The first thing I do is pray. Even right now I am battling some wicked thoughts. Since she is a dear friend to you, can you talk to her and have a heart-to-heart? Perhaps she does not even realize she is negative? And also being negative is a habit. Perhaps the circumstances of her life and the world have her seeing the worst in people? Do you have any Joyce Meyer/Creflo Dollar books you can lend her? Perhaps you buy her some uplifting material first and then see where her mind is at? If there is no change, you can then have the heart-to-heart. Sometimes it is good to remove negativity in our lives. But sometimes too it is there to strengthen your ability to be positive no matter what. I know my post may be confusing but I hope I gave you some options. Good luck lovie.
Funny you should mention Joyce Meyer because I've actually read some excerpts from a JM book to her and we discussed it at length. I've recommended a host of books that DH and I have been reading.
In her defense, in the past few years I've had my own
stuff to deal with, and she's been my ear to talk to. But its become an exchange of
"woe is me" between us. Its sucking my energy and I've made a conscious decision to recapture what used to make me a person with vision and purpose.
I even told her that it was so refreshing talking to the other girl, because it was nice to have a conversation about progress, faith, and being accountable to being a steward/Christian. I'm recommitted to being
consistent with it.
You're right, she is going through very tough life issues. So I get it, I do. We're very honest with each other. But I know now that I need less of her and need more PRAYER, self-reflection, and time to be more in tune with peaceful things.
I pray for them and I let negative people go. I had to do this. If we are not depositing postive and uplifting one another then we have to let each other go.
Yes. I actually told her that. She's the type of person who will let you know that she's pulled motivation from something that was said...even if it takes her months to do it. It takes her a while to work through what was said, reconcile different view points, etc. I hope to continue to do it, but just not as often. I need time to fill up myself before going empty on someone else.
I just figured out what's wrong with me by typing this post. The consesus in the replies is prayer. Feels good.
I like how you handled the situation the first time she "threw" negativity at you, you focused on the positive aspects. If I were you, I would tell her that you appreciate her concern, but do not like the negative things that she is saying about other people. I would also add that if she continues to do so, you will distance yourself from her.
The reason why I made this thread is because the discussion went on for a long time. She was determined to have me thinking like her. That's the part that bothered me.
Hmm, just recently a family members in law passed away and a close family member called me to talk some dirt about the deceased. I stopped that person firmly in their tracks in mid sentence...they were saying: "Do you want to hear the juice on what so and so did before they died?" and I said, "Absolutely not! And if you continue I'm hanging up, I'm not playing." This person is known (by me) to spread gossip or just dwell on the down side/negative side of things. When they ignored my warning. I hung up the phone!
The next day we were talking like everything was normal. So....stand your ground. It's okay to let people know what you will and will not stand for. But just stick to your boundaries.
One friend I had was so emotionally draining that I had to let her go. Still I miss how comfortable I was with her, but oh well. I was miserable after talking to her each time. I hope you can come to the same state of peace with your friend. Sometimes people don't realize how negative they sound.
She is such a good person. I've told her that she is too negative. And what I love about her is that she'll acknowledge it. When addressed, she does take it in. Its tiresome though. We're no where near ending it though.
You've made a good point that its a boundary issue that I need to make clear. Apparently I haven't made it clear enough.
