Okay, I'm Not Happy (a little long)

[Supergirl]

I was very excited about getting a retouch after stretching 15 weeks, but my excitement quickly went away.

Now, I do really like my stylist because she is sweet, accommodating and listens well to my requests. She isn't scissor happy. She also supports my PJ habit! But the last 3 out of 5 visits or so, I have left unhappy.

I have been letting her flat iron my hair for time's sake, because it takes her about 45 minutes to an hour just to put rollers in my hair then it's another hour to hour and a half under the dryer. So we've been flat ironing. Well, the iron gets too hot. I should not see smoke coming from my hair in the mirror when the iron is on it, right? Then I can kind of smell a burning smell. I know that happens to a degree with marcels, but dang not too much!

But even with all that heat, my hair does not feel silky. It feels rough and tangled. Just combing through it brings out lots of hair or at least more than I like to see. If I, with my non-professional hair styling status, can get my hair silky at home with a flat iron or curling iron, then she should be able too. Any other stylist I've been to in the past has been able to get the job done.

Now, let's discuss the trim I got last night. It is lopsided! The right side of my hair is noticeably longer than the left. It made me want to cry. For some strange reason, on the right side she trimmed about an inch which we agreed to. On the left side she trimmed, I estimate, about 2 inches which we DID NOT agree to.

I already have someone else in mind to do my hair. But man it's hard starting over with a new stylist--kind of like breaking off a relationship and starting a new one. By now, my current stylist knows my hair hang-ups, my hair obsession, and that I don't play when it comes to scissors. Now I have to help someone else learn these things. This is hard. I really do like my current stylist, but she is just not pleasing me as far as my hair goes.

I cheated on her about 9 months ago and went to a stylist for a wash and set. This woman did a beautiful job--much better than my regular stylist, but I did not go back to her. Why? I had a thread about it. She was talking about how I needed six inches trimmed off my hair. The pic in my avatar was taken at this time if you'd like to see how I DIDN'T need 6 inches off my hair.

Thank you all for letting me do this hair vent! I need some support. I also feel like I will have to give my hair some extra TLC after that HOT behind marcel iron, and the roughness of my hair causing me to lose hair. Send me some love. Send me some encouraging words. Send me some names of some good treatments to help heat damaged hair. Thanks in advance my LHCF hair homies.

 

[aileenadq]

You know, summer is coming. Maybe lay off the heat altogether? You have the hair for a nice wash and go pony.

And if you like her that much, and she's open to listening to you, tell her to turn down tthe heat on the iron! Or bring your own. I wouldn't switch a stylist you've already "trained" like that. Just MHO.

Good luck!

 

[blackhair]

Exactly what Aileen just said. Your hair is beautiful. You have done a wonderful job all by yourself. You won't let someone else destroy it (even if she does not mean to). You should talk to her or go to the other stylist and tell her if she can comply to your willings. I have tried so many stylists by now I am just exausted. I will just do it my self. I was hanging to the only one I trusted, she does a wonderful job on my hair but during the whole process she will go on and on how my hair is overprocessed, how my edges are bad... I am tired. I will let them all go. Will buy professional appliances and do it myself.

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

Supergirl,

i feel your pain. Your hair's beauty speaks for itself and I totally understand how you feel. I just wonder how after you going to her for so long, things all of a sudden took a turn for the worst. Especially when you say she knows how "you are" about your hair.

I don't really have any sound advice but I just wanted to show you support and wish you well with whatever decision you do make...

 

[Supergirl]

You know, summer is coming. Maybe lay off the heat altogether? You have the hair for a nice wash and go pony.

And if you like her that much, and she's open to listening to you, tell her to turn down tthe heat on the iron! Or bring your own. I wouldn't switch a stylist you've already "trained" like that. Just MHO.

Good luck!

I did take my CHI curling iron one time. She complained that it did not get hot enough. I thought that was the reason that my hair came out rough, but even with the devil's marcel iron last night, my hair was still rough.

Maybe I could just go to her and let her relax, neutralize, and condition and then I'd leave with a wet head and go home and do my own darn style. Just thinking to myself...

