Men who go back to Africa looking for a wife

[Afrolinda]

Finding a spouse in this age of online dating and open relationships is much like searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack. Add to that, the likelihood of finding a spouse who shares your African heritage, and the odds stack up even more against your finding that special someone. Given these discouraging odds, an increasing number of African immigrants living abroad are looking to their home countries to find spouses who they believe are e likely to share their values.

Charles*, a 30-something Tanzanian engineer living in the United States, explains, "I am a traditional man who was looking for a wife who shared my values. I dated women here [in America] but was unimpressed; I found that most Tanzanian women were Tanzanian in name only. They were looking for a man who was a ‘total package’—at the time I was a student who was working my way up; I couldn’t offer the world to them at the time, but I knew it was only a matter of time before I was established." Frustrated with his dating experiences in America, Charles spent a month in Tanzania, looking for a woman to become his wife. With the assistance of his extended family and childhood friends, Charles found a woman he was happy to marry after a six month long distance courtship. As unusual as Charles’s courtship rituals seem, Charles is not alone. Fatima, a Somali mother of two twenty-something sons who are studying in America, openly discourages her sons from getting attached to girls who have not been raised in Somalia. "I tell them that they can date who they want, but it can never be serious. When they are ready to marry, I will take them home [to Somalia] to find their wives.

FROM: MIMI Magazine

I am African and I have family members who did it, but what do you think about it?[/B]

 

[Radianthealth]

It makes sense to me. I can understand a man wanting to be with someone who is culturally similar to them.

I know of an African-American man that travels to Africa (Ghana) for sex

 

[Afrolinda]

It makes sense to me. I can understand a man wanting to be with someone who is culturally similar to them.

I know of an African-American man that travels to Africa (Ghana) for sex

I bet he's going to continue even after he's married if he is not married already.

 

[jada1111]

I agree with them.

I realize that I need a man that shares my WESTERNIZED values. Prefer a born and raised AMERICAN, because we share the same CULTURAL VALUES.

 

[jada1111]

It makes sense to me. I can understand a man wanting to be with someone who is culturally similar to them.

I know of an African-American man that travels to Africa (Ghana) for sex

Homie gotta travel all the way to Ghana to get some arse?

That's sad, despicable and disgusting all at the same time.

 

[YankeeCandle]

Well, this is the way my parents STILL expect me to find a mate. My mother is fervantly pretending to herself, bless her heart, that my loved one of six years if just a "good friend" and that I will eventually find my way into the arms of a man of our cultural background.

There is a whole network of aunties and other relatives out there circulating my picture (without my permission) to young men in my parents' home country.

And these men are getting bold too: a few have outright told their female relatives, "Doesn't Yankee Candle's mother have a daughter? How old is she? Is she very Westernized now or is she a good proper lady?"


I used to give way too much emphasis to "cultural compatibility." Now, I would not dream of considering a partner who does not share my PERSONAL, INDIVIDUAL values. Whether or not he shares the same culture as the one I was raised in is now quite low on my list. All human cultures have good and bad in them. To make a choice based on the blind idea that "staying within one's culture makes for a better union" is folly, IMO.

And I use the term "culture" and not "ethnicity," because we are really talking about culture here. Some men I know who live in the West reject women like me because even though I am of their same ethnic group, they think I am too culturally Western and they want someone Fresh Off the Boat. To which I happily say, "Toodles!"

 

[Bunny77]

I don't have a problem with it.

Actually, I think it's quite great that folks (men and women) have a network of relatives and friends ready to hook them up too.

 

[Almaz]

Ghana for sex. I thought Brazil was the place to be for Black men travelling for sex I know Ebony Magazine did a whole article on this back in may of 2008.


Yeah I hunted high and low for the right girl for my son but luckily he wanted a homegirl anyway and met her in the Synagouge. Luckily it was a match because they were in the same Hebrew Class and Birth Right trips so they already knew each other and what was really great is that her mother and I went to Hebrew school back in Asmara as kids and was in the same Bat Mitzvah classes.

It turned out very well. But what is surprising in this situation is that most of the time the girls that have it on the ball don't want someone fresh off the boat if they are Americanised. But they guys want more of a "Traditional" woman. When I hear this I always thought that is a code word for someone that I can control.

