Marriage: believe in it or not?

[LongHairDreams]

Do you think marriage seals the deal? Makes the package complete? Is necessary? There is such a high divorce rate (as we all know). I think its a waste of time. My parents have been married for 45 years, so I have an example that marriages can last but I don't believe in them. I don't even want to be in a relationship because I can be miserable by myself. Do you believe in marriage? Why or why not?

 

[filthyfresh]

I believe in marriage with the right person. I also believe in working hard towards keeping your marriage together and happy. Like your parents have been married 45 years, I'm sure they've had some rough times. But they stuck it out and worked through them. That's what I think people are missing. Divorce has become such an everyday thing, it's led people to believe that marriage isn't really sacred anymore. It's like a joke to people, because they can get out of it so easily.

 

[poetist]

Do you think marriage seals the deal? Makes the package complete? Is necessary? There is such a high divorce rate (as we all know). I think its a waste of time. My parents have been married for 45 years, so I have an example that marriages can last but I don't believe in them. I don't even want to be in a relationship because I can be miserable by myself. Do you believe in marriage? Why or why not?

Marriage doesnt "seal the deal" on an already broken relationship. Marriage in itself doesn't guarantee anything. It's the people/couples who will dictate whether or not they are truly committed to each other. Just like a college degree doesnt "seal the deal" for success. It's the graduate who will decide how committed they are to attaining their goals.

If you dont want to be in a relationship, by all means avoid them. I look at it from the flip side. I am happy, not miserable. So when I married my husband, it wasnt from the perspective of "I can be miserable by myself." Instead it was "Dang, Im happy solo, but you're the cherry on top." I think its all about persepctive and what/who you want to attract into your life. But marriage is clearly not for everyone.

 

[Duchesse]

Do I believe in marriage-yes. Do I want to be married-it really depends.

Hypothetically, I think the idea of marriage is a beautiful thing. To grow old and eat Cheerios when your 80, have someone who is a life companion and have so many shared memories together. I love (the rare occasion) when I see an old couple holding hands and supporting eachother as they walk. Nothing is sweeter and it makes me long to one day be married. And I love when I hear of someone who is recently enaged and feel their obvious joy and enthusiam as they plan their future together.

I think in a succesful marriage, the true ideal of love is actively lived out. Once the passion of courtship fades (i belive it always will) and you can look at your spouse when they get flabby and crusty or whatever, and still feel that commitment to another human being…sigh..nothing is better.

Now my parents have been married for 29 years, and many days I wish they would just hurry up and get divorced already. I understand your sentiments about rather being miserable by yourself than with another. But I dont think their problems are because they have been married for so many years, but are due to obvious personality differences and outlooks on life in general. I try my hardest –and it is a struggle- not to be jaded and cynical about marriage due to their problems. How do you see your parents interact? Has this influenced your thinking that it is a waste of time?

Anyway, I always have the Huxtables to show me that a real marriage is possible.

 

[LongHairDreams]

Do I believe in marriage-yes. Do I want to be married-it really depends.

Hypothetically, I think the idea of marriage is a beautiful thing. To grow old and eat Cheerios when your 80, have someone who is a life companion and have so many shared memories together. I love (the rare occasion) when I see an old couple holding hands and supporting eachother as they walk. Nothing is sweeter and it makes me long to one day be married. And I love when I hear of someone who is recently enaged and feel their obvious joy and enthusiam as they plan their future together.

I think in a succesful marriage, the true ideal of love is actively lived out. Once the passion of courtship fades (i belive it always will) and you can look at your spouse when they get flabby and crusty or whatever, and still feel that commitment to another human being…sigh..nothing is better.

Now my parents have been married for 29 years, and many days I wish they would just hurry up and get divorced already. I understand your sentiments about rather being miserable by yourself than with another. But I dont think their problems are because they have been married for so many years, but are due to obvious personality differences and outlooks on life in general. I try my hardest –and it is a struggle- not to be jaded and cynical about marriage due to their problems. How do you see your parents interact? Has this influenced your thinking that it is a waste of time?

Anyway, I always have the Huxtables to show me that a real marriage is possible.

My parents interaction is good. They are tied at the hip . (They hate it when I say that). They will not go on trips without eachother. They have their usual disagreements. Nothing that they've done makes me think its a waste of time. Looking at others make me think that.

