Please advise!!

B

Boadicea

New Member
Ladies! I need advice...some encouragement...a prayer...a miracle...something! Here's my dilemma (it's LONG, forgive me):

I currently get my hair done once a week at a Dominican salon. I've been going there for almost two years and when I first started, my hair was about 1-2 inches below shoulder length and is now at bra-strap length. After really thinking about how the only reason I relax my hair is out of habit (rather odd since I love curly hair...no, don't ask, I'm weird) and plenty of stylist saying "My GOD! You need a perm/relaxer" as soon as my big toe crosses the threshold of the salon, I really want to go natural completely. I already have 2-3 inches of natural hair (4a around the edges only in the front, 3b/3c everywhere else...I have no idea why it's like that).

My problem is the 19 inches of relaxed hair that's still attached to the natural hair. My family has a strong tradition against cutting hair! However, many of us have had bad experiences in salons where stylists decided to cut off our way past waist length hair!! My nearly thigh length natural hair was forcefully chopped off, against my will, when I was 12. I would love to go natural but I'm so afraid of the big chop. I'm absolutely sure my mother will chop my head off, so I was thinking of keeping the relaxed hair until the natural hair gets about shoulder length. But I'm so excited to see my natural hair again that I just want to get it (the relaxed hair) cut sometimes and get it over with.

I was thinking about getting braids but I know they can be damaging to the hair if they're too tight. My scalp is super sensitive plus I get serious dandruff sometimes. I'll post my current regimen at the end of the post.

I would really like to hear from the ladies who have experienced good growth with braids (Crown and Glory technique or otherwise) and from anyone who has gone ahead with 'the big chop.' I don't know why I'm convinced that my hair will not grow/take forever to grow once I cut it. Perhaps from my bad experience before.

Faith and Adrienne have been a good inspiration to me even though I've only been at this site for a very short time. I would also like to thank the ladies from longhairlovers.com (it's me, Mnemosyne!) who have also helped me on my hair journey.

Here is my current regimen. It's working for me quite well, but I'd really love to go natural, possibly with the Crown and Glory technique or a modification of that.

As I said before, I get my hair done at a Dominican salon. Here's what I do before I go there:
1. Le Kair's Cholesterol Plus deep conditioner--leave on for 2 hours, rinse thoroughly, go to salon
2. Wash and condition
3. Salerm Mascarilla Capilar deep conditioner, leave on for 10 minutes, rinse
4. Salerm 21 silk protein leave in conditioner (you can buy Salerm products here: www.metrobeauty.com)
5. Set hair in rollers and sit under the dryer for about 40 minutes
6. Blow dry, curl
7. They but a moisturizer in the hair, then wrap it

I go once a week on Friday and leave my hair in the wrap until the morning of the next Friday. Since I'm not fussing with my hair, it won't be prone to breaking.
When I go to sleep, I wear a satin 'skully' cap and put two cotton scarves around it so it doesn't move. I leave the cap off for about an 1 hour a day to air out my hair. I always leave the cap off when I exercise (I take Belly dance, Pilates and Naginata lessons)
 
Hello,
I transitioned from 96-98 and I did NOT do the big chop. I wore twist outs, braid outs and a ponytail snap on extension.
I did wear braids for about a month - box braids and I did see a lot of growth but had a lot of tangles and breakage when I took them out. I did bigger braids on and off for a few months and this was better for me. Bigger braids meaning 12 braids throughout my entire head with extension synthetic hair. I had less brakage and tangling with this. But overall throughout my transition I didn't have much breakage dealing with the two textures at all. Curl activator became my best friend and it really helped smooth down the new growth and Pantene Smooth and Sleek (was called For Dry Damaged Hair back then) helped detangle and give lots of slip when combing my hair. I also used it as a leave in.
I know you were inquiring about the Crown and Glory method but I hope this helps you in seeing that you don't have to do a big chop when going from perm to natural.
www.nappturality.com has an entire section devoted to ladies who are transitioning.
Good luck with your transition. Any other questions you may have feel free to ask me again
Valleygirl
 
Hi. Your hair is very lovely. Looks very healthy and strong. I have a question:

1. Do you really keep it wrapped ALL week except for 1 hour a day?? Is that fun? I mean do you get to enjoy your hair sometimes?
2. I understand the pull to go natural--BUT--your hair looks healthy and shiny. Usually girls want to go natural when the perm isn't working. Your relaxer regimen seems to wOrk for you?

Also I believe that Adrienne has a relaxer. (Now her hair is GAW--GEOUS!!)
I would hate to see you cut off your pretty hair just for the sake of being natural when there seems to be no problem now...
 
