PLEASE help me with my hair decision--->

[DMarie]

Okay ladies. Where do I start??

I had relaxed hair and wanted to see what my natural texture was like. I went natural then found this site only to start wanting long relaxed hair. So I worked hard at taking care of my hair and body internally and grew it to 18-20 inches from root to tip all over my head even the edges were 18 inches AND my bangs as I've never had bangs and they grow well. During this time I got pregnant and had a baby and then 3 months after delivery my hair started shedding like a cat. I finally got it to stop but then I noticed my edges were falling out. I'm talking about 1 inch from the front of my forehead on my right and left temple and some in the peak area. I was shocked!! Since then my left temple has started growing back 98%, my right temple is still a mess cause when I was 18ish my stylist gave me a chemical burn which wasn't noticeable till my hair started shedding AND I got another chemical burn during a relaxer while pregnant. I couldn't tell I got a burn cause my hair was so thick and full but now it's very noticeable if I wear my hair brushed straight back. My peak is a mess now too cause this area got a brand new chemical burn when I got the other one mentioned above but I can't lie I DID see this one when I got my relaxer during my pregnancy. Of course I was pissed but what could I do?? The service was over. Apparently I burn when pregnant cause this is the first time since my 18 ish burn that I have ever gotten like this.

Anyway. I've gotten 1 relaxer since having the baby and am now 6 months relaxer free as I am seriously thinking about going back to being natural cause of the burns. THIS is the problem. My hair is soo dry all the time. The ends have broken cause of my lack of wrapping at night due to being tired from taking care of baby so I've lost about 2 inches from the ends. Just recently I cut another 3 inches off as it was scraggly looking. My hair sticks together when I wash it. But seriously, THIS is the main problem among all this drama: I don't know if I should go natural or some how learn to keep relaxing without irritating the chemically burned areas. To be honest if I had no burns I would NOT go natural as when I was natural my hair is Oprah thick and it actually hurts and gives me headaches to comb my natural hair. AND I could only see myself wearing ponytails or twists as style options cause that's all I liked when I was natural the first time AND twist took to much time to do and made really bad knots which I constantly had to cut and ponytails actually took out some of my peak as my edges refuse to go back easily. I have 4a/b, 3c in the top hair. But to be honest I don't really like really straight hair on myself. I know if I continue to relax I won't relax the areas with the burns anymore and I would have to switch to a no lye relaxer to lessen the possibility of getting another burn. I was using a mild lye relaxer and I won't lie if I was using a no lye I seriously doubt that I would have ever gotten the burns at all. BUT the no lye relaxers make my hair bone straight and like I said I don't like bone straight hair on myself.

I am stressed over this. My hair was so beautiful, almost my dream hair now it's just a mess. Although I am still happy over all as I still have my baby which took me 4 years to get pregnant with But it saddens me to know in my heart that being happy with my natural hair is a distant reality. I keep saying to myself that maybe if I give my natural hair 4 years like I easily gave my relaxed hair then maybe I could be happy with it.

what do you ladies think you would do? would you relax 99% of your hair with a no lye relaxer and leave the other 1% natural or just go natural and endure whatever to come pain/ style wise??

Please give me your opinions as it has taken me quite awhile to come to the conclusion to write this message to you.

DMarie..................in my avatar that's my natural hair at only 6-7 inches.

 

[tiffers]

What about texlaxing or texturizing? They're not left on as long as a regular relaxer, so you wouldn't get burned. And you'd also have some curl pattern left. That seems like a happy medium

You can still have the relaxed styling options and the versatility of natural hair (without the headaches!)

Congrats on your baby!!

 

[brownsugarbaby]

whew!!! that was alot. I am so sorry that all that happened to you. But rather than stress yourself out about the past I feel it is best to just move forward. I am no expert but can offer a wee bit of help.

I would continue on your trail to go natural while focusing on the health of hair. That way your scalp/temple can properly heal and begin to grow again. once you've become comfortable in the health of your overall hair then at that point you can decide whether or not you should relax again. Again, I am no expert but hope that helps.

 

[Tinkerbell19]

I think you should leave it natural for now and really focus on deep conditioning and moisturizing it. If it’s already shedding etc you don’t want to make it worse and if your scalp is already sensitive you could risk getting more chemical burns. Once you hair is back the way you want it then you could go back to the no lye relaxer. Hope this helps!

 

[Tami2shoes]

i say go natural. why go back to chemicals when they are damaging your scalp?

 

[vkb247]

Do you want your hair to be curly or straight? You can always go natural and still wear your hair straight. Or if you want it curly I would recommend texlaxing without putting the chemical on your scalp.

Either way I think that you shouldn't use any chemicals until your hair is properly moisturized. I would dc like crazy, get my hair back in good health, and then make your next move.