 

[Imani]

I don't think i know enough about marriage to really say. I guess i haven't really been around too many marriages that made me look at it and go, "that is what i want". My entire life i've never wanted to be married. I guess nowadays i just see so many people marrying for what appears to be superficial reasons.

As i grow older I see it as a possibility for myself perhaps in my thirties. At 25 i'm actually just now open to the idea of having a boyfriend (which everyone thinks is strange, but oh well).

 

[mrsjohnson75]

Although I have not seen good ones in my lifetime. I do believe in it.

 

[MissScarlett]

I believe in marriage but I don't know that I agree in being married for life. When I hear about people being married for 25-30 years or more and they divorce, I can totally see why. People change, grow in different ways and sometimes grow apart. It takes ALOT of effort to connect with a person on the same level at the same time for the rest of your life.

 

[LongHairDreams]

I believe in marriage but I don't know that I agree in being married for life. When I hear about people being married for 25-30 years or more and they divorce, I can totally see why. People change, grow in different ways and sometimes grow apart. It takes ALOT of effort to connect with a person on the same level at the same time for the rest of your life.

I have two best friends whose parents got divorced after 20+ years of marriage. They said they fell out of love.

 

[FlowerHair]

I believe in marriage for those that want to be married.
From a spiritual standpoint it's important for many people, but not for all.

Also, in many countries it's a great economic deal between two people especially if you plan to own stuff together.
No need to write a bunch of papers stating the same thing as the marriage laws.

I would marry if I were to own a house with my SO or maybe if we had children...for certain laws of inheritance that are better for married couples here...

I know a few good examples of long lasting marriages. My grandparents is one example...I love how they used to hold hands when they walked to buy groceries

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Marriage is important in the eyes of the law. If you have children, you better have some security for yourself and your stock by having a legally recognized union. Otherwise it's up to that person's preference.

I mean, I'm not looking forward to marriage, I don't find it all that important in what I want to achieve in my life. But if I'm with some guy for a good while, I'd take the leap cause if he wants to up and leave, I need the law to let him know that he ain't going anywhere without coming up off some money.

 

[january noir]

Marriage doesnt "seal the deal" on an already broken relationship. Marriage in itself doesn't guarantee anything. It's the people/couples who will dictate whether or not they are truly committed to each other. Just like a college degree doesnt "seal the deal" for success. It's the graduate who will decide how committed they are to attaining their goals.

If you dont want to be in a relationship, by all means avoid them. I look at it from the flip side. I am happy, not miserable. So when I married my husband, it wasnt from the perspective of "I can be miserable by myself." Instead it was "Dang, Im happy solo, but you're the cherry on top." I think its all about persepctive and what/who you want to attract into your life. But marriage is clearly not for everyone.

Uhm hmm. to what Poetist says.

I believe in the institution of marriage and I have never been married. Do I want to be married someday soon? Yes. Would I be unhappy if I didn't? No.

It's funny. My parents separated when I was 5 years old and never divorced, but they might as well have been. Even with all of the unhappy people in marriages, I still believe in marriage.

Now my SO, it's different. His parents are still married and will be until they die. My SO got married in his 20s, divorced (his heart was broken) and now shuns marriage. He says he does not want to marry again. He has adopted the idea that commitment is living together.

I would never pressure him for marriage because I respect his own experience. I can only show him that I am not his ex-wife and that life with me cannot be compared.

I am not a young women anymore and with God's grace I will have another 30-40 healthy years on this planet. I would like to get married. Then, I could possibly grow old and be with this man for the rest of my life.

However, if I don't ever marry, then it's fine too. I have many other experiences in my life that have brought me joy and fulfillment.

 

[dlewis]

I think a lot of people stay married that shouldn't. I didn't have any decent examples of marriage when I was growing up. But I had an idea of what I thought marriage should be and it's so much more than that in love feeling. I believe in marriage and I wish it was in style again but I know we are going into a different way of life. I do hope and pray that my children find their life mates and be married for 50+ years.

 

[gone_fishing]

Marriage is important in the eyes of the law. If you have children, you better have some security for yourself and your stock by having a legally recognized union. Otherwise it's up to that person's preference.

