Newbie With Lots of Questions

[movingforward13]

First time poster and I need ALL the help I can get.

I stopped relaxing around April 2013. Before that, I was braiding because I worked out every day, to lose weight for my wedding. My wedding was December 2012 and I relaxed my hair for that. Two weeks later found out my new husband was sleeping with a Temple med student after he got a new job in Philly- lost more weight to depression and eventually my long healthy hair. I wasn't caring for it correctly out of sheer ignorance and laziness about oiling it.

Now two years later, I am ready to regrow my hair but I don't know where to start. Relaxed, it is to the bottom of my neck (still learning the terms) but after a while my hair breaks off in the back. So April 2013, I started individual braiding and occasionally weaving. But it is so expensive. $175- 200 every six weeks- not to mention, they aren't taking care of MY hair in the process. I just got a Senegalese twist two weeks ago, but I decided after I take them out, I will be wearing my own hair. This is scary for me but I am going to do it.

Help me learn please. I am now using Indian hemp oil every 1-2 days to oil my hair while it is in the twists. Also using olive oil sheen. I am taking vitamins for the biotin. My hair does well growing in individual braids- growing about an half an inch every six weeks in the braids but I am sure most of that is damaged. I was thinking of relaxing after I take the twists out so I can get the damage accessed and cut off. I am not ready to do a big chop- not sure if one is necessary. How do I figure my hair type? I am afraid to do my hair myself because it is so hard to detangle but I am ready to learn. I am also in a new area (relocated to DC/ MD). I don't know where to go to get my own hair done.

It is funny, all my life I was told black women shouldn't wash their hair often so I thought this was normal. Now I see, they were wrong and we must use conditioner, limit heat, and moisturize *sigh* all confuzzled.

Attached is a pic of my hair washed and blowed dried straightened right before they twisted my hair two weeks ago. My goals here are to learn from you knowledgeable ladies, gain confidence to wear my own hair, and grow my hair to my lower mid back.

 

[SuchaLady]

I am so sorry about your marriage and depression

 

[SuchaLady]

After you remove the style that it's in now I recommend a haircut truthfully. Your hair that breaks in the back is also telling you something. It doesn't like the style you put it in, the products, being relaxed, etc. what products do you use? Relaxer? How often?

 

[irisak]

Welcome to the forum. So sorry to hear about all your recent issues. What part of MD are you in? I relocated to MD almost 3 years ago.

Fighting auto correct everyday

 

[NappyNelle]

I'm sorry to hear about your husband and the depression. Are you feeling more like yourself now?

How often are you washing and conditioning? How often you relax? What other products are you using?

Since your hair is breaking, I would recommend protein treatments followed up with moisturizing deep conditioners. Since your hair is neck length, it may be breaking around the collars of your shirts, scarves, etc. due friction. Updos and moisturizing your braid extensions can help you avoid that.

 

[movingforward13]

Thank you for the warm welcome. Yes! I am doing much better now. My body went through shock after learning about the infidelity and it took a while to recover. We are now divorced but are still connected by our four year old son. Spent $20K to get married to find out he was sleeping with someone he met 4 weeks before the wedding. Gave up a five year relationship and our family just so he could he could say he dated a soon to be doctor.

Anyway, I am located out in Silver Spring. I am not washing and conditioning now because my hair is in the braids. I guess that is my first wrong step. I am just afraid the braids will look horrible after the washing but I never tried it to know or not. Besides the hemp oil and the sheen, I am not using anything else.

My hair breaks off two months after it is relaxed, but that is probably because I don't know how to care for it. That is why I stopped relaxing and went back it braids. It is growing back thicker and now but it is very difficult to manage after washing. Is there a good detangler I can use? I have very thick hair and the only way the hair dressers can manage it is if they blow dry it straight after washing. But that uses heat, so I guess I can't do that any more?

 

[Guinan]

WELCOME NEWBIE!!!

@movingforward13, can you post your reggie? How often are you relaxing? Do you intend to keep relaxing or do you plan on becoming natural? Do you go to the salon to get your relaxers? What are you doing to your hair after it is relaxed?

Def, take a look at the Relaxed Hair thread. They have tons of advice/suggestions. I don't wash my hair either when it is in braids. However, I will use dry shampoo if my scalp is really dirty (when it is in braids). For a detangler, I really like using raw shea butter.

Also, when I was new to this hair thing, I watched a lot of youtube so that I could learn to build a reggie. My fav was shorty2sweet59. Def check her out, she provides great advice.

