Not sure if you're referring to straight hair or wearing your hair in natural styles like braid/twist outs. I'm not even sure if you're anti-silicone or not but here's what's been working like clockwork.
If I'm wearing my hair straight, I prep by using Pantene's Medium to Thick conditioner after deep conditioning. Then use products like AfroSheens Satin Press to straighten - there's another product by Elasta QP called Curl Wax that works well too. Adjust the amount to suit your hair's needs. To moisturize I use EVOO (yea I know it's not water based so not typically a moisturizer, right?) to moisturize. The oiliness tends to get absorbed by the hair. I get no reversion this way or if I get it wet, it's very easy to do some bantu knots overnight and it'll all smooth back down again.
Braids, twists and braid/twist outs and feel a need to control it, I use Pantene's Medium to Thick solutions conditioner like a leave-in. You'd have to adjust the amount to suit your hair's needs. Love the conditioner and seems to work best if applied to wet hair before braiding or twisting and and can use it to refresh the style. Loaded with cones but it works great for me.
The heavier wax and silicone products really do control some of the poofyness.
ETA: Almost forgot to add that using the cones when wearing braid/twist out styles really helps make detangling easier on wash day and w/a little EVOO prevents major tangles (along with keeping the hair stretched) and last but not least, SSK prevention. At least for me.