Wow! I'm glad you brought this up. My Dh and I went to church together this past Sunday. I was so happy. I have been reading this book called "A Wise Woman", and it touched on the subject of allowing your husband to be the spiritually leader in the home.
A Wise Woman Builds Her House
by a FOOL Who First Built on Sinking Sand
A Book for Women
by Erin Thiele Published by:
Restore Ministries Publishing
An Imprint of Restore Ministries, Inc.
POB 830
Ozark, MO 65721 U.S.A. Ninth Revised Edition
Copyright © 2006
by Erin Thiele
The Spiritual Leader
One question many women ask is, “Who should be the spiritual leader since my husband won’t or doesn’t
lead us?” Or, many women will state, “I have to be the spiritual leader of our home because my husband is
not even a Christian!” Why are so many men neglecting or forfeiting their position as the head of their family
spiritually?
Her husband is known. Most Christian women, I believe, desire their husbands to be the spiritual leader.
“Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land” (Prov. 31:23). However,
they undermine their husbands by their pushing, condemning or simply, by going to church themselves (and
bringing their children). When women enter the church to fulfill their own spiritual needs, men are left to
pursue other interests. When the men left the church, we wives fell into the hands of liberal pastors. “For
among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on
by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the Truth” (2 Tim. 3:6–7).
Too many churches are now over-run with weak men and strong-willed women. This is hindering the
effectiveness of the church as a whole because the real men, the meek Christian men, are missing in action!
“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how will it be made salty again? It is good
for nothing anymore, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men” (Matt. 5:13).
Being in and part of a church is not as important as it is to gain real intimacy with your precious Lord and
Savior, Jesus. This goes for your children as well. Many mothers force their children to go to church, until
they run, rather than to simply walk away from the Lord. The church is a gathering of believers, and of
course, many young people get saved when they attend a service. I believe that we mothers can do much more
than the “church” when we foster the need for the Lord at home, as we lead by example and through our love
toward them and others (with love that is patient).
Many of us focus on Bible head-knowledge that leads to our feeling superior over others who are less
educated. However, it is our attitude (of humility) and our love (which is patient and kind) that wins a son, a
daughter, or a husband to the Lord. It is the self-righteous and pious Pharisee who flaunts the religion (by
running off to church and other religious groups and meetings), but neglects her duties as a wife and/or
mother, who finds her entire family rejecting Jesus.
The church would do well to focus their Bible studies on what a woman, wife, mother and homemaker should
know since over half of the homes in America (and around the world) are crumbling. Our obsession for more
knowledge (even Bible-knowledge) is often what destroys our families because it intimidates our husbands
and other men. Since the day Eve ate of the fruit to “make one wise,” women have been hungry for
“knowledge.” This hunger can be just as destructive as it was for Eve and the generations that followed her.
7. Created Female 77
Ladies, it is time to make a mass exodus out of the church, while we wait for our men (husbands, sons, and
fathers) to find their way back to God.
Ladies, this is not easy. Right after my husband returned in 1991, he church-hopped all over the city and
throughout every denomination. Finally, disheartened, he settled on “home church.” I lost a lot of my friends
during this period who accused me of backsliding since I wasn’t going to church. Even though it was hard to
home church for so many years, it was what God used to get my husband in the Word again. As a result, he
was finally saved and gave his testimony when baptized. Prior to this, I really don’t believe that he was saved,
though he claimed to be a Christian, had prayed the “sinner’s prayer” and responded to altar calls. Prior to this
time, he did not like the church, or Christians, nor did he have a desire to read his Bible. This all changed in
an instant, which is a sign of a true salvation. “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old
things passed away; behold, new things have come” (2 Cor. 5:17).
This miracle took place only because I trusted God enough to wait for Him to move my husband while I
focused on my intimacy with Him. I had to be honest and to ask myself, what would be the point if I was in
church and my husband (my children’s father) was still at home watching sports or at a movie? Most of the
women who mocked my radical submissiveness continued attending the nightly services alone without their
husbands. Dear sister, God will honor your faithfulness to His Word when you obey from your heart.
Christ is the head of every man. Christ is the head of every man, not just a Christian man. If this has been
your excuse for taking the spiritual leadership seat from your husband, then read First Corinthians 11:3, “But
I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of woman, and God is
the head of Christ.”
Teach or exercise authority over a man. We women are so foolish—we show off spiritually and are
notorious for telling our husbands how we make time to read our Bibles. We flaunt our religious books and
magazines that we read, which are the deadly actions of the self-righteous. “But I do not allow a woman to
teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet” (1 Tim. 2:12). “O My people! Their oppressors
are children, and women rule over them. O My people! Those who guide you lead you astray, and confuse
the direction of your paths” (Isa. 3:9).
Who is the head of your household spiritually? When women are the ones who rule the home, you can expect
nothing but trouble. If your mother was in charge in your home, the chances are that your home is following
this same pattern. As a Christian woman, you cannot in all good conscience allow that to continue. Now,
please do not go home and throw it onto your husband, demanding that he take over. Just begin by
concentrating all your thoughts and all your efforts on what a wife, mother and homemaker should do.
Pray continuously for the Holy Spirit to guide you. Ask Him, as you proceed from one task to the next, “What
would you have me do next, Lord?” Get your house in order, get your children in order, get your priorities in
order and leave your husband to the Lord. What he does or does not do is not your concern and not your
responsibility! God gives us so many things to do with our children, our home and our ministry (teaching
younger women “what is good”). Ladies, this is our fruit in the garden. However, all we can think about is
that forbidden fruit, teaching or exercising authority over our husbands.
For those of you who might be wondering what is the point since my husband ultimately left again—I asked
the Lord the same thing. My precious new Husband told me, so kindly and lovingly, that all the training and
dying to self was to get me ready to be His bride—wow!! Now my children have a better Father than I could
have ever hoped for (since He is the Father to the fatherless as written in Psalm 68:5). With regard to my
ministry (since my former husband was the president for years), the Lord told me that I needed to learn to be a
woman under authority before I could be a woman of authority. The same is true for you.
to allow him to be the head and dictator of our household. I tried it and did not go for about a month or so but then it really starting eating me up because I'm thinking, does he not care about my spiritual growth let alone ours as a family??? 
erplexed I know I have to work on my faith in prayer and giving things totally to God because only he can work this one out but I'm losing faith in my husband - fast 