 

[movingforward13]

I don't have a regiment.... I guess I should start one. What do you recommend? I haven't relaxed since April 2013 and that was because of breakage. My hair grew back now but it is really thick. I want to go natural but the pain from it is making me rethink relaxing.
When I was relaxing, I was relaxing every 6-8 weeks (new growth). I see that some women relaxing only relax 4 times a year! I wonder if over relaxing was causing my breakage? I will definitely look for videos. Thank you so much for your advice and warm welcome ladies.

 

[Guinan]

I don't have a regiment.... I guess I should start one. What do you recommend? I haven't relaxed since April 2013 and that was because of breakage. My hair grew back now but it is really thick. I want to go natural but the pain from it is making me rethink relaxing.
When I was relaxing, I was relaxing every 6-8 weeks (new growth). I see that some women relaxing only relax 4 times a year! I wonder if over relaxing was causing my breakage? I will definitely look for videos. Thank you so much for your advice and warm welcome ladies.

Check out the transitioners thread too; especially if you are thinking about transitioning to natural. They have great advice/suggestions. Your reggie should cater to your hair's needs. Since you are managing two textures your moisture/protein need to be on point. Just keep it simple for now, until you learn your hair.

*Shampoo: Something that is sulfate/paraben free. I like shea moisture, moisture retention shampoo.

*Conditioner: Should be a moisturizing conditioner. I LOVE herbal essence hello hydration conditioner.

*Leave-in/Sealant: Your leave-in can be anything including water. I love Giovanni direct leave-in. After applying your leave-in use and oil of your choice to seal the leave-in. I love coconut oil or shea butter.

*Protein: Should be done once a month; depending on your hair's needs. I love Millcreek botanicals Jojoba Conditioner.

BTW: How do you wear your hair throughout the week?

 

[whiteoleander91]

Welcome to the forum!

I would recommend starting with a very basic regimen, set on a specific schedule until you get to know your hair better.

Basic products: shampoo, conditioner, deep conditioner, an oil, and a leave-in cream/spray of some sort.

An example hair regimen:

-Wash with shampoo and follow up with conditioner once a week
-deep condition for at least 15-30 mins once a week
-Apply leave-in + oil to your wet hair after every wash

During the week you can wear a bun or some other simple style. It may be easiest to stick to one product line when starting out: for example, if you were to choose Aussie products--> Aussie Moist shampoo, conditioner, and their "hair insurance" leave-in. They even have a "3 min miracle" deep conditioner (they have one for their "moist" line as well as one for strengthening and one for shine) that a lot of people love. Just to get you started.

Of course, you can choose any product line I hope this helps!

 

[NappyNelle]

Thank you for the warm welcome. Yes! I am doing much better now. My body went through shock after learning about the infidelity and it took a while to recover. We are now divorced but are still connected by our four year old son. Spent $20K to get married to find out he was sleeping with someone he met 4 weeks before the wedding. Gave up a five year relationship and our family just so he could he could say he dated a soon to be doctor.

Anyway, I am located out in Silver Spring. I am not washing and conditioning now because my hair is in the braids. I guess that is my first wrong step. I am just afraid the braids will look horrible after the washing but I never tried it to know or not. Besides the hemp oil and the sheen, I am not using anything else.

My hair breaks off two months after it is relaxed, but that is probably because I don't know how to care for it. That is why I stopped relaxing and went back it braids. It is growing back thicker and now but it is very difficult to manage after washing. Is there a good detangler I can use? I have very thick hair and the only way the hair dressers can manage it is if they blow dry it straight after washing. But that uses heat, so I guess I can't do that any more?

Your ex husband is making me mad, but I will bite my tongue... join is us in the Relationship Forum if you need to vent.

If you're worried about ruining your braids, you can purchase or make a moisturizing spritz to use everyday. Thankfully, braids are low maintenance until you're ready to start experimenting with a regimen.

As others have stated, a regimen should be simple. Ideally, you will go through your routine once or twice a month to maintain moisture-protein balance and protect your ends. Remember, products do not have to cost an arm and a leg, nor do you need multiples in each category. Buy products because you want and enjoy to; if it doesn't work, get rid of it.

I don't use many store brands anymore, but many women like the following lines: Shea Moisture, Aussie Moist, Tresseme Naturals, Kenra, Keracare, and As I Am.

Personally, I prefer natural product lines with minimal ingredients:

Shampoo: Giovanni Smooth as Silk Moisturizing Shampoo and Giovanni Tea Tree Shampoo
Moisturizing Conditioner: Giovanni Smooth as Silk Moisturizing Conditioner, Aubrey Organics Honeysuckle Rose and Aubrey Organics
Protein Conditioner: Aubrey Organics Glycogen Protein Balancing Conditioner and Ultra Sheen DuoTex*
Leave In: Water Based: SheScentIt Coco Creme Leave In; Oyin Handmade Juices and Berries / Oil Based: SheScentIt Seyani Hair Butter, Qhemet Biologics Amla & Olive Heavy Cream

*Not natural or organic, but a good medium-hard strength protein conditioner

I don't use detangling products because my conditioners and fingers do the job very well. If you're not into finger detangling, purchasing a seamless comb or the popular TEK Brush would be a good option.

