Over BF's for a Visit and you find...

Nella

Nella

Member
Ladies,

Here goes you're visiting your boyfriend and haven't been over in a couple of weeks due to taking care of business and other things. You go to visit and on this particular day you do happen to be on your cycle. As you properly clean up after yourself you place the tampon insert in a wrapped peice of paper to dispose in the trash. As you begin to open the door to the trash can you find a pad. You don't wear pads but, you do wear tampons. How do you respond?

This man never has over any company at least none you know about. Do you calmly take action or do you rush off and blast him then? Well, I know alot of you are like what in the he** is this and I'm sure would be shocked. I guess at this point many of us ask has a woman been here and politely responds - why do you ask, where is this coming from, huh? You tell him - this is a yes or no question and he comes back and say's "no, no one has been here". Now every woman knows what they wear, how they dispose and when you're on.

I say at this point it's over. He's lied and he says "well my 12 year old cousin was here a few weeks ago". Would you believe this man hadn't taken his trash out in two weeks? My answer "heck no, he's a really clean guy". I suppose now God has given me my answer - run and run fast he is a liar and is no good for you.
 
Trust your gut sweetie..It is never wrong....

If a pad was left in the trash for 2 weeks you would have smelled it before you even entered the bathroom.You know the answer darling..just leave him alone.
 
cuteazz1 said:
Trust your gut sweetie..It is never wrong....

If a pad was left in the trash for 2 weeks you would have smelled it before you even entered the bathroom.You know the answer darling..just leave him alone.
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I'm shocked and to think I was going to be his wife one day. At first I think I was in denial but, I know deep down that maybe if he would have spoken the truth things would be different. I was like are you sure a woman hasn't been here? He was like just tell me where is this coming from? I was like have you checked your trash because , something is in there and it doesn't belong to me.
 
Yea just go with your instinct on the matter....

this happened to me once with a ex-boyfriend and girl i had more than just the pad--i saw the bra hanging from the towel rack when i went to use his bathroom--i was in total shock because it wasnt like he was trying to hide it or nothing it was just out there. And it wasnt my bra because i didnt leave things at his place, i had came back down from home to come back to school.

Needless to say i did confront him about it i brokedown and everything but did he once come to me and say anything no..now looking back on it i wish i wouldve handled it differently because even after then it still was alot of back and forth going on and yes i was still sleeping with him wondering where what we had had went but looking back we really didnt have anything for him to be so disrespectful...

So for this man to do this to you its really showing that he didnt even have the least bit of respect for you and to lie of all things..how can you build trust in someone when they lie...
 
I agree with you. I wouldnt believe or trust him and it would be over. stay strong.

Nella said:
Ladies,

Here goes you're visiting your boyfriend and haven't been over in a couple of weeks due to taking care of business and other things. You go to visit and on this particular day you do happen to be on your cycle. As you properly clean up after yourself you place the tampon insert in a wrapped peice of paper to dispose in the trash. As you begin to open the door to the trash can you find a pad. You don't wear pads but, you do wear tampons. How do you respond?

This man never has over any company at least none you know about. Do you calmly take action or do you rush off and blast him then? Well, I know alot of you are like what in the he** is this and I'm sure would be shocked. I guess at this point many of us ask has a woman been here and politely responds - why do you ask, where is this coming from, huh? You tell him - this is a yes or no question and he comes back and say's "no, no one has been here". Now every woman knows what they wear, how they dispose and when you're on.

I say at this point it's over. He's lied and he says "well my 12 year old cousin was here a few weeks ago". Would you believe this man hadn't taken his trash out in two weeks? My answer "heck no, he's a really clean guy". I suppose now God has given me my answer - run and run fast he is a liar and is no good for you.
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Yes, I'm hurt and shocked. To be honest with you all I really thought that him and I were really serious about each other. I just felt like my confirmation was the lie he told. I've been praying and asking God all along to show me a sign and for the life of me I really didn't want to believe this was the sign. It took all I had to not go ballistic. I was like damn it if I were married to him already I know for a fact I would have turned the trash can upside down. I'm glad I didnt because, I'm sure that I would have found something else (perhaps a used condom wrapper).

