Mom just called my shake-n-go unattractive and unprofessional

[Dragnessa]

Im sorry your mom said something like that...but you know, like others said...shes thinking old school, and like you said..she preferrs when your hair is straight. At your job, Im willing to bet they either arent paying it any mind or secretly wishing they had as much versatility to do thier hair up in all sorts of ways like you can and like it any way you rock it...

While growing out my hair, Ive experimented with a lot, and I like my wash & go cause its FAST...using the flat iron and styling only tkes about 20m, but I like 5m better, esp if Im pressed for time. First couple times I did it, I was kinda wary of if it really looked okay, and when I was wearing it straight, one of my friends (who is white) said they really liked it "that other way" haha! No matter what you do with it...as long as *you* like what you see when you look in the mirror, thats all that matters.

Im sure you pull yourself together for work and no doubt that you look professional no matter what youdo with your hair. Dont let your mothers personal preference get in the way or get you down... *hugs*

 

[Sasha Fierce]

Ebonyeyes, I'm so sorry you are feeling down. I know that's your mom and it can be hard to receive criticism from her. But don't let it make you question yourself. Just because she prefers straight hair doesnt make hair with texture any less beautiful. If you looked in the mirror and were happy and content before this comment was made then you were right in your assessment of how good you look. Maybe you can talk to your mom so that she will understand how these comments make you feel. *hugs*

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I know how you feel. My mom did the same thing. Later on she opened up and told me she was afraid the white folks that ran the place would have a problem with it. These people couldnt care less. I say do what u want. Your mom will come around.

 

[EbonyEyes]

You ladies are AWESOME - every one of you! I just want to give you all hugs!! Your advice and personal stories really lifted my spirits.

I did have my crying in the shower session (dramatic, I know) but it's all good. I prayed about it and God assured me that I was right in my original assessment - My hair does look nice.

I'm almost 23 and my mom's words can still cut me to my very soul. I really hope that I can get to a point where her words may sting, but I don't resort to crying my eyes out because mommy disapproves.

Some ladies asked questions, so I'll address them. If I missed one, please remind me!

1. Yes, I'm natural - no chemicals.
2. No one has said anything bad about my hair. I have gotten looks, but mostly curiosity looks. I haven't felt uncomfortable at all.
3. I will try to remember to take a picture (hopefully tonight or tomorrow) and post it here so that you ladies can see what my shake-n-go looks like.

I've had self-esteem issues all my life, one of those issues being not feeling pretty enough. But lately, I've been looking in the mirror (shake-n-go and all) and saying that I was beautiful and God made me perfectly.

I shouldn't let one not-so-nice comment my mother makes cause me to go back to the un-confident woman I used to be.

So thank you ladies again! Ya'll are the best!

 

[DarkAngell]

Your hair is gorgeous! & there's nothing wrong with embracing it in its natural state! i agree with what some have said....it's an old school thing. My grandmother whos hair is naturally 4b is like that. Ive never seen her with anything but straightened hair and she criticizes anyone in her family who wear anything but straightened or relaxed hair. 10 yrs ago i got my hair in long braids...she said it was unattractive and women only look good with nice straight hair. Good thing i wasnt easily influenced huh?!?!

my mother? same thing. has beautiful 3b spiral curls....and has blown out her hair every single day of her life. i told her i was transitioning & she laughed in my face.

Dont let it get to you.You're hair is lovely!!

 

[EbonyEyes]

Here's a pic, as promised. This is taken after work today.

http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/189/img0880gg5.jpg

 

[Sasha Fierce]

Your hair looks good and it looks like an easy everyday style. I have a couple classmates who have worn their hair like this who also work in professional settings...i just never knew the official name was shake-n-go

Here's a pic, as promised. This is taken after work today.

http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/189/img0880gg5.jpg

 

[ThursdayGirl]

My mother just hurt my feelings really bad a couple of hours ago.

I was wearing my hair straight for about 9 months and I got tired of the look. I went back to my twists for a couple months. Then, I decided to revisit the shake-n-go. I put some curl activator on my hair, shape it up and then head out. I've been wearing it to work for a few days and thought that my hair looked very nice. By the way, I work at a majority white accounting firm. I'm the only black person in my division.

Well my mom comes into my room at 10:00 at night and says "Are you trying to challenge the people at your job or something? Are you trying to make some type of statement? Because the style you are wearing is not attractive at all. Your dad hasn't said anything but I know he feels the same way. If you must wear your hair natural, then twist it up or tame it into a neat afro. But what you are wearing is very unprofessional and you aren't making a good impression at your job."

I told my sister what happened and she told me that our mom has always preferred straight hair. She was ranting and raving when my hair was long, flowing, and straight. She learned to accept my twists but a shake-n-go is too much for her.

I feel horrible. For the past few days, I've been looking in the mirror thinking that I looked beautiful rocking my God-given natural hair.

I'm so hurt that I'm crying because maybe I was wrong about my appearance. Maybe I do look a mess.