 

[overtherainbow]

I am sorry to hear about your hardships. It's great that you're trying to get your hair back on track. Once I found a good hair regimen, doing my hair became a stress reliever that helped during hard times. If you view doing your hair as "me time" instead of a chore, the entire process would be easier and less daunting.

I second whiteoleander91 's advice. Keep it simple with washing and DCing 1x a week and sticking to one product line. Some other great product lines that you could find on the ground are:
Shea Moisture
Giovanni
Aubrey Organics
L'Oréal "Ever" lines
As I Am
OGX
Joico
BeeMine
Camille Rose
Curls

What would also help is finding out your porosity. This is crucial to figuring out how to moisturize your hair properly. I think the best way to determine porosity is by observing how freshly clarified hair behaves:
http://moknowshair.com/porosityandhydration/

 

[spacetygrss]

@movingforward13:

Welcome. I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. It sounds like you're working through it though. Kudos.

Question: You said that you last relaxed in April 2013. Are you completely natural now or do you still have relaxed ends?

From your pic you seem to have a decent amount of hair to work with. With a decent regimen you should be able to do some nice, low-maintenance styles on your own hair (if that interests you).
As others have mentioned, you don't have to have a complicated regimen. In fact, simpler is typically better because it's easy to stick to.

Wash, condition, moisturize and leave your hair alone and you'll be on your way to healthy hair. There are some nice products that are economical and easily found in regular stores.

1. Shampoo: Preferably something sulfate free, as it's gentler on the hair.
http://www.drugstore.com/beauty/sulfate-free-shampoos/qxg340345-0

2. Moisturizing Conditioner: Most people deep condition each wash day.
http://blackgirllonghair.com/2013/10/5-amazing-moisturizing-conditioners-for-dry-natural-hair/

3. Protein Conditioner: How often you do this depends on your hair. Start with dong this every 4-6 weeks and then adjust accordingly. Typically, you do this first, rinse it out and then follow up with your moisturizing deep conditioner.
http://www.naturalhairrules.com/protein-conditioners-natural-hair/

4. Leave-in:
Work through the hair after rinsing conditioner out. Some of these help with detangling. Kinky Kurly Knot Today and Shea Moisture Raw Shea Detangling Conditioner are good and easy to fine.
http://www.curlmart.com/category/leave-in-conditioners/
http://www.blackhairinformation.com...in-conditioners-for-natural-and-relaxed-hair/

5. Sealant: This can be either commercial or non-commercial (i.e Castor oil, shea butter, etc)
http://blackgirllonghair.com/2012/10/the-4-best-moisturizers-for-thick-dry-natural-hair/

A simple weekly/biweekly regimen would be:
Wash, deep condition with a moisturizing conditioner, rinse, apply leave-in, seal, style (those last two can be switched depending on the person's hair).

Every month to month-and-a-half you would wash, condition with a protein condition, rinse, Deep condition with a moisturizing conditioner, rinse, apply leave-in, seal, style.

A good, easy style is to place your hair into two-strand twists and allow to set. You can wear the twists down or styled or unravel them for a twist out. This is a nice style and keeps your hair protected.

Hopefully this will help you get started. This forum is great and just about any question that you can think of has been asked. Get yourself a cup of tea and search away. And, of course, you can always ask questions.

ETA: Everything above is just a general recommendation. You'll see that we all do things a little differently because, over time, we have each found what our own hair likes. Start out simply and then tweak your regimen as needed to suit your hair.
Also, please do a search on porosity. Knowing that piece of info will help you a lot with managing your hair.

Good luck.

 

[Kinky4Agirl]

HI. I'm sorry to hear about your marriage but it sounds like you found out before the cheater could bring something home to you that won't go away... So that's a good thing. You're better off without him.

Like the ladies said, youtube videos are a good place to start. Also, I would suggest looking online at all the available products out there and choose the line you think would be best for you. I used to type in stuff like..." best moisturizures for hair, etc. I then read up on all of them and read the reviews too. I now use the Affirm product line and the ApHogee proteins. I buy oils from the vitamin shops to seal. I researched those too as there are so many out there and they all give different nutrients to your hair. I co wash one Saturday and then do my deep conditioner the next Saturday. I co wash the next Saturday and then deep condition the last Saturday. I repeat this routine every Saturday until it is time for my relaxer. Then I do my hard protein the Saturday before the big day. The very next Saturday I do my relaxer... Then my routine starts all over again. This may or may not be good for you but it's a start. Some ladies wash their hair every week or every other day.... You already know how often you need to wash your hair, you've always known, you just have to find the right products. I knew starting out when I was a newbie that I did not need to wash my hair every day or every other day. You've been with your hair all your life, give yourself some credit... Don't forget what you already know about your hair and go from there... Good luck!!!