I looked behind the shower curtain and it even looked like the woman may have even showered with my shower gel. How can she be that trifling to put a pad in the trash without wrapping it up? Besides I know I shouldnt even be rattling on but, I'm a bit devastated. I arrived in the afternoon and when I gets there he says he needs to get in the shower. I was like you've been walking around all day and hadn't showered. I suppose this woman was kissing on my man. He had changed around his apartment too. I was like I guess you didnt get it from her this time but, you're working on it right? I don't know why I felt so different about this man. This is unreal.:sad:
 
Nella said:
Yes, I'm hurt and shocked. To be honest with you all I really thought that him and I were really serious about each other. I just felt like my confirmation was the lie he told. I've been praying and asking God all along to show me a sign and for the life of me I really didn't want to believe this was the sign. It took all I had to not go ballistic. I was like damn it if I were married to him already I know for a fact I would have turned the trash can upside down. I'm glad I didnt because, I'm sure that I would have found something else (perhaps a used condom wrapper).

I looked behind the shower curtain and it even looked like the woman may have even showered with my shower gel. How can she be that trifling to put a pad in the trash without wrapping it up? Besides I know I shouldnt even be rattling on but, I'm a bit devastated. I arrived in the afternoon and when I gets there he says he needs to get in the shower. I was like you've been walking around all day and hadn't showered. I suppose this woman was kissing on my man. He had changed around his apartment too. I was like I guess you didnt get it from her this time but, you're working on it right? I don't know why I felt so different about this man. This is unreal.:sad:
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aww I'm sorry you are hurt but its good you found out now instead of 2yrs from now.:perplexed
 
ElizaBlue said:
...to wonder is to know...
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That is so true!!!!! I was listening to a christian show last night and this was the sermon preached about and it surely hit home for me.

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

I don't really need to know why or who. I need to follow God's word and know that this man isn't the one for me. I felt like something wasn't right over the last few weeks. I truly did. I asked for the lord's guidance and some of the hints he was giving me I kept saying - that's not it. I don't think he could have made it more clear this time.
 
You will be better off without him. :yep:


If he had told the truth, that would have been one thing. Heck, even if he had used a more appropriate lie (like my cousin stopped by yesterday) but to out and out deny that ANY WOMAN was in his home is a slap in the face. It insults your intelligence. Obviously if you are asking, you know something. You are not asking, just to be asking.

Men never learn that ish. A woman is asking because she already knows the answer.

I've been where you are and you need to THANK GOD you did not marry this man. Finding out before marriage is always a blessing. Ask any married woman who is now putting up with a lying, cheating, son of a biytch! :wallbash:


Nella said:
That is so true!!!!! I was listening to a christian show last night and this was the sermon preached about and it surely hit home for me.

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

I don't really need to know why or who. I need to follow God's word and know that this man isn't the one for me. I felt like something wasn't right over the last few weeks. I truly did. I asked for the lord's guidance and some of the hints he was giving me I kept saying - that's not it. I don't think he could have made it more clear this time.
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nvybeauty said:
You will be better off without him. :yep:


If he had told the truth, that would have been one thing. Heck, even if he had used a more appropriate lie (like my cousin stopped by yesterday) but to out and out deny that ANY WOMAN was in his home is a slap in the face. It insults your intelligence. Obviously if you are asking, you know something. You are not asking, just to be asking.

Men never learn that ish. A woman is asking because she already knows the answer.

I've been where you are and you need to THANK GOD you did not marry this man. Finding out before marriage is always a blessing. Ask any married woman who is now putting up with a lying, cheating, son of a biytch! :wallbash:
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I surely agree on the bolded. I looked at him and was like you know you just gave me the answer that I wasn't expecting to hear. He was like "huh,what do you mean"? And then I so wanted to get up and leave but, it was snowing so bad and I had my daughter with me. I went to bed and woke up in the morning and my daughter and I left. He at this point I'm sure doesn't exactly know how I'm handling this and in this case probably doesn't care. He's been calling and texting like crazy but, I just can't fathom all of this. I'm surely not going to blow this off but, I wish I would have told him then fu** him. I left and he probably thinks I really believe it's his cousins.

