My mother thinks I'm crazy for transitioning.

[filthyfresh]

A little long, but I'm sorry I had to vent:

So my mom knows about my LHCF addiction and rolls her eyes every time I see a hair care aisle. But in the middle of Target's hair care aisle she goes, "I'm sure you know something good to keep my hair straight." (She has a Halle Berry cut.) I'm like you just need to wash it and blow dry it upwards instead of downwards, then curl it & you probably need to DC. She looks at my transitioning hair (which is down & slightly poufy at my NG thanks to the SO...) and says, "You need a perm." I say, I'm not getting one anytime soon. She says, "What do you mean you're not getting one? Have you seen your hair? You look like you need a perm." I'm like I don't need to do anything but stay Black and die. Besides, I want to see what my natural texture looks like because I'm tired of the same old wrap with my hair. Plus, my hair comes out in spiral curls. She goes, "Do you know what you look like? Are you sure your hair's going to come out in all spirals?" I'm like I don't know but I'll see what happens. Then I say to myself wow, do I look that bad? I certainly don't think so. So I tell her that I'm growing my hair out and that's that. Later on, she asks, "Are you mad at me?" I'm like no, it's just that it sucks that you want to tell me what to do with my hair.

Then I go visit a "friend" of mines who used to relax my hair for me (she only did it twice). So she touches my NG, which I hate for other people to do and goes, "You need to do something about this NG." Meanwhile she's looking like Buckwheat's stand-in. Her hair has been NL for at least 2 years. So I doubt I'm going to listen to her.

It just sucks that I'm up against people that do not support me in my journey. My SO helps a lot though, he tells me I'm beautiful no matter what hairstyle I wear. Except for going bald, because then he said, "We'll have to buy you a wig." LOL. Any ladies experience this kind of backlash when people found out you were transitioning?

 

[Alisha08]

A little long, but I'm sorry I had to vent:

So my mom knows about my LHCF addiction and rolls her eyes every time I see a hair care aisle. But in the middle of Target's hair care aisle she goes, "I'm sure you know something good to keep my hair straight." (She has a Halle Berry cut.) I'm like you just need to wash it and blow dry it upwards instead of downwards, then curl it & you probably need to DC. She looks at my transitioning hair (which is down & slightly poufy at my NG thanks to the SO...) and says, "You need a perm." I say, I'm not getting one anytime soon. She says, "What do you mean you're not getting one? Have you seen your hair? You look like you need a perm." I'm like I don't need to do anything but stay Black and die. Besides, I want to see what my natural texture looks like because I'm tired of the same old wrap with my hair. Plus, my hair comes out in spiral curls. She goes, "Do you know what you look like? Are you sure your hair's going to come out in all spirals?" I'm like I don't know but I'll see what happens. Then I say to myself wow, do I look that bad? I certainly don't think so. So I tell her that I'm growing my hair out and that's that. Later on, she asks, "Are you mad at me?" I'm like no, it's just that it sucks that you want to tell me what to do with my hair.

Then I go visit a "friend" of mines who used to relax my hair for me (she only did it twice). So she touches my NG, which I hate for other people to do and goes, "You need to do something about this NG." Meanwhile she's looking like Buckwheat's stand-in. Her hair has been NL for at least 2 years. So I doubt I'm going to listen to her.

It just sucks that I'm up against people that do not support me in my journey. My SO helps a lot though, he tells me I'm beautiful no matter what hairstyle I wear. Except for going bald, because then he said, "We'll have to buy you a wig." LOL. Any ladies experience this kind of backlash when people found out you were transitioning?

Yep! I'm sorry she's not supportive but thats how it is for the most part. My mom, grandma, hell my whole family told me I was crazy for transitioning, and a "perm is the best thing to happen to black folks," etc. etc. Just comes with the territory i guess, but don't let people like that get to you, you do what's best for your hair.


ETA: I am no longer natural.