 

[havilland]

Welcome. I am do glad you survived that tragedy and are doing ok now.

I think you are on the right track. As a newbie (new to hair care and forum) there are a lot of questions and a lot of advice. I truly recommend getting the book, The Science of Black Hair care. And then combing the forum and you tube for ideas and a "hair twin". (Someone who has same hair type as you)

as a newbie I found all of this overwhelming and tried so many things that were good (and bad) for my hair.

I wished I had found all the information in one place so I could give myself a baseline of knowledge and a place to start. That book could help you with that. It's everything you will learn here, but condensed in one place so you don't waste time and hair. I still use it as a reference.

Second advice I would give is to start a hair journal. Write down everything you do to your hair and when and how and what products. This way you can track what works and what doesn't. This was habit that helped me tremendously when I started. I wrote everything in my journal. I have a pHd In my hair now.

Third advice I would give is to take pictures so you can see your progress over the next few months.

Fourth advice. Regularly use a gentle shampoo or cleanser like Wen or something gentle that cleans the hair, deep condition with a product meant for deep conditioning (leave conditioner on for 20-60 minutes), trim away any damaged ends that need it (if you can). If not wait until you learn more and then do it.

Good luck.

 

[JudithO]

Welcome. I am do glad you survived that tragedy and are doing ok now.

I think you are on the right track. As a newbie (new to hair care and forum) there are a lot of questions and a lot of advice. I truly recommend getting the book, The Science of Black Hair care. And then combing the forum and you tube for ideas and a "hair twin". (Someone who has same hair type as you)

as a newbie I found all of this overwhelming and tried so many things that were good (and bad) for my hair.

I wished I had found all the information in one place so I could give myself a baseline of knowledge and a place to start. That book could help you with that. It's everything you will learn here, but condensed in one place so you don't waste time and hair. I still use it as a reference.

Second advice I would give is to start a hair journal. Write down everything you do to your hair and when and how and what products. This way you can track what works and what doesn't. This was habit that helped me tremendously when I started. I wrote everything in my journal. I have a pHd In my hair now.

Third advice I would give is to take pictures so you can see your progress over the next few months.

Fourth advice. Regularly use a gentle shampoo or cleanser like Wen or something gentle that cleans the hair, deep condition with a product meant for deep conditioning (leave conditioner on for 20-60 minutes), trim away any damaged ends that need it (if you can). If not wait until you learn more and then do it.

Good luck.

You know what? Everyone's advice is spot on.

The regimen that has always worked for me relaxed or natural is
Shampoo and Deep condition once a week. Apply leave in, detangle and air dry in a style.

You don't live too far from me... Baltimore county.. Catonsville... I can borrow you my science of black hair and help with your hair if you are in the area.

 

[movingforward13]

Thank you ladies- I am learning so I hope I am not confusing anyone. OK so, I last relaxed in April 2013. Now that I remember, my hair dresser back then DID cut my ends once I went natural.

I started the "small" regiment of oiling my scalp with the hemp oil every other day... but last night I noticed that two of the twists are starting to come out I think due to the oiling. Thank you for recommending spritz- I will go buy some today and now oil every 2-3 days. I just paid a lot two weeks ago- I am not ready to take them out yet.

For the ladies in the area- is there a salon I can do to here to get my hair washed and trimmed until I learn enough to do myself? pelohello, my hair is worn down or in a half pony tail during the week (in the twists). When I finally remove the twists- I don't know what style. I will look for protective styles that fit my face

 

[movingforward13]

When I have more time, I will contact a few of your ladies in the thread via PM if you don't mind.

 

[havilland]

When I have more time, I will contact a few of your ladies in the thread via PM if you don't mind.

Feel free to pm me. Im happy to help!

 

[Evolving78]

You can do the braids, but I would suggest a braid spray, where you can moisturize your braids. You can spray once or twice a day, and make sure you put your hair up at night like a silk scarf or bonnet. Use a braid removal spray to take down, detangle really well with a wide toothed comb before you wash, and wash and deep condition in sections.

 

[Evolving78]

And that book that was suggested is extremely helpful. You may be able to check it out from your local library. Or I think an ebook now too!

 

[spacetygrss]

When I have more time, I will contact a few of your ladies in the thread via PM if you don't mind.

movingforward13:

My "door" is always open. Good luck.

 

[Prettymetty]

movingforward13 how is your regimen coming along?