Please help with my question?

[LynniePooh1]

Ok, I have a question.

Can a man and a woman be just friends?

I am a Christian woman and I have been refraining from sexual contact from any sort and I have not dated in awhile. I have a best friend who is a man and he is saved as well.We are really close friends. We do spend time together and we have alot of common. I can't say that I do like him and I can't say that I don't. I just simply enjoy his company and I do love talking with him. We have never expressed any feelings for each other. We have been close friends for about 2 years now. Do you think it is wise thing to be so close with him or should I seperate myself from him some? I don't believe I have feelings for him..I don't know, maybe I am just confusing myself

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

2 years is a long time in a good way to have been friends w/ a male & not have slept w/ him. I personally think you're ok w/ continuing the friendship unless there's something else that you aren't telling us. *shrugs*

 

[MrsHaseeb]

I'm not sure if I think the Word of God supports this. Its unusual to have a guy who is around you this much and never express interest. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you guys and are either of you looking to marry?

Sent from my 4G HTC Thunderbolt using LHCF

 

[LynniePooh1]

I'm not sure if I think the Word of God supports this. Its unusual to have a guy who is around you this much and necer express interest. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you guys and are either of you looking to marry?

Sent from my 4G HTC Thunderbolt using LHCF

im 26, he is 28.... we have both mentioned we are just focusing on God right now.

 

[Rsgal]

As long as this is a chaste and healthy relationship, you shouldn't worry.

Here is an article that might be of help to you.



http://m.crosswalk.com/family/singles/can-you-be-more-than-friends-but-less-than-lovers.html

 

[MrsHaseeb]

im 26, he is 28.... we have both mentioned we are just focusing on God right now.

Hi again. The reason I responded the way I did is because you don't seem very confident that the friendship is ok because you asked about it. I personally think that if the goal is not ultimately to be marriage between the 2 of you then you may want to evaluate why you spend so much time together. I can understand both of you wanting to focus on God and avoiding a relationship right now but there is nothing wrong with having clear direction for where you plan to go with the friendship either. In a situation where you 2 are spending so much time together you are creating an emotional bond. If down the road one of you moves on toward marriage with someone else, the break up of the friendship could be painful. Its important for us to be realistic and honest with ourselves about these things. There is a reason you asked this question. Could the excuse to remain friends and focus on God have another root cause? I ask that because if you're already spending a lot of time with this gentleman and have been for 2 yrs, what do you think would change about discussing the future and making sure your goals match? Two years is a really long time to hang out and have a friendship with someone you have a lot in common with, yet you say you're unsure how you feel about him. Seek God for direction with the friendship and move from there.

Sent from my 4G HTC Thunderbolt using LHCF

 

[LucieLoo12]

Hello.

I agree with what MrsHaseeb said.

Alot of times we can cause ourselves to be deceived and taken into snares if we are just looking for things that are just "sin". I am going to provide scripture for what I say because I never want anyone to think I am just saying something,....

Hebrews 12v1
Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.

So we can not just look at sins, but is this relationship with this man a weight? It's contributing and enhancing your spiritual walk with God? Or is it causing emotions and feelings to arise that you are not ready to deal with?

I can't say it's "wrong" for a man and a woman to be friends. But Paul said this:

1 Corinthians 10:23
All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.


1 Corinthians 6:12
All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

Paul did not want to be in bondage of anything, even if it wasn't sin.You have to find out how does this effect YOU. Sis. Jane may can handle a male friend, but can YOU? The bible says we must work out our own salvation.

So having a male friend is not a sin, there is no "law" against it. But is this friendship edifying you, or "building you up"? You both said you are focused on God right now, but to me is sounds like you may be developing feelings for him, because if you was not, this would not even be a issue. Am I telling you to stop being his friend? No. But you did say yall spend alot of time together, so maybe yall should decrease the amount of time you spend together. This will allow you to step back out, and really see what's going on so you can get a real look at it. It's hard to assess something when you all in the mix.

I have male friends, they are the brothers that go to my church. But we are not close to where we are spending alot of time together alone and if we are together it is in a group setting because Paul said :

Philippians 3:3
For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.

I know me . . I am a veeerrryyyyyyyy affectionate person but that part of me is "sleeping" now as Song of Solomon said, and I do not want that part of me to be awaken before it's time. Especially when you are in God and you may see a brother who is in love with God, that is attractive all by itself. So even with my male friends, I am very careful with how I handle them. We laugh and talk and stuff, but I wont be alone with them gazing into their eyes and such... No ma'am.I worked too hard to be free and I will not be entangled again in the yoke of bondage.

I recently testified in another thread where a brother told one of my close friends that he think I would make a great wife. I seperated myself from that brother ,I did not want myself "liking" him. You know how when you hear someone may like you and all of a sudden you start liking them because they may like them.I was just not ready for all that. And I did not want to be a stumblingblock before him either. I asked God that when it is time for me to be married, to put marriage on my heart and prepare my heart for it. At this time, I don't feel that marriage is on my heart. It's a desire, but it's something I am not ready for. Until then I will stay focused and not feed the desire.


Oh and one last thing , Sorry I can be a bit long winded . Examine why you want this friendship. I had a problem before with NEEDING male attention. It wasn't about sex, it was I wanted to feel valued and desired. I would have male friends around because I would feel that validation from them. But we must remember that God has to fill those areas. If you feel like if you let him go, you would be lacking, that's not good because we must feel COMPLETE all by ourselves because everything we need is in Jesus. You said you all spend alot of time together. Maybe you have become dependent on his company.


I am not saying this is true, just telling how I used to be and just giving you some things to think on...


Love you sis.

 

[Shimmie]

My only concern is that it's important to keep your emotions 'in check', in addition to your 'flesh'.

It's important to be upfront with your feelings and that one of you doesn't become emotionally 'attached' to the other who may not feel the same way.

I've witnessed a grieving situation with a close friend of mine where she was 'best friends' with another brother in the Lord. She feel in love with him and started to believe that he felt the same and that they'd marry each other. Needless to say, she literally spent decades of her life being his 'perfect friend', bending over backwards to prove how perfect she'd be as his helpmeet suitable. It was a mess and a waste of years for someone who didn't feel the same way.

It's crucial to be in constant communion with the Lord. Assuming nothing, but be assured that it's God your are clinging to, not this man; because if he is not your future husband, you still want to be open for the one who is.

Just remain prayerful...

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

^^^
Agreed.

1. Check your feelings. Be honest with yourself. Do you imagine or desire something more deeper? First...there is nothing wrong with that. But like Shimmie said you have to make sure if you like him, he likes you in that manner too. Cause if not, it is a waste of time and energy.

2. Say you DON'T like him like that. Well you guys are good friends. Human beings too. The flesh gets weak...He supports you on a day you are feeling weak and vice versa. Thats how fleshly relationships starts. It can ruin or make a friendship awkward. No one wants that.

3. But he DOES like you like that....and you don't....well then I'm not sure if you guys need to be GOOD friends..or just "associates"...Cause you wouldn't want him wasting his time thinking he has a chance.

Its always good to have good friends....unfortunately the relationship and dynamics between men and women are complex. God made it like that for a reason I suppose. But first in dealing honestly and exploring your true feelings, I think you can take a step in the right direction. Chemistry between a man and woman is not evil....but unless a marriage is involved (or pending)...its NOT appropriate. IMO.

 

[LynniePooh1]

Thank you Ladies. God has led me to seperate myself. God bless