 

[DarkAngell]

yup. My mother ( puerto rican with 2b hair )wasn't very supportive. A while into my transition she tried to give me this hair salon gift certificate she got saying "you need this more then me". Now that im natural she stays giving my hair the evil eye. My grandmother (black wth 4b hair ) was never supportive of anything other than straight silky hair. She got mad when i got braids along time ago. Even if i wore a curly roller set she made comments. Wonder what she's gonna say when she sees my hair now?! lol. But you know what...its what i want. I thought it would bother me much more then it actually does. It's your hair do what you want and everyone else 'll just have to get over it

 

[cmw45]

Yea...er body looked at me kinda sideways when I told them I was going natural. Especially my father who hates short hair (I BC'd). Now they can't keep their hands out of my head. Eitherway way, whether they come around or not, it's about what makes you happy.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

The only negative person has been my dad's wife. She said my hair will only get knotty if I go natural...which it very well might since it's so curly and grows in spirals. However, she has a platinum blonde fade, so her opinion about hair means nothing.

 

[Country gal]

Welcome to the wonderful world of naturals. I have gone through it. Heard the negative comments. Now folks see how nice my hair turned out and they are rethinking being natural. Do you boo and don't sweat the small stuff. SOme folks can't handle change. I am happy being nappy.

 

[Bigghair]

Sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately a lot of people of all races are brainwashed into thinking that straight hair is the only hair that is beautiful or acceptable. You know differently. Just continue on your hair journey and hopefully you will fall in love with your hair regardless of whether it has spirals throughout. Just let your hair do the talking for you.

 

[cmesweet]

I tell ya, going natural gives you a new sense of confidence. If you can make it through the negative stuff, you can make it through anything.

 

[ricochet]

Sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately a lot of people of all races are brainwashed into thinking that straight hair is the only hair that is beautiful or acceptable. You know differently. Just continue on your hair journey and hopefully you will fall in love with your hair regardless of whether it has spirals throughout. Just let your hair do the talking for you.

Amen to that! For the most part, I had a wonderful support system. My Mom was a little curious as to why I wanted to do it but after she walked into the shop and my hair was gone, she said "It looks good." Daddy was more concerned about it being short. My boyfriend at the time, who is now my husband (Hey babe! Sometimes he gets on LHCF and reads the Entertainment Board lol!) is not a big hair fellow. He has seen me with it all, the Halle Berry relaxed cut, the long bob, the short afro, the Angela Davis afro, and the only time he comments now is when I change it up(twist to twistouts, buns to wild fro), he'll say "I love your hair that way." 3 years after my chop, Mom went natural and is LOVING her hair. This is the same woman who told me, "I NEED my relaxer." "I CAN'T go natural, girl." "I can't have no nappy head!" She said to me about 3 weeks ago over the phone(we are 3 hours away from each other), "Mica, girl I never thought my hair would ever be this healthy." I wanted to cry but I held my composure and told Mommy do the dern thang! She is ROCKIN' it and I couldn't be happier, even if it is just hair. I agree fully with Bigghair, let your hair do the talking for you cause actions speak louder than words. All those folx will be eating their words if you decide to let your hair grow long and big and then they won't have any more words to say. Do you and be happy.

 

[tocktick]

A little long, but I'm sorry I had to vent:

So my mom knows about my LHCF addiction and rolls her eyes every time I see a hair care aisle. But in the middle of Target's hair care aisle she goes, "I'm sure you know something good to keep my hair straight." (She has a Halle Berry cut.) I'm like you just need to wash it and blow dry it upwards instead of downwards, then curl it & you probably need to DC. She looks at my transitioning hair (which is down & slightly poufy at my NG thanks to the SO...) and says, "You need a perm." I say, I'm not getting one anytime soon. She says, "What do you mean you're not getting one? Have you seen your hair? You look like you need a perm." I'm like I don't need to do anything but stay Black and die. Besides, I want to see what my natural texture looks like because I'm tired of the same old wrap with my hair. Plus, my hair comes out in spiral curls. She goes, "Do you know what you look like? Are you sure your hair's going to come out in all spirals?" I'm like I don't know but I'll see what happens. Then I say to myself wow, do I look that bad? I certainly don't think so. So I tell her that I'm growing my hair out and that's that. Later on, she asks, "Are you mad at me?" I'm like no, it's just that it sucks that you want to tell me what to do with my hair.

