+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Me: 1. The living arrangement was offered to cut both of our living arrangements. Mine was not cut; yes you did several repairs; however you never offered to pay any money towards rent until early November. At that point $1,000 was due. Let’s discount that the $300, you paid early November (so now I’m at -$700).
Him:
I am sorry I didn't/couldn't pay more. the truth is ….unemployment was cut due to not only child support but also for a judgement [and a ] IRS lein. I was too ashamed to really tell you about it out of fear and embarrasment. when I found out about the judgement was when I decided I needed to file bankruptcy in order to try to get some relief. I even tried to get a title loan against my car but i needed to have a job to do that so that was out. I sold blood some days just to get small things you liked, like the salty chips. I know you want to do the trip with your daughter so I will have you caught up within the next few weeks.
Me: Why did the money magically get offered after I made the “neither one of us want’s to feel taken advantage of” statement? Makes me wonder.
Him:
It wasn't magic, I begged and borrowed from [folks] to get whatever I could in order to help. I was and still am drained. I had no money, no hope! I was trying to do whatever I could to get money outside of breaking the law. I would have done it sooner but I really thought some money would come through. but when I found out my 401k was siezed and my bank accounts and my unemployment i had no options or hope.
3. For more than 8 weeks you were here. Did not pay any rent (started the move in late Sept). We verbally agreed on the following: You wouldn’t be able to pay by 5 Oct; and bring the internet….
Him
I was trying to work a deal ….I was behind on it as well. again I was embarrased and afraid of what you would think of me if I was open. The bill … past due status and …. owe them $400 for past services that I had to include in the bankruptcy.
a. Fast forward after almost 2 months of no rent payment the internet is an issue. Your acceptance of the IDEA OF walking to [localcoffee shop] to use their free wi-fi, and that I could return to use my wi-fi card was for me UNACCEPTABLE! THIS I refuse to understand or accept. Last nail in the coffin for me, as trivial for you as it may seem.
I didn't mean you would have to walk, I meant me. I knew that it was up to me to walk or run or whatever it took to get internet to find a job to take care of what you needed me to do. I knew I had to try to move heaven and earth to do what was needed.
4. Before this I’ve ignored my gut feelings on responsibilities, ying/yang; your struggles, ect. I can’t anymore. It is very apparent to me that you’re more comfortable in this struggle than I am. For the record I found it reallllllll odd when back in Oct, that you’d suggest we “use your flight miles to fly down to FL ; and then all I’d have to do is pay for Hotel and Rental Car…..” No Sir, and No Mas. Before that you’d looked for a place for us to jaunt away too using my “discretionary” income.
My looking for a place was to try to do something nice for you using what i had at my disposal. I cant sell miles for money or hotel points for money so I thought I could do that part to at least get you away to a warmer climate to breathe and to talk more. It was not my intent for you to do anything but be there.
5. Back in August, I erroneously assumed that if you had some “relief $” from the financial quandary you were in, your situation would improve or you the “real” you would be able to emerge from …[whatever]. However, it is my gut feeling that you’d prefer to be “provided for”/ “taken care of”. I DO NOT DO THAT.
I do not now or ever want to be taken care of! I am a real man who has been hammered over the past 3 months for reasons that are beyond my understanding and comprehension. I have done good, I have not cheated, I was doing everything I could do to do what was right. I went from a job in [early this year] to unemployed by [spring], to accounts seized ….in [summer] to unemployment [and] judgement seizure from sept forward to homeless! I believe the man should take car of his woman, I do not want you providing for me or taking care of me. Each day I was there I did what I could with what I had to do all you wanted and needed done. I just didnt have money. But I got off my *** everyday and searched for a job, I went after any job that was paying over 7 and hour , no matter what it was doing. The real me is a lion, I hunt, I save and I provide for the pride! yes I was down, but no more! I am back and with a vengance!
From when we met till now there have been s-e-veral items of your (back) story, or red flags that I can no longer ignore. Inconsistencies, ….
Him: The things i sold didn't amount to much … had to pay for the truck, insurance, gas. … to the bank to try to clear up the issues, …they only closed my account but rejected all pending payments …[resulting in in $3K+ overdrafts]….forr some reason, the Fall happened to me to teach me a lesson and boy have i learned it.
You’ve played the lottery, but didn’t feel the obligation to pay the internet bill nor me, nor even bother to rent the books or the classes you took?
Yes, I did play a few dollars (3 to 5 or 10) a week if and when I could. I only had a few hundred dollars a month left after the garnishment and felt hopeless. I was just praying i could win something to give, hoping for some relief or reprieve from god or the universe. I was to a point of desperation, to a point of willing to steal if necessary in order to simply buy food for the house or do anything that was needed. I didn't buy books because I was broke! I had no money, not a cent! I hoped and prayed I could remember all of the material and that i wouldnt need a book. It was by the grace of God that I made it along with your help.
