Mom & DH Went In on Friend for Hair...

[SouthernStunner]

Ok so I have a friend that is deployed. Not knowing that you are to detangle after getting braids she washed and ended up with a matted mess. So what did she do? She cut it all off to a fade with the hopes to grow long, healthy, natural hair.

Her DH found out call HER mother and here is the email the mom sent her....

I know you got my email to say call me. I know you know why I want you to

call me. YES, Dallas called me yesterday and scared the living day life out

of me. I answered the phone and said how are you Dallas, he said with a

very sad voice NOT GOOD. I said what's wrong he said Kali. I said what is

wrong with Kali. He said she cut all her hair off and told me not to tell

you but I am so HURT. He sounds as though he was crying. He said she did

not think of me and what I want or what I would say. Kali, Dallas is VERY

HURT. You need to call him and apologize to him and let him know you did

not do this hurt him and you did not mean to hurt him. You know he is a

barber so he cares about hair. You should know that from the time when you

were not even married yet and you got a bad haircut he told you, you pay

for what you get and gave you money and said now go and get it straightened

out. I tried to convince him that it would grow back by the time you come

home. But Kali you need to do whatever you can to fix this problem. I

really hate you cut your hair too. Your brother and I talked this morning and

he seven said if his wife did it he would be very angry too. Your brother even

says he is a "Hair" man and he love his wife hair. Now I don't know Dallas

like you know Dallas but I think he like a women hair. Remember when we

were there for Thanksgiving and he said to you, fix your hair like your

mother's? So it obvious that he is a "Hair" man as well. Now do what you

need to do to calm him down. He was so upset yesterday I am telling you.

He said you did not think about his feeling and what he wanted. He just kept

saying Kali you are not thinking about him. So do what you need to do and

call him and apologize to him. Let him know you do think of him ALL the

time but you had a bad hair decision and that your hair will grow back. I

hope by the time you get ready to leave you will have hair and it will be

permed. I know there is someone there to do that. If not get a kit and read

the directions, you can do it. I did it when we were in Germany. I permed

my own hair. You know you have the worst hair ever to be trying to go

NATURAL. You h air grows close to your head and makes it hard to comb. YOU

KNOW. Now I guess you can call me now that you know what I was going to s



Also remember when I told you about the girl at work that did that to her

husband. He told her to leave and don't come back until her hair has grown

back out. Her hair has grown back out and she is natural and she LOOKS A

HOT MESSS, EVERYDAY. And I told you even Susan hair makes her looks much

bigger than she is. She needs her hair back too.



SERMON IS OVER!!!!!

I know you ladies are going to have alot to say but all I ask is that you help me find the right words of encouragement. She is due back in 4 months so she wont have that much hair.

 

[Qualitee]

Dallas and the mother needs to relax. Its not that serious.

 

[whiteoleander91]

maybe you should edit out the names

 

[SouthernStunner]

Fake names

 

[LivingInPeace]

This is the crisis facing her husband and mother? They need medication and therapy.

 

[MissMusic]

Wow, that poor woman! I would just tell her you understand why she did it, that you love her hair (even if you don't), and that you applaud her decision, and that most men hate change no matter what it is. They will all get used to her hair and the world will continue. In the mean time, join this forum for support.

Lord! With family like that, who needs enemies!

 

[BranwenRosewood]

That whole email is ridiculous. The husband needs to chill and be more supportive. The mother needs to mind her own business and quit talking about people. I can see why the wife didn't want her to know.

 

[LadyChe]

I love my mom and my hubby.

But if she sent me this email I would cut a damn fool with her.

And if my husband CALLED MY MOTHER OVER SOME DAMN HAIR while I am serving my country - knowing that I had to cut it due to a mishap - there would be HELL to pay once my feet touched the good ole USA.

Tell your friend to find her sense of righteous indignation with this. It is JUST.FRIGGIN.HAIR!!

*takes my grannys BP meds and sits in the corner fanning with a church fan*

 

[LadyChe]

Dupe post.

 

[Philippians413]

"I hope by the time you get ready to leave you will have hair and it will be permed... You know you have the worst hair ever to be trying to go NATURAL."

REALLY?!? How about you be concerned with her coming home safely and forget worrying about her hair.

 

[JaszG]

They sound like jerks. Its not their hair. Did they even think about what she had to go through. She is deployed, and she shouldn't have to worry about people being concerned about her hair choices. Its not that deep. How would they feel if something happened to her over there? God forbid. People need to get their priorities straight.

 

[SouthernStunner]

I am newly natural so I would truly hste to meet her family.

I had read stories on here about mom's not accepting their daughters hair but this is unreal to me. THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE to me.

Checkin in the morning........

 

[Amarilles]

These people are seriously worrying over her hair and she is currently deployed?!

If your friend still wants to interact with these people she calls family, suggest a weave/wig until the hair grows. And tell her to join a forum like this one for support cause she's definitely gonna need it.

