Member in despair, advice appreciated

spritex

spritex

New Member
Hi all
I have only started posting but have lurked here for a while.
a bit about me I am a Mum in my mid thirties with 8-10 inches of super corse, kinly 4b/c natural hair. I have been on the natural path for about 3 years after relaxing for over 20 years. At first having no access to sites like this I had NO IDEA at all what to do woth my hair so kept in under full head weaves. Gradually I realised these were dmamging and started researching hair care and stumbled upon this site. In many ways it has been a revelation - knowing that our hair can be so beautiful, grow strong and long and MOST important can be managed quite easily. My problem is that mine seems to follow its own path. Its very uneven - the nape is only2 iinches, the edges are thin and fragile. I have followed tips and advice - deep conditioning regularly, minimal heat, protective styling yet I do not feel I have made any real progress. I tried wigging it for 8 months keeping the hair under cornrowed yet all that did was eat up my edges (though I bought this product called comfi-grip which is supposed to protect edges - its used for chemotherapy patients). I then cornrowed (with attachnments) for a couple of months, redoing every month but again I think it may be putting starin on my egdes so I cannot risk it as a longterm low maintainance option. I have tried leaving my hair out but despite mositurising, etc it is as hard as stone after a few hours, with knots, tangles and impossible to comb. I have been avoiding relaxers not because I have anything against them but I feel they may make things worse but I am so frustrated now I will try anything. It seem slike the relaxed journey did my hair no favours but eqaully the natural journey has not been smooth by a long shot. I do not know what to do anymore and have reached a stage where I almost feel this hair is NOT a blessing, I mean, why does it have to be so difficult to manage? I would sincerely appreciate any advise you ladies can offer. Thanks in advance.
God bless
Sprite.
PS - these are some of the products I have used over time -
henna (in my bid to keep it as natural as possible but it dries out my hair), oyin products (ordered at great expense from USA - I live in the UK), anita grant butters, miss key 10 in 1 cond, ORS mayo, elasta qp cond, amla oil, coconut oil, castor oil, CON (green) shampoo, aubrey organics HSR cond, BT, dr miracle oil for my egdes.
 
:welcome4: There are a lot of natural ladies here that can help you out. What is your regimen? How often do you shampoo, detangle, etc?
 
Hi Platimun, thanks for the fast reply.
My regimen at the moment is co wash once weekly with suave humectress or CON green shampoo. My hair is in corn rows at the moment so I do a quick follow up conditoner with oyin HHC. If my hair was out I would detangle in the shower do a deep cond with Miss key or aubrey or ORS mayo. no heat just cover with a cap, wrap in a towel for a couple of hours. then rinse, mositurise with anita grant coffe butter or castor oil, leave to air dry in loose braids. thats it. every 2 months i do the aphogee 2 step protein and deep conditon after. I used to henna but stopped as i thought it was drying my hair out. I never saw the conditioning effects others did.
I would appreciate advice from anyone - not must natural ladies so any tips you can offer are welcome.
 





I'm not natural but it sounds like your hair has become extremely dehydrated....

Try replenishing with all things water and moisture......

Condition wash, condition wash,condition wash

Maybe have a spray bottle to remoisturize your hair

Find a Deep Conditioner and use it prehaps on as an extended treatment

Check your products for anything drying; alcohol, Sulphates something ...you will have to do research on this cause I can't remember which one is harmful

Look for a "role model" someone on here that you can look at and try the regime they have

Hope you find Help here!!! THese ladies are awesome and I'm sure someone has had a similar experience....Good Luck

AND WELCOME!!!!!





 
I am relaxed but I just want to say hi. I do think it could be your shampoos. I dislike both of these poos. After I wash my hair using one or both it is very hard to comb through and gets very tangled. I stay away from the Suave Hum and all CON. Just a thought.
 
Hola CCD, thanks for the words of encouragement.
I do check out what I use, I know some products with mineral oil can be drying so i use them in moderation. Also sulphate free shampoos like CON green. When my feels coated or dry I may use a suplhate product just to remove the build-up. I always follow up with a deep cond treatment.
I guess I dont know what way to turn next, what step to take. I have seemingly unmanageable kinky hair that I MUST briad or cornrow or weave up even if i do not want to because leaving it out is NOT an option - knots, tangles and very hard hair would be my reward. BUT, those hairstyles seem to take a toll as well especially on my fragile egdes. I mean how can my hair be super kinky and coarse yet have fragile egdes!!!
Some kind of cosmic joke.:perplexed
 
ORS Mayo has a lot of protein in it. You may need to find a conditioner with less protein and more moisturizers in it.
 