I need to hurry up and officially tell him "it's over". I'm too much of a woman and a good one to let this nonsense be OKAY!
 
Nella said:
I surely agree on the bolded. I looked at him and was like you know you just gave me the answer that I wasn't expecting to hear. He was like "huh,what do you mean"? And then I so wanted to get up and leave but, it was snowing so bad and I had my daughter with me. I went to bed and woke up in the morning and my daughter and I left. He at this point I'm sure doesn't exactly know how I'm handling this and in this case probably doesn't care. He's been calling and texting like crazy but, I just can't fathom all of this. I'm surely not going to blow this off but, I wish I would have told him then fu** him. I left and he probably thinks I really believe it's his cousins.

I need to hurry up and officially tell him "it's over". I'm too much of a woman and a good one to let this nonsense be OKAY!
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Good for you!

This happened to me before too: This guy I was seeing at the time told me that he was going away for the weekend one Friday. But everytime I called him on his cell, I could never get in touch with him (Clue #1). He finally did call on Sunday evening to tell me he was back home and asked me to come over. When I went to the bathroom I found a few pads in the trash can. (Clue #2) It was obvious that he lied about going away for the weekend. He was home the entire time. Why? He had gotten another girl pregnant and had taken her to get an abortion. He was at home the entire time taking care of her. How did I find all of this out? His boy told me everything. It was meant for me to know. It was heart breaking because I thought we really had something. I left that fool and never looked back.
 
OP, you will be OK :yep: It hurts now, but just imagine how you would feel if you found about him after marrying him....that is soooo not pretty :nono:


You and your daughter deserve better.
 
Glad you found out sooner rather than later. I know it hurts but this too shall pass. Keep your head up. Q
 
Im so sorry about this Nella...
Im so angry for you! You are a bigger woman than me, because I would have gone off the handle. Your calmness shows a lot of strength...use that strength to leave him behind and move on to a brighter future. Dont give yourself time to try to justify anything. The more time you give yourself to think before you break it off, the more dangerous it is. You may start thinkings "Well maybe.....". Trust your initial instinct, it will never steer you wrong. I know your heart is broken right now, but it will heal with time. And when you meet the real Mr Right, you will celebrate this relationship not working out so it allowed you to meet someone better for you. I went through this with my ex for a long time...only I was dumb enough to stay and listen to his lies for a very long time. When I got the strength to realize I deserved better...it came out of nowhere bc he had actually straightened up his act...but it was too little too late and the lines of communication and trust had already been broken long before. Dont be foolish like I was and waste years on someone thinking they will change, when they have already showed you who they really are. You are way better than that. HE messed up. HE LOST YOU. You didnt lose him. Remember that. Keep your head up chica.
 
Nella said:
I looked behind the shower curtain and it even looked like the woman may have even showered with my shower gel. How can she be that trifling to put a pad in the trash without wrapping it up?:sad:
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Sorry this happened to you:hugs:

Also, sorry to tell you this (to your bolded). But some women almost want the girlfriend to find out so the other woman can have the man (I've never been the "other woman" but I know people who have). It's a shame how some women are okay with sharing someone's man! Get your own!
 
Something similiar happened to me. Lord, I could write a book on all the men drama I've dealt with...

Anywho, he left me alone at his place and I was chillin in his room looking at some pics that he had up and I noticed a woman's loofah, women's smell-good stuff (fruits and berries, flowers, etc), women's feminine products, weave glue and other weave items in a see-through plastic bin on his dresser. I was like...WTF? And I started snooping more.