 

[classoohfive]

There's so much wrong with this I don't even know where to start. No one should deal with this, but her being deployed makes this email all the more disgusting. Mom should consider the fact that she could receive a phone call with much worse news about her daughter and then her and the husband need to have a seat. Oh, the brother and anyone else her mama told can join them. A whole family reunion of having seats.

You know you have the worst hair ever to be trying to go

NATURAL. You h air grows close to your head and makes it hard to comb. YOU

KNOW.

OP, are you natural? Maybe you can causally relate your positive natural hair experiences to her BC? She seems to be getting a lot of negative ideas about her own natural hair, maybe hearing something positive will encourage her. IDK exactly what you could say to her, it just sounds like she needs positive messages about her hair. What you would say would depend on how she's feeling about it.

Now I don't know Dallas like you know Dallas but I think he like a women hair. Remember when we were there for Thanksgiving and he said to you, fix your hair like your mother's?

Chillle.

 

[EnExitStageLeft]

So basically....

Girl cuts hair

Husband loses his damn mind and finds that the only way to deal with the situation is to tattle tell to her mom

Mom emails her and tells her to apologize and grow it back because her man is a "hair" man and that will solve everything.

The End

That poor poor pooooooorrrrr woman. Her mother sounds a like a nosy old bitty with way to much time on her hands and her husband sounds like a 4 year old child running and tellin' mommy everytime someone looks at him . I seriously can't with these people...

 

[whiteoleander91]

Fake names

ahh, okay. Sorry, I didn't realize.


This is terrible. I really don't know what to say...

It's just not that serious. Dallas and Mom need to chill.

 

[havilland]

Wow, that poor woman! I would just tell her you understand why she did it, that you love her hair (even if you don't), and that you applaud her decision, and that most men hate change no matter what it is. They will all get used to her hair and the world will continue. In the mean time, join this forum for support.

Lord! With family like that, who needs enemies!

This^^^^^


I am so sad for your friend. I would have to cuss every one of them out. She's in the service. She could have been seriously hurt or even killed and these fools are worried about some hair WHEN she comes home?!!! They need to prioritize what's important in life! Armed service is a huge sacrifice. They should be proud of her and her gift to her country and cut down all that BS about some hair. They are blessed to have her alive and safe. They should both be smacked down.


MMMNPH!

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I get it. I had a bad weave take down experience and luckily DH was here to see it and to help me get the tangles out. It took HOURS! I was really upset and called my stylist (retired and moved out of state) to get advice.

Some people prefer long hair and some don't. My dad and his wife have the same hair cut and they use the same barber.

Her husband has no idea what that matted hair looked like. If she had the weave in for 2 - 3 months then she probably had some natural hair matted with relaxed hair and it was a tangled mess. I can total imagine it. I'm sure there are YouTube videos that show matted weave take downs. I recall Ateyya talking about her awful experience and having to cut out sections of hair. It happens to lots of women. Here is the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyqRfMbYDJ8

She made a rash decision and decided to cut it all off. There is nothing that can be down about it now. She should apologize for not consulting him in advance and move on. They probably would have reached the same decision, together, if she had called him. I'd have him watch the Ateya video so he would at least understand what she was dealing with and why she cut it off.

DH said she needs to consider going natural since what is done is done. He said there is no reason to relaxed what may only be 4 inches of hair at this point. There is no going back unless she wants to use braided extensions or wigs.

 

[cocosweet]

I just can't get past the fact that this long arse epistle (thanks FelaShrine) is over some dadgum hair.

Were they living vicariously through the hair? Did the hair offer the dh cash prizes for every inch it grew? Did the hair pay the house note?

I can't imagine having to have this crap on my mind while on deployment as if she doesn't have enough to worry about.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Really mom and Dallas...she's deployed and you're thinking about her hair?

That should be your email to them. I'm sorry I can't help because it IS just hair to me. Hair does grow back. I know men can be hurt but for real? I almost thought this was a joke email at first.

 

[curlycrocheter]

Honestly, I'm not surprised at her husband's extreme reaction.

When I cut my hair my SO FLIPPED OUT! I did it without warning, he had no idea it was coming until I came home from a day of shopping with 10 fewer inches of hair. He never verbalized that he liked my hair long, so I never thought to consult him when I cut it. We take for granted that men don't notice changes in our hair. They do, they just don't verbalize it. They are visual creatures & hair is something easily linked to femininity.


The rest of the letter is surely extra. The other comments stem from ignorance. Especially from the mom. The husband, doesn't surprise me all that much.

 

[mshoneyfly]

I love my mom and my hubby.

But if she sent me this email I would cut a damn fool with her.

And if my husband CALLED MY MOTHER OVER SOME DAMN HAIR while I am serving my country - knowing that I had to cut it due to a mishap - there would be HELL to pay once my feet touched the good ole USA.

