natural hair +mean spirited comments=depression

[FineChyna]

maybe you guys don't feel like this but i feel like lately i have been getting alot of slack from people since i stopped perming my hair. my mother keeps asking me "why" although i told her a million times why i changed and keeps saying that my hair looked nicer when it was permed. when i was showing her recently how my hair has been growing nicely her response was that she can't tell anything because my hair is too curly and freezy. (now mind you she is a licensed stylist so her response was kinda suprising) then on campus during one of my classes me and some other woman is natural were talking and when i mentioned i stopped perming my hair someone who wasn't even in the conversation went out of their way to show their disgust for my decision by sucking their teeth and rolling their eyes. i'm not sure if she thought being natural was "nasty" or if she was jealous that i wasn't having trouble getting the comb through my head. mind you this person has a perm but her hair is really short. i am very disappointed at the fact that people, including my mother are so negative about having natural hair. its actually depressing. i feel like people are just being mean about this for no reason. its not like i asked them to stop also. i had my own reasons for stopping and so far i am liking what i am seeing.

what in god's name is wrong w/ people these days, especially during a time when we see more black women in ads on on TV w/ dreds, braids, and curly hair? am i missing something

 

[sassygirl125]

I've been told by family members and so-called friends that I should keep relaxing because my hair isn't "good".

I do my best to ignore them.

 

[FineChyna]

last i checked good hair was anything that covered your head but it still hurts when people say messed up things like that. afterall what do they care? to me they can perm their hair out their head and i wouldn't think twice. i just hate it when people are so judgemental over things

 

[Peachtree]

DO WHAT U FEEL IS RIGHT FOR >>> U <<< PERIOD!!!

Then hold ur head up HIGH. Don't give anyone the pleasure of knowing that their negativity is affecting u. Be proud of ur decision.... embrace ur natural hair

.

(( How would they feel if u knocked them for perming? ))

 

[Allandra]

I say be like Sassygirl, and do your best to ignore the mean comments.

 

[zoya_j]

DO WHAT U FEEL IS RIGHT FOR >>> U <<< PERIOD!!!

I do my best to ignore them.


Ditto!!!

 

[Supergirl]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

Look-A-Here!

You continue to do what makes YOU happy.

 

[Tracy]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

[ QUOTE ]
Look-A-Here!

You continue to do what makes YOU happy.

[/ QUOTE ]

I couldn't have said it better myself....

Girl work your look and poof the haters....they ain't even there mamita...they ain't even there...

 

[dahllia]

Keep your head up and just do you! Some people act that way because deep down inside they themselves dont have the guts to make a decision like that, though they may want to. People like that really upset me

Instead of saying something like , "Wow, that's great, I couldn't do it but Im happy for you." They do their best to alienate you. But honey, all that is just a reflection of their own inner demons, trust me. I am excluding your mom from this because Im safely assuming that most moms mean well no matter how strange their words may seem

.

 

[JazzAngel]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

[ QUOTE ]
Girl work your look and poof the haters....they ain't even there mamita...they ain't even there...

[/ QUOTE ]

That is exactly how I life my life. If you don't have some anything possitive to say, POOF you disapear. I only have ears and time for the positive voices.


On a serious tip you need to suround yourself with uplifting people. As your hair grows out healthy many of the same negative sheep will want to know what it is you have done to gain such a glorious head of hair.

 

[happylocks]

I dont get that soo much, my mom is not into perms, but my sister, pressure me to perm, a friend is in my face to get locks

, I just stay strong, put ur self around a more natural crowd of ppl, I know it may sound strange, but I feel sooo much better seeing the women at the nappy site, and just being around my natural sister when I go to braid my hair, or just more natural down to earth, ppl I feel alot better, if your in college join a African American culture club learn more about yourself so that u can become strong against negative ppl and their comments, and feel positive about being natural who u r

 

[adrienne0914]

you will find that the more you go against the grain, the more people will try to pull you back in. sometimes they do it to make themselves feel better. sometimes they're just mean. just know that it's usually jealousy that makes them do it. the next time it happens, just think "dang, i must really have it going on for this person to be going out of their way to drag me down."

i always make it a point to compliment a head of healthy natural hair because it's just so nice to see. it's sad to me that we can't appreciate the differences in and lift one another up...