Thank you for the replies!

I do get to enjoy my hair. When I wash it, and sometimes I'll just leave it down, though not too often. Yes, I do keep it wrapped all week. It doesn't bother me at all. I'm only doing this until it's the length I want it to be. When I have it tucked away, I don't even think about it. If I kept it down all the time, I know I'd be tempted to try to style it (big mistake for me because I don't know how to do a thing with my hair which will lead to lots of damage on my part). I'll let it down if I'm going out to dinner or something like that.

The last time I had a relaxer was in June and it was a total disaster. I never want another relaxer again. My hair clumped up, stuck to the scalp, there was itching and flaking, and dandruff for weeks. It was very painful. The relaxer was literally not on for a full minute before my scalp started to feel like it was burning. I plan on going to the Dominican salon even after I'm natural perhaps once in awhile. I especially like the roller sets but I wouldn't do the blow drying. Perhaps just wash, set, dry (under the hooded dryer) and wrap. I've also done the no-poo (naturally-curly.com) routine and I really like that too. My natural hair was in perfect curls and the relaxed hair seemed to blend in nicely with neat curls and waves. I may just keep the relaxed hair along with the natural hair.
 
Your hair looks absolutely gorgeous!!! If you got this far what exactly happened? Why was the last relaxer so bad? Did you change stylists or relaxers?
 
Also you asked for advice from people who did the big chop so here goes: Last fall I decided to go natural. My hair was damaged, but not terrible, because I had no clue how to care for it. I greased my scalp with petroleum based products, I didn't wash my hair for two weeks at a time and I never wrapped or cared for it at night. I attributed this to my relaxer which in hindsight was not true...it was me. I did the big chop in January and it was the worse thing I had ever done. If I had known about these boards then I would have taken better care of my relaxed hair since it was not the relaxer that was the problem. Instead I had to start all over again with 4 inches of hair. The natural thing got to be too much so I relaxed again this summer. So far so good. My hair is healthy and I am getting length. If I knew what I know now I would have avoided the big chop.

Like i said in the previous post, evaulate what went wrong with the last relaxer application. If you are experiencing damage try a protein deep conditioner.

Personally i would wait before the big chop and evaulate my options. Also keeping you hair wrapped all week sounds like a great idea. It probably keeps your hair protected especially in this weather. I just go to class and work so I could probably get away with it.

Good luck! /images/graemlins/smile.gif
 
I did rollersets until I was comfortable with the length before I chopped off 4 inches. Then I did one more chop before being completely natural. Also although I'm natural, I know that there were some things I was doing wrong as far as relaxing...so you might want to look at that. I was beyond repair and decided to give my scalp and hair a rest.
 
Crysdon: Witchcraft as well as Wicca have been legalized and recognized religions for over 20 years now (rather late).

Pumpkin: Thank you. I did not switch relaxers or stylists so I have no clue what went wrong! It was a horrible experience. Enough to put me off relaxers for life. I had really bad dandruff (the true dandruff, not just flakes.) and as such, I had clusters/clumps of dandruff which I get from time to time. It had gone away for awhile so I felt it was safe to relax. I've never had a problem before. I have no damage, and I do use a protein deep conditioner. I also use the Le Kair cholesterol plus deep conditioner. They both make my hair soft and shiny and very well moisturized. Me too. I have class only on Tuesday and Thursday so I'm mostly in the house all week. No need for excessive styling. Heck, I'm quite lazy and when I have nothing to do, I exercise, shower, catch up on my Japanese and Swedish, and plop right back in bed so there's no real need to take my hair down.

Thanks so much for the replies, everyone
 
My opinion, I would just grow out your hair and gradually cut the relaxed part off. I don't believe that braids will make your hair "GROW". My theory is, wouldn't your hair grow the same if you were taking care of it if it were in braids or not? Even when you take out braids (in my case), I still had to trim my hair. Actually, it felt as if I had to trim my hair more after taking out braids rather than if I had worn my natural hair out. Braids are like hiding your hair and adding instant length for those who want it asap (I hope that makes sense). So it's like, before you get braids and your hair is 10" long and then you have 4" of hair after you take out your braids after lets say 6" (after repeatedly re-braiding), its like you notice the length more, rather than when its out and your noticing only .5 - 1" of growth.

I hope that makes sense lol.

But that's my personal experience.
Braids can be a pro & con especially if put in on damaged hair or too tightly.
 
