Natural vs Relaxed...who's wrong...who's right?

[newflowers]

Since joining this site, I am continually amazed by the numerous racial issues involved in hair. It's just hair. It does not define me, make any statements, change the world, stand for anything - it is dead protein coming out of the follicles in my scalp. It's just hair, no politics are necessary, no right or wrong involved. I want my hair to be long and am pleased to have found this site where I've learned so much new and beneficial information so I can retain the dead protein.

newflowers
member of the long dead protein care forum

 

[SleepyJean]

I agree with both of your posts, its like when a natural person says something against relaxers we are militant, ummm... that's how we were made, how am I being militant? But anyone can say something against my natural hair and no one bats an eye.(as if you don't have kinky nappy hair underneath that relaxer)

And as far as the "managebility garbage", I don't buy it, if we styled our hair the way nature intended, it wouldn't be "hard to manage". Instead we try to style it in a way as to not bring too much attention to the fact that we are Black. Yes I said it. I think we are afraid of the stigma and ridicule. So its easy to just believe the hype.

Sorry to come off "passionate"" or "militant" its just the truth. Its sad that some women actually believe the stuff that comes out of their mouths. I used to be one, so I am not intentionally hating on anyone else who does. I know that being natural or relaxed is a choice, but at what cost do you want the "manageability" you desire.

I'm not trying to start any argument, because I don't like doing that online. I don't do it, and I'm not saying you do. I just think that's punkish, BUT I do like my hair relaxed and IT IS easier FOR ME to manage. Why does Black hair carry so much controversy? It's just hair! I never thought I was betraying my race when I relaxed. It was just a matter of what I like. I don't think any state of hair should carry a stigma. That's just me, though. I don't patronize any natural person. If anything, I've been reproved by natural people. Some people do patronize natural people, but why does one experience have to bias someone's entire opinion of a group of people. One ignorant person will not change my opinion, because I know THAT'S JUST HER. I think SOME natural people generalize relaxed people, and that makes me mad. No one should generalize anyone, and especially not because of one person. If they generalize me, she will hear some comments not very nice from me. She could have gorgeous hair, but her hair will get talked about if she talks about mine. That's just me, though. That's the ONLY time I will ever talk about anyone's hair. Everything that seemed pretty before will be ugly to me afterwards, because I would realize that person had an ugly personality. My perception of anyone's looks is affected by their personality. Man, I think I was thinking about past situations...that was a long vent. lol. I'm really just expressing how I feel about the whole natural hair vs relaxed situation. I think it's good when anyone expresses how they feel, but just be respectful and accepting of others beliefs. If your not, then don't expect respect back.
That's my two cents.

 

[Brownie518]

I don't let my hair be a ruler for my measure of blackness so it doesn't matter to me. Do what ever floats your boat.

Very nicely put, gym.

 

[aloof one]

Wow I just realized... flash back to the S-Curl craze
I still like natural men with long hair though... but no texturizers... thats just weird on a dude, next thing you know the foo will be wearing a lacefront, thats my worst nightmare

OT: Im still hoping for a man with some dreads down his back to play with

OF COURSE MEN DO! Why do u think they walk around with those silly wave caps and brushes tryna get waves? They tryna get that good hurrrrrrr or at least look like it and the second their hair grows back they cut it right back down. We all have these issues but nobody wants to admit it. I'm not a dread fan, but i love a man with hair on his head, a curly fro a la ryan leslie, bryce wilson or i dunno how to describe it, jus hair on ur head. Not fake waves, dreads or braids or a one level, jus some type of hair going on. I saw a man in the hairdresser way back in the day getting a relaxer, I was LMAOOO as i was watchin but when he got rinsed his hair was just curly. I didn't understand it then, but now I realize he got a texturizererplexed

 

[~~ Doi ~~]

What I'm asking you is...
Why do you think that being natural is the best way to go?
OR
Why do you think that being relaxed is the best way to go?

For me it was a healthy hair... as a matter of fact a healthy body issue. Like many others I had a relaxer since i was a child and it just wasn't working for me anymore. I was making changes toward a more healthy lifestyle and the relaxer was too harsh for me to keep dealing with on a regular basis. Plus I wanted the option to wear straight as well as curly hair so being natural was right up my alley. I think it comes down to what works for each person. I've seen some beautiful, healthy-looking relaxed heads (especially after joining LHCF ) so I won't knock anyone for relaxing.

If you are a relaxed sista do you feel that you are betraying your own race by changing your hair texture to best suit main society or the workforce?
OR
If you are a natural sista do you feel that you are making a statement to society with your hair saying that others should embrace who YOU ARE and not your hair?

Yes and No. Wanting people to embrace me and not my hair would make me feel like my hair is somehow inferior or not as beautiful as others. I want people to embrace me and my hair. I just don't see what the big deal is when we as human beings come in all different shades, shapes, etc., then what's so different about having different types/styles of hair ya know?

................................

 

[fluffylocks]

I am one who is quite tuned off by militant nappies. When I say a militant nappy this is what I mean: one who feels that anyone who is not natural has mental problems along with self esteem issues and an identity crisis. I just dont think its that deep. Just because you are au natural does not mean that you are in love with yourself and you embrace everything about yourself. There seems to be an unspoken thing among the militant nappies that they have all this high self esteem but I beg to differ.