 

[Nonie]

FineChyna, I'm sorry you're having to endure those negative vibes. I'm very sensitive too to unkindness, but in the hair dept, I'm blessed in that natural hair is what I've had most of my life so it's the way I know me best and feel most comfortable...and the way most of the people that matter to me know me.

Your experience reminded me of the words of Hugh Prather. He has great ideas on dealing with criticism:

[ QUOTE ]
If someone criticizes me, I am not any less because of that; it is not a criticism of me but critical thinking from him. He is expressing his thoughts and feelings, not my being.

[/ QUOTE ]

Further...

[ QUOTE ]
The question I could ask myself after receiving criticism is, "Does his statement give me any insight into myself?" not "Is it true?" If I say "That's true," those words really mean, "I think about myself in the same way." No one knows whether or not it is true.

[/ QUOTE ]

And lastly...

[ QUOTE ]
I do not HAVE to react to criticism with hurt feelings. It is my interpretation of the MEANING FOR ME that produces the pain. Bob says, "Sometimes you act like a three-year-old," or Esther says, "You sound like a preacher." What meaning do these comments have for me? I am the one who must choose to interpret them as derogatory; they are not inherently so. I am the one who must make the connection and call it bad. I believe that if I were more fully conscious and acceptant of the way I am, if I were more familiar with "me" I would not feel so criticized or complimented by people's words but would be confident to judge their accuracy for myself.

[/ QUOTE ]

I hope those words help you cope. Happylocks certainly has the right idea and spirit (Can't you just feel her excitement and contentment?

). It's true that the more you surround yourself with positive, open-minded people, the better you will feel about yourself, and the tougher you will get. And as Dahllia said, (and this is excluding your mom coz I think she's just expressing her preference...after all, mothers always want what THEY think is best for their kids

)...Whenever anyone says or does something mean, know that YOU make them feel inferior somehow; why else would they feel the need to knock you down to feel tall?

So grow your strong, healthy mane without second thoughts...keeping in mind, He who made you knew exactly what He was doing and He ain't finished with you yet.

 

[sassygirl125]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

[ QUOTE ]
As your hair grows out healthy many of the same negative sheep will want to know what it is you have done to gain such a glorious head of hair.

[/ QUOTE ]

I live for this day...

 

[pebbles]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

[ QUOTE ]
Look-A-Here!

You continue to do what makes YOU happy.

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly!!

 

[joyous]

Ignore them. Since I've been natural there are a few people who always ask me when am I getting my hair done. I tell them it is done in the style I like best...natural. I told one friend???who has a receding hairline(hairline starts on her crown) and is always making comments about my natural hair, that the reason black women are always losing their hair is because their always trying to conform to someone else's standards. She took the hint and hasn't made a comment since. Know that you can always come here and get the support you need.

 

[Guest]

I heard that too, when I was letting my perm grow out, everyone get saying, you need a perm, bad.

I went back to relaxing cause i like the ease.

But you just have to not let comments bother you. If that's how you choose to wear your hair, tell people that, "This is How I Choose to wear my Hair" it's none of thier business really.

 

[nita4]

Old, negative mind sets. It's really very sad.

I get negative comments/looks when I wear my hair in textured natural looking styles and my hair is mildly relaxed.

Hold your head high and forget about them. Do what you think is right for YOU and your hair!!

 

[skegeesmb]

Remember, a lot of these comments are coming from people who believe in a "good" hair "bad" hair mindset. A lot of them are so indoctrinated that they can't help themselves. When I first went natural, when my hair was short, I got a lot of comments like "I don't like it" and what are you doing. I told them look, this is the hair growing out of my head. It's not growing out of yours and your hair is relaxed, worry about your head not mine. If it looks bad, oh well, you're not going to make me get a relaxer again, so get off of it.


It really works. Once they know you don't care that they think you look bad, they usually don't have anymore to say.

 

[kasey]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

Hi FC

Sorry for all the negative comments. It must really be hard since some them are coming from your mom.

I have worn my hair without a relaxer basically forever (long before natural hair became "in", and if I had a dollar for every person who mentioned getting a perm I could have a Jaguar, a townhouse and a closet full of designer clothes.

Once in high school during volley ball some boys yelled at me to get a perm. Now you know that was hard. I am at the point now where folks comments don't bother me. A short while ago a co-worker asked me why don't I get a perm. People are always up in my hair, for some strange reason.

Some people want you to conform to their standards. I usually let other folks negative comments about my hair bounce off me because I am satisfied with the way I style my hair. I am sure that you are too.