 

[DMarie]

i say go natural. why go back to chemicals when they are damaging your scalp?

sadly that's my issue. i keep asking myself the same thing and in short these answers justify my thoughts : it's hella hard for me to be happy every day of my life with my hair being so dense and dry and stiff. when i was natural I remember how unhappy i was just because i couldn't style my hair in less than several hours and even after that I looked like i spent 2 minutes on my hair when it took 6 hours. I looked like I was 10 and some folks tried to treat me like I was 10 as well. I couldn't wear my hair curly because it literally took all day to straighten my natural hair with the hot comb and then it would revert so I never had nice curls that hang. I never straightened my hair to wear it straight only to wear it out in curls and even this I only tried a couple of times as it wasn't worth it cause it whopped my tail physically. i couldn't find a stylist that did natural hair so i had to do everything myself and go without special styles like french rolls, press and curls with a trim. and i realized that i was getting burns from the straightening comb. i was passing up social events with my husband cause of my hair and struggled to keep it moisturized every day. and my twists which i loved took all day to put in and several days to take out and shampoo which i had to do frequently as i exercised a lot and need to wash more often.

but even after typing all of this i am not going to jump into doing anything right now AND even after thinking all of that i still may go natural. i just keep hoping that length will make a difference.

 

[DMarie]

What about texlaxing or texturizing? They're not left on as long as a regular relaxer, so you wouldn't get burned. And you'd also have some curl pattern left. That seems like a happy medium

You can still have the relaxed styling options and the versatility of natural hair (without the headaches!)

Congrats on your baby!!

thanks for the congrats.
as for texlaxing i think it's a lot like under processed hair in that it'll be hard to comb. i've had my experience with this when i initially went back to relaxing as my hair was so healthy that the relaxer did not take and initially it was beautiful with body and curls and thickness and softness. but as i did my protein treatments as needed it started to look natural and dry and was hard to comb. eventually i had to relax it all again just to get moisture into it. i think it's like hair that's confused but who knows nothing's decided yet.

thanks. so you would continue using chemicals?

 

[DMarie]

whew!!! that was alot. I am so sorry that all that happened to you. But rather than stress yourself out about the past I feel it is best to just move forward. I am no expert but can offer a wee bit of help.

I would continue on your trail to go natural while focusing on the health of hair. That way your scalp/temple can properly heal and begin to grow again. once you've become comfortable in the health of your overall hair then at that point you can decide whether or not you should relax again. Again, I am no expert but hope that helps.

yes in deed that was a lot. thanks for getting through it all and responding.
i guess the most stress comes from me wondering what i'll teach my baby girl if i don't have my own natural hair even after chemical damage. I am indeed trying to continue to get my hair healthy but it seems I'm going through chemical withdrawl as my hair is protesting which prompted this post. times like this require support.

 

[SignatureBeauty]

I texlax and have no issues with dryness, I only use a light protein and use a Lye based relaxer, no lye left my hair dry. Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[DMarie]

I think you should leave it natural for now and really focus on deep conditioning and moisturizing it. If it’s already shedding etc you don’t want to make it worse and if your scalp is already sensitive you could risk getting more chemical burns. Once you hair is back the way you want it then you could go back to the no lye relaxer. Hope this helps!

my scalp is defiantly sensitive as i assumed from the burn and my hormones are still jacked due to the pregnancy so i've def put major decisions on pause. I put a krap load of keracare leave in and jojoba oil in yesterday and that helped a lot with moisture but today is another issue.

so you would continue relaxing huh?

 

[SignatureBeauty]

DMarie your hair is Beautiful, I love the Fro, But since everything is so messed up for you, I wouldn't relax at all, I agree with Tinkerbelle.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

sadly that's my issue. i keep asking myself the same thing and in short these answers justify my thoughts : it's hella hard for me to be happy every day of my life with my hair being so dense and dry and stiff. when i was natural I remember how unhappy i was just because i couldn't style my hair in less than several hours and even after that I looked like i spent 2 minutes on my hair when it took 6 hours. I looked like I was 10 and some folks tried to treat me like I was 10 as well. I couldn't wear my hair curly because it literally took all day to straighten my natural hair with the hot comb and then it would revert so I never had nice curls that hang. I never straightened my hair to wear it straight only to wear it out in curls and even this I only tried a couple of times as it wasn't worth it cause it whopped my tail physically. i couldn't find a stylist that did natural hair so i had to do everything myself and go without special styles like french rolls, press and curls with a trim. and i realized that i was getting burns from the straightening comb. i was passing up social events with my husband cause of my hair and struggled to keep it moisturized every day. and my twists which i loved took all day to put in and several days to take out and shampoo which i had to do frequently as i exercised a lot and need to wash more often.

but even after typing all of this i am not going to jump into doing anything right now AND even after thinking all of that i still may go natural. i just keep hoping that length will make a difference.

There are a lot of ladies on here that love Sabino Moisture Block and it's supposed to really help with reversion. I'm sorry that it took you so long to do hair styles, but it usually takes me awhile to do them and then they last for a few days if not a week, so the time I put in to them is well worth it.

To be honest if I had no burns I would NOT go natural as when I was natural my hair is Oprah thick and it actually hurts and gives me headaches to comb my natural hair. AND I could only see myself wearing ponytails or twists as style options cause that's all I liked when I was natural the first time AND twist took to much time to do and made really bad knots which I constantly had to cut and ponytails actually took out some of my peak as my edges refuse to go back easily

Natural hair seemed very overwhelming to me until I found the right products/techniques. Were you combing your hair dry? If that's the case, then I'm not surprised that it hurt. How many other styles have you tried besides twists and ponys? There just seem to be a lot of styles out there and sometimes it takes time to perfect them.

If I were you, I personally would not go back to the relaxer (and that may be because I'm already natural haha) but I suggest that you look through some natural fotkis. There are so many styles and techniques out there that you wouldn't imagine. Also there are plenty of ladies out there with beautiful hair that really inspire.

Good luck whatever you decide.