Need some advice/opinions please...

[musiclova]

Hello everyone, I am Musiclova...I haven't been posting here for a minute but I've been a member for quite a while...I just had a heated argument with my husband and I am extremely upset about it...I wanted to share with you all because I just wanted to get the opinions of people who don't know us personally but could probably relate...Here's what happened: I just created a blog so I asked my husband to check the blog out so instead of reading the content of my blog and commenting on that he somehow manages to go to my profile page of the account that I have which is not even on my website at all and comment on my "Interests" section...So, he says "What about me?"...I'm like "what do you mean what about you?" So, he goes on about how I didn't mention him in my interests section and I only mentioned "my daughter" and some of my other passions...He says that I could've at least mentioned "family" instead of singling out my daughter as if no one else matters...Am I missing something here? I got really upset because number1 the info he is referring to isn't even on my blog and I asked him to look at my blog NOT my profile...I just don't understand his point in mentioning that and I think he was acting like a sensitive a@#...This is really petty but I wanted to share something with him that I am excited and passionate about and my Interests section on my profile is all that he wanted to focus on??? so, then after we argue he acts like a child and says "Fine, I won't go on your blog anymore!" Man, all I know is I'm trying to do something productive that is therapeutic and decided to share it with someone important to me and it resulted in a heated argument over something that has nothing to do with the subject at hand...What is your take on this ladies?

 

[Triniwegian]

Maybe he just wants to feel like he is a part of it.
Would it make things better just to out him up there, it's not a big deal right?
If this is the only matter leading to you having an argument maybe it better just to put him up there just to keep the peace.
If this is an ongoing theme that you argue about (him feeling left out) maybe you need to sit down and have a talk after you both calm down.

 

[musiclova]

Thanks Theo I appreciate your feedback. No it wouldn't be a big deal at all. I wish it were that easy to sit down and talk but have you ever tried to talk to someone who seems like they have their mind set on disputing everything you say even when they are blatantly wrong? That's the situation I'm dealing with here...It just seems like I can't say or do anything around him sometimes without it being misunderstood. If I don't say or do something in a way that he feels is "politically correct" than he'll say "well you could've said x,y,z..." I really have a problem with sensitive people because it's like you have to tip toe around them instead of just being yourself....Sorry for the rant but I'm truly baffled because I really don't see how such a simple thing turned into a huge argument :/

 

[LivinMyLifeLikeItsGolden]

I think sometimes when woman get new "hobbies" or "interests", a man can feel like he is not "needed" if they are not a part of it. It was probably made into a bigger deal than i should have, and he maybe didn't handle it in the most supportive way, but I would just add him on and tell him, that he is very important to you and you are more than happy to emphasize that, but you wish he had been more understanding?

 

[MizzBrown]

I think he has a point.

Put it the other way around. Usually it IS the other way around with men.

You are excited and passionate about your child. Fine. He wanted to know why you didn't feel the same way about him. I'd give you the side-eye too. He aint no random boyfriend. He's the love of your life. Your husband. Right??

 

[musiclova]

Thanks LivinMyLife...Good point...I could just be the bigger person and change the info to appease him and be done with it...The info was not even on my blog...It was just a section in which you're asked to state your interests so I just didn't see why my husband would be offended if I didn't list him as one of my "interests" when it shoud be understood that he is important to me by what I do not what I "say" or more specifically what I put on a profile page on the internet erplexed

 

[Bunny77]

I agree with MizzBrown.

Now, if you didn't mention any family members in your Interests section and just listed things like music, dance, art, TV, etc., then I'd think he was overreacting.

But you mentioned your daughter as an interest, but not him or just family? Yeah, I'd be heated... and I agree if it was the other way around, most women would be bothered if a man listed his son/daughter or kids as interests, but not his wife as well.