I can guarantee that every natural woman out there does not have 100% self esteem. She has something about herself that she does not like. THIS is my main issue with those type of nappies.


I also don't believe that relaxers are healthy but look at all the other things that we do to ourselves that are anti-health ie drinking, smoking, unhealthy eating habits, ect......We can't put it all on a relaxer.

Now on the other hand, I dont like it when relaxed people try to jump all down natural ladies throat with this holier than thou attitude either. Like someone else said they turn their nose up and say to us "How can you go around looking like that" when they cant even braid 3 strands of hair together. Please!

I agree.

IMO its just a matter of alot black people not knowing alot about our hair.

Most of the hair regimens and ideals about hair to the majority of black people who havent been on message boards or read books come from slavery time----with grease, pressing, washing infrequnetly, using chemicals regually, straight equals good, normal, and ideal--, "nappy" equals bad ect.----so for alot of them its just normal to relax their hair without even knowing what they or doing-without even realizing what relaxed or natural actually means, or without trying to be "white" they think its the right thing to do or think nothing of it.
Alot of the mindset of people who relax is wrong, because they think their newgrowth is bad or mixed people have better hair--but i just think its ignorance that can be fixed when they learn about our hair.

Because the more & more we learn about hair, we know their is no such thing as "good hair" or "bad hair", we learn how to take care of our hair, what relaxers actually are & do, and we can make educated decisions.
Most women on these message boards that have relaxed hair know about their natural hair, and they dont hate it or think its bad, or look down on people who are natural like the women who are ignorant of our hair.

Once we all know about our hair, i dont think there will be so many millant natural ladies or ignorant & self-hating relaxed ones because no-one would think one is better and it would just be a choice based on facts like it should be, and prefrence toward natural or relaxed hair not based on self-hatred ideas fom the past, or trying to be black or white.

 

[Afrikaisi]

I'm not trying to start any argument, because I don't like doing that online. I don't do it, and I'm not saying you do. I just think that's punkish, BUT I do like my hair relaxed and IT IS easier FOR ME to manage. Why does Black hair carry so much controversy? It's just hair! I never thought I was betraying my race when I relaxed. It was just a matter of what I like. I don't think any state of hair should carry a stigma. That's just me, though. I don't patronize any natural person. If anything, I've been reproved by natural people. Some people do patronize natural people, but why does one experience have to bias someone's entire opinion of a group of people. One ignorant person will not change my opinion, because I know THAT'S JUST HER. I think SOME natural people generalize relaxed people, and that makes me mad. No one should generalize anyone, and especially not because of one person. If they generalize me, she will hear some comments not very nice from me. She could have gorgeous hair, but her hair will get talked about if she talks about mine. That's just me, though. That's the ONLY time I will ever talk about anyone's hair. Everything that seemed pretty before will be ugly to me afterwards, because I would realize that person had an ugly personality. My perception of anyone's looks is affected by their personality. Man, I think I was thinking about past situations...that was a long vent. lol. I'm really just expressing how I feel about the whole natural hair vs relaxed situation. I think it's good when anyone expresses how they feel, but just be respectful and accepting of others beliefs. If your not, then don't expect respect back.
That's my two cents.[/quote]

So because I don't believe the hype I am not respecting your opinion, we are all entitled to believe in anything we want but that doesn't mean it is right. People can do what they want its really their life. Its funny how everyone wants to try to sugar coat the problems in AA society, well I am not going to do it.

I don't talk about people's hair just for the hell of it. I don't go up to people with relaxers and say, you hate being black, you are a traitor, do I feel this about the majority of black women who do relax, yes I think it is the underlying reason for many, whether they know it or not. I was simply giving my honest opinion to a question posed on a forum where people discuss things. It is my sincerest hope that one day we can love everything about ourselves and that includes the texture of our hair. I wish people would wake up and stop saying that it is OK to put such dangerous acids in your hair for the sake of fashion. i could really care less about the straightness, but its the mentality that most black women have. its sad and to tell people its OK, its just hair. Its not just hair. It may be just hair for many on this site, but for some of us AA women it is not, I know this for a 100% fact. If it was just hair then we would not be disussing this subject here and it definitely wouldn't be so sensitive an issue. I was asked my opinion on a topic and I gave it. No one wants to deal with or even explore why more than probably 90% of women of African descent relax their hair. If you can name another race that does this sort of thing in such alarge percentage please PM me.

Again I really DON'T care what people do with their hair, I was asked what was better and I gave my answer and the reasons behind them. So to me it is funny how people are commenting against what I am saying because they don't agree with me. We don't have to agree. We can discuss things on here and not agree.

BTW I don't expect or care if people respect my opinion because its not a popular one. But I will continue to speak the truth as I know it. Peace.

 

[hopeful]

Neither one is right or wrong. What's best for one person may not be best for another. It's up to you to make that decision. Yes, my hair is natural but I did not choose to go natural to make a statement to society. I did it because that was what was best for my hair at the time.

My sentiments exactly. Well said.

 

[aloof one]

Amen!

I know people on this board probably get when they know i post but the fact of the matter is its what I believe and I am entitled to it.