 

[Queenie]

I would never go back after getting a lopsided haircut. That's her job, she apparently doesn't care about making you look your best.

 

[KiniKakes]

Oh dear! I totally understand your concerns. It sounds like your current stylist means well, and has good, honorable intentions.... but lately has just not been up to par. Yet, you all share so much "history", and she knows your likes/dislikes/pet peeves, so that each visit doesnt have to be an argument/battle of will over what should and should not be done to your hair.

Meanwhile, the other stylist, who you "cheated with", did a lovely job the last time you went.... but you know that a "lifetime" with her (lol) will be marked by conflict and disagreements about whether or not you need all that durn hair chopped off. *smh*

Hmm, its a tough dilemma. Well, back to the first stlylist: Have she ever done a nice job at flat-ironing your hair? I mean, have you ever left her in the past w/your hair feeling silky and flowing as you like? If so, perhaps these last couple of occasions have just been flukes. Maybe she used too much of a particular product or changed a product (were you watching exactly what she sprayed in your hair, while wet setting or before flat-ironing?) Well either way, if you KNOW that she is capable of doing it right, but the last couple of times were unusual.... then maybe you could casually mention that your hair seemed to "feel different" the last time you went. Now you can use your judgment with this one, of course. You've known her for a while so... is she the type of stylist that gets all defensive/hurt/angry when you suggest that something didnt look quite right? Or is she sweet and open-minded to your concerns, generally? If the latter, then perhaps she will respond well to your concerns, and actually take the time to think about what may have gone wrong.

As far as that bad trim she gave, all i have to say is AAARGGGHH!!!! I've had that too (a lopsided hair cut), and I was in tears for the rest of that day. Ppl thought I was over-reacting, but they just didn't understand. Man, I was torn between cutting the other side to even it out so I didn't look too crazy, and just letting it grow out eventually, so as not to lose that much hair. I ended up not cutting it to even it, and today it looks fine. It only happened because the wench was just not paying attention, and not putting her 100% what she was doing. Today, I scrutinize any stylist like a hawk when I see those scissors coming to my hair.

But I digress..... In terms of your current situation: On your next visit to her (original stylist), I would attempt to have that conversation with her, in as diplomatic and non-confrontational a tone as possible. Perhaps it can "come up" casually, as she is roller setting the hair or whatever. I wouldnt even bother to mention the bad hair trim, because it sounds like that isnt a regular thing from her, and probably wont happen again (as long as she's paying attention). You don't want to come at her with too many "And you did this wrong, and you did this wrong," because I think that may put her too much on the defensive and she won't be as open to hearing you.

Meanwhile, I would also continue to discreetly shop around. You can talk to your girls about stylists they see, and find out from them whether or not these stylists are the accomodating kind, who actually care about what you want and don't want... or if they are the aggressive, scissor-happy, "I know whats best for your hair because I'm the expert and how dare you question my good judgment" kind.

The idea of a "no heat" summer is also good, and would certainly solve the problem w/your first stylist.... but I know that sometimes this simply isnt feasible, when you are trying to achieve a certain look in that muggy, humid weather.

Eh well, I've rambled on for too long, but I hope some of that helped. Your hair looks absolutely AMAZING, and you have done a beautiful job maintaining it, thus far! I know that it will bounce back quickly from that most recent heat damage, and I wish I could offer some good advice in terms of effective protein/restructuring/etc conditioners, but unfortunately Im still a newbie at this and don't know all the "good stuff" yet.

Good luck girl!!!!!!

 

[phynestone]

Do you think she was rushing when she flat-ironed your hair this time and the past few times? That's a possibility. Regardless, if you want to keep her as a stylist, you should voice your concerns. I mean, you ARE paying her for a service and know your hair better than she does, so she should listen. As for the lopsided haircut, I really don't know. Since you two didn't agree on the particular cut, maybe you should look for another stylist.

 

[syze6]

Supergirl, this is me all the way. I had noticed that the back part of my hair always felt rough and dry-like. No matter how much moisture I added. I was getting a blow dry and flat iron due to time also. For some reason I would comb through my hair and it would get tangled toward the end and literally stick together.