My daugher in Law will bop my son over the head if he came up with some BS like this. YOU cannot control Israeli women anyway and I would help her too cause I did my best not to raise him as a Chauvinists

It makes sense to me. I can understand a man wanting to be with someone who is culturally similar to them.

I know of an African-American man that travels to Africa (Ghana) for sex

 

[Radianthealth]

I bet he's going to continue even after he's married if he is not married already.

Homie gotta travel all the way to Ghana to get some arse?

That's sad, despicable and disgusting all at the same time.

He is a player in the states. He is in his 40s...perpetual Bachelor.

He likes to visit Ghana so he hooks up with students while he is there. I think they hope that he will marry them and he is only there for sex.

 

[anon123]

He is a player in the states. He is in his 40s...perpetual Bachelor.

He likes to visit Ghana so he hooks up with students while he is there. I think they hope that he will marry them and he is only there for sex.

Yuck. Bf told me that Ghanaian girls like to go to Ivory Coast to get wild. It's like a "what happens in Ivory Coast stays in Ivory Coast" deal.

Anyway, I see no problem with it. Makes a lot of sense, actually.

 

[Almaz]

Wow so sad that he is lying and using these girls at least the girls in Brazil KNOW that these brothers are just there for sex they get the money and keep it moving..

But its still sad. There are guys that I know that do this too in their home countries. I know one guy from Iran and he goes and visits SAYING that he is looking for a wife. These girls don't say a man is visiting from America they say a Visa is here. So they are lined up trying to catch this man. His other friend told him to slow down because he was there a month and he had a different woman every month.
SMH


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He is a player in the states. He is in his 40s...perpetual Bachelor.

He likes to visit Ghana so he hooks up with students while he is there. I think they hope that he will marry them and he is only there for sex.

 

[newbiemom]

I don't think it is a problem but it might all be for naught because eventually his wife will come here and become Amercianzed. I think the problem is if he will resent this if it happens. In my opinion if you don't want to become Americanized don't come to America that doesn't mean loose your heritage, but understand things, wants and expectations will change once you are here. Btw I am 1st generation and married to an immigrant.

 

[Theo]

I have relatives who do this. Why would it be a problem?

 

[amara11]

Why the hell not? For more reasons than I care to get into.

 

[BlackHairDiva]

All my uncles married women from back home. My oldest bro as well.. It's common not only for africans...but for a lot of foreigners...Arabs, Europeans,Asian, etc...

 

[princessnad]

I see no problem with it. Other groups who have migrated to the U.S. do it all the time- notably: Indians

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I have no problem with the concept in principle, but I find a huge component of jankyness in this line of thinking

I dated women here [in America] but was unimpressed; I found that most Tanzanian women were Tanzanian in name only. They were looking for a man who was a ‘total package’—at the time I was a student who was working my way up; I couldn’t offer the world to them at the time, but I knew it was only a matter of time before I was established."

Dudes crack me up with this line of thinking. You offer yourself as a broke college student with 'potential' to an American woman and guffaw at that not being good enough. But the same dude will offer himself as a finished product with a degree an above average paycheck and benefits to a chick overseas and point to the difference in reaction as evidence that American women are everything but a child of G-d.

The foreign wives are no more 'in the struggle' with the dudes while he is on the come up than the American women he complains about.

 

[Afrolinda]

He is a player in the states. He is in his 40s...perpetual Bachelor.

He likes to visit Ghana so he hooks up with students while he is there. I think they hope that he will marry them and he is only there for sex.

I'm pretty sure they know he's not going to marry them. You should go to africa cause then you will discover that this is just business to a lot of young girls in some african counbtries . In my country we even have a name for those girls and this past summer I went to my country and saw it with my own eyes. Most of those men have to pay an appartment for those girls or school.

 

[FlowerHair]

I think it's good.

I'm the product of a bi-cultural relationship and I know first hand that it's never easy or smooth sailing with a spouse/partner from another culture.

That's why I prefer men with a similar background to mine, for me that means a man with roots in different cultures.

For the man in the first post it means a woman from his home country.

 

[Foxglove]

I don't see the problem with this
What's wrong with wanting to marry somebody with the same upbringing/culture/traditions as you