Some people hate the truth because they know it hurts. Sometimes I want to say, "If its just hair then why are you on this site trying to get to ankle length? If its just hair why do you baggy every night? If its just hair why is DCing and prepooing and all this other mess so important? If it was just hair you woulda all been fine walking around with what God gave you without a care in the world or a need to be a member on this site. If it was just hair you wouldn't be crying because you had to trim 1.2 cm or something bogus like that"

But even I know its clearly not just hair if there are so many problems around it--- Im transitioning after relaxing my whole life, and I know whether I quit tomorrow and relax or complete the transition and am natural, it won't be just hair either way.

I applaud those who relax for really just the sake of trying something new or whatever. But those of you who refuse to admit that the majority does relax because of how they were taught... I don't get it. Its like yall are trying to keep a family secret or something. Its a damn shame that people are brainwashed into thinking they have bad hair and have to fix it every month since they were children!, but its an even sadder shame that we have to pretend this isn't a fact. Why the cover up? Why the quickness to declare that all relaxed people only do it to try something new when you know its a lie? That we have to pretend a lot of us here used to be that person, some of us are that person today, and some of us will always be that person. The only way to make something less sensitive and to get to the root of the problem or to even try to solve it is to talk about it, not be all hush hush and act like it doesnt exist.

I'm not trying to start any argument, because I don't like doing that online. I don't do it, and I'm not saying you do. I just think that's punkish, BUT I do like my hair relaxed and IT IS easier FOR ME to manage. Why does Black hair carry so much controversy? It's just hair! I never thought I was betraying my race when I relaxed. It was just a matter of what I like. I don't think any state of hair should carry a stigma. That's just me, though. I don't patronize any natural person. If anything, I've been reproved by natural people. Some people do patronize natural people, but why does one experience have to bias someone's entire opinion of a group of people. One ignorant person will not change my opinion, because I know THAT'S JUST HER. I think SOME natural people generalize relaxed people, and that makes me mad. No one should generalize anyone, and especially not because of one person. If they generalize me, she will hear some comments not very nice from me. She could have gorgeous hair, but her hair will get talked about if she talks about mine. That's just me, though. That's the ONLY time I will ever talk about anyone's hair. Everything that seemed pretty before will be ugly to me afterwards, because I would realize that person had an ugly personality. My perception of anyone's looks is affected by their personality. Man, I think I was thinking about past situations...that was a long vent. lol. I'm really just expressing how I feel about the whole natural hair vs relaxed situation. I think it's good when anyone expresses how they feel, but just be respectful and accepting of others beliefs. If your not, then don't expect respect back.
That's my two cents.[/quote]

So because I don't believe the hype I am not respecting your opinion, we are all entitled to believe in anything we want but that doesn't mean it is right. People can do what they want its really their life. Its funny how everyone wants to try to sugar coat the problems in AA society, well I am not going to do it.

I don't talk about people's hair just for the hell of it. I don't go up to people with relaxers and say, you hate being black, you are a traitor, do I feel this about the majority of black women who do relax, yes I think it is the underlying reason for many, whether they know it or not. I was simply giving my honest opinion to a question posed on a forum where people discuss things. It is my sincerest hope that one day we can love everything about ourselves and that includes the texture of our hair. I wish people would wake up and stop saying that it is OK to put such dangerous acids in your hair for the sake of fashion. i could really care less about the straightness, but its the mentality that most black women have. its sad and to tell people its OK, its just hair. Its not just hair. It may be just hair for many on this site, but for some of us AA women it is not, I know this for a 100% fact. If it was just hair then we would not be disussing this subject here and it definitely wouldn't be so sensitive an issue. I was asked my opinion on a topic and I gave it. No one wants to deal with or even explore why more than probably 90% of women of African descent relax their hair. If you can name another race that does this sort of thing in such alarge percentage please PM me.

Again I really DON'T care what people do with their hair, I was asked what was better and I gave my answer and the reasons behind them. So to me it is funny how people are commenting against what I am saying because they don't agree with me. We don't have to agree. We can discuss things on here and not agree.

BTW I don't expect or care if people respect my opinion because its not a popular one. But I will continue to speak the truth as I know it. Peace.

 

[fluffylocks]

I'm not trying to start any argument, because I don't like doing that online. I don't do it, and I'm not saying you do. I just think that's punkish, BUT I do like my hair relaxed and IT IS easier FOR ME to manage. Why does Black hair carry so much controversy? It's just hair! I never thought I was betraying my race when I relaxed. It was just a matter of what I like. I don't think any state of hair should carry a stigma. That's just me, though. I don't patronize any natural person. If anything, I've been reproved by natural people. Some people do patronize natural people, but why does one experience have to bias someone's entire opinion of a group of people. One ignorant person will not change my opinion, because I know THAT'S JUST HER. I think SOME natural people generalize relaxed people, and that makes me mad. No one should generalize anyone, and especially not because of one person. If they generalize me, she will hear some comments not very nice from me. She could have gorgeous hair, but her hair will get talked about if she talks about mine. That's just me, though. That's the ONLY time I will ever talk about anyone's hair. Everything that seemed pretty before will be ugly to me afterwards, because I would realize that person had an ugly personality. My perception of anyone's looks is affected by their personality. Man, I think I was thinking about past situations...that was a long vent. lol. I'm really just expressing how I feel about the whole natural hair vs relaxed situation. I think it's good when anyone expresses how they feel, but just be respectful and accepting of others beliefs. If your not, then don't expect respect back.
That's my two cents.[/quote]

So because I don't believe the hype I am not respecting your opinion, we are all entitled to believe in anything we want but that doesn't mean it is right. People can do what they want its really their life. Its funny how everyone wants to try to sugar coat the problems in AA society, well I am not going to do it.