Hi andreab thanks for your suggestion. I never thought CON green could be a problem, if anything it has left my hair quite soft - at least while using it. afterwards it did not feel stripped. the suave humectress conditioner was bought after a i read positive reviews on it as a great detangler/co-washer. its not been too bad though not a miracle worker by any means. I know it has cones. I guess I could stop using them for a while and see what happens.
 
I don't use it regularly Platinum, I tend to use aubrey organics HSR more. A lot of cond have a little or lots of protein. Which ones are purely moisturisng?
 
I haven't used the Aubrey condish but I hear that's a good one. Two ladies in another thread told me about www.healthyhairjourney.com . They say the products are very moisturizing. I'm going to order this stuff soon.
 
Last edited:
Platinum the clickie is not working:grin:
I wonder if these are only sold in the USA. If so I may have to pass.:ohwell:
 
Hi there!

Sounds like your hair is very thirsty...when was the last time you clarifyed?
A build up of products and oil could be keeping moisture from getting into the strands.
 
What is your diet like. Are you eating lots of protien, veggies, and water? If not, that could be why your hair is so dehydrated. Hair products help a lot, but if your diet is not right, you could be sabotaging your own progress. Hope this Helps :)
 
Natural here. It looks like you are using too much protein to me. All of your conditioners have it. Try moisturizing conditioners. Try using carefree curl or s-curl to moisturize your hair or a glycerin/water spritz. Also use natural oils and butters like vitamin e, castor, virgin palm kernel, shea butter, pistachio butter. For growth- add 10-15 drops of rosemary oil or peppermint oil to vitamin e or castor oil and massage into problem spots 2x a day for 5-10 mins. Look up Bargello's vitamin regimen-this will work-trust. HTH.
 
I haven't read everyone's response OP but my first suggestion is to think back to when you were last happy with your hair. What was it you were doing then and if it wasn't bad, why not go back to it?

From my own experience, using too many things just because others like them, doesn't work. CON is popular with naturals but it coated my hair and left it feeling hard and dry and looking it. It felt awesome while I washed my hair but not after. I discovered that the less coated my hair, the better it feels. I never have to clarify because all I use on my hair is shampoo and conditioner when washing. That's it! When wearing my hair out, I do use S Curl, which is water soluble (I think) so shampoos out easily

The other thing I suspect is the wigs and the extensions might've led to the hair around your perimeter being shorter. People who wear hats or scarves a lot can tell you of the harm that they do their hairline if they wear them smack-dab on the hairline. It's better to wear it farther down on your forehead (scarves/hats) but a wig would be kind funny looking. Someone posted a Youtube showing a lady who leaves her hair out in the front and wears a wig, blending the two hairs together. This may be the neatest way to wear a wig that I have ever seen, but only if you can find hair that matches your own.

As far as the extensions are concerned, very few people can add extension hair and plait without pulling too tightly. So while I think plaiting the hair that needs "TLC" is a great way to keep it "safe", I think you should get it plaited w/o extensions and by someone who is used to doing children's hair and so can be that gentle. A style I'd rock if I were in your shoes is cornrows going towards the middle of my head all around my perimeter but making them only as long as the section with the short hair...so it looks like you have a head band pulling back on a puff. Then you can wear the rest of your hair in puffs, twist-outs, twists, braid-outs.... The idea would be to allow the shorter hair to grow and retain length from non-manipulation and hopefully approach the length of the rest. You could even do twist bangs at the front (I'm loving being in twists 24/7) and style the rest of your hair again wearing twists at the nape hanging out (I'm sure you can picture the do I'm thinking of).

And I would like to challenge you, after clarifying and DCing your hair with heat, rinsing with filtered water or at least finishing your was with an ACV rinse (as dilute as you can make it--err on the side of caution), then spray S Curl enough to make combing easy on your towel-dried hair and style. In the evening, you hair may feel a bit hard after it has dried. If it feels dry apply S Curl again, otherwise, just plait it in big plaits, making small ones where the hair is short, just so no strands are being ignored. Then put on a plastic cap for the night--make sure the band of your plastic band is on your forehead not hairline and fold it over the plastic ie pull some of the plastic through/under it so it doesn't leave a conspicuous mark on your forehead. In the AM, you hair should feel very soft and moisturized. Undo the plaits and style. You don't need to apply S Curl again but may enjoy nice and soft tresses for another day or so till your wash, but don't forget to plait and baggy at night.

