Naturals: Do you still get offended?

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I don't let anyone speak about my hair like that without letting them know in some way or other that it is wrong and I don't approve. That may be giving them a dirty look or responding with a no-nonsense reply. I want them to know that it is not ok...I have a very good friend that I have to occasionally get serious with because she'll slip and say something.

If you let it slip, it continues the trend of it being "ok" to poke fun at natural hair.

Also, if he wants to be on your good side in order to be "more than friends", you would think he'd more complimentary to you.

 

[Southernbella.]

Yes I do get offended, and I do say something. I might not go into a long diatribe, but there is some getback involved. I might mention an aspect of their appearance that I don't like, or comment on their ignorance and/or stupidity. I don't let it go unchecked.

I would never laugh off a comment about my family, so why would I laugh off a comment about myself?

 

[Foxglove]

Those are way too common.

I was at a dinner party a few weeks back, and this black guy is real good friends with this Asian chick. Well, they like taking racial shots at each other (he allows her to stay some crazy Black stereotypical stuff), and IMO she took one of the comments way too far. When the room got on the subject about the show Police Women of Memphis, this Asian chick said "Black women need to learn how to perm their hair before they go on tv." My mouth dropped...like, did she really just say that?

I brought it up to him, and of course he defended her and said that she didn't mean anything by it . He told me I was taking it personal, blah blah blah. I'm like, dude, whatever she says to offend YOU is your business, but with the statement she made, she wasn't talking about you...she was referencing BLACK women as a whole.....and I'm sitting there with my natural hair out.

I love her hair. My hair looks just like hers minus the color
ETA and that guy gets an eternal side eye from me

 

[LadyPBC]

I think that I am sensitive to a point. Fortunately I live in a decade where natural hair is more acceptable. Some of you started this journey and took most of the heat for a freedom we are now more comfortable to express. I first became natural with the intent of keeping my hair straight just doing away with the chemical relaxer. I wore a lot of wigs and I got the side glances like "what is she doing?" - wait let me keep this brief by getting to the point LOL!

I would put someone in check in a heartbeat especially if it was a peer. I would probably be more tolerant with an elderly person/relative or someone who could have an impact on my career or a yt who just seems to be ig'nant. I can't imagine not saying anything though - ever. A safe response for me is something like "when you start paying for me to get my hair done, you can have a say in how I wear it" or " this is how GOD made my hair, forward all complaints to Him" or "I don't personally like your hair/makeup/clothing etc. but I'm not rude enough to say that to you - your taste, your choice". Well that last one prolly wasn't nice huh?

I will admit - while I was tryna figure out things I was sometimes lookin kinda rough but I'm getting better and the compliments and requests for advice far outweigh any negativity (rarely) I get.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Wow, if your appearance upsets him so much, how come he is still interested in you? What does that make him?

I would be offended. People have made comments like "what are you going to do with IT?" etc. but never a comment like "jungle woman" and not from a man. I would be highly offended. I'm not sure how I would address it but smoke would be coming out of my ears.

 

[SimJam]

Yes I do, and I prolly will always.

 

[EllePixie]

I'm not offended per se, but I am adamant about letting people know that what they said was ignorant - basically any kind of stereotype that pertains to a woman going natural or having natural hair. Last night I started twists, but didn't feel like finishing, so I just took them out and combed out my fro (thank goodness for Mason Pearson). When I was done, my bf raised his fist, and I looked at him like, "Uh, absolutely unacceptable." Then he gave me the innocent look like, "What, it's hot!" Mmmm hmmmm...yea. Last time I poofed out my fro he called me Angie...that also was corrected.

 

[supermodelsonya]

ITA with everydamnthing in your post.

Too many okiedoke blacks out here.[/QUOTE]

Harsh and unnecessary.

 

[Naturae]

I don't get offended anymore. Mainly because my self confidence shot through the roof once I realized who I am in Christ FIRST. After that, nothing and no one else matters.
I walk down the street with my head held high and my shoulders square like I am the stuff.. baybaay, my hair could be all tangled and out of place b.c i ran out of conditioner and I still get aproached by guys because I am self confident and secure in my natural hair and in who I am. period.

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

OP, you dont have to always give someone a piece of your mind, how you responded is OK because thats how YOU responded to someones comment towards YOU. Its ok to handle things like a lady with class and walk away. Nothing wrong with what you did, let someone else "go off" or "tell him about himself". Leaving this person alone and *if asked* calmly informing him that his comment offended you and that was the reason you parted ways will be more effective then going off and going through a whole spill about history and whatever else folks brought up. Its not always that deep.

some of these people in here love to come with the extras....just messy

 

[ConstantlyDynamic]

no i don't get offended anymore but i still say something. i know i'm in the right so i can't be hurt by what they say hahaha i just tell them that i love my hair, that i'm proud of its natural texture because this is how i was born, and that their opinion isn't going to change my decision and then i keep it moving

to the OP: my guess is he was trying to be "cute" with you. he wants you and he thinks he can say stupid nonsense like that (my ex used to do that- idk why but men think it's funny). it was one of my main issues with my ex because i was like, there are other guys (even ones that he's cool with) trying to make a move on me who always express support for my choice and say they love it so why stick with someone who only has negative things to say about it? i'm happy you dropped this guy from your "maybe" list. i swear these men don't know what's up. they don't understand that strong women aren't going to change their hair (whether it's to go natural or to relax it) for them

 

[nappystorm]

ITA with everydamnthing in your post.