I don't talk about people's hair just for the hell of it. I don't go up to people with relaxers and say, you hate being black, you are a traitor, do I feel this about the majority of black women who do relax, yes I think it is the underlying reason for many, whether they know it or not. I was simply giving my honest opinion to a question posed on a forum where people discuss things. It is my sincerest hope that one day we can love everything about ourselves and that includes the texture of our hair. I wish people would wake up and stop saying that it is OK to put such dangerous acids in your hair for the sake of fashion. i could really care less about the straightness, but its the mentality that most black women have. its sad and to tell people its OK, its just hair. Its not just hair. It may be just hair for many on this site, but for some of us AA women it is not, I know this for a 100% fact. If it was just hair then we would not be disussing this subject here and it definitely wouldn't be so sensitive an issue. I was asked my opinion on a topic and I gave it. No one wants to deal with or even explore why more than probably 90% of women of African descent relax their hair. If you can name another race that does this sort of thing in such alarge percentage please PM me.

Again I really DON'T care what people do with their hair, I was asked what was better and I gave my answer and the reasons behind them. So to me it is funny how people are commenting against what I am saying because they don't agree with me. We don't have to agree. We can discuss things on here and not agree.

BTW I don't expect or care if people respect my opinion because its not a popular one. But I will continue to speak the truth as I know it. Peace.

I respect your opinions....i dont think you should feel so attacked though, like 2 people have quoted you and stated their opinion back because yours is stong and generalzing, but its your opinion

I dont understand why they would have to hate being black or be a traitor though......I think alot of black people think negativly about their hair, but i really don think its because they want to be white or anything.

We are like the only people in the whole world with hair this curly, its not just white people that have straight hair, back in the day i could say for sure if a black person was going to relax their hair to be more of another race that it was white, but now we see so many asian, hispanic, indian ect. women with straight hair----how could you truely say someone wants to be white for sure?

That is a large precentage though, i just dont think it should be credited or blamed on everyone wanting to be white

 

[fluffylocks]

Amen!

I know people on this board probably get when they know i post but the fact of the matter is its what I believe and I am entitled to it.

Some people hate the truth because they know it hurts. Sometimes I want to say, "If its just hair then why are you on this site trying to get to ankle length? If its just hair why do you baggy every night? If its just hair why is DCing and prepooing and all this other mess so important? If it was just hair you woulda all been fine walking around with what God gave you without a care in the world or a need to be a member on this site. If it was just hair you wouldn't be crying because you had to trim 1.2 cm or something bogus like that"

But even I know its clearly not just hair if there are so many problems around it--- Im transitioning after relaxing my whole life, and I know whether I quit tomorrow and relax or complete the transition and am natural, it won't be just hair either way.

I applaud those who relax for really just the sake of trying something new or whatever. But those of you who refuse to admit that the majority does relax because of how they were taught... I don't get it. Its like yall are trying to keep a family secret or something. Its a damn shame that people are brainwashed into thinking they have bad hair and have to fix it every month since they were children!, but its an even sadder shame that we have to pretend this isn't a fact. Why the cover up? Why the quickness to declare that all relaxed people only do it to try something new when you know its a lie? That we have to pretend a lot of us here used to be that person, some of us are that person today, and some of us will always be that person. The only way to make something less sensitive and to get to the root of the problem or to even try to solve it is to talk about it, not be all hush hush and act like it doesnt exist.


I agree with what your saying, i just wanted to say just about all women care about their hair, want it to look good, and want it to grow long. We have had a problem with growing our hair long, so thats why we have this site and people baggying and crying over trims when they've worked so hard.
I think when people say its "just hair" its in regards to hair defining how they feel about themselves as a black person, not so much effort they put to grow it

 

[SleepyJean]

Amen!

I know people on this board probably get when they know i post but the fact of the matter is its what I believe and I am entitled to it.

Some people hate the truth because they know it hurts. Sometimes I want to say, "If its just hair then why are you on this site trying to get to ankle length? If its just hair why do you baggy every night? If its just hair why is DCing and prepooing and all this other mess so important? If it was just hair you woulda all been fine walking around with what God gave you without a care in the world or a need to be a member on this site. If it was just hair you wouldn't be crying because you had to trim 1.2 cm or something bogus like that"

But even I know its clearly not just hair if there are so many problems around it--- Im transitioning after relaxing my whole life, and I know whether I quit tomorrow and relax or complete the transition and am natural, it won't be just hair either way.

I applaud those who relax for really just the sake of trying something new or whatever. But those of you who refuse to admit that the majority does relax because of how they were taught... I don't get it. Its like yall are trying to keep a family secret or something. Its a damn shame that people are brainwashed into thinking they have bad hair and have to fix it every month since they were children!, but its an even sadder shame that we have to pretend this isn't a fact. Why the cover up? Why the quickness to declare that all relaxed people only do it to try something new when you know its a lie? That we have to pretend a lot of us here used to be that person, some of us are that person today, and some of us will always be that person. The only way to make something less sensitive and to get to the root of the problem or to even try to solve it is to talk about it, not be all hush hush and act like it doesnt exist.


