My hubby-to-be wants a big wedding...

[tmhuggiebear]

And I don't. Major shocker! There was a point in my life when I wanted a big wedding with all the glitz and glamour. However, for the past few years I've been leaning more towards a very intimate ceremony with just me and him in Tobago thanks to writing for so many bridal magazines over the years. What could be more romantic than the two of us running of to do our thing?

Plus I feel like the reciting of vows is a very intimate and private moment. I don't necessarily feel like professing my love to someone in front of a crowd. I figured we could always come back to the states and have a party/reception here with everyone invited.

Of course my fiance, hates the idea and wants a big celebration with all our friends and family there. His exact words was that he always dreamed of having a best man and groomsmen and he doesn't want to miss out on that. Go figure!

So for now, we are going with his idea. We're still planning on a destination wedding in Tobago though. Hopefully, he will see things my way in time. I'm hoping the cost will scare him away! We'll see though...

I guess that whole compromising thing starts early!

 

[FemmeCreole]

I feel you on that tip hon...

 

[tmhuggiebear]

^^^ Glad somebody does. He thinks I'm crazy for not being a typical girl daydreaming of a big Cinderella type wedding.

I'm really hoping once he realizes the price tag of his dream wedding he will finally switch teams!

Plus I was hoping to get married in August of this year. If we have a big destination wedding we need to wait till 2013 to give ample time for guests to save and for us to afford it. I refuse to go into debt for a wedding.

 

[Miss_C]

I think I might be the same way. An elopement or small destination wedding is so beautiful and intimate. You could do a destination wedding and he could still get his groomsmen lol.

 

[FemmeCreole]

^^^ Glad somebody does. He thinks I'm crazy for not being a typical girl daydreaming of a big Cinderella type wedding.

I'm really hoping once he realizes the price tag of his dream wedding he will finally switch teams!

Plus I was hoping to get married in August of this year. If we have a big destination wedding we need to wait till 2013 to give ample time for guests to save and for us to afford it. I refuse to go into debt for a wedding.

I have this ideal number of 35 guests in my head. My S/O threw out the other day that he wants to invite about 50 people. Now my estimate is about 65 and I'm not really liking it. We have some serious weeding out to do.

Since everybody scattered all over the states, most might not come... is it bad that I'm looking forward to people not coming?

 

[FlyyGyrl]

Having done it both ways I will say that if feels special to get married in front of your friends and family. We had a "secret" wedding one year prior to the big public wedding. Can you guys maybe go off to Tobago and do something stateside later? My thing about destination weddings is that everyone is on your honeymoon with you. It should just be the two of you. Just my two cents

Congratulations and good luck to the two of you.

 

[Jmartjrmd]

One of my sisters got married without us and I have to say I felt very sad that none of us were included in such a special day. It didn't have to be a big over the top production but I still wanted to be there. We are a small family and I think the wedding is about joining of the families. We never got that experience and thus never really got to know his side of the family.

About 5-6 years after they got married he was killed in a motorcycle accident. That same disjointed feeling was at his funeral because there never really was another opportunity for the two families to get together

I think you can have balance with small and intimate but still include family and friends in your plans.

One of my other sisters had a very small wedding of about 25 people total. They didn't spend a lot of money but the memories from her wedding will last a lifetime. Especially because some of the people in attendance are no longer living--but the memories of how happy everyone was, together, at her wedding will last forever.

Ultimately I guess it does boil down to being about you and your future hubby...just a little perspective from the outside looking in.

 

[tmhuggiebear]

I have this ideal number of 35 guests in my head. My S/O threw out the other day that he wants to invite about 50 people. Now my estimate is about 65 and I'm not really liking it. We have some serious weeding out to do.

Since everybody scattered all over the states, most might not come... is it bad that I'm looking forward to people not coming?

FemmeCreole This is our dilemma too. Since an elopement is out of the question in his mind we were thinking we could still keep it somewhat small. The problem is my family is so big! Both of my parents have 6 siblings and almost every single one of them is married and has grown children who are also married. Combined our wedding total right now is 85 and I'm not too happy about it. Too many people and a big price ticket.

I feel you on hoping a lot of people won't come though. Hopefully the whole destination wedding idea will scare them away. LOL

Having done it both ways I will say that if feels special to get married in front of your friends and family. We had a "secret" wedding one year prior to the big public wedding. Can you guys maybe go off to Tobago and do something stateside later? My thing about destination weddings is that everyone is on your honeymoon with you. It should just be the two of you. Just my two cents

Congratulations and good luck to the two of you.

FlyyGyrl This is exactly what I was leaning towards. Getting married without an audience or maybe just immediate family and then having a party in Jersey when we return. But SO really wants to have the groomsmen and best man walking down the aisle with him and have everybody there during the moment.

And financially it doesn't make sense to invite everyone on the destination wedding and then still have a party back home. And it will be too stressful. I don't want to do a bunch of planning. LOL

One of my sisters got married without us and I have to say I felt very sad that none of us were included in such a special day. It didn't have to be a big over the top production but I still wanted to be there. We are a small family and I think the wedding is about joining of the families. We never got that experience and thus never really got to know his side of the family.