I would recommend you try another shampoo other than CON. Trader Joe's, Elucence, Therappe, NTM, J/A/S/O/N.... The other thing I want to suggest is to twist or plait your hair before you wash it. I find wash day such a joy because it doesn't involve any detangling or combing. Perhaps you could fall in love with wearing twists and rock them as I do so that your regimen becomes a stress-free journey that doesn't involve detangling or combing?
 
Platinum said:
I'm sorry. Try it again. It should work this time. I checked the link and a white woman holding a deer came up.:spinning:
Click to expand...

:grin: I did a double take when I saw her too but I'm so frustrated I would have checked out the site no matter how unlikely.
I checked again, thanks so much. I will have to email the site owner to ask about international shipping and rates. I would really prefer products I can purchase locally, that way I can be consistent. (And my bank balance will not suffer too much:ohwell:)
 
Thanks Toy for the welcome. I appreciate it.

WomanlyCharm -Hi and thank you for the tip - when my hair feels coated I use a sulplahte shampoo to wash - I assumed that was a way of clarifying. I could be wrong though??
Hi Andy1979 - thanks, that is a really valid point - I have an insanely busy job and do not always eat right - lunch is often whatever is easiest -sometimes fast foods are convenient. In the mornings I try to drink smoothies (I make my own) with a variety of fruit and soya milk. Dinner is under my control so I usually cook nutritious food. I love meat so I'm pretty sure I am not lacking in protein. I need to drink more water though. Especially during the day.
Hi and thank you Carameldiva - I do use aubrey HSR - I assumed it had no protein. I will look at the ingrdient list again. But otherwise I wil try and stick to only moisturising cond for a while and see. I also bought oils a while ago - rosemary (stopped that as I was trying for another baby, now I am pregnant so need to avoid it for now :-) ) I have lavender and tea tree. I was mixing them into my BT but got scared about safety in pregancy so stopped these. WIll definitely revisit after the birth. I do like castor oil very much. Thanks again!
 
Nonie said:
I haven't read everyone's response OP but my first suggestion is to think back to when you were last happy with your hair. What was it you were doing then and if it wasn't bad, why not go back to it?

From my own experience, using too many things just because others like them, doesn't work. CON is popular with naturals but it coated my hair and left it feeling hard and dry and looking it. It felt awesome while I washed my hair but not after. I discovered that the less coated my hair, the better it feels. I never have to clarify because all I use on my hair is shampoo and conditioner when washing. That's it! When wearing my hair out, I do use S Curl, which is water soluble (I think) so shampoos out easily

The other thing I suspect is the wigs and the extensions might've led to the hair around your perimeter being shorter. People who wear hats or scarves a lot can tell you of the harm that they do their hairline if they wear them smack-dab on the hairline. It's better to wear it farther down on your forehead (scarves/hats) but a wig would be kind funny looking. Someone posted a Youtube showing a lady who leaves her hair out in the front and wears a wig, blending the two hairs together. This may be the neatest way to wear a wig that I have ever seen, but only if you can find hair that matches your own.

As far as the extensions are concerned, very few people can add extension hair and plait without pulling too tightly. So while I think plaiting the hair that needs "TLC" is a great way to keep it "safe", I think you should get it plaited w/o extensions and by someone who is used to doing children's hair and so can be that gentle. A style I'd rock if I were in your shoes is cornrows going towards the middle of my head all around my perimeter but making them only as long as the section with the short hair...so it looks like you have a head band pulling back on a puff. Then you can wear the rest of your hair in puffs, twist-outs, twists, braid-outs.... The idea would be to allow the shorter hair to grow and retain length from non-manipulation and hopefully approach the length of the rest. You could even do twist bangs at the front (I'm loving being in twists 24/7) and style the rest of your hair again wearing twists at the nape hanging out (I'm sure you can picture the do I'm thinking of).

And I would like to challenge you, after clarifying and DCing your hair with heat, rinsing with filtered water or at least finishing your was with an ACV rinse (as dilute as you can make it--err on the side of caution), then spray S Curl enough to make combing easy on your towel-dried hair and style. In the evening, you hair may feel a bit hard after it has dried. If it feels dry apply S Curl again, otherwise, just plait it in big plaits, making small ones where the hair is short, just so no strands are being ignored. Then put on a plastic cap for the night--make sure the band of your plastic band is on your forehead not hairline and fold it over the plastic ie pull some of the plastic through/under it so it doesn't leave a conspicuous mark on your forehead. In the AM, you hair should feel very soft and moisturized. Undo the plaits and style. You don't need to apply S Curl again but may enjoy nice and soft tresses for another day or so till your wash, but don't forget to plait and baggy at night.