 

[musiclova]

MizzBrown- Thank you for your feedback as well To answer your question, No doubt... but just because I didn't mention him does not mean that I don't feel passionate about him erplexed...We really have nothing to prove to eachother as far as how we feel about one another so I don't see why he would try to measure my love for him based on whether I mention him on the net or not. Yes I mentioned my daughter because she is 3 years old and being a mother is still new,exciting, and motherhood is one of the most challenging experiences I have ever had...So, why not mention my daughter who is apparently tied to the fact that I'm a new mother...Thank you all for your honest feedback...Always gives me something to think about as far as how to handle things in the future None of us are perfect by a long shot and I'm definately not a mind reader and it is especially difficult being married to someone who acts nonchalant about things most of the time but then wants to get all sensitive on you the next... Sometimes it is best to just be diplomatic about things to keep the peace and avoid conflict and misconceptions but I don't feel like I should always have to walk around on egg shells either

 

[SUPER SWEET]

I can see why his feelings are hurt. Trust me, Im a new mommy and enjoy it sooooooooo much. But I had to catch myself and make sure that DH is feeling the joy and excitement I have for my lil one. So sometimes I have to walk lightly but not on eggshells. Maybe as make up to him you can do a blog about him or something special you two do. I'm sure he'll read your posts.

 

[musiclova]

...Ms Sweetevie...Speaking of diplomatic, your statement was very well said I appreciate that. If he would act interested in my endeavors as he expects me to act about his than he would not have even had to question "What about me" because as I have been thinking about ideas for the blog I had thought of doing just that in the near future because my sight is about celebrating motherhood and womanhood in general specifically mothers maintaining their sexy by continuing their education, looking and feeling good about themselves instead of falling into a rut. I thought about putting together a section/article about supportive fathers and their important role in the success of it all as well and that is what pissed me off so much because he was worried about something that in my eyes wouldn't measure up to a feature on him...Not to discount the credibility of mentioning my daughter in the section...I just didn't think it would amount to all of this Thanks again...This was very therapeutic as I have a temper and was quite "heated" myself after the argument but you all helped me think about things in a different perspective.

 

[hopeful]

I understand what the other ladies are saying, I do, but it is so hard for men to just get excited without a lot of questions and meddling. They love having a cheerleader for them and their projects but often are not willing to cheerlead in return. So you know, go ahead and add him as an interest. But remember to make this blog about you and your thoughts, no need for him to become central to your endeavor. It is good to have a little something that is yours. He has to learn to simply be supportive without inserting himself.

 

[musiclova]

Wow Hopeful! It's as if you just read my mind or know my situation That was all I was trying to do and say...

 

[panamoni]

Hi,

Just wondering if this is an isolated incident, or if he communicates with you like this on a regular basis? If so, I'd recommend that you guys look into marriage counseling (or reading a book like "Getting the Love You Want," Harville Hendrix or "Love Languages"). If this is an isolated incident, it may be small, but usually, it's better to get tips on healthy communication while things are good and before they get to the point of no return.

Good luck.

 

[brownelovely]

Just add him on there so he can feel included. I know it was petty to mention but if were the other way around you may feel the same way.

 

[Taliah]

It's your personal blog how does he have the right to tell you how to express yourself. "What about me"..."You could have mentioned family instead of just daughter"
Is he not used to you having things that are just for you and you alone, like your thoughts.
I wouldn't add him.

 

[musiclova]

Thanks ladies for the comments. It happened last night but I'm still upset about it because to answer your question Panamoni. Yes. This is a recurrent issue as far as communication problems. I'm gonna keep it real bc that's me... He acts very childish about alot of things and we've tried counseling before but not trying to play victim but during our sessions it seemed like everything was directed toward me as far as who has the "attitude" and who needs to change their way of thinking and doing things to appease the other...It was not very helpful to say the least...I felt that since both of us are in the relationship than both sides need to be analyzed not just one...Thanks for the book suggestion...I would read it but he's not big on reading so I would just have to recite it to him and see what may transpire. He's a momma's boy so you can probably imagine what I go through on a regular basis...Anyhoo, thanks for sharing your advice