About 5-6 years after they got married he was killed in a motorcycle accident. That same disjointed feeling was at his funeral because there never really was another opportunity for the two families to get together

I think you can have balance with small and intimate but still include family and friends in your plans.

One of my other sisters had a very small wedding of about 25 people total. They didn't spend a lot of money but the memories from her wedding will last a lifetime. Especially because some of the people in attendance are no longer living--but the memories of how happy everyone was, together, at her wedding will last forever.

Ultimately I guess it does boil down to being about you and your future hubby...just a little perspective from the outside looking in.

Jmartjrmd I completely understand the way you feel; especially since it was sister. I certainly took that into consideration. That's why I started thinking maybe we can just do immediate family at the ceremony and then have the party back home. (That would cover the whole joining of the family thing you mentioned.) The problem is A.) SO really wants his groomsmen and friends there B.) SO isn't close to his immediate family and I am. To him his family are his childhood friends. I would even settle for a guest list of 25, but with the size of our families it's impossible to include some and not the others.

The last bolded is another reason why I wanted to elope. I'm the type of person that always puts EVERYONE's happiness first and sacrifice for everyone. Once you have a wedding with an audience, it ends up being about the guests happy and comfortable as opposed to making sure myself and the groom are happy.

 

[Jmartjrmd]

tmhuggiebear

My personality is a lot like yours in that I try to make sure everyone is happy at my expense. But over the years I've learned to live my life without regrets so while I'll always be me....I've become more aware of what's going to make me happy and just do it.

Im sure you'll make the best decision for you and your groom and it will turn out fine.

While I would have liked to be at my sisters wedding, it never affected the relationship I developed with my brother in law so the bigger picture is that is all that mattered.

It will be the most magical, beautiful day when you two join your lives no matter how many people come so give in a little to your fiance but keep you in mind as well when you make your compromises.

Most of the guest list for my wedding is my fiances family and friends so they haven't disrupted my planning too much. I have a very small family and my friend are spread all over the US so I realistically know most of them won't come. I did have to put a cap on who he was inviting to get the numbers down but in the end I'm happy with what we came up with.


Looking forward to what you ultimately decide on.

 

[FemmeCreole]

Well he still wants his 50 people but he's thinking only half of that number will show up because it's out of state.

 

[MizAvalon]

I have this ideal number of 35 guests in my head. My S/O threw out the other day that he wants to invite about 50 people. Now my estimate is about 65 and I'm not really liking it. We have some serious weeding out to do.

Since everybody scattered all over the states, most might not come... is it bad that I'm looking forward to people not coming?

Not at all. I'm hoping for the same thing.

 

[jillybean2012]

Congrats on your engagement! No it isn't wrong for you to feel that you hope people won't come. You have a different vision in your mind than he does. This will not be the last time that happens!(LOL).

I guess the question is who is willing to compromise? Is it really that important to him to have all these people there? You can have a small and intimate wedding and reception and then maybe have a large party later on and invite the people that didn't make the wedding cut.

The hard part is determining who will make the cut. Even though your maximum is 65 people, count on an additional 10 added to that number. Unless your wedding is extremely late in the evening, people will sometimes bring people you didn't count on. Such as their 3 kids even though the invite is address to mr and mrs only.

 

[FemmeCreole]

I found my dress yesterday...I love it! I didn't want to take it off

 

[Britt]

I feel you OP... I want a nice small wedding w/ only close friends and immediate family... about 50 ppl tops. SO wants something bigger, too bad he really has no idea how much a wedding costs. I doubt his family has much to put towards it and it will likely be coming from our pockets and my family doing most of paying.. with that said, he's not going to get as big a wedding as he'd like.

 

[tmhuggiebear]

In case you all were wondering, it seems like we won't be eloping. Instead we are having are definitely having a destination wedding and inviting people so now the wedding won't be until April 22, 2013 instead of August 2012.

And we may be switching it to Barbados now. Can't seem to find hotels with great reviews in Tobago.

 

[MrsMe]

tmhuggiebear How is your planning coming along?
We have hit a few financial bumps in the road and I've decided to do a destination wedding...well, we agreed on it. I asked FH a couple of months ago and he wasn't feeling it because he was worried about guests who couldn't make it. I convinced him and made him understand that it was OUR wedding and we invite people to join our celebration paid for with OUR money.
We'll have a civil ceremony this year and have the destination wedding in two years which gives people plenty of time to save up for it if they want to come.
I'm looking at a few places in Jamaica since it seems to be the cheapest so far.
However, I'm already hearing from people (namely my MOH) saying that I can do it for the same price here with 150+ guests ($10k at the most) vs. 20-30 guests for a DW. And some people won't/can't fly (mostly his side). What they fail to understand is that if they make it, this will also be a mini vacation for them. Plus I want it to be intimate with people who really care about us instead of inviting them just to see our "big" wedding.
I didn't get to have the wedding I had planned this year and I'm coping with it. They will have to do the same for us. :shrug:

