothing, no conversations with God, NOTHING. Meanwhile, we are stll living together and vow to make our rlationship anew. But eveyrthing in my life was continually going wrong.
November of 2007, I am still struggling with decisions I made, very suicidal and just really going though it, going to work, and trying to look like I have everyhing together. My relatonship with my mom only getting worse. My relationship with God at this time is also being renewed, going to church and learning to forgive myself. Feb. of 2008 hits and I am laid off from my job. At the worst possible time. But when is it ever a good time to get laid off. So now I'm mad at God b/cuz i believe that he is now punishing me and my depression gets even worse but something keeps holding me. Which I now know was God. Me and fiance are rebuilding through it all and he's still here supporting me.
Mother still the same and only bringing negativity into my life which is also leading me to feel a certain way abou myself. But through it all, through all of my foolishness and hurt and bad decision making, God still had meFast forward to 2009, where my relationship with God is the stongest it has ever been.EVER. I have been unemployed for over a year but still managed to have money in my pocket and bills payed, my faith has been renewed and restored, but I still struggle with myself b/cuz family members are only wishing me failure and negativity b/cuz of my mom, my unemployment is running out and I dont know if my relationship is going to make it after all. But I do know that through it all God has been blessing me, forgiven me and wants nothing but good for me. But there are those times when it just seems like the enemy is really after me and I don't know what to do. I have gone on over 30 interviews and still nothing. I just don't know what to do. The phone interview goes well, then they bring me in and then its like, im not the right fit. Granted a lot of these places have either all white employees or a sprinkle of color. But I dont know what it is about me that they kep choosing other people. Mind you for a lot of these positions, I am over qualifed for and have a vast amout of experience at my young age of 25 so what is it. I am very well put together, do not show up sloppy, am very prepared, interviews seem to go well and thn I get an email, letter saying they decided to go with another candidtate. am I not trusting enough in God? Is this all a reslut of my actions?
Ladies please help me
Any Bible verses you suggest me reading, prayers,advice I just need all that I can get right now in the spiritual realm. I am very open to any suggustions and just really need guidance.
Thanks
