Newly Natural Vent

filthyfresh

New Member
I had to get on here to vent because I am so frustrated with my family. Mainly my Mom & one of my aunts. They are so completely uneducated on black hair & so completely whitewashed that I can't stand it! :wallbash:

My Mom consistently talks about how I need to do this and that with my hair. She asks my friends and my SO if they like my hair (while in front of me & if I leave the room) because she thinks my hair is ugly and that they're lying to me when they compliment me on it. She told me, "Your friends said they like your hair? They're lying to you. They're not your real friends. Don't listen to them. I'm your mother, I wouldn't lie to you because I love you." :nono: But then a few days later she saw me after I had put some KCCC in my hair & had my coils popping & said "Ooh I wish I could get my hair to do that!" Really now, Mom? This is the same hair that I had the other day that you were trying to convince my SO & friends that was so ugly. GTFOH.

My aunt. Let's do a background on her. She's worn glued in tracks for as long as I've been alive. She hardly has no hair now. She wears wigs & IWs religiously. So now she's been attempting to grow her hair underneath. She calls me today out of the blue asking if I comb my hair. Now any natural head knows that you usually comb your hair when you co-wash. So I said not really, just when I wash it every other day or so. She goes, 'Oh NO! You need to comb your hair every day so that it doesn't lock up and get matted and then they'll have to cut it out." I'm like I wash my hair almost daily & if I comb thru it all the time I'll mess up my curl pattern. She replies, "What you have on your head are not curls. Those are naps. No you need to comb that mess every day." I was furious. She has only seen me once since I did the BC & when she saw me, my curls/coils were popping. What killed me the most was when she asked if I wanted her to take me [which really means me picking her up and driving her since she doesn't drive] to get a wig to wear for interviews. I just told her okay to get her off the phone but I didn't set a specific date, nor do I want to. What do I look like taking hair advice from someone who has messed theirs up for the past 20+ years?

Who are they to tell me anything about MY hair? They don't know anything about natural hair. NEITHER of them are natural nor have they probably ever been. I am so incredibly sick of these two ganging up on me about my hair. The rest of the world has NO problem with my hair. In fact everybody loves it. Including my Dad, who is one of the most critical men I've ever met in my life. He doesn't mince words & even he told me, "Oh wow, your hair looks cute! Different, but cute. It suits you. I like it." Men see me on the street & try to talk to me so much more now that I'm natural. My SO loves it to death & can't keep his hands out of it. My goodness, even my token White girl friend likes it! LOL. And most of all, I like it. I plan to be a teacher & a writer so I don't think my natural hair will get in the way of anybody hiring me. My slapping on a wig for an interview isn't going to help me at all. I'm going to be so self-conscious about wearing a wig that I probably won't be able to focus.

I apologize for the length of this vent but I had to get it out to people who would understand how I feel. I'm just tired of their mess. They need to learn how to be quiet and let me do me. Stop interfering and talking about something they know nothing about. :yep:
 
No vent is too long for me to read :grin:

In any case, just brush them off your shoulder. They're only hurting themselves when they act in such an ignorant manner. Be happy that you're educating yourself and that you know that you're doing what's right for your own hair. Trust me, my mom still does my hair from time to time and she could barely get herself to cut a good chunk of my relaxed hair. We still argue about where my natural hair stops and where the relaxed hair begins! But I know that I can slowly start pushing her in the right direction. Maybe you can start doing that with your peoples but it will definitely take some time. Meanwhile, don't pay them no mind. You're rocking a God-given gift, a curl pattern that only we can have and still look fierce.
 
Glad you got it all out. I don't know if you can do a search but there have been plenty of other ladies who have had to show their mothers versus tell their mothers what they were doing in going natural.

Keep doing what you are doing. Don't be surprise if she starts going the reverse and stating how pretty your hair is. Some mothers are like that.

Vent when you need to. But just keep showing them. :yep:
 
wow I usually don't read vents too much but I read that whole thing and girl I feel u BUT ur mom finally gave u props about ur kccc style and ur aunt although rude was coming from a good place. If you don't want a wig then kindly let her know "I love my hair and I care for it." explain to her what cowashing is and how moisturizing it is OR make a deal "if I go to get a wig you'll let me cowash your hair". I don't know just thinking but anyway I'm happy you love your natural hair and that's what matters most.
 
Congrats on your BC! I had the same problem with my family until they saw how friggin' happy I was!
My aunt is the same way...glued in tracks, using alcohol to take them out, raking a fine tooth comb through her hair (cringe) and no matter how many times I try to educate her she just goes on about how I have good hair. Hopefully one day she will listen.
 
Girl dont fret, people who know the least about hair are always the first to give advice. its like when i started my masters program in a new country and i wore my hair out and stretched my relaxer, everyone i knew and didnt know gave me hair advice. i got pissed off one day and told off my friend, how are you going to coach me on how to maintain my hair so it doesnt break off? I have almost bsl hair that is very thick and yours is not even neck length.
The nerve of some people.
 
Awwww pookums! It will be OK!

First of all, congrats on your BC!!! You did it! All I can really offer for advice is to just love your family where they are. They may come around. They may not. The key is what makes YOU happy.

My family went nuts when I stopped using the creamy crack (they say I am part of THE MOVEMENT), but I just had to let it roll off my back. Just think of the freedom and confidence that comes with rocking your hair au naturale!! That's why you're turning heads!

Keep shining and rocking your God Given Beauty.
 
Do what make you happy, when we live our lives to please other we are unhappy. When you look at yourself everyday it's you beautiful me not them!
 
Awww ((((BIIIIIG HUUUUG))))

Sorry about momdukes and auntie. It's hard to hear it, I know.
You're happy with your hair and that's what matters!!
 
:bighug: :bighug: I wish everybody had a supportive family like I have. It's sad that those closest to us don't realize we (naturals) often face lots of negativity from outsiders/co workers that even if they (family members) wouldn't wear their hair natural,could be nice enough to not say anything at all if it isn't supportive. Hopefully in time your beautiful hair will change their views and attitudes.
 
:hug2: That's why you have us to vent to and talk about hair with. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to who understands the process.

Maybe they will come around eventually (esp. as your hair gets longer). Family members who were giving me worried glances during my transition have nothing but positive things to say now and ask me for hair advice.
 
When they see you with a head full of beautiful healty hair by this time next year you will hear nothing but

crickets.

hugs
 
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