My Husband Hates My TWA

[shinyblackhair]

He hates it and he keeps telling me how much he wants the old me back. I've been natural now since October 27, when I up and big chopped (with his assistance mind you). I guess as my fro gets larger, he's not feeling it. I think he thinks it too big, and fluffy and just unkempt (not his words, but I think that is how he feels). He is your typical black man: he loves long straight hair.

Well, obviously there's nothing I can do about it now. The hair is gone! I still feel happy to be natural, but it is a little disheartening to know that he's not completely feeling my look.

Oh, another thing that's so funny is in public he completely defends my natural hair. He doesn't ever utter a negative word. I just know he's kinda tired at looking at when he wants lol...Quite frakly, I am feeling a little unsexy, and can't wait to be able to do something with my hair, but alas it's still too short.

Well, it is what it is. I know this will pass. It's hair and it's growing all the time.

Thanks for letting me share...

 

[SweetCaramel1]

you and your hair are very pretty. maybe he'll get used to it once you can change your style a little more.

 

[meecee]

Give him some time. He'll love it as it grows out. He'll have to be patient and wait.

 

[naturalepiphany]

I had a similar experience when I first BC and over time things do change. My SO still doesn't care much for my fro, but he does like some of the other natural styles I can do now that my hair is longer. Keep your confidence up though there's nothing more beautiful than a natural sister that knows she's beautiful with her TWA and rocks it proudly which I am sure you do.

 

[Christelyn]

How about changing your look up a bit with a wig? It's a protective style...?

 

[dlove]

^^^ I agreee with SweetCaramel . I have been in your shoes. Be patient and pray. I BC'd to your length in May 07 and now my hair from the nape of course is gazing the top of my shoulder blade. I pressed my hair on Monday and DH is loving life of course. Just know that you have lots of options in the near future too. BTW after about 5 months of my BC I chose to wear kinky twists because I missed my longish like hair too. After I took them out I had lots of new growth and was able to style my hair in twists without extentions. Best wishes for you and yours.

 

[robot.]

He probably just wants a little variety. Maybe try a side part, some cute hair candy, or a wig. You and your hair are beautiful.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

when i read title of thread i said "oh nooo" here we go. ill be back with my 2cents.

 

[Embyra]

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=394106


im sure you will find some helpful tips here on how to deal with the hubby and your new look

the fact he never says anything negative in public is a good thing a lot of men would use that opportunity to ''shame'' you into getting a relaxer

 

[Southernbella.]

Have you tried any other styles? It's probably just the fro that he's sick of, not the texture.

Not only that, but you mentioned that you feel unsexy. He probably picks up on that and wants his sexy, self-confident wife back.

 

[Nonie]

I had a similar experience when I first BC and over time things do change. My SO still doesn't care much for my fro, but he does like some of the other natural styles I can do now that my hair is longer. Keep your confidence up though there's nothing more beautiful than a natural sister that knows she's beautiful with her TWA and rocks it proudly which I am sure you do.

My hubby hated when I wore my TWA in an afro. He said that's a hairstyle for boys. He preferred when I wore it pulled back in a puff. Since I liked that too, at least there was a style we could agree on.

OP, as Meecee said, give him time. I shared about a similar experience as you with hubby-mine in this post.

 

[chebaby]

he will grow to love it. that is a change some people have to get used to. you and your hair are beautiful and if he defends it in public then he must like it or something about it. the rest will follow.

 

[CurlyNue]

He hates it and he keeps telling me how much he wants the old me back.

Oh, another thing that's so funny is in public he completely defends my natural hair. He doesn't ever utter a negative word.

Quite frakly, I am feeling a little unsexy, and can't wait to be able to do something with my hair, but alas it's still too short.

Not only that, but you mentioned that you feel unsexy. He probably picks up on that and wants his sexy, self-confident wife back.