I agree with what your saying, i just wanted to say just about all women care about their hair, want it to look good, and want it to grow long. We have had a problem with growing our hair long, so thats why we have this site and people baggying and crying over trims when they've worked so hard.
I think when people say its "just hair" its in regards to hair defining how they feel about themselves as a black person, not so much effort they put to grow it

Very True!!! You enlightened me a little. If it was just hair would we really be on here? I see it more as beauty asset (no matter what state), rather than a measure of blackness though. Very insightful comment though!

 

[SleepyJean]

I'm not trying to start any argument, because I don't like doing that online. I don't do it, and I'm not saying you do. I just think that's punkish, BUT I do like my hair relaxed and IT IS easier FOR ME to manage. Why does Black hair carry so much controversy? It's just hair! I never thought I was betraying my race when I relaxed. It was just a matter of what I like. I don't think any state of hair should carry a stigma. That's just me, though. I don't patronize any natural person. If anything, I've been reproved by natural people. Some people do patronize natural people, but why does one experience have to bias someone's entire opinion of a group of people. One ignorant person will not change my opinion, because I know THAT'S JUST HER. I think SOME natural people generalize relaxed people, and that makes me mad. No one should generalize anyone, and especially not because of one person. If they generalize me, she will hear some comments not very nice from me. She could have gorgeous hair, but her hair will get talked about if she talks about mine. That's just me, though. That's the ONLY time I will ever talk about anyone's hair. Everything that seemed pretty before will be ugly to me afterwards, because I would realize that person had an ugly personality. My perception of anyone's looks is affected by their personality. Man, I think I was thinking about past situations...that was a long vent. lol. I'm really just expressing how I feel about the whole natural hair vs relaxed situation. I think it's good when anyone expresses how they feel, but just be respectful and accepting of others beliefs. If your not, then don't expect respect back.
That's my two cents.[/quote]

So because I don't believe the hype I am not respecting your opinion, we are all entitled to believe in anything we want but that doesn't mean it is right. People can do what they want its really their life. Its funny how everyone wants to try to sugar coat the problems in AA society, well I am not going to do it.

I don't talk about people's hair just for the hell of it. I don't go up to people with relaxers and say, you hate being black, you are a traitor, do I feel this about the majority of black women who do relax, yes I think it is the underlying reason for many, whether they know it or not. I was simply giving my honest opinion to a question posed on a forum where people discuss things. It is my sincerest hope that one day we can love everything about ourselves and that includes the texture of our hair. I wish people would wake up and stop saying that it is OK to put such dangerous acids in your hair for the sake of fashion. i could really care less about the straightness, but its the mentality that most black women have. its sad and to tell people its OK, its just hair. Its not just hair. It may be just hair for many on this site, but for some of us AA women it is not, I know this for a 100% fact. If it was just hair then we would not be disussing this subject here and it definitely wouldn't be so sensitive an issue. I was asked my opinion on a topic and I gave it. No one wants to deal with or even explore why more than probably 90% of women of African descent relax their hair. If you can name another race that does this sort of thing in such alarge percentage please PM me.

Again I really DON'T care what people do with their hair, I was asked what was better and I gave my answer and the reasons behind them. So to me it is funny how people are commenting against what I am saying because they don't agree with me. We don't have to agree. We can discuss things on here and not agree.

BTW I don't expect or care if people respect my opinion because its not a popular one. But I will continue to speak the truth as I know it. Peace.

No, you weren't, but I sent a PM. I thought that, because of the manageability comment. I believe that, and I didn't like the fact you said, it was a lie. That's what I believe, but honestly, if this going is going to get like one of those arguments that last for about two weeks, you win. I'm not going to do that online in a thread, because it's silly to me. I came here to learn about healthy things for my hair, and not to be crucified my beliefs. I said my peace, rather if you agree with it or not. If you can't respect my opinion while responding to mine, then frankly I don't care. I'm not going to get preach to. buh bi.

P.S. My PM was already sent before I read this. Oh, but I didn't add the other race that did that sort of thing. White people dye there hair like crazy, and I equivalate that with relaxing. There are many other scenarios, but I honestly don't think you want to hear.

 

[SleepyJean]

I respect your opinions....i dont think you should feel so attacked though, like 2 people have quoted you and stated their opinion back because yours is stong and generalzing, but its your opinion

I dont understand why they would have to hate being black or be a traitor though......I think alot of black people think negativly about their hair, but i really don think its because they want to be white or anything.

We are like the only people in the whole world with hair this curly, its not just white people that have straight hair, back in the day i could say for sure if a black person was going to relax their hair to be more of another race that it was white, but now we see so many asian, hispanic, indian ect. women with straight hair----how could you truely say someone wants to be white for sure?

That is a large precentage though, i just dont think it should be credited or blamed on everyone wanting to be white

Maybe I did generalize, but I wish they would have explained how without the underlying agression. Like I've said time and time again, I try to be respectful and nice. If Iv seem wrong or judgemental, I only ask for response with that same respect back. Sometimes, I don't know when I offend others. I don't even know what I said wrong, but I won't discuss that anymore. I feel the attacks coming as I write. That's why I just don't like commenting on these controversial threads. Just explain to me how I said something wrong, and I would be willing to apologize. Seriously though, if I'm going to get burned at the stake my post, y'all are seriously going to have to find me first, because I am not responding on that anymore.

