Please Help!! Unequally Yolked (long)

[EishBuhgeish]

First off, lemme give you some background on myself before I start.

April 6, 2005 I dedicated my life to Christ. My walk with God hasn't progressed as far I had hoped it would, but I can definately see a positive difference. He's helped me rid my life of things and has blessed me tremendously since then. I find myself in constant conversation with him, because I feel the need to seek his guidance in all that I do. I've backslided here and there, but I've always managed to get back on track. I've got a boyfriend whom I love- I've got very few complaints when it comes to him. He attends church with me from time to time, and I notice that he seems extremely bored. He told me he's been baptized and saved- but I have reason to think otherwise. I imagine he hasnt got all the facts on what it really means to be saved.

See, last night I attended bible study and was blown away by the GOOD WORD of that night. I was soo anxious to tell him about it, especially since it concerned something he was personally dealing with. I figured it would give him insight, and uplift him. Instead he responded saying that I came off sounding like his mother, soundin all "holier than thou", like I'm preaching down to him.... I couldnt believe it....

I told him that I apologize if I come off that way, I just get so excited when I have the oppurtunity to witness to someone else, in particular someone I feel would greatly benefit from it. I explained to him I'm in no way in the position to "preach down" to someone considering I just started my walk with Christ.

He told me I ALWAYS sound like that anytime I talk to him about church, my relationship with the Lord, ect... Then it hit me...

HE ISNT SAVED.

Y'all just dont know how much that hurt my heart. I had to get off the phone with him. I couldnt sleep last night.Now, I know- we arent supposed to be coupled with folks who arent saved. I want to get him saved and re-baptized in the name of Jesus, but I know this is something he's got to do on his own free will. I am feeling really unsure about that cause he told me that "The bible was made by man, and you dont know how much of the story has been changed over time"

I feel that he may be a bit too far gone for me to try and lead him to God cause he obviously has some faith issues. I can witness to him all day on how good God is but its falling on deaf ears cause he isnt willing to listen. I'm ultimately afraid that I may have to leave him due to all this. I love him dearly, but I dont want him to deter my blessings and keep me from developing my relationship with Christ.

Any help??

 

[Niara]

Dating can be tricky when you are trying to live your life in accordance with God's word. The question I think you should ask yourself is whether this relationship you have with your boyfriend would lead a equally yoked partnership in marriage. The Bible warns about being joined with unbelievers, especially in marriage, because this symbolizes becoming one. Marriage is centered on Jesus Christ and should reflect the love that Jesus has for his "bride" which is represented as the church. I don't know all of the factors in your relationship but I do know that the only thing that will get a marriage through those tough times is your faith in God. A man who truly fears God will be more apt to think about the daily decisions he makes. It goes deeper than pleasing your partner or not wanting to hurt them or jeopardize the relationship. You think about your responsibility to God first. As a Christian, it is important to pray earnestly to God for help in choosing the right partner. I would be careful not to get my feelings too caught up right now. He may not be ready or at the stage of spiritual growth as you. Ultimately, you do not want to risk your salvation. I could go on and on but I hope you get my sentiment.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

HE ISNT SAVED.

Y'all just dont know how much that hurt my heart. I had to get off the phone with him. I couldnt sleep last night.Now, I know- we arent supposed to be coupled with folks who arent saved. I want to get him saved and re-baptized in the name of Jesus, but I know this is something he's got to do on his own free will. I am feeling really unsure about that cause he told me that "The bible was made by man, and you dont know how much of the story has been changed over time"

I feel that he may be a bit too far gone for me to try and lead him to God cause he obviously has some faith issues. I can witness to him all day on how good God is but its falling on deaf ears cause he isnt willing to listen. I'm ultimately afraid that I may have to leave him due to all this. I love him dearly, but I dont want him to deter my blessings and keep me from developing my relationship with Christ.
Any help??

Ok, I think the two paragraphs above answer your own question. You've tried to witness to him, and he doesn't want to hear it. Because you're still developing in your rlp w/ Christ, your man should be a built-in support system to help you stay on track and remain encouraged. Why would you want to be with a man who is defensive when you bring the Word of God to him? The underlined and bold portions tell you everything you need to know, IMO. Now, you having the strength to do what you need to do is something totally different. You have to really decide to release this man and have faith that God has something bigger and better in store for you.

As with everything, you should go to God in prayer and supplication and make known the desires of your heart. Seek God's will and He will provide you with clarity and direction.

HTH

{DI}

 

[phynestone]

I completely agree. To me, it also sounds as if he may have lied to you about being saved and/or doesn't comprehend its true meaning. Why would you want to be someone like that? Just a thought.

 

[EishBuhgeish]

I completely agree. To me, it also sounds as if he may have lied to you about being saved and/or doesn't comprehend its true meaning. Why would you want to be someone like that? Just a thought.