I would recommend you try another shampoo other than CON. Trader Joe's, Elucence, Therappe, NTM, J/A/S/O/N.... The other thing I want to suggest is to twist or plait your hair before you wash it. I find wash day such a joy because it doesn't involve any detangling or combing. Perhaps you could fall in love with wearing twists and rock them as I do so that your regimen becomes a stress-free journey that doesn't involve detangling or combing?
Click to expand...

Hi and thanks Nonie.
These are great points. I knew the wigs and cornrow xtensions were adding to my problems but did not realise I had any real alternatives. It was either those or leave out my hair (leaving it out was never a good event) or relax.
Is there a video or pic of the cornrow styles you describe? I am not exactly sure how to achieve them, a visual would be good. Oh hang on, I think I get it. It sounds cute.:yep: I may try it and see.
S- curl is readily available here in UK but doesnt it contain cones and mineral oil? Oh and do I do an ACV rinse after every wash or after clarifying? I assume one way of clarifying is to wash with a sulphate poo right?
You're the second lady here who has given the thumbs down to green CON. I will place it at the bottom of my shelves I guess. Elucnese and trader joe are not available here in UK but I can purchase Jason or therapee (Nexxus?) and use those.
I have baggied once before - using a mix of EVOO and castor oil, the next day I had a face and pillow soaked in oil. Not pleasant. I am one of those restless sleepers who pull off scarves at night. Thats why I invested in a satin pillowcase. :grin:
I appreciate all your kind tips and advice and will defintiely be trying most out. God bless.
 
spritex said:
Hi and thanks Nonie.
These are great points. I knew the wigs and cornrow xtensions were adding to my problems but did not realise I had any real alternatives. It was either those or leave out my hair (leaving it out was never a good event) or relax.
Is there a video or pic of the cornrow styles you describe? I am not exactly sure how to achieve them, a visual would be good. Oh hang on, I think I get it. It sounds cute.:yep: I may try it and see.
S- curl is readily available here in UK but doesnt it contain cones and mineral oil? Oh and do I do an ACV rinse after every wash or after clarifying? I assume one way of clarifying is to wash with a sulphate poo right?
You're the second lady here who has given the thumbs down to green CON. I will place it at the bottom of my shelves I guess. Elucnese and trader joe are not available here in UK but I can purchase Jason or therapee (Nexxus?) and use those.
I have baggied once before - using a mix of EVOO and castor oil, the next day I had a face and pillow soaked in oil. Not pleasant. I am one of those restless sleepers who pull off scarves at night. Thats why I invested in a satin pillowcase. :grin:
I appreciate all your kind tips and advice and will defintiely be trying most out. God bless.
Click to expand...

These are the ingredients of S Curl: Water , Glycerine , Cetearyl Alcohol , Propylene Glycol , Acetamide MEA , Ceteth-20 , Olealkonium Chloride , Stearalkonium Chloride , Panthenol , Simethicone , Imidazolidinyl Urea , Methylparaben , Propylparaben , Fragrance

Yes it has a cone, but I can tell you that from my experience (and again this is different for everyone), cones are not the devil. Cones help seal in moisture so are great to apply to damp hair. Indeed, they do seal moisture in as well as out. But if your hair is very well moisturized, after a DC with a moisturizing conditioner, then cones are da bomb. Also notice the cone is listed near the end of the ingredient list so it isn't the main thing in S Curl. Water is which = moisture galore.

I only ever baggied with products on my hair when I was treating a bald spot on my head or when I used Paltas. (Incidentally, have you ever tried Paltas? You can get it at Shepherd's Bush or any place that sells hair products for black hair. It is a yellow bottle with an orange/brown top. I will warn you: it's as thick and greasy as Castor oil, and you only need apply it to your scalp, then put on a plastic cap. You will NOT need anything else. It'll make your hair very soft although very oily too.) Otherwise, if your hair is plaited or in twists, try baggying with nothing on, like I do. Or just very little S Curl. I honestly don't think my 4B hair would be feeling as soft as it does, if I didn't baggy every night.

The style I was trying to describe is similar to the one I'm wearing here, only do not make the cornrows as long...and instead of them being just at the front, you have them on the side going upwards towards the middle and in the back also going towards the middle...as if you were doing that pony-tail style where cornrows meet at the crown. Only this time, you don't cornrow all your hair so that it's the hair at the perimeter being given a chance to grow w/o manipulation while you can rock puffs, twist-outs, braid-outs on the rest of your hair.

So the style looks like the pull back puff do I have below...only your have cornrows instead of just pulled back hair.
Day3Puffforhubbyspleasure-vi.jpg
 
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