Miss An Old Friend ~ Need Your Advice

[jamaicalovely]

Okay girls, I figure I ask you before I make a complete fool of myself.

Kinda long....sorry.erplexed

I miss an old girlfriend of mine. Her husband and my husband are very close friends. They moved to Atlanta 2 years ago from our hometown (Philly) and we were always together on the weekends. She has three beautiful kids I joust adore! Her husband is a truck driver and she's alone with the kids 75% of the time. Her father in law lives down here, but he's a truck driver too. I think she made one friend in addition to me after she moved down here.

We fell out earlier in the year when she was not happy down here and called me to vent. Here's how the convo went:

F = Friend JL = Me

F: "Girl I'm sick of being down here. I have no help. I don't know how to get around. Baby is sick and had to take him to ER. I want to go to school I'm bored, I want to work."

JL : "God brought you down here for a reason. I offered to help, even invited you to church with me. For some reason, when the day came, you were no where to be found. It's been 2 years, why don't you have a Peditrician for your children yet?! Get a map and drive around, no one is going to hold your hand to get you acclimated to ATL. I gave you resources to look for/contact schools, have you called? I gave you a template to create your goals, where are you on that? Why don't you find a part time job or volunteer a little during the week."

I detailed the convo so you can see how she felt and how I carried the situation. I operate on tough love and according to her...I hurt her feelings.

After that conversation, she never answered my calls or emails. I called her one day and she texted me to say that she was fine and that she was taking time out. I thought she needed time for a few days, not almost a year. I've apologized numerous times!

I mss my friend and want to be there for her, especially since her husband is away all the time. We were support for each other. I'm really surprised that our husbands haven't forced us to communicate again.

So, the question is....

Should I respect her decision and let her go since obviously she feels better not having me around as a friend? Or should I reach to her again and honestly tell her that I miss having her as a friend and would like to rebuild our friendship in '09?

Your thoughts.

 

[Tallone]

I think saying you miss her and apologizing again would just be more of the same. I think you may have better luck if you tell her exactly that you see where what you said was harsh. I would tell her that you would like to mend the fences that you broke and her friendship was much more than an acquaintance, more like a sister. We are all human and in that, we are all subject to mistakes. Please dont let that one incident of you running off at the mouth define you. Let her know that you are taking her out to dinner which would you prefer x restaurant or y restaurant.

 

[sky_blu]

Mayn are you a Sagittarius LOL because I probably would've told her the same thing. She been down there for 2 years and hadn't done none of that yet? I wouldn't force anything but if its meant for you two to be friends again it will happen. Who knows, after that talk maybe she's finally found things to do and new friends since she stopped talking to you. That tough love may have worked. Since your husbands are close, have you asked her husband how she's doing?

 

[Taliah]

One year is a long time without any contact, especially when hubbies are friends.

I think she overreacted and her response and lack of response has nothing to do with your relationship.
There seems to be more going on with her that's causing her behavior.
If I really wanted to check for her I would just give her a call and if the conversation went well invite her to such in such with the kids.

 

[jamaicalovely]

Mayn are you a Sagittarius LOL because I probably would've told her the same thing. She been down there for 2 years and hadn't done none of that yet? I wouldn't force anything but if its meant for you two to be friends again it will happen. Who knows, after that talk maybe she's finally found things to do and new friends since she stopped talking to you. That tough love may have worked. Since your husbands are close, have you asked her husband how she's doing?

Close...Scorpio. It's crazy bcuz I do do that with everybody. My thing stop focusing on the problem and focus on the solution. DH said I should have let her vent and not say anything. I don't speak to her DH, but he talks my DH from time to time. I'm not around all the time when they speak.

One year is a long time without any contact, especially when hubbies are friends.

I think she overreacted and her response and lack of response has nothing to do with your relationship.
There seems to be more going on with her that's causing her behavior.
If I really wanted to check for her I would just give her a call and if the conversation went well invite her to such in such with the kids.

Yes, I believe it was. I think she was just beginning to get comfortable about talking to me about that. I though maybe she was upset cuz she really needed to confide in someone and when "I hurt her" she shut down and felt she can't trust anyone anymore.

I think saying you miss her and apologizing again would just be more of the same. I think you may have better luck if you tell her exactly that you see where what you said was harsh. I would tell her that you would like to mend the fences that you broke and her friendship was much more than an acquaintance, more like a sister. We are all human and in that, we are all subject to mistakes. Please dont let that one incident of you running off at the mouth define you. Let her know that you are taking her out to dinner which would you prefer x restaurant or y restaurant.

Ok, ladies makes sense.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

You were telling her the truth!! Why doesn't her child have a doctor that she see's on a regular basis? That should be first and foremost. Somebody needed to snap her into reality. I think you should try to extend your hand one more time but that's it.

 

[somethingdifferent]

Sometimes, when friends are venting they aren't looking for solutions. They are just looking for someone to listen. Even though you were being truthful, I don't think she was looking for you to solve her problems at that time.

I would reach out one more time and tell her that you miss her. I would also admit that I shouldn't have been "Mrs. Fix It."

Good luck.

 

[heyfranz]

She overreacted and something's amiss. Deep relationships involve disagreements, and even all out arguments. My friends and i have done it, and then we make up. This is life. We are going to be told things we don't want to hear. She should've told you if she didn't want your advice and just wanted to vent. I want my friends to help me and tell me the truth sometimes even if i don't follow their advice. By the way, i'm a Sag. I hold nothing back, and yes, i have one friend who doesn't speak to me anymore. I can't be a "yes" woman...

 

[MissLawyerLady]

I think you're friend was/is depressed and the last thing you want when you're depressed is someone telling what you should do. I've been were your friend is personally and my BFF pissed me smooth off with her attitude.

I was facing a health situation and everyday my BFF would provide her unsolicited advice (more like attacks) about how I should handle the situation (mind you I was not asking her how I should handle the situation- I was just telling her what was going on...good ole' fashioned venting). But the truth of the matter is she wasn't in the situation and things are never as simple as they seem. Your friend may have vented to you, but she probably didn't tell you everything that was/is going on. So, when you told her what she ought to do/betta do she was understandably hurt.

To this day, I keep my BFF outta my business and it has put a strain on our relationship because she wants details about certain things (like my divorce) and I don't tell her because I don't want to go through that whole unsolicited advice thing. She ain't never been divorced so I don't need her to tell me what I ought to be doing about my divorce. I just need her to listen and pray, PERIOD.

Personally, I think you should begin with a sincere apology to your friend and an acknowledgment that you should have listened and been more sensitive. Tell her how much she means to you and that you've really missed her friendship and want her back in your life. After that, the ball's in her court. If she doesn't want to mend the relationship that's not your problem anymore and you can release yourself from any guilty feelings.

 

[jamaicalovely]

Ladies, I learned so much reading this thread. I truly appreciate your responses!!!! I'll keep you all posted.
JD'2d

 

[MissLawyerLady]

JD'2d

Back at you, sis!