Sent from my PG86100 using LHCF

 

[tmhuggiebear]

tmhuggiebear How is your planning coming along?
We have hit a few financial bumps in the road and I've decided to do a destination wedding...well, we agreed on it. I asked FH a couple of months ago and he wasn't feeling it because he was worried about guests who couldn't make it. I convinced him and made him understand that it was OUR wedding and we invite people to join our celebration paid for with OUR money.
We'll have a civil ceremony this year and have the destination wedding in two years which gives people plenty of time to save up for it if they want to come.
I'm looking at a few places in Jamaica since it seems to be the cheapest so far.
However, I'm already hearing from people (namely my MOH) saying that I can do it for the same price here with 150+ guests ($10k at the most) vs. 20-30 guests for a DW. And some people won't/can't fly (mostly his side). What they fail to understand is that if they make it, this will also be a mini vacation for them. Plus I want it to be intimate with people who really care about us instead of inviting them just to see our "big" wedding.
I didn't get to have the wedding I had planned this year and I'm coping with it. They will have to do the same for us. :shrug:

Sent from my PG86100 using LHCF

MrsS

Wedding plans are ok I guess. I definitely like the idea of a destination wedding. In my opinion it can be much cheaper and less stress involved. And we also want a very intimate wedding. I feel on the idea that it is YOUR wedding paid for with YOUR money. It honestly just hit me recently. My fiance and I have different tastes that most people probably won't like as much so we found ourselves bending over backwards trying to change our preferences to please potential guests. But honestly, I just got to the point about ten minutes where I just don't care anymore. If they don't the money to travel or don't like it, they don't have to go. You can spend months making sure your guests are comfortable but there will always be someone who complains who is not satisfied. So right now I'm just like screw it. Let's just make us happy. (Can you tell I'm frustrated LOL)

Otherwise, I guess everything is ok. We are in the process of looking for a travel agent. I actually have a friendly acquaintance who is a travel agent that I started working with. However, her main focus is on cruises and I'm starting to feel she is not the right person to help with this since we are not getting married on a cruise but on an island resort. But I feel bad backing out on her cause she really is a sweet woman. Anyway, that's enough of my rant. Now about you...

I hear Jamaica is nice for destination weddings. I've been warned not to get married there by friends and family because supposedly it's cursed. LOL Apparently, everyone knows someone who got married there and ended up divorced. If I remember correctly, most of those divorced couples got married at Breezes. Consider yourself forewarned.

Anyway, hope your plans go well. I would love to hear how it's going.

 

[MrsMe]

tmhuggiebear
It is less stressful and way cheaper since you cut on the guest list! I know a lot of people won't come and I'm glad about it.
My MOH tried to make it sound like I was excluding people and that it wasn't fair to them. Who talked about being fair? Life isn't fair, period! And please don't get yourself frustrated. I'm not going to because at the end of the day what matters is that we celebrate our love.
You scared me about Jamaica...I might have to consider a different location.

 

[tmhuggiebear]

tmhuggiebear
It is less stressful and way cheaper since you cut on the guest list! I know a lot of people won't come and I'm glad about it.
My MOH tried to make it sound like I was excluding people and that it wasn't fair to them. Who talked about being fair? Life isn't fair, period! And please don't get yourself frustrated. I'm not going to because at the end of the day what matters is that we celebrate our love.
You scared me about Jamaica...I might have to consider a different location.

MrsS I hear that! My fiance and I were real excited when my mom told me that one of my relatives already said she wouldn't be able to come. We got real happy about that! The funny part is said to my mom so I guess we don't have to send an invite. She says, "No child, you are sending an invite. If you dont send an invite they won't send you a gift and you need those".

 

[MrsMe]

@MrsS I hear that! My fiance and I were real excited when my mom told me that one of my relatives already said she wouldn't be able to come. We got real happy about that! The funny part is said to my mom so I guess we don't have to send an invite. She says, "No child, you are sending an invite. If you dont send an invite they won't send you a gift and you need those".

Yes, girl! I don't care if you're not coming but your gifts are more than welcome to join me on my trip!

 

[FemmeCreole]

Moving wedding from May to later in the year.... I can breathe now .. :lol

 

[nysister]

OP as he realizes the scope of everything he might come around to your point of view sooner than later! Congratulations and all the best to you!

 

[ElizaBlue]

@tmhuggiebear


I too have a FH who secretly desires a full blown show. I, on the other hand would rather something more intimate with just our family and close friends.

I know I don't want a destination wedding although I do have a place I could do it at which is relatively easy access....but then again...I just really would like to do something more private. My date is 8-3-12...so not a whole lot of time.

I'm not really stressed about doing a full blown event in so short of time because my sister and her hubby own a catering business replete with a huge ballroom.

Either way I have to make a decision. OP it's good you've given yourself sometime.