My coworker had her marriage arranged at 14...

[vevster]

Yes, she is indian.... I can't get my mind around it. I guess it is the culture, but wow... what if she hated the guy?

 

[gloomgeisha]

Yes, she is indian.... I can't get my mind around it. I guess it is the culture, but wow... what if she hated the guy?

LOL! I don't think she'd have much say in the matter.

I remember watching a You Tube clip by an Indian guy who was explaining why arranged marriages are actually better than "pick your own spouse" marriages.

I wish I could find it as I know I'm going to botch this but here goes; he compared "pick your own" relationships as eating a piece of sugar cane from the root to the tip and an arranged marriage as eating a piece of sugar cane from tip to root. You barely know the individual, but you get to the best part with time, instead of eating the best part first.


Or something...

I think were it my culture I could do it, I'd just pray that my husband isn't abusive.

 

[mahogany]

Yes, she is indian.... I can't get my mind around it. I guess it is the culture, but wow... what if she hated the guy?

Arranged marriages have been going on for a very long time, the problem I see with this is when people of that culture move to the US and try to carry own this tradition while assimilating to our culture at the same time. One of my friends from High school is Indian and has been dating this black guy for over 6 years. They are so much in love, but her family will completely disown her if they even knew she was dating him let alone thinking of marrying him. She doesn't want to dishonor her family so it is very disheartening to watch her have to sneak off to be with him and lie to her parents.
Because she is getting older her parents are now considering arranging a marriage for her. I feel so sorry for this poor girl and I don't know what I would do in this situation.

 

[dlewis]

Arranged marriages have been going on for a very long time, the problem I see with this is when people of that culture move to the US and try to carry own this tradition while assimilating to our culture at the same time. One of my friends from High school is Indian and has been dating this black guy for over 6 years. They are so much in love, but her family will completely disown her if they even knew she was dating him let alone thinking of marrying him. She doesn't want to dishonor her family so it is very disheartening to watch her have to sneak off to be with him and lie to her parents.
Because she is getting older her parents are now considering arranging a marriage for her. I feel so sorry for this poor girl and I don't know what I would do in this situation.

That's very sad.

 

[JLove74]

I can't understand it either, so I asked a former co-worker (male) that had an arranged marriage. He'd lived in the US since he was a kid and his wife was stright from India. He never seemed happy about it. Never talked about his wife, no pictures, NOTHING. So I asked him if he loves her (they'd been married for about 10 years at that time), he said "No, love will come later, I guess". He said it wasn't about love, but about making a good impression. Something about a family if frowned upon if their son or daughter is of a certain age and not married.

 

[queenbee8687]

I think arranged marriages can be good if the two individuals give permission to the parents to marry them off. However, marriages being arranged without consent is totally unacceptable, espcially when the children have been brought up in a toally different culture/environment to their parents.

 

[Nefertiti0906]

Arranged marriages have been going on for a very long time, the problem I see with this is when people of that culture move to the US and try to carry own this tradition while assimilating to our culture at the same time. One of my friends from High school is Indian and has been dating this black guy for over 6 years. They are so much in love, but her family will completely disown her if they even knew she was dating him let alone thinking of marrying him. She doesn't want to dishonor her family so it is very disheartening to watch her have to sneak off to be with him and lie to her parents.
Because she is getting older her parents are now considering arranging a marriage for her. I feel so sorry for this poor girl and I don't know what I would do in this situation.

I also know an indian who is actually marrying a black guy this weekend. Last I spoke w/her, her parents and brothers basically disowned her erplexed

 

[locabouthair]

I can't understand it either, so I asked a former co-worker (male) that had an arranged marriage. He'd lived in the US since he was a kid and his wife was stright from India. He never seemed happy about it. Never talked about his wife, no pictures, NOTHING. So I asked him if he loves her (they'd been married for about 10 years at that time), he said "No, love will come later, I guess". He said it wasn't about love, but about making a good impression. Something about a family if frowned upon if their son or daughter is of a certain age and not married.

wow. if the love isn't there after 10 years is it ever going to come?

 

[sistagrl2004]

One of my best friends is Indian. She was dating a black man for years...hiding it from her family for fear of being disowned. She finally just snapped and told her parents everything, expecting to be disowned.. They didn't disown her and wanted to meet her boyfriend. They liked him.. Now, a year later.. she broke up with him!