Oh Ish. I think I have a "complex"

[Lilmama1011]

Don't compare it to anyone else's hair, learn your hair and learn what works for your hair. Learning to take care of your hair makes you love your hair. I use to be the type to get a relaxer every six week faithfully but now I look forward to my stretches and love my new growth when I have it up still continue to relax so that I can avoid the flat iron and what sleeker results. I had a set back and hated my hair but even with it getting back healthy i love the fact that I can over come a setback with the right techniques and patience, I think not having patience is what makes us hate our hair

 

[koolkittychick]

I feel you on the complexes girl. I come from a long line of very colorstruck Caribbean folks, and I was made to feel all kinds of ways because I came up just short in the looks department according to them. Even though I was very light skinned as a child, because I did not inherit my mom's long, 3b curls, I constantly heard, "If only she had your hair..." from the time I understood words. And the fact that my mom had no knowledge of how to care for 4ab hair (I got it from my dad's side), my hair was pretty much between ear and chin length for much of my childhood. In fact, once she learned that I could braid my own hair at 10, she basically stopped doing it because she didn't want to deal with it any more.

Fortunately for me, she didn't destroy my hair with hot combs or relaxers, mainly because she didn't know how to use them, so I was natural until I was 18 years old and could pay for my first relaxer with my own money. That was when I slowly developed a complex about having long hair. Throughout most of my youth, my hair remained very short, never reaching past SL, and mainly staying around EL-NL due to the shaggy pixie that was my signature style back then. I learned to DIY my relaxers eventually because of cost, and that's when I started my quest for long hair. I didn't care whether it was kinky or straight, I just wanted it long. In fact the few times I went natural was because I thought I could grow my hair long faster that way. Little did I know that you had to take care of your natural hair entirely differently for that to happen, which is why I always went back to the creamy crack.

Never did develop an affinity for wigs or weaves, mainly because the convincing ones were more than I could ever afford, and I always likened the process to gluing someone else's fingernails to your own for a manicure. In a way that helped me as well, because it forced me to learn how to wear and deal with my own hair in all its iterations, even when that meant slapping on a hat and calling it a day.

Today, I still have a length complex, although oddly now I find it kind of dissipating as I get closer to realizing my dream of really long (for me) hair at BSL and beyond. Learning to stretch my relaxers has given me a taste for my natural hair again, and I miss it. I am even toying with the option of turning my stretch into a transition, now that I know that longer lengths are possible for me.

Learning to love your hair without wigs, weaves and relaxers is a process, and it takes different amounts of time for different people. As long as you are open and honest about your feelings as you go, you should be fine. Thank you for sharing your feeling with us, and I wish you peace, wellness and happy hair growing on your journey.

 

[*SkolarStar*]

are you finding that the weaves are causing damage and stunting your progress in any way? If not, then I don't see why you can't just keep on wearing them while growing your hair out to a length that you're more comfortable with. Maybe in another year you'll have another 6 inches and be shoulder length stretched...
If they are damaging your hair then, you're between a rock and hard place. Deal with your hair or lose it and in that case I would look into other styles...

Arlana Nope. In fact, I must have done something right this past go round because I cut my breakage by A LOT. When I take my hair down I usually have a lot of breakage just as before I put the hair in (it's what makes me put it away in the first place). This time I pulled at my hair just to see if i was being fooled. I hope I can get 6 inches. I seem to be a slow grower.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I feel you on the complexes girl. I come from a long line of very colorstruck Caribbean folks, and I was made to feel all kinds of ways because I came up just short in the looks department according to them. Even though I was very light skinned as a child, because I did not inherit my mom's long, 3b curls, I constantly heard, "If only she had your hair..." from the time I understood words. And the fact that my mom had no knowledge of how to care for 4ab hair (I got it from my dad's side), my hair was pretty much between ear and chin length for much of my childhood. In fact, once she learned that I could braid my own hair at 10, she basically stopped doing it because she didn't want to deal with it any more.

koolkittychick

My friends daughter has grown up with this crap and now she hates her hair even though its long 4a/b. She feels disgusted by it, but I am not surprised tbh. I'm trying to say nice things, but she rejects them straight away.