Marriage was not designed to make you happy

Dang! Nope, dont agree. If you are not happy, then you are not married to the right person.

Plain and simple.


ETA, gosh that was a negative read. <shudders>
 
Maybe I read it differently, but it seems to me that the author is sayig that one should not expect marriage to MAKE you happy and complete if you are not already those things by yourself. In my experience, many people feel incomplete if they aren't married; they wait for that day where some man/woman sweeps in and changes their world.

That isn't to say that you can't hope for your prince/princess charming. I don't think she is saying that at all; what I do think she is syaing, is that we need to know who we are and be those things to ourselves. So once we so choose to enter into holy matrimony, it is not in the effort to complete you, but to enhance what is already there.

I am not married--- yet, but I do understand the importance of developing self FIRST before trying to link and intermingle lives. I am not depending on another for my happiness, yet I expect a happy marriage. Which is why I have invested so much time in self and wht my partner is investing time in himself. Why? Because unltimately two WHOLE people will unite...NOT one insecure female and one co-dependent man.

~S~
 
I agree with the author.

People who look to others to complete them are setting themselves up for a life of pain and misery. One should look to partner up with someone who compliments them, not complete them. Sadly, people bring children into the world for the same reason: to fill a void, and get a sense of completion.
 
I agree to most of what she said except for the part about happiness. Laying in bed night after night with my husband's arms wrapped around me makes me happy. Cooking a big meal for my hubby and kids brings me joy. Without them I think I would be happy, but I know I am definitely happier because I am in a strong, happy marriage. If you are miserable and negative of course no one thing (including marriage) will send you over the moon. I have worked and had success, had many successes that have brought me happiness and pride, but nothing compares to my family. One of the reasons people crave romantic companionship is because it makes them feel good and better, not necessarily complete, but there is a contentment that is hard to describe. And an unhappy marriage can make you 10 times more miserable than being single.
 
I loved that post thank you for sharing.... My husband and I just had a very good email conversation about it...
 
It's true & ITA with the author. Marriage will not make you happy, if anything it should add to your own happiness.

On the flip-side, if you marry the wrong person- marriage can make you miserable.
 
MixedBerry said:
Dang! Nope, dont agree. If you are not happy, then you are not married to the right person.

Plain and simple.


ETA, gosh that was a negative read. <shudders>
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No one is going to make you happy 24/7/365. Any married person that's says different is lying and will already has a divorce lawyer on retainer.

I thought the blog was real and touching. I'm going post it on my facebook and email it to all the single person I know. Marriage is not for the faint of heart, the weak, or for quitters.


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I believe that being married is not the only thing that will make you happy. You can be single and happy, too. If you want a happy marriage the 2 must be dedicated to making their marriage a success. Marriage is designed to help you be happy if you work at it. Satan attacks families, so the road will be rocky. The key to happiness is also based on the willingness on both partners to rely on God as well as each other. I celebrated my 11th year of marriage last week. My hubby is my love and best friend. Marriage mates have to communicate and do things together. My hubby and I pray together every day. We pray for God's strength and holy spirit so we can go through good and bad times together. I can say that I am happily married. I don't agree with the article, but marriage can lead to unhappiness if both partners aren't dedicated to each other and willing to work to make their marriage a success.
 
DDTexlaxed said:
I believe that being married is not the only thing that will make you happy. You can be single and happy, too. If you want a happy marriage the 2 must be dedicated to making their marriage a success. Marriage is designed to help you be happy if you work at it. Satan attacks families, so the road will be rocky. The key to happiness is also based on the willingness on both partners to rely on God as well as each other. I celebrated my 11th year of marriage last week. My hubby is my love and best friend. Marriage mates have to communicate and do things together. My hubby and I pray together every day. We pray for God's strength and holy spirit so we can go through good and bad times together. I can say that I am happily married. I don't agree with the article, but marriage can lead to unhappiness if both partners aren't dedicated to each other and willing to work to make their marriage a success.
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Ideally, marriage is a part of your journey in this life, not the journey in life. While what you're saying is all well and good, did you consider yourself incomplete or unhappy until you met him? I think that is where people set themselves up for the okey doke.

An unhappy and incomplete person using marriage to sate those feelings is setting themselves up for disappointment and failure. That is what the author is saying, not that marriage is just a humdrum union that shouldn't make you happy.

For a marriage to make you happy, you have to already be happy and secure in yourself.
 
JayAnn0513 said:
No one is going to make you happy 24/7/365. Any married person that's says different is lying and will already has a divorce lawyer on retainer.