I mean, I'm not looking forward to marriage, I don't find it all that important in what I want to achieve in my life. But if I'm with some guy for a good while, I'd take the leap cause if he wants to up and leave, I need the law to let him know that he ain't going anywhere without coming up off some money.

Please tell me this post was meant to be funny cause it sure did make me laugh out loud.

 

[gone_fishing]

I've been divorced and I still believe in it. For all that complaining I did to my Pastor about waiting to get married to have sex - going to marriage counseling - etc. to prepare for marriage - it didn't save our marriage like I was taught those steps would. I still believe those things are pleasing to God but doing those things without hearing God (or whoever you feel like you want to attribute that inner voice to - although it is still God) give you the green light should be a big no no for everybody.

But, one thing that was missing was that voice that said, "do this" - instead I had this voice that said, "don't do this" and it was right in the end even though it took 6 years for the mistake to play out (God thanks for my son though).

One thing I wholeheartedly believe is that in every situation we warn ourselves before destruction. I totally believe that most divorces that happen, the people who were getting married already knew it was for the wrong reason - money - convenience - etc. They had that little voice that said this is not the one and they didn't take heed to that. They took it as nerves (although sometimes it is just nerves) or they flat out knew it but thought they could change the person and therefore make them marriage material - eventually.

So ladies if you do decide to get married - listen to your hearts, your minds, and pay attention to that voice that is trying to help you not spend your life with someone who is not for you. If you feel doubts you deal with those until they are gone or until they let you know he's not the one.

It is not worth the heartbreak that comes later. Getting married is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much easier than getting a divorce.

 

[tocktick]

Marriage doesnt "seal the deal" on an already broken relationship. Marriage in itself doesn't guarantee anything. It's the people/couples who will dictate whether or not they are truly committed to each other. Just like a college degree doesnt "seal the deal" for success. It's the graduate who will decide how committed they are to attaining their goals.

If you dont want to be in a relationship, by all means avoid them. I look at it from the flip side. I am happy, not miserable. So when I married my husband, it wasnt from the perspective of "I can be miserable by myself." Instead it was "Dang, Im happy solo, but you're the cherry on top." I think its all about persepctive and what/who you want to attract into your life. But marriage is clearly not for everyone.

great post...

 

[SpiritJunkie]

i believe in marriage. since i've met my current so, i've learned how much work it takes to maintain a relationship. in the past i would run from any problems but he is all about working things out.

i want us to be married but i also want us to take pre-marital classes to make ensure we understand the type of committment we are making with eachother. i agree there's lots of folks out there r staying married for the wrong reasons but i don't want to be one of them.

in this stage in our lives (late 30's) never married, i think we've lived enough to know what want & to, god willing, make the right choices.

he talks about it which i wasn't keen on before because i really do not see any good ones around me but i can't base theirs on what we can have.

i look forward to it if we decide to take that route.

 

[Valerie]

I believe in marriage, I am divorced also. I have learned a lot from my marriage and my divore, out of the destruction of my marriage, I have a beautiful daughter. I could not have had her without her father. Also I realise that I love a man with a sense of humour. I call my husband to me, but I did not think of his qualities, so I am not angry with my ex-husband, I never was. I am looking forward to starting a new life with a husband and more children. There are a lot of people who stay together for 20, 30, 40 or more years and they were not happy. My mother before she died explained to me that she was not happy in her marriage and she was married to my father for 43 years. Through her marriage and my own, I know what makes people happy, it is the little things. The dating, the courtship is fine before marriage, but once we get married, that must be thrown through the window now. We work to get a husband, but we do not work to stay in love, and that is very important, people like to say passion dies, it does not true, we have to keep the passion alive or we get bored and I think boredom is on of the many reasons of break-up and divorce. People having affairs, majority of them are bored in their relationships and the affairs make them feel alive. I remember after I divorced my husband and I dated briefly after 3 years, the person I went out with made me feel alive and it was good, to feel alive again. I was bored in my marriage, so divorce being painful, was good for me, I was able to get back to my hobbies again. I have read of a man who was 106 and his wife was 103, they had six children, many grand-children and great grand-children and he talked about moving love to his wife 3 times a week and they were always holding hands. Also the man who immigrated to New Zealand from UK at the age of 103, with his wife who was 99 and he said he didn't want to be in UK when he was 105, those people have a yest for life. Marriage is very good, if you get the right person and you both work towards keeping the passion alive, but in our society, that can be very hard. The media run down marriage and the church made a mess of things.

