Pigeons and Scrubs

Ivonnovi

Well-Known Member
Pigeons and Scrubs (Rant/Vent)

As we approach the new year. AVOID THEM.

Times are hard, being nice is harder.

SCRUB: This arrangement was supposed to be mutually beneficial. How you gonna ask for $ex when you don't have nor provide $. ....Happy Thanksgiving, I'm giving you the op to find a new home.


PIGEON: Stupid is as Stupid does. I asked you to be responsible for your $hit, and YOU have the AUDACITY to talk to me about what? My $hit, and what I have, as though you're entitled to use MY ASSETS? REALLY!?!!!???

Back on Track:
MY LCHF Sisters, sometimes people come in your life to lift you up, others come in to help you help you maintain or stagnate you; yet others come in to try to pull you down.
I call the latter anvils. 2012 was the year of the ANVIL(s) in my life, they will be released before 2013. Yes, I'm cleaning out my ___closet___; and purging my surrounding of negative energy.


I invite you all to do the same; let go of the Anvils, Pigeons, and Scrubs!!!!!


My Christmas present to them is to "let them free!"

.......I'm just sharin' and sayin'


EDITED to help the rant make sense.
 
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He mistook kindness for weakness; and, "I'm in da'house for "I'M IN!"
I'm done and he's out.
(Everbody plays the fool sometimes; you just need to decide how long you are willing to play the fool.)

I am posting this painful disappointment so that others may learn from my mistakes.

After the the email traffic posted below, I informed him of the fact that his priorities are way out of order; and that "I" neither want to be nor do I need to be one of them.
I also questioned his decision making practices; to which he accused me of talking to him like a child....[nails himself to the cross, as I dare to stand in judgement of him.....] "I'm out".

I don't want t highjack the other two related threads so I'll send them the link to read for themselves. YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS SH!+ up (from less than a week ago)
 
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Me: 1. The living arrangement was offered to cut both of our living arrangements. Mine was not cut; yes you did several repairs; however you never offered to pay any money towards rent until early November. At that point $1,000 was due. Let’s discount that the $300, you paid early November (so now I’m at -$700).
Him:
I am sorry I didn't/couldn't pay more. the truth is ….unemployment was cut due to not only child support but also for a judgement [and a ] IRS lein. I was too ashamed to really tell you about it out of fear and embarrasment. when I found out about the judgement was when I decided I needed to file bankruptcy in order to try to get some relief. I even tried to get a title loan against my car but i needed to have a job to do that so that was out. I sold blood some days just to get small things you liked, like the salty chips. I know you want to do the trip with your daughter so I will have you caught up within the next few weeks.
Me: Why did the money magically get offered after I made the “neither one of us want’s to feel taken advantage of” statement? Makes me wonder.
Him:
It wasn't magic, I begged and borrowed from [folks] to get whatever I could in order to help. I was and still am drained. I had no money, no hope! I was trying to do whatever I could to get money outside of breaking the law. I would have done it sooner but I really thought some money would come through. but when I found out my 401k was siezed and my bank accounts and my unemployment i had no options or hope.
3. For more than 8 weeks you were here. Did not pay any rent (started the move in late Sept). We verbally agreed on the following: You wouldn’t be able to pay by 5 Oct; and bring the internet….
Him
I was trying to work a deal ….I was behind on it as well. again I was embarrased and afraid of what you would think of me if I was open. The bill … past due status and …. owe them $400 for past services that I had to include in the bankruptcy.
a. Fast forward after almost 2 months of no rent payment the internet is an issue. Your acceptance of the IDEA OF walking to [localcoffee shop] to use their free wi-fi, and that I could return to use my wi-fi card was for me UNACCEPTABLE! THIS I refuse to understand or accept. Last nail in the coffin for me, as trivial for you as it may seem.
I didn't mean you would have to walk, I meant me. I knew that it was up to me to walk or run or whatever it took to get internet to find a job to take care of what you needed me to do. I knew I had to try to move heaven and earth to do what was needed.
4. Before this I’ve ignored my gut feelings on responsibilities, ying/yang; your struggles, ect. I can’t anymore. It is very apparent to me that you’re more comfortable in this struggle than I am. For the record I found it reallllllll odd when back in Oct, that you’d suggest we “use your flight miles to fly down to FL ; and then all I’d have to do is pay for Hotel and Rental Car…..” No Sir, and No Mas. Before that you’d looked for a place for us to jaunt away too using my “discretionary” income.
My looking for a place was to try to do something nice for you using what i had at my disposal. I cant sell miles for money or hotel points for money so I thought I could do that part to at least get you away to a warmer climate to breathe and to talk more. It was not my intent for you to do anything but be there.
5. Back in August, I erroneously assumed that if you had some “relief $” from the financial quandary you were in, your situation would improve or you the “real” you would be able to emerge from …[whatever]. However, it is my gut feeling that you’d prefer to be “provided for”/ “taken care of”. I DO NOT DO THAT.
I do not now or ever want to be taken care of! I am a real man who has been hammered over the past 3 months for reasons that are beyond my understanding and comprehension. I have done good, I have not cheated, I was doing everything I could do to do what was right. I went from a job in [early this year] to unemployed by [spring], to accounts seized ….in [summer] to unemployment [and] judgement seizure from sept forward to homeless! I believe the man should take car of his woman, I do not want you providing for me or taking care of me. Each day I was there I did what I could with what I had to do all you wanted and needed done. I just didnt have money. But I got off my *** everyday and searched for a job, I went after any job that was paying over 7 and hour , no matter what it was doing. The real me is a lion, I hunt, I save and I provide for the pride! yes I was down, but no more! I am back and with a vengance!
From when we met till now there have been s-e-veral items of your (back) story, or red flags that I can no longer ignore. Inconsistencies, ….

