More difficult to find love in certain locations?

[spacetygrss]

Woohoo! My first relationship post!

Anyhow, a colleague and friend of mine has been really down lately because she feels that she is getting older and has no marriage prospects in sight. She just moved here to Texas about 6 months ago from the SE, but has also lived on the west coast, southwest and midwest. Anyhow, she has had serious relationships in the past, but they didn't work out (some of these guys were straight trifling, even though they seemed good on the surface). Since she's been here, she's been on two dates since she moved here; no second date.

She is a smart, funny, attractive, athletic, professional woman. I personally can't see any obvious flaws and we've known each other for a long time (we both went to the same professional school in another state). She has even talked to some of her exes and asked them what was "wrong with her" (yeah, she went there). She is colorblind when it comes to dating so she's not "limiting" herself in that way.

She thinks that part of the problem is our location. She never had problems anywhere else that she has lived. We're in Dallas, which is pretty conservative compared to other parts of the country that we/she has lived so maybe there is something to it. I don't really know what to say since I'm married and am not looking for a relationship (although, I do get hit on here).

What do you all think? Is it really easier for [black] women to find love in certain areas of the country as compared to others? What have been your experiences.

 

[lexi84]

Very interesting question.

I dont have a real objective opinion on this subject seeing as though I've only lived in Chicago, but I have heard that love is nearly impossible to find in Atlanta. Something about the ratio of men to women being 22 to 1.

 

[SugarBaby]

I really think love finds you.

Love is really the reciprocal concept.

You have to give it away. Tell your friend to get involved in something where she is giving of herself.


It took me forever to get this, I had heard it before, but I never trusted it.

Ladies, it does work.

 

[DarlingNikki]

Maybe it has something to do with her being new to the area and simply has yet to find a venue where the single men come flocking. Not sure, just a suggestion...

 

[spacetygrss]

bump! bump!

 

[onelove08]

When I was single, I stopped focusing on finding love. I focused on me. Tried not to think about and well what do you know, I met my husband. It is hard no to think about it but, just find a few things to occupy your time. Volunteer, join clubs or pick up a new hobby. Good luck!

 

[ryanshope]

Definitely. With the internet and online dating, it isn't impossible but some areas make dating and meeting someone harder to do. Plus as you get older, your circle can shrink a bit, so your girl may have to be more creative about dating...

 

[spacetygrss]

Thanks for the replies ladies.

I think that she is very frustrated. She has never had a problem dating before moving here. She is involved in a few different activities that she is passionate about and even went on a date with a guy from one of these places. However, he wasn't interested in a second date. She signed up for a dating service. She went on the date and the guy seemed interested, but then emailed a few days later saying that he wasn't interested. She was set up by someone at work and then finds out that the guy is MARRIED (wth?). It's just one thing after another.
I guess it's hard to deal with when she never had this problem before, plus she's in her mid-thirties. The dream of being married and having kids is starting to fade. That makes it hard to just stop focusing on finding love and not thinking about it.

 

[Bunny77]

That makes it hard to just stop focusing on finding love and not thinking about it.

Eggsactly... "not focusing on it" is all well and good and works for some people, but for others, it's a silly cliche that results in nothing for LONG periods of time. And for people who "didn't focus" on love through all of their 20s and early 30 and are STILL single, that advice can ring VERY hollow. Maybe it's time they DID focus on it for a change!

I do understand her frustration, but if she really wants marriage and kids, she has to keep at it. The thing is, she doesn't want to put out a desperate and negative attitude either, otherwise that could be picked up on and drive more men away. She's already trying things, so if she stays persistent and doesn't give up, maybe things will eventually work out. Like with that dating service... it's just one guy. She should be getting more than just one date through that service, right?

As for your original question, I honestly don't know. I think that some areas are better than others for finding love because of equally balanced populations, while others might be more difficult. That goes both ways too, because there are areas with tons of men and few women, and I know men who complain about not meeting too many women where they are.

It seems that Dallas would be a good spot though.

 

[spacetygrss]

Eggsactly... "not focusing on it" is all well and good and works for some people, but for others, it's a silly cliche that results in nothing for LONG periods of time. And for people who "didn't focus" on love through all of their 20s and early 30 and are STILL single, that advice can ring VERY hollow. Maybe it's time they DID focus on it for a change!

I do understand her frustration, but if she really wants marriage and kids, she has to keep at it. The thing is, she doesn't want to put out a desperate and negative attitude either, otherwise that could be picked up on and drive more men away. She's already trying things, so if she stays persistent and doesn't give up, maybe things will eventually work out. Like with that dating service... it's just one guy. She should be getting more than just one date through that service, right?

As for your original question, I honestly don't know. I think that some areas are better than others for finding love because of equally balanced populations, while others might be more difficult. That goes both ways too, because there are areas with tons of men and few women, and I know men who complain about not meeting too many women where they are.

It seems that Dallas would be a good spot though.

I agree with this post, especially the bolded. I don't get that impression from her, but I'm not a man so I can't really say.
I just hope that things start to look up. She is started to seem depressed and appears to be giving up, which isn't going to give her the results that she wants either!

 

[Kneechay]

tell her to move to Houston.

trust me on this one.

 

[Bunny77]

tell her to move to Houston.

trust me on this one.

I was kinda diggin' Houston the two days I was there in December...

 

[spacetygrss]

tell her to move to Houston.

trust me on this one.

LOL!

Unfortunately, that's not even an option. Still funny though!

 

[Kneechay]

do a weekend trip, go hang out with friends in Houston. It's waaay different from Dallas, pleasantly. Great population of educated urban professionals of every age group and nice places to hang out. I'm so serious about this suggestion too. I NEVER post in the relationship forum, and I this urged me to.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I've been in NYC for years, so I'd vote no it's not difficult to find men. However, my friend in Kansas is having a very hard time meeting men. She is 29 and trying to move back to NYC or to CA (her hometown). She left NYC for Kansas for her current job.

Her goal is to not be single at 30. Her birthday is in September.

 

[spacetygrss]

do a weekend trip, go hang out with friends in Houston. It's waaay different from Dallas, pleasantly. Great population of educated urban professionals of every age group and nice places to hang out. I'm so serious about this suggestion too. I NEVER post in the relationship forum, and I this urged me to.

Oh, I know that Houston is different. Been there. I'm just saying that it's hard to get down there. She and I are both Resident Physicians, so we get a max of one full weekend per calendar month off.

I'll make the suggestion to her though.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

Yes, I believe it, because I have lived it. erplexed

 

[DaPPeR]

Yes I believe this is true. I was born and raised in Rhode Island where the selection is slim because everyone knows everyone and men don't believe they need to work hard in pursuing a woman. I hated it. I will see what NYC has to offer