 

[NYAmicas]

I dont think there is a wrong or right. At least not where I'm concerned. I'm relaxed and I try to make sure my hair and scalp are healthy-it works for me. I also dont think it'a some sort of betrayal to my people because everyone has their preference. While I may admire natural looks and styles on others, I'm content with my relaxed hair.

 

[Kawaii1]

Man yall know I had to bring my behind in here.

I just got the dirtiest look from my mom when I expressed that I was done relaxing my hair. She had said something about how her hair broke off after not perming for 6 weeks and rolled her eyes when I said my hair was coily on the top and nappy in the back. She thinks that anything that isn't my neices kind of hair (she has white in her, and her hair is curly and big and wavy, etc) should remain relaxed end of story. Even if it results in alopecia and scarring for decades...

Anyway, I think its awful that some, and perhaps most(some, so don't even take it personal and write some crap back about how you don't) black women can walk around with their noses in the air when someone has "nappy" hair or unrelaxed hair and isn't mixed or have a loose curly texture or something. Tired of b!tches tearing combs through their hair or shaking their head extra hard when they see me in braids or an airdried pony like somehow being natural is a contagious disease. They act like we give them a bad name. I just want to shout at people sometimes... EVERYBODY KNOW YOUR HAIR DON"T COME OUT OF YOUR HEAD LIKE THAT! YOU ARE A JOKE! THAT STUFF MUST HAVE GOTTEN TO YOUR BRAIN! IF YOU REALLY LOVED YOURSELF AS A BLACK WOMAN YOU WOULDN'T BE LOOKING DOWN AT ANOTHER BLACK WOMAN FOR HAVING NATURAL HAIR! Youre a hater for looking down on me for doing what you lack the courage to do. So stop trying to front like I'm the one who's living a lie! My mom can walk around with a sew in or a lace front with hardly any hair and talk about how she is done dealing with her hair and would rather just give up and wear weaves.... but when I tell her I am going natural suddenly Im the one with the problem? Grr... Venting aside:

I feel like although it is not everyones intention (once again don't even take it personal it is not about you), but it is upholding the idea that white is right by relaxing. (if youre mad now just keep reading before you PM me or get mad and make this another thread that I've gotten locked... ) By the fact that the majority of black women in this country are relaxed, and the fact that there is still a negative attitude toward dark skinned women in this country. You go to Africa most of them don't even do this, but all of a sudden, everhwehre there are white people, there are black people (some not all) relaxing their hair and bleaching their skin and getting their noses done and lips done and boobs done and everything else in between to mirror their image. Yall know I could go on, but Ill cut to the chase:

I am not going to stand here and say its all about everyone wanting to be white. Thats not what Im getting at. White people do the same things we all do. Tanning. When I think about tanning I think about perms. Has anyone else noticed that there is like a tanning salon on every corner? They're popping up in the suburbs like BSS's in the hood. White people realize that they want darker skin, and they start tanning real young and do it all their life.They take the risk for cancer, bad skin, etc because they want the results, just like we take all the risks to have straight hair. Its NO different. They didn't want to get tans until they met brown people, just like we didn't want straight hair until we met them.

That's my two cent for the moment, I need to go pay some bills and don't want to be here for the fallout until after I've had something to eat and some free time on my hands...

ITA, let's not forget the butt implants..............

Anyway, I think it depends on the reason behind why you perm or go natural. Sure it's all just hair but why do some people feel like if on kink, one nap shows then their are gonna die. Or the ones who say mean things about your natural hair. I take that personally because my twin has natural hair and sometime black folks harass her and I liken that to white people calling black people spook or darkie or nappy head.

Other than that I don't have any issue, you can where your hair however. I wonder though, if this is not an issue because we have such a melting pot that everyone wants to look alike. Think about this, almost all folks in america want to be some form of brown with curly to straight hair. Mostly the same body type, lean, well built,toned. Nice height not to tall not to short. I don't know just something I think about sometimes.

 

[ladylibra]

who's wrong? natural-haired women who turn their noses up at relaxed-haired women. relaxed-haired women who turn their noses up at natural-haired women. natural-haired women who have looser curls and think their hair is acceptable, but mock natural-haired women with kinkier textures. natural haired women who have kinkier textures who are so busy being "proud" that they snub natural-haired women with looser curls. relaxed or natural women who have bad hair care habits and therefore not-so-good-looking hair who hate on every woman they see with long hair whether she's relaxed or natural. and natural or relaxed long-haired women who think their hair makes them better than any chick with shorter hair and get snotty and rude with other long-haired chicks.

who's right? black women who can love and accept their hair for what it is. some may choose to relax and some may choose to straighten, but all can respect the choices another woman chooses to make. a natural-haired woman who can admire a relaxed-haired woman's hairstyle. a relaxed-haired woman who can admire a natural-haired woman's style. a relaxed or natural short-haired woman who can give a compliment to a relaxed or natural long-haired woman and aspire to be that length someday without hating on the person who HAS length. a relaxed or natural long-haired woman who can appreciate the beauty of a style sported by a woman with short relaxed or natural hair.