I thought the blog was real and touching. I'm going post it on my facebook and email it to all the single person I know. Marriage is not for the faint of heart, the weak, or for quitters.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
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Amen. I've been married for 4 years, and this is hands down the hardest thing I've ever had to do. We have a lot against us. We got married very young (21). Sometimes I can't stand my husband. At times, I've been miserable. Sometimes, I feel like we aren't going to make it. Sometimes I have to be strong for the both of us. Sometimes we have to make concessions we'd rather not make for the greater good.

People go into it with some fairytale notion like all you're going to do is have sex and whisper sweet nothings in each other's ear and travel, and you're never going to go to bed angry at each other. :rolleyes:

At the end of the day, regardless of what I feel, I made a commitment and I will see it through to the end. We said for better or for worse, and the "worse" varies from marriage to marriage.

I do know that I have to be secure and derive happiness from within myself, or this will never work.
 
Starian said:
Ideally, marriage is a part of your journey in this life, not the journey in life. While what you're saying is all well and good, did you consider yourself incomplete or unhappy until you met him? I think that is where people set themselves up for the okey doke.

An unhappy and incomplete person using marriage to sate those feelings is setting themselves up for disappointment and failure. That is what the author is saying, not that marriage is just a humdrum union that shouldn't make you happy.

For a marriage to make you happy, you have to already be happy and secure in yourself.
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I was happy single as well. Marriage isn't the only thing to make a person happy. I have purpose in my life way before I thought about dating, let alone marriage.
 
DDTexlaxed said:
I was happy single as well. Marriage isn't the only thing to make a person happy. I have purpose in my life way before I thought about dating, let alone marriage.
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And that's the point. You were happy and have purpose without being married. That is why you have a happy marriage, you were not needy and desperate looking for him to fulfill you. Your husband is your complement, not the missing answer to the question "What is the purpose of my life?"

That's what the author is saying, so I don't understand what there is in the article to disagree with, since everyone readily admits this.
 
DDTexlaxed I agree with you 1,000 percent! Your post said exactly what I feel. Some people agree with the article completely, somewhat, or not at all. That's how it goes. And every person views marriage differently as well. For me, personally, nothing compares to marriage and having a family. For me. I know women who have good looking, seemingly nice husbands and children, and yet they seem miserable most of the time. I assume for them that something is missing.

I have seen 30+, and 40+ year-old women with good jobs, nice homes etc., friends etc., and yet they are not completely happy because they yearn for a husband and children. To me the article is saying that she should be completely happy with or without children, that if she never marries and turns 50, 60, without a partner, she should be completely happy. From what I've seen that simply is not the case. And circumstances do add to your happiness. I would not be singing and dancing if I lived under a bridge, or if I was married but never was able to have children, etc. etc. I have issues with the author of the article. Maybe it's her tone, idk. Mostly I think it's the same strong, black female mantra of I don't need a man, which I believe is bs. Yes most women can and should be happy with or without husband/family, but most women will not be happiest without husband/family. There are women out there who really don't need anyone to attain complete happiness, but I believe they are the minority.
 
I agree with the author....totally!

And if you're not the kind of person that can "forgive and forget", don't get married!! Because marriage requires a LOT of it! :yep: :look:
 
Starian said:
Amen. I've been married for 4 years, and this is hands down the hardest thing I've ever had to do. We have a lot against us. We got married very young (21). Sometimes I can't stand my husband. At times, I've been miserable. Sometimes, I feel like we aren't going to make it. Sometimes I have to be strong for the both of us. Sometimes we have to make concessions we'd rather not make for the greater good.

People go into it with some fairytale notion like all you're going to do is have sex and whisper sweet nothings in each other's ear and travel, and you're never going to go to bed angry at each other. :rolleyes:

At the end of the day, regardless of what I feel, I made a commitment and I will see it through to the end. We said for better or for worse, and the "worse" varies from marriage to marriage.

I do know that I have to be secure and derive happiness from within myself, or this will never work.
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This is REAL. Marriage is hard work and being in love is simply not enough...it just isn't. This the sentiment i have heard from all my married friends and it lets me know that i am not quite ready to make that commitment to somebody yet. My parents have had a 35 year marriage full of ups and downs, great times and awful times but they stuck with it and that makes me believe it is possible but yeah...very hard work, especially when kids come in the picture. I wish you the absolute best with your marriage:yep:
 
Starian said:
Amen. I've been married for 4 years, and this is hands down the hardest thing I've ever had to do. We have a lot against us. We got married very young (21). Sometimes I can't stand my husband. At times, I've been miserable. Sometimes, I feel like we aren't going to make it. Sometimes I have to be strong for the both of us. Sometimes we have to make concessions we'd rather not make for the greater good.