I spoke with him today at lunch and he did admit to misunderstanding what it means to be saved. He's been baptized and said to have dedicated himself to the Lord years ago, but he said he has never been filled with the Holy Ghost with evidence of speaking in tongues. I dont think he'd knowingly mispresent himself concerning such a manner.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

he said he has never been filled with the Holy Ghost with evidence of speaking in tongues.

What does this have to do with anything? Speaking in tongues does not validate your relationship with God...does it? IMO, the validity of your relationship with God comes in your daily walk with Him. Speaking in tongues may be an extension of having a rlp w/ God and being "filled with the Holy Ghost" but I don't think that makes you any more or less saved than the next believer.

 

[EishBuhgeish]

Dating can be tricky when you are trying to live your life in accordance with God's word. The question I think you should ask yourself is whether this relationship you have with your boyfriend would lead a equally yoked partnership in marriage.

I wondered if it made a difference if we were just dating or in marriage. Does it make a difference? And how much? It could possibly lead into marriage, but I honestly think its a bit early to determine. Although, if we were speaking in terms of marriage, it wouldnt work. Would one in my situation (just dating) pray for him and stay or just leave him on the grounds of him not being saved?

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Why would you continue dating him if you know you wouldn't consider marrying him? On some level, isn't that settling? And will you REALLY be able to say no if you stay with him for years and years and then he proposes?

Are you rationalizing staying in the relationship to avoid making an uncomfortable transition?

 

[EishBuhgeish]

Its not that I WOULDNT consider marrying him, I just think its too early to determine. And I was saying IF we were married or engaged at this very moment, it definately wouldnt work.

I wouldnt neccessarily call it rationalizing. I just wanted to get a lil more clarification on the whole matter since I'm still growing and developing my relationship with the Lord. I figured you ladies would have more insight on it than I would. I am simply asking questions to better understand, not rationalizing.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Well then there's no problem, right? I think you have to decide to be hot or cold. Either you'll stay and deal with the baggage that comes with being w/ an unbeliever and be happy, or you'll leave and continue to grow in you Christian walk without obstruction.

 

[Niara]

I wondered if it made a difference if we were just dating or in marriage. Does it make a difference? And how much? It could possibly lead into marriage, but I honestly think its a bit early to determine. Although, if we were speaking in terms of marriage, it wouldnt work. Would one in my situation (just dating) pray for him and stay or just leave him on the grounds of him not being saved?

I agree, behavior does not change simply because you get married. If anything, it puts a spotlight on it. You can pray for him. You can talk with him but how can the relationship progress when you don't see eye to eye on something so fundamental. Your relationship with God is the very foundation of a marriage. Think of it this way, this person could be standing in the way of who God truly wants you to be with. Or maybe the timing is not right. If you think it is still too early to determine then don't get your feelings too invloved with him.

 

[foxxymami]

Well darlin' this is my thought. You already know that at this moment, your beliefs (sp?) are not aligned. That is the foundation of a relationship built upon God's principles. Only when (and if) you begin to walk on one accord should you be in a relationship with this man. Under those circumstances only.

You are a new creation and you should only want to surround yourself with people and things that will help you draw nearer to God. The short answer, pray for him at a distance (being a friend).

As someone else said, he could be in the way of the partner God has chosen for you. Only time will tell. In the mean time, pray on the best way to tell him these things.

HTH

 

[EishBuhgeish]

**nods head in understanding**

I see. Thank you all.

 

[firecracker]

Why would you continue dating him if you know you wouldn't consider marrying him? On some level, isn't that settling? And will you REALLY be able to say no if you stay with him for years and years and then he proposes?

Are you rationalizing staying in the relationship to avoid making an uncomfortable transition?

Dating is a process of getting to know someone not to get hitched per se. Anyways his obvious offense everytime you bring up God is a clear indicator he isn't worth dating. Why does he feel your being judgement? Because he feels less than that is why!

 

[beyondcute]

What you had was what I like to call a 'light bulb moment.' You have had the light turned on. Now its up to you to hear what God has to say about thi.s I had my relationship light turned on and I didnt like what I saw. I was deeply involved with a man that really isnt all together emotionally, spiritually nor financially. SO Now that your light is on, open your eyes, adjust to the light (I knwo the info can really flood your brain) and see what God is tryign to show you. He will never leave you confused. He is not a God fo confusion! See what he has put before you.

 

[Trini"T"]

*sigh* I'm in the same situation. I've been all over my boyfriend about God which I think is bad because I don't want him to feel pressured...because that is not the way the Holy Spirit works. It's been a while though so I may bring it up again...easily this time . I keep telling God that this relationship is in His hands and for Him to feel free to do whatever He has to do with it. This is the one situation where I feel I NEED Him to come down to me and tell me if I should stay or go

 

[ArrrBeee]

I am unequally yoked and it stinks. I love my husband and he loves me but I can't share the most important aspect of my life with him.

It is like me trying to show him a beautiful sunrise, but he is looking through a piece of shattered glass. He only has glimpses of God's beauty but unless he becomes a believer, he will never see the true picture.