Too many okiedoke blacks out here.[/QUOTE]

Harsh and unnecessary.

Very. I thought it was rather cute though

I don't get offended anymore. Mainly because my self confidence shot through the roof once I realized who I am in Christ FIRST. After that, nothing and no one else matters.
I walk down the street with my head held high and my shoulders square like I am the stuff.. baybaay, my hair could be all tangled and out of place b.c i ran out of conditioner and I still get aproached by guys because I am self confident and secure in my natural hair and in who I am. period.

Exactly!!

OP, you dont have to always give someone a piece of your mind, how you responded is OK because thats how YOU responded to someones comment towards YOU. Its ok to handle things like a lady with class and walk away. Nothing wrong with what you did, let someone else "go off" or "tell him about himself". Leaving this person alone and *if asked* calmly informing him that his comment offended you and that was the reason you parted ways will be more effective then going off and going through a whole spill about history and whatever else folks brought up. Its not always that deep.

some of these people in here love to come with the extras....just messy

Thanks hun. Personally, I find it hilarious that someone is going to come at me because of how I responded about a comment about my hair.

 

[nappystorm]

no i don't get offended anymore but i still say something. i know i'm in the right so i can't be hurt by what they say hahaha i just tell them that i love my hair, that i'm proud of its natural texture because this is how i was born, and that their opinion isn't going to change my decision and then i keep it moving

to the OP: my guess is he was trying to be "cute" with you. he wants you and he thinks he can say stupid nonsense like that (my ex used to do that- idk why but men think it's funny). it was one of my main issues with my ex because i was like, there are other guys (even ones that he's cool with) trying to make a move on me who always express support for my choice and say they love it so why stick with someone who only has negative things to say about it? i'm happy you dropped this guy from your "maybe" list. i swear these men don't know what's up. they don't understand that strong women aren't going to change their hair (whether it's to go natural or to relax it) for them

I think he was too but I learned the hard way that the slick dissing and "playful" jabs, especially early on, are often a predictor of the guy being an arsehole later on. So yes, he had to roll out.

 

[Solitude]

I'm not natural, but my step-dad told me my puffy braidout (during a six-month stretch) looked like "cavewoman hair." I was completely caught off-guard. All I did was shake my head and smile. I've also been told that wearing my own hair (even straightened) is "old-fashioned." A guy who my sister was dating told us that. It didn't really bother me.

 

[WriteCurl]

Just yesterday, I got into a small argument with a lady in the parking lot who basically started backing up without looking and almost hit me. Anyway, as she was walking away she was like "...and you need to do something with your hair" LOL! I was not offended at all. I guess she knew she was wrong and could think of nothing else to say. My response was to laugh and say "Don't be mad because my hair is real!" She had some micro-minis in her hair.

Also last week, one of my oldest guy friends that I've known for years asked me when I'm going to go back to being a long haired light skinned girl. I would have smacked him through the phone if I could. I tried to enlighten him and open his mind but at the end of the day, he'll think what he wants to think. People have their preferences. I love the way I look with natural hair and I accept that everyone may not agree with me.

 

[SND411]

You know, sometimes I do believe it's best to not get all hot and bothered by SOME comments. If you show them that you pay no mind to what they say/think, it may eat them up inside even more.

But I think other times, you need to preach them the truth. I loving-kindness that is....LOL

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

"I don't like your hair natural like that"

"Yea well...I don't like your face either, but you don't see me complaining!"

 

[notlookingback06]

Yea, I do. Well,sometimes. I have been offended when people called my twists dreads. I have nothing against dreads.

I went to this gathering one day. My 4a hair was slicked back in a bun but I still had texture in my hair. I was offended when this guy started naming all these African places that he thought I was from. I'm looking at him stupid as he switched over to the Caribbean as I'm shaking my head.Then he finally asks me where I'm from and I say Texas ( I'm living in FL right now). He then laughs but tries to justify himself. " But I hear an accent". WTH!! He even had the kids looking at him like he was stupid.

I let it go.No point in getting angry.

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!!!

 

[nikolite]

I don't get offended anymore, but I WILL proceed to put someone making that type of comment in check. They are blatantly ignorant, but not everyone can help that so I don't mind challenging their assumptions/comments. But I am an "argumentative" person I guess. I'll say something but I'm now immune to being hurt by people who are usually just ignorant and not malicious.