People go into it with some fairytale notion like all you're going to do is have sex and whisper sweet nothings in each other's ear and travel, and you're never going to go to bed angry at each other. :rolleyes:

At the end of the day, regardless of what I feel, I made a commitment and I will see it through to the end. We said for better or for worse, and the "worse" varies from marriage to marriage.

I do know that I have to be secure and derive happiness from within myself, or this will never work.
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Love this post right here girl!! :yep:
 
Yep, the Bible says those who are married will have tribulation in their flesh. Satan is attacking everyone, especially married people. Marriage is work, love, forgiveness, joy, pain, happiness...all wrapped into trying to make your marriage a success. I think I was confused with the tone of the blog. It sounded a bit bitter to me.:look: Happily ever after takes work, sweat, and sometimes tears. It is worth it to me. I can't speak for anyone else.:lol:
 
I understand where she's coming from however, I do not want to get married to a man where I have to be constantly seeking my own happiness. Yes your happiness starts with you but I prefer to be with someone who will try to do things that will make me happy and vice versa.

I do not think that God will want me in an every man for himself situation.

Marriage does not equal satisfaction, it doesn't make you whole but it's part of the equation and a piece of the puzzle for me.

I get where she's coming from, but I'm done with the cynics :look:
 
LiftedUp said:
I understand where she's coming from however, I do not want to get married to a man where I have to be constantly seeking my own happiness. Yes your happiness starts with you but I prefer to be with someone who will try to do things that will make me happy and vice versa.

I do not think that God will want me in an every man for himself situation.

Marriage does not equal satisfaction, it doesn't make you whole but it's part of the equation and a piece of the puzzle for me.

I get where she's coming from, but I'm done with the cynics :look:
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You bring an important perspective.. I agree that part of the point of marriage is to bring satisfaction to both parties - now the definition of marital satisfaction may be multifaceted and often complex but ultimately if your life won't be more enriched by marriage there's no point to it IMO.

For me, the big picture ideal is that when you are emotionally balanced and self fulfilled, only then are you in the best position to contribute to someone else's happiness. Otherwise the relationship becomes more of a feeding frenzy than a mutually beneficial partnership... when you are grounded and secure it's easier to give of yourself and invest in unconditional love.
 
*CherryPie* said:
I agree with the author....totally!

And if you're not the kind of person that can "forgive and forget", don't get married!! Because marriage requires a LOT of it! :yep: :look:
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aawww man.... thats the part i struggle with!!! because i dwell. i had an argument with SO last sunday. by monday morning he was over it, but on friday i was thinking about it:nono::nono: i struggle with letting stuff ago and i know that is something i need to ask God to help me with.
 
You should be self fulfilled before marriage and marriage does not equal satisfaction, but personally I don't want to be in a relationship that makes me feel like I'm constantly working and struggling to hold it together. Not saying it should be rainbows and sunshine every day but it also shouldn't be this day to day struggle to stay together. The most successful marriage I know have their ups and downs but they laugh together, have similar values and goals, and try their best to do the things that make their partner happy.

However maybe there's another message here which is that as a woman the less reliant you are on a man or the marriage to make you happy the more power you have in the relationship and therefore the more happy you are in the marriage.
 
Maracujá said:
Here's the follow up to this post, entitled 'What marriage WAS designed for'. Here's the link: http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2011/09/15/what-marriage-was-designed-for….
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The couple in that picture made me so happy!!! :love4: :bighug: And THIS:

...Marriage is cyclical – it has its highs and lows, and even its middles. The challenge in the middles and lows is to love your spouse with as much fervor as you did before the honeymoon was over. This kind of love is more deliberate. It’s less reactive and more proactive. It’s not contingent upon those feelings of ecstasy when everything is going right. It’s instead an intentional show of affection irrespective of circumstances...
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is real.freaking.talk., as is this:

...Again, some may find it strange that this post isn’t warm and fuzzy, but really, don’t you think there’s plenty of that already? All one needs to do is turn on Platinum Weddings or browse bridal magazines at the book store for the “fun” image of marriage. Marriage is already romanticized enough. My fear is that we’re overlooking the real and lasting benefits of marriage in our quest for the “warm and fuzzy.”...
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IMO, more people would have healthier views of marriage (even if they still decided it wasn't for them) if more married people spoke honestly about marriage.
 
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