I have to agree with Southernbella on this one. You stated that your husband is asking for the old you back but never says anything negative rather defends your hair in public. Is it possible that you are misreading what he is trying to tell you? Are your feelings of "less-than-sexy" coming from the vibe you get from the husband or from the hair cut? Possibly he is sensing a change in you which was brought on by what you see in the mirror since the cut. I suggest you stop wondering and thinking about what might bring about his acceptance of your hair and instead talk about it. This issue is causing you some distress so before the distress cause additional negative feelings get it out in the open so there can be some resolution.

 

[shinyblackhair]

He seems to like it when I have it in a wash and go style when the curls are defined with gel. He is not at all fond of the fro, lol. When I'm home that is pretty much how my hair is. It's not weighed down with product and curly at home. It's light and fluffy and fro'ish, lol. So yeah, he will compliment me when we're going out and I fix it up. I guess with short hair, it is not hard to look rough...especially at home just kicking around...

Thanks for all your responses and links to past threads. I'm going to go read through them now...

Don't worry though my fellow naturals. I'm not saying I want to relax my hair or anything like that. I don't. I didn't chop off all my long(ish) hair to go natural just to turn around perm it two months later, lol. I just keep holding out for summer when I know my wash n go is going to ROCK! Planning on dying it a reddish copperish colour too...

 

[BostonMaria]

My DH wouldn't admit it, but he hated my short hair. I looked completely different plus he's always loved long hair.

Unless you're willing to buy a wig or braid it up there's really nothing he can do. The good news is that it will grow. My hair is long again and now he sees why I made the sacrifice. He's forever telling me how much he loves my hair. My guess is that your DH will come around. Give him some time.

 

[shinyblackhair]

I have to agree with Southernbella on this one. You stated that your husband is asking for the old you back but never says anything negative rather defends your hair in public. Is it possible that you are misreading what he is trying to tell you? Are your feelings of "less-than-sexy" coming from the vibe you get from the husband or from the hair cut? Possibly he is sensing a change in you which was brought on by what you see in the mirror since the cut. I suggest you stop wondering and thinking about what might bring about his acceptance of your hair and instead talk about it. This issue is causing you some distress so before the distress cause additional negative feelings get it out in the open so there can be some resolution.

I really have tried to talk to him about it but, I sense he doesn't want to make me feel bad so he doesn't really engage, he just gives a vague response. I don't push it...

 

[DDTexlaxed]

He probably just wants a little variety. Maybe try a side part, some cute hair candy, or a wig. You and your hair are beautiful.

ITA with this post. Just don't get her kitten's lace front. Check her siggie pic if you're a little confused.

 

[loveable37]

My husband likes STRAIGHT HAIR he saw me with a BRAIDOUT once he said YOU NEED A PERM WITH YA NAPPY HEAD *** ,,i roll my eyes washed it out got my straight style back tha how i lost all my lenght completely stop doin protectives styles wearing.Now its time for a change for new years either i strengh my relaxer for yr by wearing braids or completely go natural for 6 month do the bc he can go straight to hell dont for get he HATES WEAVE PERIOD HE SAID ITS GHETTO.

 

[Theresamonet]

My husband...said YOU NEED A PERM WITH YA NAPPY HEAD *** .

:hardslap:

 

[brucebettye]

Don't worry about it. In time he will love your hair. My husband did not like it when I first cut my hair, but he likes it much better now since it has grown and I can do more styles.

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

OP, I think it just may be your confidence that yur DH is missing. Flaunt your fro with pride! I agree with others that suggested accesories, etc. You get more variety with length and from what you're saying it sounds like he's very supportive. When I tried to straighten my hair the other day, my DH was like "I thought you weren't going to do that to your hair anymore...I thought it was all part of your 'treatment plan'." I guess he's gotten so used to my natural hair that he doesn't want me to change from that!

It's probably just still a shock to him but in time, he'll love it as much as you do! Besides, you are too pretty for him not to!