Him: The things i sold didn't amount to much … had to pay for the truck, insurance, gas. … to the bank to try to clear up the issues, …they only closed my account but rejected all pending payments …[resulting in in $3K+ overdrafts]….forr some reason, the Fall happened to me to teach me a lesson and boy have i learned it.
You’ve played the lottery, but didn’t feel the obligation to pay the internet bill nor me, nor even bother to rent the books or the classes you took?
Yes, I did play a few dollars (3 to 5 or 10) a week if and when I could. I only had a few hundred dollars a month left after the garnishment and felt hopeless. I was just praying i could win something to give, hoping for some relief or reprieve from god or the universe. I was to a point of desperation, to a point of willing to steal if necessary in order to simply buy food for the house or do anything that was needed. I didn't buy books because I was broke! I had no money, not a cent! I hoped and prayed I could remember all of the material and that i wouldnt need a book. It was by the grace of God that I made it along with your help.
 
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6. As I stated/eluded to in an earlier convo, I am not the type of woman to do Role Reversals. Yes I appreciate having a hot meal when I come home from work, but even more I appreciate a man that takes care of his own (works to get the job done)
Yes, I am the type of man to take care of my own, it was the timing of everything hitting me that killed me. And it wasn't for that long. It seemed like an eternity for me and I knew I had to take whatever job I could that would allow me to get you caught up and help pay for the months to come as well while you focused on finishing school. I could not do that with a job making $6 an hour. As much as I hated the thought of having to work out of state, I knew that if i could land a job making at least 20 to 25 an hour it would help so much and get bills paid for the house. I wasn't worried about my ****, I have learned some very valuable lessons from these last 3 months that I will not forget nor make the mistakes that put me there in the first place. I will never again fall from such disgrace and disgust as I have just experienced.​

a. Aren’t you the same guy who says he got out of the [military] because you didn’t want your ex to get half of your retirement? Yet, you’re willing to stay with someone and appear to want to spend OPM? (other peoples money). …. I Can’t… You were not aware of this, but I stretched my $$ to cover the Casino trip, then had to stretch it a lil’further for the [my own] trip to NC. …
I got out because my ex and I had serious issues that kept me from being able to focus on doing my job and after 15 years of putting up with her [betrayal, preganacy by some other guy] What was i supposed to do? I do not want to spend your or anyones money. I can work and have money and provide for you as well. I am sorry I gave the appearance of being so selfish and unthougtful! I was just hoping and praying you wouldn't leave me and kick me out based on a circumstance that I knew I would overcome quickly, even if it meant working elsewhere in order to send money home to you.​

b. On top of all the emergencies that came up the past few months (plumbing, trees, cars). Which by all means I do appreciate your assistance in resolving some issues; I’ve spent more $$ so that you do “tasks here” in attempt to offset the rent that would have been paid. BUT, for that cost/savings I could have had more professional results.
i. I had to laugh at myself that I’d been on eggshells (not wanting to hurt your feeling/insult you by asking you prior to assist with things; yet we had not exchanged $ nor formal agreement; and the verbal agreement was seemingly null and void)
HIM:
Please don't walk on eggshells for me. Tell me what you want and need and I will go to hell and back for you! I did what I could and will gladly do more to make things up to you.​

7. If this is how you live your life, then that’s fine with me; but that will not be a part of my life. And I don’t feel obligated to make it comfortable for you at my expense; like you, I’ve made all the sacrifices I will make in this life time. I’m trying to get my life back together and move forward. I can, (and have at times) done bad all by myself.
Him:
This is not how I live my life! this is the first time I have been so slammed and beat down at any time in my life. I dont want you to make me comfortable, I want us to be a team and I know I have a lot to do and give to show you that. I too have made sacrifices and I am willing to make more for you! I know it's my burden to get things caught up and I will within a few weeks. I simply had to start working and then plan around things that could set me back. As much as I hate being here in FL working , I know i must in order to do what is necessary there and moving forward.
I am sorry that I felt the need to hold things inside and not confide in you as I should have. Words cannot express my sorrow or guilt for being a burden on you these last few months. I am thankful you trusted me and cared about me for that time and I am thankful you opened up your home so I could at least have a place to lay my head at night. I am so sorry that my actions caused you to be on edge and uncomfortable. But most of all I am sorry I made you feel like you did. My heart is in shambles of not doing all I could from the start but I promise you this, I will never withhold anything from you moving forward, not money, not time, not information or details. My life is an open book that will show you my strengths and weaknesses, my hopes and dreams, my happiness and sadness!​
 
(((Hugs)))
Sorry you are dealing with this OP but sounds like you are pulling things together and getting everything figured out. Praying 2013 will be better for you dear.
 
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