Needing a man

meesch

meesch

yeezytotme
At one point do you tell a man or let him know that your feelings for him have changed/deepened?

Say that you have decided you DO need this man. Do you even tell him that at all?

I don't mean need in any dependent way, like financially or for housing or something like that. I mean emotionally.

Is deciding to play this card part of the power struggle? Or do you not subscribe to a power balance in relationships?

Thoughts?
 
I'm marriage-minded at this age. If the forecast is still cloudy after a year, it's time to split. I broach the subject when I've made up my mind about what I want out of the relationship.
If you're asking whether you should say "i love u" first, the answer is "no."

Sent from my HTC Inspire™
 
I don't think it's necessary, it will show in your actions. I mean y'all may be having a heart to heart about each other and feelings may be expressed. When I am in a relationship with someone I may do or say something thoughtful. Like if I see something that they love in the store like brownies, I'll give it to him if he deserving. I had to learn if they are deserving of it.
 
Ok, take stock of WHO your man actually is/ the reason for telling him this & the benefit behind it. Deal with the present.

You: "I need you in my life"
Him: ""

From MyTouch 4G...On which animated Gifs may not be seen:(
 
I'm usually guarded emotionally so I rarely say anything to the guy I'm with unless he brings up the topic first or says something first. Unfortunately my past relationships have showed me men will sometimes use ur confession of feelings against u...like feel like they have some power over u cause now they know ur really feeling them. I'm married now but before I met my husband I def stopped putting myself out there before the dude did.
 
Honestly I have been the type to fall hard for a guy. Its like when we argue I feel down. when we're happy I feel like I'm on cloud 9.

I never told a guy how I need him because it then allows him to know he has that power and I rather keep that a secret. I hope that's what you are looking for.
 
I would just let it happen naturally... to not freak that person out. A heart-to-heart (after he speaks first:look:) or some significant event. Guys know what it means if you randomly bring them a (just a little, thoughtful) gift, even if you wait a while to do it and make it seem fairly nonchalant:lol:

The ones who feel the same way are ecstatic; the ones who don't give you the most lukewarm thank you along with a weird look and start to act flaky. I've unfortunately experienced both:lol:
 
Hey girl, I would keep my cards close to my vest on this one. Remember the more emotionally attached you are to the guy, the more you have to lose. I would just stay cool and try to keep my heart off my sleeve until he not only told me he felt the same, but his actions backed it up too. HTH ♥
 
Yeah I would just wait until I don't even feel the need to even ask the question of when to say this or that.
It should just feel right, and if it feels right, then usually there aren't any possibilities of anybody getting hurt because it was the right time to express it.
 
I wouldn't tell a guy my feelings unless he told me his first. I'm emotionally guarded and secretive like that. Plus I fear the guy could use my feelings against me if they didn't feel the same way.:ohwell: But I'm a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. A guy could tell me his feelings but I won't really believe it unless his actions back it up.
 
Sorry, just thought of something.

Usually I trick the guy into confessing first. I will only say something first if its plain obvious the man likes me but doesn't want to let the vulnerable side out.
I'm not very patient past a certain point:look:.

The relationship I'm in now is one of the times this has happened. It started out as FWB, no feelings allowed:lol:. He started falling for me a lot faster and harder than I did. I could tell by body language, actions, little things he said by accident etc... Got to a point where it seemed stupid to keep ignoring the subject and pretending so I asked him what he wanted.

I don't think I would facilitate this kind of conversation unless I was sure the guy was into me. I do advise people if the guy is REALLY special, like one of those only a few times in a lifetime things then its worth letting them know, but if not I wouldn't bother. I don't let feelings or declarations go wild unless the guy seems sweet on me first. Don't e,ven bother to feel strong feelings. Not sure its a power struggles, as much as I don't see the point.
 
Last edited:
I think it depends.

In general, I would say its best to show it in action, and little comments rather than in a big long discussion or profession of love.

"what would I do without you"
"you make me feel so lucky"
"i cant believe there was a time I didn't know you!"
Or even more jokey things such as something like " noooooo dont go I neeed yoooooou" with a lot of laughter and a dramatic hug. (doesnt work if being silly is too out of character for you)

In the past some of the feedback I have gotten is that I come across too cool and aloof, not in that I am a cold person but that I have not made him feel like he ( whever he is) is special to me (enough) compared to others in my life so i think ramping up the positive feedback is important. Side note, i would say i have a history of insecure men, so this may not apply to you.

Other times the situation calls for a more serious conversation. Try your best to listen to your heart and follow it.
 
Has your SO expressed his feeling toward you? Is he an SO? What are you hoping to accomplish? Do you just want to express your feelings toward him or move things closer between you?