Then I go visit a "friend" of mines who used to relax my hair for me (she only did it twice). So she touches my NG, which I hate for other people to do and goes, "You need to do something about this NG." Meanwhile she's looking like Buckwheat's stand-in. Her hair has been NL for at least 2 years. So I doubt I'm going to listen to her.

It just sucks that I'm up against people that do not support me in my journey. My SO helps a lot though, he tells me I'm beautiful no matter what hairstyle I wear. Except for going bald, because then he said, "We'll have to buy you a wig." LOL. Any ladies experience this kind of backlash when people found out you were transitioning?

omg, you're so funny . i was lmao @ the bold.

i faced backlash when i went to get my hair braided and stylists told me that next time they were going to relax my hair. it also came from my mother and her friends; they were confused about what i was going to do to my hair. it was either i had to get locs, keep it in a very low twa forever or relax/tex it. some of my friends were confused and negative about it too. nothing could really deter me from being natural when i was transitioning.

it seems like being natural is something you really want to do and you have great support in the form of your SO. don't let the negative comments of others make you doubt yourself and re-think your decision. i'm sure your hair will be gorgeous .

eta: i agree that when you go natural, your hair will do the talking for you. i rarely get into conversations about my hair irl when people try to lead me into it. the same people who were being negative and ignorant, now love my hair.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Hey girl!

Anyway yes.

My mother has coarse, naturally straight hair and perms because it won't "rollerset or style" any other way. She would always ask me why and what am I doing to my hair. When I'm natural and try to style it, she goes, "What are you doing? I thought you was NAT-CHUR-AL?" and I .

My little sister has wavy hair and relaxes, but she's god with maintaining her hair and taking care of it. But when I cut and wear wigs and weaves, I gotta hear her mouth because she HATES wigs and weaves on me. So does my Dad.

Actually the only supportive folks I have with naturals are my best friends, and my Dad ( he says there is nothing wrong with my natural hair and I have pretty texture, he doesn't "know who is daughter is with those wigs") and my SOs. All my boyfriends have NEVER had a problem with my naturals.... even if it's 1st thing in the morning and I have a plastic cap and a prepoo SO finds it cute and funny.

As long as SO ain't trippin (but YOU most importantly) you're good. Just do what you do to maintain your hair- for example, "stretch" your NG and short styles, and then find a transition strategy, especially if you're not trying to cut- wigs, lacefronts, braids, etc. Someone will always have something to say but it's YOUR hair and YOUR choice

(My only issue with BOTH of them and stylists is they let any stylist with long hair, or with hype tell them what and how to do their hair- my mom more than my sister. My mom pays for my sister's hair though, so if the stylist bugs my sister, who is usually close to APL for a chop, it's SL all over again)

 

[Traycee]

A little long, but I'm sorry I had to vent:

So my mom knows about my LHCF addiction and rolls her eyes every time I see a hair care aisle. But in the middle of Target's hair care aisle she goes, "I'm sure you know something good to keep my hair straight." (She has a Halle Berry cut.) I'm like you just need to wash it and blow dry it upwards instead of downwards, then curl it & you probably need to DC. She looks at my transitioning hair (which is down & slightly poufy at my NG thanks to the SO...) and says, "You need a perm." I say, I'm not getting one anytime soon. She says, "What do you mean you're not getting one? Have you seen your hair? You look like you need a perm." I'm like I don't need to do anything but stay Black and die. Besides, I want to see what my natural texture looks like because I'm tired of the same old wrap with my hair. Plus, my hair comes out in spiral curls. She goes, "Do you know what you look like? Are you sure your hair's going to come out in all spirals?" I'm like I don't know but I'll see what happens. Then I say to myself wow, do I look that bad? I certainly don't think so. So I tell her that I'm growing my hair out and that's that. Later on, she asks, "Are you mad at me?" I'm like no, it's just that it sucks that you want to tell me what to do with my hair.