Then I noticed in his dresser drawer there were bras and panties. I looked in the closet, one side of the closet was men's clothes, the other women's clothes. I"m like, "Is he living another life??!!" At this point I was LIVID!!! I noticed a purse on the door, rifled through it. There was a wallet in there including photo id of his ex-girlfriend who he had supposedly been done with. Plus, she supposedly lived in Cleveland although there was a recent bank statement from the bank up the street from his house. :nono:

I snooped around some more and found all kinds of pictures of them, school books and notebooks of hers and information that she worked for the local baseball team. Don't you know he had me up in his house on a day that the baseball team was in town playing during the SAME time their game was going on? He knew she wouldn't be home for a few hours and had me up in there.

So when he came back I simply asked him whose purse was on the door, he lied and said his sisters. So I left and that was that. I gave him the opportunity to come clean another time, and he didn't. That was that. I talked to him not long ago and he still denied it so I busted out and told him EVERYTHING I saw, he still tried to blame it on his sister. Lying *** piece of sh*t.

Honey, he tried to convince me that I didn't see what I saw or know what I knew...men are good for that, they will have you doubting yourself like no other. STICK with what you KNOW. Follow that gut instinct. It's NEVER wrong!!!!!
 
Something similar happened to my friend. She came over to her boyfriends apartment, now ex of course and found a condom in the trash and she said they hadn't been intimate in a while because she was gone for summer break. Of course he tried to say it was theres anyway and play some mind games on her like she was crazy. His sidepiece got mad about being a sidepiece and called up my friend and spilled all the beans. She had been visiting him and they had sex when my friend was out of town on break. Its a blessing that his true self has been revealed.
 
Leslie_C said:
Im so sorry about this Nella...
Im so angry for you! You are a bigger woman than me, because I would have gone off the handle. Your calmness shows a lot of strength...use that strength to leave him behind and move on to a brighter future. Dont give yourself time to try to justify anything. The more time you give yourself to think before you break it off, the more dangerous it is. You may start thinkings "Well maybe.....". Trust your initial instinct, it will never steer you wrong. I know your heart is broken right now, but it will heal with time. And when you meet the real Mr Right, you will celebrate this relationship not working out so it allowed you to meet someone better for you. I went through this with my ex for a long time...only I was dumb enough to stay and listen to his lies for a very long time. When I got the strength to realize I deserved better...it came out of nowhere bc he had actually straightened up his act...but it was too little too late and the lines of communication and trust had already been broken long before. Dont be foolish like I was and waste years on someone thinking they will change, when they have already showed you who they really are. You are way better than that. HE messed up. HE LOST YOU. You didnt lose him. Remember that. Keep your head up chica.
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ITA!:yep:

Nella, I am like you. . . I do not need to know the 'who' and the 'why'. I only concern myself with the. . . . 'how'. I. am. going. to. exit. In dating, women have to realize men will not respect you if you stay no matter how they beg or plead. His loss!
 
The same exact thing happened to me... Only I chose to ignore it and never asked any questions. Come to find out several months later that he was exactly what I suspected.... a dog :ohwell:
 
I'm sorry this happened to you. The same thing happened to a girlfriend of mine with her husband. She and her son went to visit her mom and the "husband" brought the "other woman" into their home to stay with him while the wife and child were away. The other woman left her house shoes in their bedroom to let my girlfriend know that "yes I was here". My girls spent the night in jail behind this mess and they're still together, that's not a good thing.
 
Believe your gut and also believe that this woman did this intentionally to leave her mark. It is a common tactic for women to leave something behind for the next woman to see. It's like a way of marking territory. Fortunately for you, you now have the option of deciding whether or not to stay with a cheater. I hope you decide to leave.
 
SweetNic_JA said:
Believe your gut and also believe that this woman did this intentionally to leave her mark. It is a common tactic for women to leave something behind for the next woman to see. It's like a way of marking territory. Fortunately for you, you now have the option of deciding whether or not to stay with a cheater. I hope you decide to leave.
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ITA! I've been through that before too and your first instinct is usually the right one!!!
 
Nella said:
That is so true!!!!! I was listening to a christian show last night and this was the sermon preached about and it surely hit home for me.