When I had got a trim, the stylist said my hair was burned either from blow dying or flat ironing. She noticed the ends were white . She said to lay off heat! I hate the rough feel and it breaks when I comb through it. I thinking of letting it grow out then trim or just get long layers and start over!

 

[Healthb4Length]

Supergirl, since you've had a long relationship with this stylist and she does just about everything you ask, why don't you have a sit down face to face or a phone conversation with her and tell her your concerns. It may be miscommunication, it may be that she got comfortable...who knows? But I think that you should have a serious conversation with her again stating your needs and concerns and if she doesn't ship up then it's time to move on.

 

[Supergirl]

KiniKakes,

Thank you so much. You brought up many valid points. She has done a nice job before, just not in the last year or so.

19Sweetie,

She absolutely was rushing these last two times, especially the time before this one. Her husband was mad at her because he was expecting her to be somewhere and he'd hung up the phone in her face because he was mad. It made her all nervous and rushy and she still had 3 or 4 heads to complete after me. So that time I did pass it off as a fluke. But this time, she didn't have any source of pressure to hurry up and there was only 1 other client there with us.

She is not the kind that would get angry or defensive if I told her how I felt. She's got the nicest personality.

The stylist I'm considering now isn't the one I cheated with--lol. It's a different lady that I know from church and she is also one of my dad's insurance customers. She is very nice--hair is always gorgeous, and I get a good vibe from her. I would, of course, try her for a wash and set first if I were going to try her out. She is closer in distance too. I guess that doesn't really matter. I'll drive many miles for someone that's good with and good for my hair.

 

[Supergirl]

Supergirl, since you've had a long relationship with this stylist and she does just about everything you ask, why don't you have a sit down face to face or a phone conversation with her and tell her your concerns. It may be miscommunication, it may be that she got comfortable...who knows? But I think that you should have a serious conversation with her again stating your needs and concerns and if she doesn't ship up then it's time to move on.

This is good advice. I've been telling myself for the time I've been unhappy with her, that I only go to her for retouches and that certainly I can deal with this every 12 or so weeks. But I feel like last night's appointment was a real setback.

 

[ArizonaBeauty]

My stylist uses cermaic flat irons...she has the marcel ones but told me if the style I wanted didn't require her to use them she won't, because it stresses the hair to much even when warmed to the correct temperture. Maybe you can take your flat irons to the shop the next time, since you like everything else about her.

 

[KiniKakes]

KiniKakes,

Thank you so much. You brought up many valid points. She has done a nice job before, just not in the last year or so.

19Sweetie,

She absolutely was rushing these last two times, especially the time before this one. Her husband was mad at her because he was expecting her to be somewhere and he'd hung up the phone in her face because he was mad. It made her all nervous and rushy and she still had 3 or 4 heads to complete after me. So that time I did pass it off as a fluke. But this time, she didn't have any source of pressure to hurry up and there was only 1 other client there with us.

She is not the kind that would get angry or defensive if I told her how I felt. She's got the nicest personality.

The stylist I'm considering now isn't the one I cheated with--lol. It's a different lady that I know from church and she is also one of my dad's insurance customers. She is very nice--hair is always gorgeous, and I get a good vibe from her. I would, of course, try her for a wash and set first if I were going to try her out. She is closer in distance too. I guess that doesn't really matter. I'll drive many miles for someone that's good with and good for my hair.

That sounds like a plan, girl!!!! Shop around a bit and test the waters.... but don't turn your back on Stylist #1 completely, due to your history.

 

[Mystic]

Supergirl...., I feel your pain and I hope this feeling will become a distant memory soon. Since you have such a good relationship with her and you have been with her for so long, why don't you talk to her and express your feelings? It's not like she was never good before. In your eyes, she used to be a good hair dresser up until this year so sit down with her and try to find out what has changed. You might be surprised how helpful that discussion might be to her. The saying is that, "Familiarity breeds content". We tend to take each other for granted but sometimes when we speak up, if she cares enough, she will always remember how you feel and do her best at all times with your hair. If after speaking with her she makes no attempt to change the way she handles your hair, at that time I would leave.