Tell your friend to find her sense of righteous indignation with this. It is JUST.FRIGGIN.HAIR!!

*takes my grannys BP meds and sits in the corner fanning with a church fan*

This is the funniest post so far!! ROTFLMAO!!

 

[SouthernStunner]

Yes I am natural (someone asked up post but I cant quote). I ordered her the curly girl handbook to be sent to her and This morning I went through alot of my products to make a little box for her.

I big chopped Aug 25,2012 I decided in like one day and did it by that weekend. I was fortunate enough to have a mother who big chopped in June that same year and a DH who said do whatever you want to make you happy. My DH and twin DS took me the 1 hour drive to ATl to get it done. My DH and one of my sons loved it (I did it in honor of DS#1) but DS 2 asked when was it going to be straight again.

Fast forward 8 months and DS 2 loves it and even gives me salp massages so he can play in my hair.

I have never dealt with the blant disrespect that her mother showed her. That is foregin to me. I dont wish that on anyone.

 

[APrayer4Hair]

*Blank Stare*

Maybe she should have informed him prior to cutting it off, however, ultimately the decision is hers to make. The day my fiancée has a conniption about my hair is the day my relationship/marriage would be in question. That's a paper-thi foundation to base a marriage on. Where dey do dat at???

I see women on this board saying the they want to BC but their husbands wouldn't approve.

 

[natura87]

I think the mom and the husband have a little somethin somethin going on.

 

[lana]

I actually had something similar happen to a friend. She was past bra-strap length relaxed, they moved to an area with hard water, all of her hair started to break off and thin from relaxers, heat, damage, etc. She told her husband she wanted to go natural...he told her he would not be attracted to her with short, natural hair...she came home with a boy hair cut.

He was no longer attracted to her in the same way and they started having marital problems.

Right or wrong...this really happened.

Fast forward and her hair is shoulder length natural and he still hates the look on her, but not as much. He prefers straight hair. She is keeping it curly and they still argue over it from what she says, although she flat irons it from time to time.

Even though it's only hair...it is a big deal in their marriage. All I can do is encourage her and hope they work it out.

 

[Evolving78]

I actually had something similar happen to a friend. She was past bra-strap length relaxed, they moved to an area with hard water, all of her hair started to break off and thin from relaxers, heat, damage, etc. She told her husband she wanted to go natural...he told her he would not be attracted to her with short, natural hair...she came home with a boy hair cut.

He was no longer attracted to her in the same way and they started having marital problems.

Right or wrong...this really happened.

Fast forward and her hair is shoulder length natural and he still hates the look on her, but not as much. He prefers straight hair. She is keeping it curly and they still argue over it from what she says, although she flat irons it from time to time.

Even though it's only hair...it is a big deal in their marriage. All I can do is encourage her and hope they work it out.

i had a similar problem. i agree she should have consulted her husband, but she shouldn't have to be frustrated and deal with her hair if it's not making her happy.example, if my husband was getting tired of shaving his bald head, dealing with razor burns, etc... and he wanted to grow his hair back, i would just have to accept that and move on. people gotta do what makes them feel comfortable and a spouse should be supportive of that.

 

[Urban]

I reckon it might be something else going on in their marriage that you or mum don't know about - and he had to blow off steam somehow. I refuse to believe that a proper husband would be so upset over some hair. Especially, like someone mentioned, she's away serving the country and he's been told about the mishap with the detangling. Ugh! If that ain't the pettiest .... I can't believe people are making excuses for this.

 

[APrayer4Hair]

I actually had something similar happen to a friend. She was past bra-strap length relaxed, they moved to an area with hard water, all of her hair started to break off and thin from relaxers, heat, damage, etc. She told her husband she wanted to go natural...he told her he would not be attracted to her with short, natural hair...she came home with a boy hair cut.

He was no longer attracted to her in the same way and they started having marital problems.

Right or wrong...this really happened.

Fast forward and her hair is shoulder length natural and he still hates the look on her, but not as much. He prefers straight hair. She is keeping it curly and they still argue over it from what she says, although she flat irons it from time to time.

Even though it's only hair...it is a big deal in their marriage. All I can do is encourage her and hope they work it out.

Not to be confrontational with you but the bolded irks me to no end. Women can wear short permed hair and be feminine but if is short and natural it's a "boy hair cut". I guess it's just sad to me that that's the was society views things.

 

[curlicarib]

While I understand that some people feel that they should consult their SO when making hair decisions, I find this to be utterly ridiculous. She's deployed in (I presume) a war zone. She took down her braids and it's matted. Do they realize that she just doesn't have the time it would take to detangle? It could take hours, even days to detangle her hair. And in the meantime, how is she supposed to go to formations, meetings, dodge bullets, meet uniform regs? What's wrong with these people? Besides which, did he marry her or her hair? Seriously, if my SO felt this strongly about my hair, I would have to take a second look at our marriage. And Mom would get a long distance, around the world piece of my mind.