Then I go visit a "friend" of mines who used to relax my hair for me (she only did it twice). So she touches my NG, which I hate for other people to do and goes, "You need to do something about this NG." Meanwhile she's looking like Buckwheat's stand-in. Her hair has been NL for at least 2 years. So I doubt I'm going to listen to her.

It just sucks that I'm up against people that do not support me in my journey. My SO helps a lot though, he tells me I'm beautiful no matter what hairstyle I wear. Except for going bald, because then he said, "We'll have to buy you a wig." LOL. Any ladies experience this kind of backlash when people found out you were transitioning?

One person who will tell you the truth when you really don't want to hear it is Mother..........Transitioning is not always cute.....That's why a lot of sisters here opt for roller sets and blown out roots etc..To keep their sexist through out the transition....I'm sure the women here has lots of tips for you.....

I don't like new growth of any kind....I hate to see a blond person with 2 inches of black hair at the roots...Or a relaxed women with kitchen and nappy edges....I'm a firm believer you should be one or the other....

I do think your Mother and your Friend maybe being honest with you....I think you should research here with the other women how to transition and still be cute in the process...I believe thats Southern Tease Motto....She probably has tips you can use......

 

[blackbarbie]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Traycee was right; there are a lot of threads that give you ideas on maintaining a certain "look" you may want to keep during your transition; SouthernTease has a great blog.

The very first time I stretched for 6 months (I was secretly thinking of transitioning but figured I would just try a long stretch first), when I went to visit my mom, (I had my hair in a bun) she didn't say too much other than commented when I told her I was trying to stretch my relaxer. She could care one way or the other. My dad, on the other hand, asked if I needed some money to go to the salon and even asked my brother (who is a stylist here in atlanta) if he could do my hair for me

My mother is natural and has been forever. She wears her hair straight and uses an old fashioned straightening comb. Since I have ben transitioning, once I went home and she saw it in a braidout and gave me rave reviews. She didn't know any better; she thought I was already 100% natural I explained the braidout and she told me she couldn't wait to see it all natural.

All my friends have been very supportive as well. Even if a single soul wasn't supportive, I would still be fine with it b/c this is something I want to do.

Although I know the comments/opinion of parents, friends, and others have an effect on you to some degree and underneath it all, you really do care what they think, you have to realize the reason you are doing it - FOR YOU.......

Good Luck on your transition!

BB

 

[_belle]

i am roughly 3 months post. . . and EVERYTIME i see my mother it is "what are u goin to do with your hair?". . . i haven't decided if I am goin to transition or if I am just stretching. . .but either way, if they REALLY knew all about hair care, my hair would be past my butt. but they obviously don't so let me do me & grow mine. what's the worst that can happen??? it will end up back where it was when i was takin everyone else's (mommy's/friends' included) advice.


so basically as long as your hair isn't bothering YOU do what u want. . . u don't try to shove advice on "buckwheat's" stunt double, so tell her clam it. and if your mother really thought your hair was all that awful, she wouldn't be asking u questions about how to help hers. . .


sidenote: my mother has NO idea how much money I have spent on hair stuff in the last 3 months. . . she would beat me senseless if she did.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

Try not to let negative comments bring you down. Be confident with who you are on the inside because confidence is contagious! If you have earings and other accessories use them to spice up your look while you transition.

Also do not feel like you HAVE TO straighten your hair during your transition. I know some people might suggest it but there are other things you can do to help blend the textures in. And on weekends or days you are just chillin you can always buy one of those scarfs and tie it in a bun in the back with some earings.....trust me girl that look is still hot!

Remember even straightening your hair during a transition can ruin the texture so just be careful....


Good luck!

 

[shocol]

Ummm yes...when I was transistioning, I got from my mother "When are you going to get a perm? You need to do something to your hair." Now that I've done the BC, she behaves as if my hair has personally offended her. Mind you, this is the same woman who had a BAA in the 70's. So her reaction is a little disappointing and hypocritical to me.