My Stepdaughter's BSL(?) Hair

[almond eyes]

I am going to give a very unpopular opinion, her hair looks fine so her ends don't need to be cut or trimmed unless she is going for a more manageable style. Whether I have been natural or relaxed my hair and the ends always look like this when straightened.

And don't cut her hair unless you have permission. My hair was like this as a child and my mother spent decades cutting it to make it look thicker. Now if her hair is being damaged from hot curling then perhaps a few light dusting sessions, if not leave it alone!!!!!

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[Emoniegirl03]

Just trim it. She can't do anything once u trim it and its in the best interest of the child. Its dead!

 

[RadiantBeauty]

Just trim it. She can't do anything once u trim it and its in the best interest of the child. Its dead!

Yeah, but if she trims it without the biological mother's permission, she won't be around that child for long. I would definitely disregard that idea if I were you.

 

[almond eyes]

That brings up a great OP topic, is a child walking around with what one considers dead ends enough to constitute cutting in best interests of the child?

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[exoticmommie]

What a beautiful child!

 

[beans4reezy]

That's one cute Missy right there.

 

[blue_flower]

I don't understand why mothers insist on putting harsh relaxers in their young daughters' hair.

 

[Chanteuse]

Please do not cut that child's hair after her Mother explicitly told you not to. I don't even have kids but I cannot imagine what my reaction would be to that. Actually I can and it would be ugly. Her hair looks fine, the split ends will not kill her, and most importantly her Mom said no.

 

[MahoganyJazz]

Show her father how much needs to be cut, and then guide him on how to do it correctly.

 

[Myjourney2009]

I would not cut her hair. Just braid it and thats that, as much as it may pain you leave it be. She will hopefully come around. Yes she is your step-daughter however the mother is a clear presence in the childs life and she has the last word Period. DONOT cut that childs hair without consent.

I agree with another poster talk to her Father, however he is probably clueless to the upkeep of a daughters hair. Here is a suggestion all three of you should talk about it together in the same room. Like another poster stated if you can ask her and offer to do it in her presence. If she allows it take pictures after its done to show at a later date so she will not think you are taking things into your own hands.

I have a daughter and I do not allow ANYONE to touch her hair without my permission that means anyone, I have told her the same thing, no one in your hair. I don't care who you are, my mother is not even allowed to do her hair because she has the old school mindset of doing hair and she caused my daughter to get tight bumps. She tried so I left it alone but told her please dont do her hair anymore Thank you. Love you. XXOO

My daughter went to stay with my uncle for awhile and his wife asked to braid her hair I said no she has fresh braids in. That heifer told me well you better hope I dont braid her hair. She came back with the same braids she left with so no harm done if not his wife would have caught a beat-down straight up no chaser.

 

[Highly Favored8]

Aww.. she is so pretty loving the hair.

 

[trevprit]

I wouldn't even bother with dad, because the baby's mother will probably know you prompted him to say something.

I would say just keep doing what you're doing, and if they are really that bad, it will start to break.

If it does break, to keep her from blaming you, save a few broken strands, and then let dad show her the splits. Maybe even have him demonstrate how to shine a light on the ends of the hair to show the splits.

For the sake of peace, you may have to leave well enough alone to avoid causing a problem. I understand how you're feeling, especially since I've done people's hair before (including small children) and watched it either keep getting shorter, or never getting longer, because they don't want to listen.

You may have to emotionally disconnect yourself from her hair (I've had to do that b4), so to speak, until mom ok's it. Besides, sometimes people don't take advice that they may KNOW is right, just because people dont' like being "told", .

 

[purplepeace79]

Sorry for the late response. Was working.

First, she is open to me doing any and everything hut cutting so I was looking for non-cutting suggestions. I'm not going to disrespect her wishes. Thanks to those eho gave suggestions on the upkeep of relaxed hair.

Second, I have talked to dad. He sees the split ends. He spoke to her too. Even offered to pay for salon care. No dice.

third, I am totally against relaxing kid hair. Already she is convinced she is prettier now with "silky" hair and talks abt how she doesnt need a hard perm. cuz she has good hair @@ ... at 7

Finally thank you for the compliments!

 

[topnotch1010]

Sorry for the late response. Was working.

First, she is open to me doing any and everything hut cutting so I was looking for non-cutting suggestions. I'm not going to disrespect her wishes. Thanks to those eho gave suggestions on the upkeep of relaxed hair.

Second, I have talked to dad. He sees the split ends. He spoke to her too. Even offered to pay for salon care. No dice.

third, I am totally against relaxing kid hair. Already she is convinced she is prettier now with "silky" hair and talks abt how she doesnt need a hard perm. cuz she has good hair @@ ... at 7

Finally thank you for the compliments!

Oh boy! That made me cringe! I hate the term "good hair" now. I cringe everytime I hear it.

Good luck with everything!

 

[purplepeace79]

While not visible in the pics, she definitely has split ends. As I said, her hair should be MUCH longer. All the women in that family have ridiculously long, fast-growing hair. Her mother went from a caesar to almost APL in 2 years. I'm HATING lol Her older sisters cut their hair often, but it just grows right back. If you saw the first pic, her hair was natural then, and I did those twists on damp hair. Stretched, it was much longer. So, due to the split ends and breakage at the ends, her hair isnt where it should be by now. so my point to her mother is, since its breaking and splitting, why not just cut it and work from there. 3 inches will still leave her plenty of hair. She is superstitious, I think, about cutting her hair because she hasnt reached puberty, or something like that. Her hair is only thin looking because of the relaxer. Before, it was thick and sometimes difficult to comb, but it was manageable. I told her, when she first talked about relaxing it, that I would take care of her hair if it was a burden for her. She didnt listen.