Maybe I should just wear more tamed natural styles or wear my hair straight again so that I don't have to worry about my co-workers possibly thinking that my hair is un-kempt.

Sorry for the rave....I just thought many of you would understand.

It sounds like your mom may be my mom's long lost twin. Hold your chin up, you're a beautiful young lady. I think if you feel comfortable with your wash n go, you should wear it. People may be surprised because you have had straight hair for 9 months. Is your hair pinned up in the back?

 

[Ms_Twana]

Here's a pic, as promised. This is taken after work today.

http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/189/img0880gg5.jpg

How long have you been straightening your hair??

 

[IrisDaVirus]

Take this from someone who has a mom with the same kind of "black hair must always be straight hair" mentality - DON'T EVEN SWEAT HER! I don't care if she is your mom or some other family member. Your hair is YOURS and you don't owe it to anyone to straighten it according to how they think your hair should be. I just looked at your album and I think your hair is quite lovely . And since when does she decide what's appearance appropriate for your job. She's not your boss at work nor does she even work there. So she can just shove it with her personal opinions on that matter.

My mother just hurt my feelings really bad a couple of hours ago.

I was wearing my hair straight for about 9 months and I got tired of the look. I went back to my twists for a couple months. Then, I decided to revisit the shake-n-go. I put some curl activator on my hair, shape it up and then head out. I've been wearing it to work for a few days and thought that my hair looked very nice. By the way, I work at a majority white accounting firm. I'm the only black person in my division.

Well my mom comes into my room at 10:00 at night and says "Are you trying to challenge the people at your job or something? Are you trying to make some type of statement? Because the style you are wearing is not attractive at all. Your dad hasn't said anything but I know he feels the same way. If you must wear your hair natural, then twist it up or tame it into a neat afro. But what you are wearing is very unprofessional and you aren't making a good impression at your job."

I told my sister what happened and she told me that our mom has always preferred straight hair. She was ranting and raving when my hair was long, flowing, and straight. She learned to accept my twists but a shake-n-go is too much for her.

I feel horrible. For the past few days, I've been looking in the mirror thinking that I looked beautiful rocking my God-given natural hair.

I'm so hurt that I'm crying because maybe I was wrong about my appearance. Maybe I do look a mess.

Maybe I should just wear more tamed natural styles or wear my hair straight again so that I don't have to worry about my co-workers possibly thinking that my hair is un-kempt.

Sorry for the rave....I just thought many of you would understand.

 

[isobell]

I will step out on a limb here.....

are you relaxed but just wearing your hair wash and go? are you natural with no chemicals in your hair?

i had a similar conversation with a friend who was recently promoted to become partner in a major law firm. being asked to become a partner is a big deal for any lawyer and it is a HUGE deal when it is a black woman that is asked to become a partner. i say this to give you an idea of her professional life and environment as it is similar to yours (accounting). now, this woman wears braids year round. has been doing so for over 10 years (since she was in law school and before her first job). she says her hair doesn't do well with relaxers (her mother is a hair dresser so she tried them all).



she has her theories about natural hair in the work place. first, your hair should be neat. natural or not. basically it should look like it was groomed. then, it should be conventional somehow. with braids...wild colors are out. no blues, oranges, purple hair pieces. it should also be conventional in that changes too often is not good. no silky dreads one month, flat twists the next, and then box braids to your behind the next. if you change your style too often, they will think you are going throug some sort of identity crisis. she is an advocate of natural hair styles in white settings because she says they know you don't fit in anyway...relaxed or not. White people know Black hair is different even if it is relaxed. it is different. ...all her theories. now, she has spoken with different sistas about wearing braids, fros, etc, in law firms and counseled them against any pressure to having to wear straight hair at her firm. (case in point, one sista sought her out to ask about wearing a fro to an interview. she met the girl the day before and told her she didn't need to flat iron it, only to have it shaped up. the girl went and had it shaped and then interviewed with other partners. the girl got a job offer.)


now, could someone (other than your mom) think your hair looked a mess? honestly.....

if yes, then......

if not, don't worry about what your mother thinks.

Nvy thank you for this post, it was really useful to me, I am also an attorney and I'm transitioning to natural hair and just yesterday I got braids but I made sure it was all one dark color as opposed to the lighter colors I used when I was a student. I was still hesistant about whether they were professional though and now I feel better about them...I just put it in a bun for meetings etc.

 

[Blossssom]

Black folks don't have to hide or tame their hair because there is nothing inherently or innately wrong with unprocesed african black hair

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?

I so agree with you.

 

[napgurl]

When my mom died I realized the one person who would reeeaally tell me like it was only for the soul purpose of just wanting the best for me was gone. It may hurt your feelings now but trust me she is telling you what she feels is in your best interest. Step back and take a good look at your shake n' go. Perhaps it isn't setting off your best features. If you are happy with the style then shake off her comment and give her a big hug anyway. Be greatful for everyday you have this woman in your corner. Good luck