Regarding the photo from 1996 when you were 12 yrs. old:
Why did the stylist cut your hair? Is this the "against your will" hair cut you were referring to?
I would still be beating that woman with a stick! /images/graemlins/grin.gif
You can transistion with cutting all of your hair off. Just wear styles that don't require a lot of manipulation.
 
sassy, that is the exact same thing i said!! /images/graemlins/mad.gif actually, my next photo would have been in prison garb. lol! that is just such a shame!!! sorry that happened, boadicea!

adrienne

p.s. i'd just grow out gradually like valley girl said, with styles that will support both textures. /images/graemlins/smile.gif
 
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
my next photo would have been in prison garb. lol

[/ QUOTE ]

ROTFLMBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

Children are often taken advantage of in hair salons. My little cousins used to come home with half a** done hairstyles just because the stylist knew they wouldn't say anything. Now they are grown women--13 and 15 /images/graemlins/smirk.gif --and they don't take no mess!
 
Yes, that's the one. I went in with hair long enough to sit on and then some and came out with hair barely touching my ear. I don't think i've ever cried so much in my life. My mom was speechless, I thought the next time i would see her was behind plexiglass or something. The woman who cut my hair hasn't been working at the salon since. I guess she was fired. All I asked for was "a 1/4 trim" and she may as well have shaved my head bald
 
For those of you who have experienced CUTS when requesting TRIMS I hope you really learned check what the HELL these stylist are cutting before they cut. When I'm sitting in the chair, I always watch them in the mirror and request to see how much they've taken off. Yes, I am a pain in the [censored], but it's my hair, i have to life with it, not you.
 
Yes girl, but you know some people are soo trusting and vulnerable. When reading your post, I just wanted to slap that scissor happy stylist.

I know this is a really harsh statement to say, and I know I shouldn't sterotype type stylist, but I'm a bit afraid to go to an African-American female and have her relax or style my hair. I kid you not, every experience has been a horrible one. Not only myself, my mother and all my friends.

Gosh, I really feel bad for saying this, but its like, you come in with a head full of hair, and they're jealous and its like, I'm going to BALD this ^(*()*@# today. She think she's cute.

Til this day, and I really wish I can get out of this, but I only trust men, dominicans or myself with my hair.

Was that really cruel and harsh to say? Darn it. I should delete right?
 
Don't feel bad...I feel the exact same way! It's even hard for me to find men sometimes who will trim and not chop my hair.

I remember getting into a heated argument with a male stylist who wanted to cut my hair into the latest hip style (whatever it was at the time) He started yelling at me telling me that I was one of those girls who wanted long hair just to say I have long hair and don't do anything with it! My answer was so what and I got up and walked out of the salon.

Stylists make me SICK!!
Even one time I walked into Sally's looking for some gel whenI first went natural and the lady that worked in there was telling me (in a nasty way) "just relax it...you're not mixed..you'll never have curls" Needless to say I ignored her and came back a month later after I had chopped all the relaxed ends off sporting a head full of curls and ringlets. She couldn't believe it. She was always very nasty to me for no reason at all and the only reason I kept going in there was b/c it was the only place that sold black beauty supplies in that area
But you must be FIRM and just as nasty to these stylists. We ae paying them to provide a service to us. Don't be afraid to get up and walk out. Sometimes we give them too much power .And we are way too knowledgeable on this board !!!

Valleygirl
 
they're not all like that though. the last one that i went to for my perm SHAVES her hair weekly or every other week by choice. she doesn't want long hair, but she still knew what a trim was when she did mine. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

adrienne
 
OMG OMG Adrienne, spread the wealth lol. Honestly, I would love to support my sisters, but I havent' found one that was honest or truthful. /images/graemlins/frown.gif but I still search, I really would like to give Natasha @ Joseph's a try which I will be /images/graemlins/smile.gif

You know what else i notice, in New York City, there's alot of unprofessional hair salons. I'm talking, someone's doing my hair, they leave the salon to get something to eat and then have the nerve to sit down and make me wait 30 minutes while they munch on their food.

I actually witnessed one girl that was doing a girls hair leave the salon to smoke weed. Then she came back finished the girl hair, all the stylist in the place complimented her hair and when she left starting laughing at, who would get a French Roll in 2001.
 
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I'm a bit afraid to go to an African-American female and have her relax or style my hair. I kid you not, every experience has been a horrible one. Not only myself, my mother and all my friends.

