Meeting his parents! Ahhh! Tips, please?

LivingDol1

LivingDol1

Well-Known Member
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 9 months. For the holidays, we are spending Christmas week apart in our own hometowns with our families.... But for the week of NYE, he is flying me out to his hometown. I'm very excited, but a little nervous. His parents are more relaxed than mine are. I'm staying with my boyfriend at his parents' house and we will be sharing his room. That would never happen in my parents' house!

The trip is going to be for a full week. So, it's not even like I'm just meeting them for dinner...! I've been googling for advice and I feel like I'm finding outdated information. Obviously, I'm not going to dress inappropriately or make out with my boyfriend on the living room couch. Aside from basic manners like offering to help do dishes and stuff, any other advice?

I don't know if I should bring them something? I will be landing in Portland at midnight and my boyfriend is picking me up. They will probably be sleeping when I arrive.

I've never met a boyfriend's parents before. He thinks it will be really easy for me to get along with them, so maybe I am overthinking. I just want to make the right impression without trying too hard or coming off as too relaxed either. And I want to be genuine.

Thanks, ladies!
 
Portland, OR?! That's where I am! :grin:

People around here are so friendly and relaxed. Just be yourself. Be tidy and offer to help with dishes maybe. A small gift, something special to where you're from, might be nice.

Enjoy your time here. Bring a rain jacket and layers.

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
 
Definitely bring something:yep:. Smile a lot and act like you are into their son (well, you probably wouldn't be acting :lol:). Appear supportive of him.
Be sweet, offer to help with things, don't lock yourself away in your room, be beautiful, respectful and courteous, relax.

Your boyfriend is "showing you off" to his family. He's proud of you :yep: and already knows they will like you.
 
Be a good houseguest, first and foremost. Pick up after yourself, don't expect to be served, and be considerate of others when sharing stuff.

Engage them in conversation. Don't argue. Avoid discussions around religion or politics.

You are always being observed. There is always someone watching your facial expressions, tone of voice, body language.

Allow him to take the lead on stuff. He knows them better than you do so if you don't know what to say or do while there ask him.

Take a food item from your hometown nicely presented as a gift. Something that has a story like, it's one of Oprah's favorite things or this bakery been in business for 100 years type story.

Pack snacks in your bag (nuts, etc.). If you don't like what they cook, you won't be irritable from hunger lol.

Bring along a nice thank you card that you can give to them the day you are leaving. You may not have time to get one while there and you may forget when you leave. If they are gracious to you while there, thank them for their hospitality.
 
Briabiggles said:
Portland, OR?! That's where I am! :grin: People around here are so friendly and relaxed. Just be yourself. Be tidy and offer to help with dishes maybe. A small gift, something special to where you're from, might be nice. Enjoy your time here. Bring a rain jacket and layers. Sent from my iPad mini mini.
Click to expand...

Yes, Portland, OR! I have been told that if I carry an umbrella, I'm going to look like a weirdo. So I will come prepared to blend in... ;)

I am stuck on the gift. I thought about a bottle of wine but I don't think his mom drinks much. Maybe a nice box of chocolates or some fun treat.... I will brainstorm.

Thanks!!
 
My only advice is I wouldn't stay in a room with him at his parents house on a first meeting. Even if he says it's OK.
 
Wow 1 week is a long time, I couldn't do it. 2 days tops. I agree with the poster's suggestion to not sleep in his room, even if he said it is ok.
 
ThickHair said:
Wow 1 week is a long time, I couldn't do it. 2 days tops. I agree with the poster's suggestion to not sleep in his room, even if he said it is ok.
Click to expand...

I just know a man saying something is "OK" probably is what he thinks. Or even if the parents said it was, I wouldn't want that to be part of my first impression. Regardless if they sleep together at home, it's just a respect thing.
 
Zaynab said:
My only advice is I wouldn't stay in a room with him at his parents house on a first meeting. Even if he says it's OK.
Click to expand...

I agree. Even if his parents appear cool with it, be respectable and get a hotel. You all aren't married.
 
Mai Tai said:
I agree. Even if his parents appear cool with it, be respectable and get a hotel. You all aren't married.
Click to expand...

I'd stay there, just ask for an alternate room or stay in his room and him somewhere else in house, etc. I had to stay with a few bfs at the holidays years ago and they ALWAYS tried to say "oh it's cool". Nah
 
Zaynab said:
My only advice is I wouldn't stay in a room with him at his parents house on a first meeting. Even if he says it's OK.
Click to expand...


For some reason I got the impression that the bf family was not Black. :look: IME, non-Black families LOVE to have the gf/bf over in the home. They love it!!! So I thought nothing of it.

If the family is Black, I agree that sleeping in the same room is not a good idea.
 
Holla said:
For some reason I got the impression that the bf family was not Black. :look: IME, non-Black families LOVE to have the gf/bf over in the home. They love it!!! So I thought nothing of it. If the family is Black, I agree that sleeping in the same room is not a good idea.
Click to expand...

So did I and considering that it's Portland.....

My SO is white and his mom just loves it when I come over. :lol:

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
 
Ask if there are food allergies or preferences before buying a food gift (I think you should def bring a gift, maybe flowers as well... and check with your SO what the mother likes). I've only formally met parents once for a serious SO, and he and I brought a homemade something, which was my idea and which he kept mentioning once we got there. It was sweet.