 

[syze6]

I am married and I believe in marriage.

However, after a good long talk with myself and close to two years, I realize the person I choose to marry was not the one to marry! Because of circumstances on his part, I feel it is better for me to check out and still have peace of mind. I believe that marriages should be worked at but soemtimes they aren't worth working at...at some point.I did the whole pre- counseling and such and I knew what I wanted to put in a marriage but it takes two to put in.

I feel sad but mainly toward my husband. He doesn't get it and he's just going around in circles. He has to ride this ride by himself, but I'll still remain who I am and I know I'll get it right some day!

 

[Moroni]

As a Christian, I believe that marriage was instituted by God. We are not to "be fruitful and multiply" as animals, but as Children of God, in families, mother and father raising children.

No in-depth relationship is easy; however, in our society, relationships have been cheapened. When our children are taught, from their cradles, that when they grow up, they can get married and have children of their own.....when they are taught that they will respect their bodies and NOT have sex until they are married....when they are taught to respect and love their family members; they grow up to expect to get married and remain married.

What we see with same-sex partnership issues, premarital sex, abortion and children born out of the bonds of marriage in today's society---these diminish the importance of marriage to the point that your question is even considered. I happen to think that all things are Spiritual, and when you consider that when families are attacked, it's easier to lead the people down the slippery slope (citing Rome as an example), it isn't too far a stretch in the imagination to see that a war on the family is another tool the Dark Side has in this whole Spiritual War.

When we keep our focus on our families, on pleasing and supporting our loved-ones, we find that marriage is a blessing that was given to us by our Father. I definitely do believe in the importance of marriage.

 

[Browndilocks]

I've been divorced and I still believe in it. For all that complaining I did to my Pastor about waiting to get married to have sex - going to marriage counseling - etc. to prepare for marriage - it didn't save our marriage like I was taught those steps would. I still believe those things are pleasing to God but doing those things without hearing God (or whoever you feel like you want to attribute that inner voice to - although it is still God) give you the green light should be a big no no for everybody.

But, one thing that was missing was that voice that said, "do this" - instead I had this voice that said, "don't do this" and it was right in the end even though it took 6 years for the mistake to play out (God thanks for my son though).

One thing I wholeheartedly believe is that in every situation we warn ourselves before destruction. I totally believe that most divorces that happen, the people who were getting married already knew it was for the wrong reason - money - convenience - etc. They had that little voice that said this is not the one and they didn't take heed to that. They took it as nerves (although sometimes it is just nerves) or they flat out knew it but thought they could change the person and therefore make them marriage material - eventually.

So ladies if you do decide to get married - listen to your hearts, your minds, and pay attention to that voice that is trying to help you not spend your life with someone who is not for you. If you feel doubts you deal with those until they are gone or until they let you know he's not the one.

It is not worth the heartbreak that comes later. Getting married is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much easier than getting a divorce.

Very nice & enlightening post, Adequate.

 

[blazingthru]

I believe in marriage and I look forward to the opportunity to get married again. I think its the little things. I never got bored with my husband sexually, but I held back a lot, I was always attracted to him after more then 20 years but I was not excited because he was boring and not very nice or kind or considerate and he would withhold sex for years and years. I learned a painful lesson from that relationship and I know the next time around that man is going to be 1,000 percent better and kind, nice considerate and not controlling. He was always controlling but I thought it was just looking out for his girl, I know better now. I was 21 I am 42 now. I still beleive in it. I just think you should seek a lot of advice. I had no support nonewhatsoever that should have been my sign.

 

[Shalilac]

Being married is the ISH... with the right person. Honestly my hubby and I couldn't be more different, but we discussed so many things before getting married. We held back nothing and shared everything. Some folks criticized us saying that we would have no mystery left and the thrill would be gone. But I think our open-ness and honesty is what made us make it this far.
My two pieces of advice:
1) This came from Ossie Davis. Years ago I heard him say marriage is not for cowards. At the time I didn't know what he meant, but now I do.
2) Never take each other for granted, which happens almost in a sneaky way after you've been together for some time. Recognize it and nip it in the bud quick!

However, with all the passion I have for (my) marriage, I KNOW marriage is not for everyone. I just wish more folks had more respect for it.