 

[MzTami]

Hi Supergirl,

I really don't deal with stylist, but my advice would be that maybe she needs a refresher course on how you like your hair done. Sometimes stylist get too comfortable with their clients and think that they can do whatever. It is still a business transaction that you are paying for and expect top notch service. I would definately let her know that too!

Also, I would just tell her that I know that you are in a hurry, and my hair may take longer than others, but for the last 8 or 9 times that you've flat ironed my hair, it hasn't been silky like in the past; therefore, I would like for you to schedule me at a time where you'll have time to do my hair the way I like it. Also, let her know that you're having massive shedding, breakage, etc...due to the flat-iron.

I think that she is too comfortable, and doesn't respect the fact that you are still a paying customer despite the long history that you and her have together.

Good Luck.....BTW your hair is beautifullll(That's with 4 L's)

 

[Supergirl]

Thanks MzT,

As I'm walking around today, I smell a burnt smell--and it's my hair.
But that's going to be my lead in when I call her. I will tell her that I think the iron was too hot and that my hair smells burnt and then ask her what I should do. Hopefully, that will set up the conversation I really need to have with her.

Lesson learned:

no more flat ironing to save time--will deal with the 2.5 hour rollerset any day!

 

[wadadligyal]

The fact that you are walking around smelling burnt hear and it's yours then you definitely need to not let her come near you with an iron again. That must be very frustrating after all your hard work to have such a set back. I know how it is when you have developed a relationship with a stylist and don't want to have to look for another one. But look at it this way. Your main concern is the health of your hair so please do not try to keep a relationship with this stylist if she is gonna be buring your hair. That is some ill ISH!!!!!

Just shop around even if you have to go to her for relaxers and go somewhere else for a roller set do what you have to do. Please do not let anyone mess up all the progress you have made with your hair. And she also gave you a lopsided cut? Hell NAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! She's gotta go!!!! Shop around for a better stylist till you find the one you want. I love your hair and would hate to see it keep getting burnt or destroyed.

Remember you are paying for the service so if it's not what you want then that stylist is not the one for you. We can't wait till someone completely destroys our hair before we change stylists.

Keep your head up and keep giving your hair the TLC you've been giving it. I know it's a setback but it will grow back and your hair is still beautiful girl!!!!! Put a on your face its gonna be ok!!!!

 

[hopeful]

Thanks MzT,

As I'm walking around today, I smell a burnt smell--and it's my hair.
But that's going to be my lead in when I call her. I will tell her that I think the iron was too hot and that my hair smells burnt and then ask her what I should do. Hopefully, that will set up the conversation I really need to have with her.

Lesson learned:

no more flat ironing to save time--will deal with the 2.5 hour rollerset any day!

Definitely stay away from the flat iron! If I were you I would "date" both of the stylists for awhile. I'd go back and forth, back and forth for awhile, doing rollersets most times. Then you can compare week to week who seems better equipped to handle your hair, who's most patient, who makes your hair feel the softest and silkiest, etc. Breaking up with a stylist or pulling away from a stylist can be stressful when you've established a long and nice relationship but always keep in mind that she is not your best friend or your SO, lol she is your stylist and the number one priority in that relationship is that she does an excellent job with your hair. Sometimes people do change and all the talking in the work can't make them be the way you want them to be.

 

[Supergirl]

Definitely stay away from the flat iron! If I were you I would "date" both of the stylists for awhile. I'd go back and forth, back and forth for awhile, doing rollersets most times. Then you can compare week to week who seems better equipped to handle your hair, who's most patient, who makes your hair feel the softest and silkiest, etc. Breaking up with a stylist or pulling away from a stylist can be stressful when you've established a long and nice relationship but always keep in mind that she is not your best friend or your SO, lol she is your stylist and the number one priority in that relationship is that she does an excellent job with your hair. Sometimes people do change and all the talking in the work can't make them be the way you want them to be.

Well, I don't go every week. I just go for relaxer touch ups really. I am considering going to this new stylist for a shampoo, condition, and roller set just to evaluate her though.