My cousin had the annoying habit of calling every woman "female" in every instance. I corrected him every single time for what seemed like two years. He seriously doesn't say it anymore, because it was too much work having to correct his thinking in front of me, he just went ahead and started correcting it in general, LOL. Yeah so people generally know what not to say in front of me or they will get thoroughly schooled.

 

[notlookingback06]

I never understand why people take joy in taking "racial shots" at friends! I have had "friends" that use to do this all the time and claim they were "joking."

I honestly believe people are not joking and instead use these times as an outlet to say what they really think! And they think they're slick!

Yep, and you know what? There's a little bit of truth in EVERY joke!!!

 

[nikolite]

Yea, I do. Well,sometimes. I have been offended when people called my twists dreads. I have nothing against dreads.

I went to this gathering one day. My 4a hair was slicked back in a bun but I still had texture in my hair. I was offended when this guy started naming all these African places that he thought I was from. I'm looking at him stupid as he switched over to the Caribbean as I'm shaking my head.Then he finally asks me where I'm from and I say Texas ( I'm living in FL right now). He then laughs but tries to justify himself. " But I hear an accent". WTH!! He even had the kids looking at him like he was stupid.

I let it go.No point in getting angry.

Wow, I'm normally flattered by all these things! I loved the fact that my twists looked like dreads after a while (the best of both worlds temporarily) and I never cared that people think I'm a foreigner. Then again I actually got that even when I was relaxed. But other assumptions based on those can be a real problem.

 

[notlookingback06]

They were. I'm just glad he saved me the trouble of a "I think we should just be friends" speech. He eliminated himself.

Nappystorm, I'm glad they were and I believe that the way that you handled that situation was appropriate. No need to waste your breath on that type of narrow thinking. Peace & blessings!

 

[ToriLynn]

"I don't like your hair natural like that"

"Yea well...I don't like your face either, but you don't see me complaining!"

lol i just say "good thing you have the option of doing whatever the hell u want with your hair." and smile. after awhile they just feel bad bor being ignorant.

Yea, I do. Well,sometimes. I have been offended when people called my twists dreads. I have nothing against dreads.

I went to this gathering one day. My 4a hair was slicked back in a bun but I still had texture in my hair. I was offended when this guy started naming all these African places that he thought I was from. I'm looking at him stupid as he switched over to the Caribbean as I'm shaking my head.Then he finally asks me where I'm from and I say Texas ( I'm living in FL right now). He then laughs but tries to justify himself. " But I hear an accent". WTH!! He even had the kids looking at him like he was stupid.

I let it go.No point in getting angry.

Wow, I'm normally flattered by all these things! I loved the fact that my twists looked like dreads after a while (the best of both worlds temporarily) and I never cared that people think I'm a foreigner. Then again I actually got that even when I was relaxed. But other assumptions based on those can be a real problem.

i get that a lot too..but its always latina..i even got ethiopian once.that causght me wayy off gaurd.i love it. i take it as a complement because i find beauty in all races..but there is a difference between the two..i can tell when someone is just being an arss. like calling me a mexican [in a negative tone] or melado..i take pride in my mixture lol

i just find that some are just conditioned to think that things are supposed to be a certain way..and because i dont look like the stereotype in their head there is no way on gods green earth that im black! WTH? it really doesnt make sence to get myself all upset because of ignorance..they simply cant help it. i just try to smile and educate it wont stop for a long time.

 

[supermodelsonya]

OP

Love your new siggy!!!!

 

[Hairsofab]

People who say that kind of stuff are just telling on themselves really. What can you do but roll your eyes. Some people will never get it.

 

[VidaStarr]

If its just an innocent statement by not meaning to be offensive like saying "Good grade of hair" or somethin... I don't get mad. But calling me a jungle woman is just intolerable and offensive. He sounds really very ignorant and I woulda checked his @$$

 

[.NicNac.]

Not at all, I love being Natural about a year ago, I cried because I couldn't imagine myself with no hair, and natural at that, I wondered how people would look at me, well now that I'm natural, I LOVE ITTTTT I think it just took time, I made the decision to BC this year and I couldn't have been more at peace It's the best feeling, I feel fresh EVERYDAY!... Really

 

[SmilingElephant]

Well....i'm transitioning....so this thread is lettin me know i need to stay on my meds bc i don't wanna have to post a thread about how i went into a manic rage on somebody bc they said something offensive about my natural hair:hardslap:

Let's take time to thank God for Seroquel XR!....

 

[Strangefruittree]

I just drop jewels on em and hope it grows.... but i would not make a baby with anyone who said anything like that at all until they have demonstrated understanding and repented.... I've been hurt and beaten up over that, i went throught that so my babies wont have to

 

[Strangefruittree]

oh and my favorite, lucifer, i rebuke you! HA! cause that must be the devil making them try to hurt my feelings