 

[4evershika]

ITA with what most others are saying... he will get used to it and as your hair grows out he's love it even more AND it will boost your confidence. Shorter hair is something that not just YOU have to get used to on yourself but others close to you have to get used to seeing you with it too. You're lucky to have a SO who supports you! HTH!

 

[I Am So Blessed]

pinkchocolatedaisy, you are absolutly right!! confidence is key. men are attracted to confidence like fries are to honey! shoot rock a flower in ya hair, do some side twists and big earrings girl!! i'd bet you look the bomb!!! oh and eye shadow to match!! i be rockin my natural hair!!!

 

[B3e]

I'm not married, and yes, i'm still a baby, but after having 90% of my closest friends be men over my short life, I must say, they may whine and be momentarily unhappy with changes you make to your appearance, but at the end of the day your confidence is what keeps them by your side regardless and mindful of the fact that its your body and they're just blessed to be in your life in the same way you are to be in theirs. Your hubby definitely sounds like he loves you very much and would never try and shame you into relaxing.

The way I see it, if you can't love yourself in all the awkward transitioning/post BC phases, and I mean fully, even when the sexiness is slipping because of his insecurities/uncertainties, then he has a hard time embracing the many faces of your fro, "lounging around" or "dolled up".

I hope as you grow more comfortable and happy with your hair he too can appreciate how happy you are and just how much strength it took to make the change and undergo a BC. The ladies/gentlemen on this forum and beyond have confidence in you as I'm sure you've come to see.

It's just time to revive that confidence within.
You and your hair are absolutely beautiful! As far as styles...twists, twistouts, and braidouts =

 

[zazzi]

I agree with what others are saying as well... as it grows and you continue to rock it with more confidence, he will come around. I like that he is supportive in public.

One thing I must say though - you mentioned that he seems to like it more when it's 'done'; maybe you could 'do' it up even when lounging around the house. No need to put the gel and extra product, but just a wash-n-go with some conditioner and oil left in to emphasize the curls? HTH

 

[Ms Lala]

It doesn't sound like he dislikes your natural hair he just doesn't care for the undefined fro look. Lots of men view it as not being very feminine. Maybe try doing some different styles as suggested by previous posters and using accessories to dress it up. It will get easier as your hair gets longer to do different styles but right now I would explain to hubby that at this length you have limited styling options and you would appreciate his support as you grow your hair out because this type of transition is already difficult enough. He seems pretty supportive from what you posted and I think he would understand this.

I don't think I would do wigs right now unless it's what you want to do. I think this is an important time for you and hubby to get used to your natural hair.

 

[nissi]

be encouraged OP, he will get used to it, like others said, it doesn't really seem to be about your hair, but the person you are with this new hairstyle...so work it honey...but remember natural hair and bc's sometimes take more work to balance out a nice finished look...

it's a proven rule that you cannot lose your sexy when you get married and get too comfortable. of course we marry for better or for worse and intimacy allows us to be vulnerable and unguarded, but men are visual, so plaid pajamas, hair undone and ugly underwear ain't gon cut it when we are serious about working a relationship!

one small suggestion if you're not doing it already, get some eyelashes -- a nice appropriate length for home... still very flirty, adds interest to the face, can be worn with a more natural look and men love them... spice it up girl!

 

[Chameleonchick]

I can relate to what you are saying about your husband. Mine doesn't like my hair either he says when females have fros they look homeless, and he hates my hair.

He'll grow into it, especially when you can do more styles. At least he defends your hair in public.

 

[laurend]

Your hair is long enough now to do twist outs. You can also do blowout twistouts and braidouts to please hubby.

 

[lovenharmony]

I can't speak for your husband, but as far as most men go...they love long hair so I feel when he's not seeing the length anymore he misses it and has to get used to the short hair first before he can learn to appreciate its beauty. I bet once your TWA is a lovely mane of fluff that has some hang time, he'll be all up in your hair loving it up!