 

[BonBon]

I think the original question is a bit strange. How can you be right or wrong for how you style yourself

Anyways all I can say is I have met a lot of secure, happy Black women on this site. IRL I have met a LOT who hate their n***er hair, dont want to show hair when it regains kink, live in weaves,still use good hair/bad hair references and most importantly dont feel their natural hair is attractive to men and the like in Western society.

If someone is going to argue that ^^ group of women is a minority then its is a significant one at that. To claim not to be influenced in style choices by the media, dominant culture is redundant IMO

However groups of women who don't like themselves or dont feel secure are not "wrong" for feeling so. For examle theres a difference between wearing your hair relaxed because you like it and, fixing you hair to relaxed because you need to cover up the "frizzies".

Oh yeah, militant nappies do annoy me, having a TWA doesnt make you a better Black person Ive had one all my life and dont have much self confidence, I wear my hair nappy hair because of convenience (I dont want to have to do touch ups forever)

I did nearly go down the millitant route as it is touted that that is the place for Black female enlightenment. I have since changed my ideals and see this as enlightenment:

-------------->

When I first saw the wig pic on the right I was a bit disapointed but realised shes one of the most free artists I know, musically and stlye wise. The Black woman of the future is beautiful and happy with her versatility

Please note that I see some napturals on here who wear wigs and weaves sometimes, the truth of the matter is a millitant could see a nappy wearing a wig one day and assume she wasnt happy in herself and Blackness as the measure for this is having kinks

 

[aloof one]

I respect your opinions....i dont think you should feel so attacked though, like 2 people have quoted you and stated their opinion back because yours is stong and generalzing, but its your opinion

I dont understand why they would have to hate being black or be a traitor though......I think alot of black people think negativly about their hair, but i really don think its because they want to be white or anything.

We are like the only people in the whole world with hair this curly, its not just white people that have straight hair, back in the day i could say for sure if a black person was going to relax their hair to be more of another race that it was white, but now we see so many asian, hispanic, indian ect. women with straight hair----how could you truely say someone wants to be white for sure?

That is a large precentage though, i just dont think it should be credited or blamed on everyone wanting to be white

well if I wanted to argue with you, i could say that it is because white europeans are the ones who brought us here. and if you look at why black americans perm and why africans don't, you could consider one factor: the majority of America is White and has been that way for a while. And even though there are/will be more minorities in the time to come, that is what we see in the media still- its all about white people. In Africa, the majority is black. They don't have TV to watch white folks all the time, and they don't have white folks all over the street and next door to them. They have grasp on their culture and don't let things like perm change their identity. We are the place where 90% of us relax our hair, they are the place where 90% (or maybe more) dont.

but I don't want to argue with you, Im just throwing that in the air. I don't think EVERYONE does it to look white. But when people have goals to "Swing like a white girl," or have "Hair like white folks" you have to consider it. And when we have a good/bad hair concept and they don't... you have to wonder where it came from. There are Indians right above them and Im pretty sure they aren't concerned with relaxing their hair to please them.

anyway i have class.. once again ive spent too long on this site

 

[OneInAMillion]

Wow I just realized... flash back to the S-Curl craze
I still like natural men with long hair though... but no texturizers... thats just weird on a dude, next thing you know the foo will be wearing a lacefront, thats my worst nightmare

OT: Im still hoping for a man with some dreads down his back to play with

LMAO my ex had a texturizer. I thought it was terrible because he hair was always so dry and chalky, lol I tried to tell him to chelate but he was so stubborn. Anyway, when I met him he had his hair cut low, then he was on some, "Girl, you know I got that good hair" and he started growing it out and texturized it. I kid you not, this fool texturized his hair every other week. The night before we broke up he left it on too long and burned his scalp. (Good for him! )

Anyway, lol this s-curl craze is alive and well...makes me wonder because this particular person was really full of self-hate (which he openly made known). I have a relaxer, don't get me wrong, but I do believe that it IS that deep for some, not all of us.

OT - Afrikasi: I appreciate that video you posted. All stuff I've heard, but sometimes I do need to keep in mind how long I'm gonna apply these chemicals to my hair. Just some important stuff to think about, so thanks for raising the point.

 

[fluffylocks]

Maybe I did generalize, but I wish they would have explained how without the underlying agression. Like I've said time and time again, I try to be respectful and nice. If Iv seem wrong or judgemental, I only ask for response with that same respect back. Sometimes, I don't know when I offend others. I don't even know what I said wrong, but I won't discuss that anymore. I feel the attacks coming as I write. That's why I just don't like commenting on these controversial threads. Just explain to me how I said something wrong, and I would be willing to apologize. Seriously though, if I'm going to get burned at the stake my post, y'all are seriously going to have to find me first, because I am not responding on that anymore.