Thing is, she only relaxes it like 3 times a year. When the newgrowth comes in, its not unmanageable. Little girls her age should be in braids and such anyway, in my opinion. She doesnt need "grown" styles. So when I would braid it, the newgrowth just blends in. I asked about her growing it out. She says she will consider it, but then relaxes it.

So I'm working with what I got.

 

[purplepeace79]

Yeah, but if she trims it without the biological mother's permission, she won't be around that child for long. I would definitely disregard that idea if I were you.

I laughed at this lol It was funny the way u put it
Honestly, she cant remember a time I wasnt in her life. I've been around since diaper age. Her dad and I are divorcing, but I still pick her up some weekends so she can spend time with my son, her brother, and with me. She'll always know me as her step-mom. Her mother and I have a solid relationship, so I dont think something like trimming her hair would mean I cant see her. I just choose to respect her wishes because if the tables were turned, I'd want her to do the same for me and my son. She watched my son for a week once and braided his hair up nice for me. She respected that I didnt want his hair cut at the time.

 

[purplepeace79]

Oh boy! That made me cringe! I hate the term "good hair" now. I cringe everytime I hear it.

Good luck with everything!

I know!!! OMG I was livid the first time she said that. But thats the school they come from. Which is also why she is getting perms at such a young age.

I have natural hair. I can tell already, she frowns her face at some of my styles. She has already been taught that its supposed to be considered ugly.

So not only is it an appearance issue, for me, its about what else she is being taught about her own beauty. And yes, she has longer hair than every girl she encounters and she already is feeling herself because of it.

I cant believe it starts so young!

 

[luckiestdestiny]

While not visible in the pics, she definitely has split ends. As I said, her hair should be MUCH longer. All the women in that family have ridiculously long, fast-growing hair. Her mother went from a caesar to almost APL in 2 years. I'm HATING lol Her older sisters cut their hair often, but it just grows right back. If you saw the first pic, her hair was natural then, and I did those twists on damp hair. Stretched, it was much longer. So, due to the split ends and breakage at the ends, her hair isnt where it should be by now. so my point to her mother is, since its breaking and splitting, why not just cut it and work from there. 3 inches will still leave her plenty of hair. She is superstitious, I think, about cutting her hair because she hasnt reached puberty, or something like that. Her hair is only thin looking because of the relaxer. Before, it was thick and sometimes difficult to comb, but it was manageable. I told her, when she first talked about relaxing it, that I would take care of her hair if it was a burden for her. She didnt listen.

Thing is, she only relaxes it like 3 times a year. When the newgrowth comes in, its not unmanageable. Little girls her age should be in braids and such anyway, in my opinion. She doesnt need "grown" styles. So when I would braid it, the newgrowth just blends in. I asked about her growing it out. She says she will consider it, but then relaxes it.

So I'm working with what I got.

Well I'm glad you're honoring her superstitions, because if that's what she really believes, there is no reasoning with that. Some superstitions are on track and some aren't. Whose to say if those fast growing hair women aren't growing away because they cut it after a certain age (I don't know everything and neither does science...we seem to learn new stuff everyday. Even then science sometimes contradicts itself with don't drink coffee, whoops okay coffee is good for you, etc. I do know I follow certain superstitions passed on from my Cherokee grandmother and they do work whether people roll their eyes or not. So I understand sometimes believing stuff that you've been told, and see to work.). So anyways kudos for honoring the mother's wishes.


As for the thinness...maybe it is, but I don't see her hair being thin in the pics at all. Perhaps its the lighting. Natural and relaxed hair isn't going to look or lie the same, but that is definitely a lot of hair (dense).

 

[Myjourney2009]

I just thought of something, do any of the moisturizers or leave-ins that you use on her hair have wheat protein. If not then you should consider getting one and using it, you will have to play around with how often she needs it though. Wheat protein is used in many shampoos and conditioners because it helps hair maintain and hold on to moisture. I use one as a leave-in not a rinse out every time I wash my hair and a couple of days later. If I dont my ends act funky and get really tangly.

Attached is a link from a page on this site that I found it.
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=400938

I mix mine together because I dont use many ingredients in alot of protein conditioners. The one I use is religiously is Gary Knulls Heavenly hair repair it cost around $14-16 for a 8.5 oz container but it is thick and I use it only 2 days out of the week as a leave-in not a rinse out. I've had it since September and I still have almost half a bottle left. I have also looked into using Elucence Extended Moisture Repair Treatment in the future. Curl Junkie also has one but it has Glycerin high on the ingredients list so I wouldn't use this if the humidity in your neck of the woods is below 65%. If she is always indoors and wears caps then it should not be a problem with this one.

I use even amounts of this with a moisturizing conditioner together. On my off days I use just the reg. moisturizing conditioners. Her hair might also be underprocessed on the ends and need a good moisturizing conditioner with soy proteins (this helps keep strands strong and moisture retention) One that comes to mind is Trader Joes Nourish spa it is excellent and inexpensive. She may also have build up so try clarifying her hair. Sometimes products that have an abundance of cones can prevent the hair from recieving the moisture it needs, especially the ends.

 

[purplepeace79]

Thank you. I have a Trader Joe's near my job and I will pick some up tomorrow and try it this weekend!

 

[Myjourney2009]

Thank you. I have a Trader Joe's near my job and I will pick some up tomorrow and try it this weekend!

No prob let us know how it turns out