[/ QUOTE ]

I hear ya'. But I discriminate against all stylists regardless of skin color. Particularly men stylists. I know I need help...
My hair was doing fine until I went to a "professional" several months ago. I went to a stylist highly recommended by a woman at church. I decided to go to a salon because I was worried that it was taking me too long to relax my hair. It's this forum's fault. Just kidding! /images/graemlins/grin.gif I told this woman exactly what I'd been doing at home, the products I used, etc. Within one month, my hair was as dry as straw and the crown area of my hair had broken to the new growth. /images/graemlins/frown.gif
I asked a lot of questions--I'm sure I got on her nerves... I recoiled in horror when she started to apply the relaxer w/o basing my scalp first. She rolled her eyes and shuffled off to the back only to return 5 minutes later with a tub of Vaseline. I should have ran out of that place right then!
To this day, I'm convinced she put something other than a Dudley's relaxer in my hair. It smelled funny and it felt very cold...
I don’t trust any of them anymore. I've had three hair stylists in my life that valued hair care over hairstyle. I honestly believe they jack folks up on purpose. Maybe it’s jealousy or to ensure a regular customer. I called this woman to find out exactly what she had done to my hair so I could correct the damage. She tried to talk me into coming in for a "treatment" twice a week...
 
i know Sassygirl, and I really try, that's why I was soo thrilled to find out about Natasha because when I say every beautician I mean EVERYONE.

Maybe its all about the mighty buck out here in NYC. But I'm going to give Nastaha from Joseph's a try from the recommendations on the board. I'm open-minded and still willing, but I can't deny that I'm a little afraid.
 
AmilLion, I would not be worried about going to Natasha if I were you. She is not scissor happy. Trust me, I've gone to stylists who called themselves 'trimming', and by the time I left I didn't have enough hair for a ponytail. I've never had that experience at Josephs, and I don't think that Pumpkin has either.

The other good thing about Josephs that I forgot to mention is that they THOROUGHLY base the scalp before applying relaxer.

I know that I'm starting to sound like I own stock in the place, but I just want to get the point across that I always did my own hair because I was terrified of someone else telling me that my only choice is to cut everything off. This place is very different; if you go, you'll see! /images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
amilion, i've been pretty lucky. i now have TWO great stylists to choose from, but i do understand that it can be tough. by the same token, just as all black stylists are not bad, all white stylists are not good either. i have white friends that complain about some of the same stuff we do (cutting too much, not listening, etc.). so it seems to be an almost universal thing... /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

adrienne
 
Ohh no, by far I'm not saying all BLACK stylist are horrible because I know there's many out there and I've ran into a few, I'm specifically stating that I never had a good experience with a BLACK FEMALE stylist on my NATURAL hair. But I defintely have faith and hope and I shouldn't stereotype and I'm wrong for that and I apologize. I'm going to give Natasha a try and I'll let you guys know how things went.

Just some examples of hair styling gone wrong
1) Didn't base my scalp
2) Didn't bother to give me a deep conditioner after relaxing only upon my request.
3) Scissor happy, cut off 5 inches after I said I wanted a trim. SHe claimed she didn't like how my ends looked.
4) Put relaxer on my hair and scalp, wouldn't wash it out, insisted upon leaving on which burnt my scalp, caused infection and I had (forgive me ladies) pus oozing from my scalp the next day and my hair glued and harden to my head. Soreness for abour 5 days afterwards.
5) Claim to put treatment, overcharging me for the 99cent special.
6) Attitude when I ask questions

My mom for example
Was going to this salon (her hair was brastrap length) and she was getting treatments each and everyweek. But her hair was breaking off. WTF? She didn't know what was wrong. until her hair reached about 1 to 2" in length they recommended she get a $400. My mom left, went to dominicans and I started helping with her hair. Its back to bra strap length. Uhmm...I wonder what they were doing.

Friend
Went to a salon, similiar situation to my moms. Once she got a relaxer and they didn't use neutralizer. Her second wash after her relaxer, all her hair fell out. It was coming out in globs.

These are just a few cases.
 
I'm sorry to hear about all of the bad incidents. It seems that when some people don't like others, they want to do something to their hair. My mom had a situation similar to mine and her hair was cut to shoulder length way up from waist length. It has been shoulder length for almost a decade and then I convinced her to go to the dominican salon. It's now growing out nicely.
 
Ur sorry. I'm sorry. lol..but I'm not going to give up hope. I shouldn't. Wouldn't be fair to group everyone. Good luck to me, I'll have Natasha touching up my roots next week /images/graemlins/smile.gif
 
AmilLion you will LOVE Natasha. She is really easy going and LISTENS to you...something many stylists fail to do. I trust NO ONE with my relaxers but her. Just look at her clients and you will see. Good luck and let us know how much you loved it because I'm sure you will /images/graemlins/wink.gif

(You would think I owned the salon the way I talk about it)
 
Thanks a lot pumpkin....boy am I'm sweating just thinking about it.
 
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