I say let things happen naturally, sometimes you don't need words. Some guys just know based on your actions and the look in your eyes. Perhaps over a romantic dinner you guys can start talking and reminisce over the great moments in your relationship. Then feel things out from there.
 
I'm always a little leary about showing feelings towards a man TOO soon....only because I know that sometimes men get freaked out over the silliest little things when a woman shows any type of emotion. :rolleyes:


But if you're feeling like you just HAVE to say or do something or you'll just burst, why not after a nice wonderful date with him....snuggle up to him and say something along the lines of: "I REALLY like spending time with you". :love2: Then see how he reacts.

Always try to focus more on YOURSELF and YOUR happiness as opposed to: I "NEED" this man in my life. I think men kind of freak out if they feel like a woman "needs" them in their lives to be happy or relies on the man for thier entertainment and happiness.

If the man has already expressed deep feelings for you however, then I'd definitely say reciprocate! Tell him more about how you feel. You don't want to play TOO "cool" for TOO long if the man has already put himself out there. :ohwell:
 
meesch said:
At one point do you tell a man or let him know that your feelings for him have changed/deepened?

Say that you have decided you DO need this man. Do you even tell him that at all?

I don't mean need in any dependent way, like financially or for housing or something like that. I mean emotionally.

Is deciding to play this card part of the power struggle? Or do you not subscribe to a power balance in relationships?

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

No do not tell him. The fact that you are spending time with him (assuming so) is indication enough.

Has he shown you or told you his feelings have deepened?
Men act stupid but they are not, he most likely knows or has an inkling that you are feeling him. I would go about it subtly, show him a just a little bit with your actions that you have deeper feelings then see how he acts.
 
How I went about it with my husband:

"Sweetie, we need to talk about our future together"

Believe it or not, this does work. When I decided to pop that out we were both very relaxed, he had his head in my lap and we were watching tv. This isn't something you should say during a time of anger or anxiety for either of you because all kinds of crazy can come out:lol: . Done in the right manner, at the right time, you're going to get a response one way or another, that you can decide how to proceed on.

With my husband I keep the lines of communication very open. He can't see whats in my head and I can't see whats in his. So we discuss everything.


-A
 
meesch How does he feel about you? Has he expressed his feelings to you on how he feels about the relationship? If you are still in the dark about these answers I would keep my feelings to myself.

I think when guys get there, they either show it in their actions (not sexually but like kissing you like they just can't wait or becoming overtly affectionate) like acting like a new puppy when you come in their presence their whole world changes. You know just so happy to see you again, like you've been gone forever.

Is he doing any of that? If not, you telling him your feelings could scare the hell out of him and make him start to feel suffocated.

I'm not by any means saying play games with your feelings, just make sure you're not tilting the balance of the relationship by adding heaviness to it. Feelings can be heavy if the other person is not there yet.
 
thanks for all the replies ladies! i have been avoiding replying back in this thread for awhile because i wanted to get more responses first before i elaborated.

i guess maybe i shouldnt have used the word "needed," because the connotation is not really what i meant... i guess what i meant was something like "i like where this is going and i dont want to stop seeing you." normally i treat guys like i can take or leave them, so letting a guy know i DONT have that "i DONT need you" attitude is a different side of the coin for me. i dont know if it's something that i should verbalize but i am concerned that it is, because i think appearing so aloof has been part of my problem in the past.

so i guess it was more like a conversation of "i like you." which obviously he knows, and that i know he feels too, but i was wondering about actually having that conversation. i dont think there is an imbalance of power at all, mostly because although we are very affectionate with each other and things are going great, we have generally been skipping around these conversations - probably specifically to avoid adding that "heaviness." so even though we are "officially" :look: :lol: (sorry to go back to the middle school on yall) bf/gf (at his initiation) i almost feel as if that's made it more vague/complicated in terms of direct communication. bc yeah, obviously i know what that implies about how you feel about me, but i know i am going to eventually need to hear verbal affirmations (and i don't know whether he will need that from me too). i dont want there to be an extended period of implied feelings, but like it's been pointed out too, i dont want to get heavy about it either.

i guess the best approach is going to be bringing it up in a lighter way, but still finding a way to verbally express it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

BeautifulFlower
Fight to Support Your Man- Never to Keep Him
Replies
3
Views
184
Mai Tai
Mai Tai
Qualitee
  • Poll Poll
The perfect man!
Replies
22
Views
872
leona2025
leona2025
H
When to talk about sex on a date
Replies
16
Views
589
LiftedUp
LiftedUp
O
Would you marry a man, if you're....?
Replies
20
Views
639
Mena
Mena
W
How to Tell If a Man is Good for the Long Haul
Replies
8
Views
402
w332
W
Back
Top