(I was talking to alfoone)

 

[fluffylocks]

well if I wanted to argue with you, i could say that it is because white europeans are the ones who brought us here. and if you look at why black americans perm and why africans don't, you could consider one factor: the majority of America is White and has been that way for a while. And even though there are/will be more minorities in the time to come, that is what we see in the media still- its all about white people. In Africa, the majority is black. They don't have TV to watch white folks all the time, and they don't have white folks all over the street and next door to them. They have grasp on their culture and don't let things like perm change their identity. We are the place where 90% of us relax our hair, they are the place where 90% (or maybe more) dont.

but I don't want to argue with you, Im just throwing that in the air. I don't think EVERYONE does it to look white. But when people have goals to "Swing like a white girl," or have "Hair like white folks" you have to consider it. And when we have a good/bad hair concept and they don't... you have to wonder where it came from. There are Indians right above them and Im pretty sure they aren't concerned with relaxing their hair to please them.

anyway i have class.. once again ive spent too long on this site

Yeah, thats true. (I dont want to argue either) but tell me if you see what im trying to say, because this is just what i believe, and i understand and respect your opinons so i just wanna see if you get what im saying.

Just about all the information on how to take care of our hair and ideas American black women have on their hair (The ones who havent been on hair boards or read books) comes from slavery times.....that includes the idea that "nappy" hair is bad, "the straighter, the better" and "good hair/bad hair" thing.
Those thoughts and ideas imo have been passed on as general information, alot of black women beleive for a fact there is a such thing as "good hair" and that their newgrowth is "bad", because thats all they know about haircare just along with "grease and dirty hair makes it grow"

Now in the year 2007 most black women still dont know anything about our hair, and believe what they've been told and what they've heard that straighter is better, nappy is bad ect.
They/we havent been told all these years that "straight hair equals white, and that is better", we've just been fed the idea that the curlier the hair, the more bad it is.

For a 10 year old black girl in America in 2007, straight hair doesnt equal "white".....lots of people and races have straight hair.

Black people in America IMO are the only ones who straighten their hair so much because we were brought over here and told curly hair is bad

But now IMO we just have the idea that curly hair/nappy is bad that COMES from white people. I dont think that anyone actually WANTS to be white or connects the fact that good hair/bad hair came from white people, i just think thats where the idea comes from, and now we see alot of people/races who have straight hair. Thats why i dont think you can say for sure a black women in America who relaxes her hair is trying to be white......She may/probally has the idea that "straighter hair is better" that formulated from white people from along time ago and she doesnt even know it, but she doesnt actually want to be white woman, and now if a black woman believes that straight hair is better, white people are not the only ones with straight hair for her to automatically know she wants to be a white woman. If anything, anyone who curls their hair excessively is trying to be black because we are the only ones with hair this curly, but any black person who straightens their hair imo should not automatically be trying to be white because we are the ONLY ones with hair like this, if we straighten it we are becomming just like just about everyone else.

Thats why i think all of this will be fixed and over once we learn about our hair. Once these women learn what "nappy" actually means, that its just curly hair and not a problem, and how to take care of our hair and love it, then these ideas black women who hold onto knowledge about our hair such as good/bad will be replaced with actuall knowledge of our hair and black women will be able to straighten it without thinking that it is better to have straight hair whether they know that comes from white people or not.
Thats why there is no problem like this in other places, their knowledge of hair doesnt include good/bad, nappy/straight.

 

[aloof one]

Anyway, when I met him he had his hair cut low, then he was on some, "Girl, you know I got that good hair" and he started growing it out and texturized it. I kid you not, this fool texturized his hair every other week. The night before we broke up he left it on too long and burned his scalp. (Good for him! )

BUAHAHAHAHH!
that foo! Lol fallin out of my chair

 

[Afrikaisi]

I glanced over some of the responses to my posts, I didn't read them all because they probably were the same old, same old. Anywho, ladies, really its your hair do what you want with it. I was trying to respond to the posts that responded to my posts. We don't have to believe the same way, and we won't. So in the end, do you. We are all on a journey, and this subject is pretty old and played out. I really don't know why I came into this thread. Anyway, I am done. Peace.

 

[frankie]

People that spend their time debating this issue, as if it were going to make a difference in the diaspora, are wasting energy and talent on a 'dead' subject.

Who cares whether I'm natural or relaxed, when it comes to MY hair I'm right!!!

 

[Connie]

I think it's rather sad that we've come to a point where sisters are getting in heated debates over our hair. I was born in the mid 60s, when sisters with afros, puffs and cornrows proudly and PEACEFULLY co-existed with the sisters who straightened their hair with a hot comb.

When did we all get so damned petty? Why can't we rock our naturals and relaxed hair like we don't give a damn what anyone thinks, the way we used to--without holding each other racially accountable? Seriously, my straight hair never made anyone question my ethincity, never kept me from being followed in a store and I highly doubt it would keep someone from burning a cross on my front lawn.

I'm not the most patient person when it comes to my hair and there are a lot of relaxed styles I don't bother with because of it. I wear my hair whichever way allows me to style and maintain it with the greatest of ease in the least amount of time, and right now relaxed is the way to go. If I decide to go natural, it will be a short 'fro because it takes minimal effort to keep it up.

On the other hand, if I decide I want to grow it down to my knees, so what? Is it a felony for a black woman to possess long hair? I'd rather grow my own than envy someone else's, but maybe I'm strange.

When I read threads like this one, I sometimes wish that all black women would suddenly go bald so some of us might realize that being black isn't so much about our hair as it is our minds, hearts and souls.

 

[fluffylocks]

I dont understand why it gets so touchy and rude either.

We should be able to just share our opinions and listen to each other and consider things, but people just like to say what they think, put down everything else and argue and ignore and all that mess. This happens all of the time on LHCF. I think ima just stay out of discusions all togther....too childish.