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

I don't really need to know why or who. I need to follow God's word and know that this man isn't the one for me. I felt like something wasn't right over the last few weeks. I truly did. I asked for the lord's guidance and some of the hints he was giving me I kept saying - that's not it. I don't think he could have made it more clear this time.
Click to expand...


:yep: the Good Lord made it very clear.. .Consider this a blessing in disquise. You are better off without him.
 
Cincysweetie said:
Anywho, he left me alone at his place and I was chillin in his room looking at some pics that he had up and I noticed a woman's loofah, women's smell-good stuff (fruits and berries, flowers, etc), women's feminine products, weave glue and other weave items in a see-through plastic bin on his dresser. I was like...WTF? And I started snooping more.

Honey, he tried to convince me that I didn't see what I saw or know what I knew...men are good for that, they will have you doubting yourself like no other. STICK with what you KNOW. Follow that gut instinct. It's NEVER wrong!!!!!
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Yeah, and I suppose that was he doing to cover it up. He's not a good liar. He actually said I haven't taken the trash out in the bathroom in over a month. I was like and that is a lie too. I was just here about two weeks ago and I know for a fact you took the trash out because, you did alot of cleaning up. Plus he keeps his place clean. Hell I couldn't get him to sit down. I actually watched him run out to the trash like three times. Hmm, I'm sure now that she had to have been there before but, at that time I didn't notice it.

Covergirl5906 said:
:yep: the Good Lord made it very clear.. .Consider this a blessing in disquise. You are better off without him.
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You're right!
 
I just wanted to say thanks to all of the ladies here for your support. This is a difficult time for me and I needed to vent. I'm so upset about what happened and I've been doing alot of praying. I know that God has confirmed what my intuition has thought. He didn't bring the woman there while I was there but, evidently some woman was there. One he claims was his cousin. I know that if that were true he would have said his cousin was there immediately. He would have never asked why, where and how did you come up with someone was here.

I feel like such a fool. If, I thought that all I wanted was to be a bootycall and was willing to accept this type of stuff. Maybe, that would have been fine. When you're the other woman you find that type of stuff. It doesn't upset you.

This is the hardest thing for me to do but, I am going to have to end this. I was so prepared had begun the wedding dress search (lol, didn't order the dress) and shoot even begun saving money for the wedding. This man I loved dearly.

However, God knows what's best - I felt much better with my Ex though. We ended things on a good note. We were best friends who got involved and became very serious. However, he lives miles and miles away (another state only four hours) this created some problems for us. We talk but, no where near as often. Hmmm...he called last night maybe God is trying to tell me something. God knows my heart!
 
bluediamond0829 said:
So for this man to do this to you its really showing that he didnt even have the least bit of respect for you and to lie of all things..how can you build trust in someone when they lie...
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i totally agree. op, i'm sorry that you are going through this. however, it's better that he revealed his true colours now then later down the line had the two of you gotten married. this really is his loss and i think he will regret this.
 
shakira74 said:
Good for you!

This happened to me before too: This guy I was seeing at the time told me that he was going away for the weekend one Friday. But everytime I called him on his cell, I could never get in touch with him (Clue #1). He finally did call on Sunday evening to tell me he was back home and asked me to come over. When I went to the bathroom I found a few pads in the trash can. (Clue #2) It was obvious that he lied about going away for the weekend. He was home the entire time. Why? He had gotten another girl pregnant and had taken her to get an abortion. He was at home the entire time taking care of her. How did I find all of this out? His boy told me everything. It was meant for me to know. It was heart breaking because I thought we really had something. I left that fool and never looked back.
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Do you know I ran into this fool last night at an NBA game?? Unreal. It's been years since I've seen him. We talked for a minute but at the end of the conversation I walked away feeling good because I know that I've been better off without him. Plus the fact that he couldn't stop staring at me, practically babbling and drooling, to find out if I was still married boosted my self-esteem TONS. I smiled BIG and replied "YES!" :yep: He gave me his card to "keep in touch" I tossed that sucka in the garbage so fast. :rolleyes:

So you see OP, you WILL be fine, it's his loss! :cool2:
 
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