 

[Supergirl]

The fact that you are walking around smelling burnt hear and it's yours then you definitely need to not let her come near you with an iron again. That must be very frustrating after all your hard work to have such a set back. I know how it is when you have developed a relationship with a stylist and don't want to have to look for another one. But look at it this way. Your main concern is the health of your hair so please do not try to keep a relationship with this stylist if she is gonna be buring your hair. That is some ill ISH!!!!!

Just shop around even if you have to go to her for relaxers and go somewhere else for a roller set do what you have to do. Please do not let anyone mess up all the progress you have made with your hair. And she also gave you a lopsided cut? Hell NAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! She's gotta go!!!! Shop around for a better stylist till you find the one you want. I love your hair and would hate to see it keep getting burnt or destroyed.

Remember you are paying for the service so if it's not what you want then that stylist is not the one for you. We can't wait till someone completely destroys our hair before we change stylists.

Keep your head up and keep giving your hair the TLC you've been giving it. I know it's a setback but it will grow back and your hair is still beautiful girl!!!!! Put a on your face its gonna be ok!!!!

Thanks that was really sweet and encouraging. I DO feel like boo-hooing today. I know my little 2nd grade darlings are wondering why their usually funny, cracking silly jokes teacher, is just not chipper today.

 

[caligirl]

Supergirl,

Have you been to a dominican salon? You could get a rollerset in about 15 minutes, sit under the dryer for an hour then have them wrap it. The next day you will have silky swinging hair (minus the heat and damage).

 

[caligirl]

maybe she needs a refresher course on how you like your hair done. Sometimes stylist get too comfortable with their clients and think that they can do whatever. It is still a business transaction that you are paying for and expect top notch service.

I heard that!

 

[Supergirl]

Supergirl,

Have you been to a dominican salon? You could get a rollerset in about 15 minutes, sit under the dryer for an hour then have them wrap it. The next day you will have silky swinging hair (minus the heat and damage).

Hee Hee, Girl I live Deep in the heart of Texas where Dominican salons are unheard of. I only dream of visiting a Dominican salon.

 

[simplycee]

Maybe I could just go to her and let her relax, neutralize, and condition and then I'd leave with a wet head and go home and do my own darn style.

I do this all the time! I have my stylist put my hair into a ponytail and I put a scarf on and go home and style myself. I'd rather do that then come home and wash and condition all over cause I hate what she did. Sometimes I bring my own rollers and have her set my hair and I leave and go home and sit under my own dryer to dry. The way I see it she still gets paid either way so why should it matter to her if I want to style it myself.

 

[Supergirl]

I do this all the time! I have my stylist put my hair into a ponytail and I put a scarf on and go home and style myself. I'd rather do that then come home and wash and condition all over cause I hate what she did. Sometimes I bring my own rollers and have her set my hair and I leave and go home and sit under my own dryer to dry. The way I see it she still gets paid either way so why should it matter to her if I want to style it myself.

Okay good, so I wouldn't feel crazy for doing this! Er, um--do you bring your own scrunchie for the ponytail?

 

[lonei]

Maybe I could just go to her and let her relax, neutralize, and condition and then I'd leave with a wet head and go home and do my own darn style. Just thinking to myself...

I think you should, that way you know it will come out the way you want it to, minus all that damage. Thats why I just cant go to stylists, you've been doing a great job on your own, dont let anyone else ruin it...

 

[Supergirl]

Little Update:

It's 2 days later and I am feeling more hopeful now. My lopsided trim is not SO bad, especially since I'm in protective styles most of the time. I probably won't try to even it up. But I'm about 90% sure that I'll be going to another stylist from now on. I'm really ready to wash and condition my hair to get rid of this rough feeling, but I've found that my hair reverts if I shampoo and condition too soon after the retouch. I'm waiting a week just to be safe. Thanks again for all your encouragement and support.

Also, I used to self trim but I've forgotten how. Do you all have any tips or can you point me to any threads on the topic?

 

[SoAnxious12]

Awww, it's going to be okay! I like Aphogee treatments in my hair when it feels a little rough.

 

[Allandra]

no more flat ironing to save time--will deal with the 2.5 hour rollerset any day!

IMO, a rollerset is much better than a flat iron. It's takes a while to do a rollerset on my hair, but it's definitely worth the wait.