If they have pets, dote on the pets:lol:

That's all I've got. Have fun!! :)
 
Briabiggles said:
So did I and considering that it's Portland..... My SO is white and his mom just loves it when I come over. :lol: Sent from my iPad mini mini.
Click to expand...

Lol, yep... My impression of Portland is that it is beautiful, full of friendly people, great places to eat, and is super Caucasian. And yes, my SO is white.

They definitely have a more relaxed attitude than my parents. I actually think it would be rude if I insist upon staying in a hotel at this point when his mom is already expecting me to stay in their home.

I figured out my gift! :)
 
1) I totally agree that you should not sleep in the same room as your boyfriend. It's a respect thing. If there's no extra room - he's on the couch.

2) I would recommend that you exhibit all the home training you've got or fake it until you make it:

- bring a hospitality present as suggested
- don't be all up under your boyfriend 24-7, get to know the parents, especially the mom
- offer to include the parents in your outings, research a play or show or exhibit you can all attend
- offer to help at all meals, prep in the kitchen, set the table, clear the dishes, wash the dishes
- make your bed every day
- keep your room and bathroom spotless
- take them out for a thank you meal at the end of the stay that you pay for or if you've got a specialty meal, offer to cook it, buy the groceries and clean up after yourself
- when you are leaving, strip the bed and gather the sheets and bring them to the laundry room

Enjoy your trip!
 
If you want things to do, Zoo lights are awesome and the Sherlock Holmes exhibit at OMSI is supposed to be good....if you like that kind of stuff.

Hopefully it won't rain too much. Maybe he'll take you to the beach.

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
 
Follow your upbringing. Respect his parents house the way you respect your parents house. Even if the parents say they are cool with you sharing his room, You will score major points by not sharing his room...

LivingDol1 said:
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 9 months. For the holidays, we are spending Christmas week apart in our own hometowns with our families.... But for the week of NYE, he is flying me out to his hometown. I'm very excited, but a little nervous. His parents are more relaxed than mine are. I'm staying with my boyfriend at his parents' house and we will be sharing his room. That would never happen in my parents' house!

The trip is going to be for a full week. So, it's not even like I'm just meeting them for dinner...! I've been googling for advice and I feel like I'm finding outdated information. Obviously, I'm not going to dress inappropriately or make out with my boyfriend on the living room couch. Aside from basic manners like offering to help do dishes and stuff, any other advice?

I don't know if I should bring them something? I will be landing in Portland at midnight and my boyfriend is picking me up. They will probably be sleeping when I arrive.

I've never met a boyfriend's parents before. He thinks it will be really easy for me to get along with them, so maybe I am overthinking. I just want to make the right impression without trying too hard or coming off as too relaxed either. And I want to be genuine.

Thanks, ladies!
Click to expand...
 
Wow, I learned a lot from this thread. I didn't know to bring a gift when first meeting the parents. I wouldve never stayed in the same room with him at his parents house but I guess white folks are way more lax about that sort of thing.

OP, how did it go? And what gift did you decide to carry?
 
Briabiggles said:
LivingDol1 How did it go?! Sent from my iPad mini mini.
Click to expand...
ellebelle88 said:
Wow, I learned a lot from this thread. I didn't know to bring a gift when first meeting the parents. I wouldve never stayed in the same room with him at his parents house but I guess white folks are way more lax about that sort of thing. OP, how did it go? And what gift did you decide to carry?
Click to expand...

Everything went very well! I met his entire family on my first day. Breakfast with his parents, his aunt and uncle came over to visit, I met his brother and his family, and then had dinner with his best friend and his wife. Everyone is so nice! I gave his parents a Christmas ornament (I'm from DC and we have annual White House ornaments that come out every year. Which they loved and did not expect.

My boyfriend planned a day trip for just us to drive out to check out the water falls in Oregon and then we stayed at a hotel near by that had a soaking pool. It's as nice to have a little getaway during the trip.

His parents also hosted New Year's Day dinner. His brother and his family came over. They are so relaxed and like to joke around and play board games... It was a really fun time! His mom said that I'm welcome to come back any time. Everyone was really welcoming and just awesome.

My boyfriend wants me to go back with him in the spring. :)
 
Holla said:
Be a good houseguest, first and foremost. Pick up after yourself, don't expect to be served, and be considerate of others when sharing stuff.

Engage them in conversation. Don't argue. Avoid discussions around religion or politics.

You are always being observed. There is always someone watching your facial expressions, tone of voice, body language.

Allow him to take the lead on stuff. He knows them better than you do so if you don't know what to say or do while there ask him.

Take a food item from your hometown nicely presented as a gift. Something that has a story like, it's one of Oprah's favorite things or this bakery been in business for 100 years type story.

Pack snacks in your bag (nuts, etc.). If you don't like what they cook, you won't be irritable from hunger lol.

Bring along a nice thank you card that you can give to them the day you are leaving. You may not have time to get one while there and you may forget when you leave. If they are gracious to you while there, thank them for their hospitality.
Click to expand...

You should write an Etiquette book! This is great advice! :yep:



Zaynab said:
My only advice is I wouldn't stay in a room with him at his parents house on a first meeting. Even if he says it's OK.
Click to expand...

Hmm....good point.... :yep: :perplexed
 
Ooh yay! Glad to read that thing went so well :) meeting parents can be so nerve-wracking.

On a related note, if someone offered to have me sleep in a particular room, I would absolutely not insist that I want to sleep elsewhere. No matter my intentions, that just comes off as rude:lol:
 
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