--kc

 

[72792]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

I've experienced this when I was switching relaxers so I let the old relaxer grow out a bit so I had about 4-5" of new growth. While standing in a crowded bank line, the girl behind with her boyfriend says loud enough for a few to hear, "Now, that don't make no sense when there's a store on every corner. I'll give her the money to get a perm." Coulda knocked her overprocessed dry hair head off!!

 

[ms_kenesha]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

[ QUOTE ]
I've experienced this when I was switching relaxers so I let the old relaxer grow out a bit so I had about 4-5" of new growth. While standing in a crowded bank line, the girl behind with her boyfriend says loud enough for a few to hear, "Now, that don't make no sense when there's a store on every corner. I'll give her the money to get a perm." Coulda knocked her overprocessed dry hair head off!!

[/ QUOTE ]

Now that is crazy I would have wanted to knock the

out of her!

For everyone I think that those inspirational words that someone posted from Mr. Prather are the best and we should all take them to heart, I know I'm going to try to.

I'm relaxed, but as soon as I have 1cm of new growth my mom starts preaching the "You Need A Perm" sermon, it used to really piss me off, but now I don't live there anymore so it's easier to ignore it, plus now everytime I see her she asks me how did my hair get so long

Keep your heads up LHCF members!

 

[alma]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

CHANGE -its always a challenge. People have this 'image' of who you are and because of a slight change, they are forced to have to change their comfortable image of you too ...which explains why the people closest to us usually have the biggest problem with it! And yes, it often makes us feel bad, uncomfortable or hurt because of it.

Have you ever thought that you're not the one with the problem? -afterall, you are still you. Maybe other people's personal insecurities start to show?

It'll pass. And when they see you being happy about it, they'll soon realise it was good for you and SO worth it.

 

[Daughter]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

I'm just shaking my head at some of the comments people have had to listen to. Some people are just simply rude! Bet they wouldn't like it if you talked about their weight (for example). So why would they presume they can talk about YOUR hair, whether they are strangers or not?

 

[AFashionSlave]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

I'm sorry that people are being nasty to you, but you are not alone. A lot of us have gone though the exact thing that you are going through right now. I went through when I first went natural in mid 1996. My grandmother was always after me to let her run a pressing comb through my napps. It was so hard for me in the beginning that I decided to go back to a relaxer - only to transition again 3 months later.

After I transitioned the second time the negative comments started again and so I decided to texturize my hair - only to transition again 2 months later.

Even though I went back to the chemicals twice I was determined to go natural. I stuck it out and did my big chop 10 months later.

I no longer get insults about my hair now I get nothing but complements & questions.

My advice to you is to ignore the negative comments and keep steppin. Who knows before you know it your mother may be asking you for advice on how to go natural...mine did.

 

[sunny]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

It is absolutely beyond me why some of our own people look at our hair with such disgust. Dont they know that under those permed strands lie our roots? yes our naturally thick hair. Our hair is beautiful. It is unique and unlike any other peoples' hair in the world. No one should have to be exposed to such hurtfulness, especially regarding something that naturally grows out of our heads. Go on and grow those locks girl. Dont let the naysayers and negative people lead you to question or doubt your decision to wear your hair natural.

 

[MissM]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

That is right, the problem is not you, it is other people. You do what you feel is right for YOU! I have even run across people with dreads or locs who look down on us who relax with disgust, nevermind that dreads and locs are not for everyone. Be proud of your natural hair and the next time someone whose hair is jacked up wants to make a comment you could remark on how HEALTHY your hair is compared to hers! I just hate when people have the nerve to talk about other peoples hair and their own hair needs work!

 

[Champagne_Wishes]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

Like everyone said, don't let people's comments get you down. Besides people are always going to say something whether you like it or not.

 

[Kitkat]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

Girl, wear your natural tresses with pride!! You know how healthy and beautiful your hair is, so don't let others who are trying to get there pull you down. And if the negativity starts to get to you, know that you can always come here for support.

 

[marla]

Re: natural hair +mean spirited comments=depressio

People who make these comments are the ones who are insecure about themselves! I personally don't have the guts to go natural, but more power to you if that is your choice! I love to see sistahs with healthy natural hair. Just because someone's hair has a perm doesn't mean it is healthy. I am living proof of that! ( Before I joined this board of course hee-hee! ) Keep your head up high and be proud of your beautiful healthy head of hair!